


Unteachable

by Jay2Noir



Series: Teach Me Trilogy [3]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Abuse, Adultery, Alternate Ending, Angry Kylo Ren, Arguing, Blaster shots, Blow Jobs, Cheating, Drugging, F/M, Family Dinners, General Hugs, Gun shots, Happy Family, Kidnapping, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Love, Make up sex, Marriage, Murder, Premature Ejaculation, Protective Kylo Ren, Sex, Smut, Stockholm Syndrome, Suicidal Thoughts, Tag As I Go, Twins, Vomiting, minor Armitage Hux/Reader, minor gore, minor mentions of child abuse/neglect, parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 00:12:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 22
Words: 106,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14508246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jay2Noir/pseuds/Jay2Noir
Summary: After years of uncertainty and learning to love the man that kidnapped you, you had finally settled into family life. Even with the looming threat of Snoke's death wish for you, you had managed to be the best mother you could to your three children. You and Kylo were like any other parenting team, loving and caring for your children because they were the center of your world. That is, until one day you wake up and your whole world is turned upside down. What do you do when the one person you want to turn to for comfort is your husband, Kylo Ren, but he doesn't want to comfort you? Even worse, what do you do when his sworn enemy is the only one that does want to comfort you? What is it that you're supposed to do when everything you love is ripped painfully from your hands and you're brought down to nothing with no one to turn to, because this kind of heartbreak was unlike any kind you had ever felt before.Includes an alternate ending.The 'Good' ending ends at chapter 16, alternate ending, or the 'True' ending, replaces that and begins at chapter 17.Also includes a page of Art drawn by a friend of mine, chapter 22.





	1. Routinely

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome one and all to the third and final installment of my Teach Me series! I've actually had the idea in my head for a while now, but never got around to writing it until the major plot twist had changed. Anyway, enjoy it. I personally am very emotional at the fact that this is the end for this series, but hey! All good things must come to an end.

When you had gone to bed the previous night it was just you and your beloved husband of ten years now. Granted, you could only consider a handful of those years good years; The first year you had known him was a bad one, then you spent four years apart to raise your oldest son by yourself. So in total, he had only been your beloved husband for five years, but those last five years had been some of the best in your life.

Your three kids, ages ten, five, and five, had been known to come in bed with you and your husband every so often. You really didn’t mind, your king sized bed could house either your oldest son or both of your twins at once while you and their father slept soundly on either side of them, but this morning was completely different. 

When you woke up you had someone's big toe in your mouth. 

You were disgusted, grasping the offending ankle by the light blue pajama pant fabric and pulling your youngest son’s foot out of your mouth as quick as possible. You looked over at his body, he was lying face down bunched up in between your head and his fathers with his hand resting casually on top of your husband’s eye, his other foot laying across your chest. You shook your head, Kaiser was your shy comedian. Even as an infant you found in in the strangest positions; the boy was like a gymnast in the way he could contort his body around, in, and through almost anything and everything when it came to sleeping. One time you even found him sleeping standing up in his crib. He really was incredible and he knew how to make you laugh--even if it wasn't intentional. You sat up, moving Kaiser’s legs so that his lower half was now positioned between you and his dad while you sat up to survey the rest of your bed. The verdict: All three of your kids had conned their way into bed with you. 

Your one and only daughter, your husband's little princess, sat sleeping horizontally at the foot of the bed, her face pressed up against the bars as the lower half of her body was elevated on top of her father’s feet. The only thing you could see was the back of her head, her jet black hair that lay splayed across the mattress and her purple pajamas that were identical to her twin brothers. Kaia was your independent child, she never wanted anyone's help with anything and loved to figure her problems out on her own. Even when she was a baby she hated being held, she was also the first to learn how to talk at exactly 15 months old when she said “no no!” as you picked her up and placed her at the dinner table. She cried until you took her out and placed her on the floor where she proceeded to climb the chair into her booster seat and strap herself in. She was the feistiest child you had ever met in your life.

Last but not least, there was your oldest son that lay peacefully in between your and your husband. Cradled on his side he had been cuddling with you all night long, his arm fell from your abdomen as you sat up and you watched as his face bunched up disapprovingly in your absence. Unlike his younger siblings he had turned into a light sleeper, probably because he had to spend the first six months of his new siblings life sharing a room with both of them. In fact that’s how this whole cosleeping with your children started, he couldn’t stand waking up every few hours when one or both of the twins would cry, so when they wept and you got them quieted down he’d follow you to bed. You were too exhausted at the time to argue with him, exclusively breastfeeding two babies at once was a tiring feat that required so much of your attention and energy. So you lifted him into bed with you and cuddled him close, assuring him that he was just as important to you as his brother and sister were. Griffin was your passionate child, he had seen the most and been through the ringer with both you and his father. He needed the most love and you were never hesitant to give it to him whether he wanted it or not. 

The last person in your bed might as well have been your last big child, and that was your husband: Kylo Ren. You didn’t understand how or why Kylo put with all three of your kids being in the same bed as you two this morning, he looked so uncomfortable with a small hand on his face, a set of hips on his ankles, and his body bent in an unnatural position to avoid encroaching too much on Griffin’s space. He was most similar to Griffin in that he needed as much of your love as you could give him at any given moment. When you were all done taking care of the kids all day, cleaning the house, cooking meals, doing laundry, packing lunches for school, going to the playground, and whatever else you did while Kylo went to work, Kylo wanted you. Of course he loved his time with his children just as any father would, but when it came down to it in every relationship spending time with one another is important, whether children are involved or not. 

At exactly 8 pm the two of kicked bedtime into gear: bathes, signing paperwork for school, checking homework, setting out clothes, setting up backpacks for the next morning, bedtime stories, and by the time you had all three kids tucked into their beds around 9:30 it was time for you and Kylo to spend the evening together. Whether that was watching a TV show together in the living room, having wine in the kitchen and talking about what crazy nonsense came out of Kaia’s mouth today, sex, or even just going to bed because Kylo just wanted to hold you for the night and was exhausted, as long as he got one on one time with his beloved wife he was happy. 

You were certain Kylo was not anticipating having to share his bed space with all three of his children, but what did it matter? He had never kicked any of them out before and you saw no reason for him to do it this one time. Nobody else was stirring at the moment and you saw this as the best opportunity to make yourself some hot chocolate and take some time for yourself. In the last five years you hardly ever got five minutes to just be by yourself without anyone nagging you about something. Even if you were in the bathroom you could bet any amount of credits that one of the boys would be pounding on the door to tell you about how Kaia hit them, or one of them would be asking for a snack, or one of them had to go to the bathroom instead. It was tiring, but it was life. You wouldn’t change it for anything.

You made it to the kitchen and sat at the counter with Kaia’s pink backpack in your hand, realizing you hadn’t checked her progress report last night before bed. When you had picked her up from preschool she was in tears, saying her teacher had been “mean” to her again. Usually that meant she had gotten in trouble for one reason or another and he had to punish her. Kaia was independent, but she was also very aggressive. When she got angry she would yell and fight, pulling hair and scratching and biting whomever she was fighting. The worst was when she got into one of the only arguments she ever had with Kylo, even just recalling her atrocious behavior that day as you fished for her red and black agenda made you want to cry.

Kaia was on a dinner strike that night because she wanted chicken nuggets while the rest of the family was eating tomato soup and grilled ham and cheese sandwiches. She was screaming, calling you and Kylo ‘mean mommy and daddy’ for not allowing her to eat what she wanted. She refused to sit, instead getting up and running to the counter and trying to hit you as you poured the tomato soup into bowls for everyone. “Kaia, relax please.” You said, moving the hot ladle back into the pot quickly. It was hot and you knew she’d be even more upset if you dropped some on her and it burned her skin. She didn’t often have outbursts as bad as this one, something had obviously upset her earlier that day for her to be so angry at you. 

Kylo had gotten up from the table to sit her back down, the two boys watched as they waited patiently for their dinner. “Kaia, it’s time for dinner so you’re going to sit your ass down at wait just like the rest of your family.” Kylo said, clenching his teeth tight in his mouth. He had come such a long way in controlling his anger, especially toward his daughter who seemed to have inherited his angry personality. Right after the twins were born you told him that if he even so much as laid a finger on them out of his anger you’d leave him and you’d leave him for good. It was nerve-wracking the first few months and even scarier when they began walking and talking, but in the last five years Kylo had never once raised his voice at you and the kids and he had never hit any of you. 

He sat Kaia down and you followed with four bowls of soup balancing on your arms, it seemed Kaia had at least been pacified to sit still for her food but her face was still red due to her screaming. You and Kylo had discussed that the most important thing to do when any of your kids acted out like this was to follow through with your actions. Kaia didn’t have to eat, but she had to sit and wait for her family to finish eating just like everyone else. So you set the bowls down in front of everyone, ending with Kaia. Honestly you were so tired and so ready for bedtime you didn’t care if she wanted to sit at the table or not, she was giving you a headache and you knew Kaia: she’d never let up when she got this mad. She would throw a fit in some way or another until she got something that made her happy. 

“Look Kaia, it’s mommies homemade tomato soup. This is your favorite, just eat some.” Kylo said to her, lifting the spoon up to her mouth. By then you had turned around to get everyone's sandwiches, you loved your daughter dearly but you didn’t love her anger issues. As you piled the rest of the food onto your families plates you heard Kaia’s voice ring out above Kylo’s soft pleas for Kaia to relax and have some of her dinner: “ _ Fuck you!”  _

You rolled your eyes, if that didn’t showcase how great you and Kylo were at not using profane language around your kids then nothing would. You rolled your eyes, at this point you were ready to let her run freely in your home until she found something to make her happy. You weren’t up to fighting with her and you were sure Kylo wasn’t either. With the sandwiches balancing on your arms you turned to tell Kylo to just release her, but instead you saw something that made your stomach churn.

Your feet were anchored to the floor and you weren’t able to move as you saw Kaia holding her bowl in her hand, soup spilling over the rim and onto her fingers and the table. Her arm was wound behind her back and in half a second the bowl was sent flying right at Kylo, the red-hot soup splattering against his face, his chest, the table, and the chair. Kylo let out a howl, jumping up and beginning to wipe the soup from his skin with his hands. “Kaia!” You screamed at the top of your lungs, setting the food down on the counter next to you and rushing over to her, but it was far too late. Kylo was walking angrily toward you, Kaiser was jumping into Griffin’s lap and tucking his face into his chest, Kaia was just sitting there looking at how everyone was reacting to her. 

Kylo ripped a nearby towel off of the counter, turned the sink on and ran the cloth under some water, dabbing his face and clothes with it. You could tell he was mad and it was a kind of mad that you hadn’t seen in a while, a burning rage had built up inside of him and you knew he needed some kind of release. 

You rushed up to him, grabbing him by the shoulders as he threw the towel to the floor. “Kylo, Kylo!” You tried to shake him back into reality, from the wild look in his eyes you could tell what he truly wanted to do was hit something. “Calm down, please calm down Kylo. Breathe.” You said as calmly as possible, you had so much faith in him to not to take his anger out on you or on his daughter. In the last five years he had never raised his hand to Kaia, but Kaia had never harmed him as she did tonight.

Kylo seethed for a few minutes, refusing to look at you as the color burned redder and redder in his skin, partly due to his anger and partly due to his burns. “Hey, Kylo?” You asked, willing his attention to you and not to the children in the dining room. “Are you alright?” You asked when his attention was finally drawn to you. His eyes were glassy, full of angry tears as he bit down on his lip and released an exasperated sigh. It was always an amazing thing to watch him calm himself know that, years earlier, he would have never taken the time to do such a thing. Instead he would have swung his arm and hit the next closest thing to him, whether that was a wall, some furniture, or even you was up to him. But now the red seeped out of his face and his fists unclenched at his sides, he was harmonious, ready to work through his anger with you just as he always did.

“Y/n, it’s time to step up punishment.” He whispered, your heartbeat increased as you realized what he was talking about. You turned and took a look at your daughter, she was twisted around in her chair looking at the two of you in the kitchen. “She needs to know that it is never acceptable to throw food in my house.” Now you were the one biting down on your lip. This was an extreme circumstance, an extreme circumstance that could have seriously brought harm to Kylo if the soup were any hotter. What if it happened at preschool and you were getting a call that someone’s child was in the hospital with severe burns? What if it happened to you or one of your other children? This wasn’t just Kaia throwing a toy in a rage that dented the wall, or Kaia yelling manic curse words at you, Kaia’s anger issues had officially gone too far.

You let your arms fall from Kylo’s clothing and let your gaze drop to the floor, you thought you’d never had to hit anyone of your children like this ever. The two boys never needed to be punished so severely, loss of privileges and a timeout usually did it for them. But Kaia unfortunately was different, having received Kylo’s anger issues you felt it was important for her to learn that throwing food is not an acceptable way to vent her anger. Sadly, you nodded your head once in agreeance with Kylo, then he simply walked around you to the dining room.

“Come with me, Kaia.” He said softly, you didn’t have the heart to turn around and watch as father and daughter disappeared into your bedroom. “Mama? Where are dad and Kaia going?” You heard Griffin ask, and when he did you were reminded of your previous job of handing out dinner. You picked up the plate and walked over to your boys, placing one half of a sandwich down on Griffin’s plate before the unmistakable sound of a belt meeting skin radiated around throughout your home. The haunting shrieks and screams from Kaia soon followed and it was unlike anything you had ever heard come out of her mouth. You shook, wiping the tears from your eyes as you finished serving the boys dinner who sat there staring in absolute terror at you as the cries from their sister filled their ears. “Eat, eat your food. Mommy has to go to the bathroom.” You said, setting the sandwiches down on the table and speed walking to the bathroom. By now the belt had stopped and the only thing you could hear was Kaia’s agony, when you finally got into the bathroom the only thing you should hope was that this was the right decision for your family. You sobbed as silently as you could, hoping this punishment would not do her more harm than good.

 

_ 9/23 _

_ Kaia had a good day! Lots of teamwork and shared very well at playtime. _

 

You smiled, Kaia had been good at school yesterday. It was a huge weight off of your shoulders as you left your initials next to the note, thinking maybe the teacher had told her to clean up and she didn’t want to or something along those lines. You closed her agenda and set it back in her bag and as you did you figured you could at least start getting breakfast going. It was 7:43 am, 8 am was when you started getting the kids up and ready to go, if you had the oatmeal cooking and the fruit cut up you could cut down on time and maybe get the kids to where they need to be earlier than usual.

Taking your hot chocolate with you, you headed to the kitchen where you put a pot of water on to boil. As you prepped breakfast you got lost in thought, didn’t hear the sound of footsteps coming from the hall behind you. “You got kicked out of bed too?” Kylo asked, drawing a chair from the dining room and into the kitchen. You chuckled at him after setting the milk down on the counter. “Sure did.”

“What makes those damn kids think they can all just pile up in our bed? Their beds are perfectly fine.” Kylo said jokingly. “Kaia begged us for the galaxy bedsheets years ago and now she hardly ever sleeps in her own bed.” You giggled, it was the truth. Kaia was the only one with her own bedroom, after Hux agreed to move more permanently onto the Finalizer Kylo had the walls knocked out and changed the homes up a bit. Now instead of having two bedrooms, one for you and one for Griffin, you had three, one for you, one for Kaia, and one for Griffin and Kaiser. 

“Who knows, Kylo. They just love us.” You assured him, he lifted his brows at you. “Will you make some toast love? I’ll get the kids ready if you make me some of that cinnamon toast stuff you made a few days ago.” You smiled, lucky for him you had already taken out the cinnamon and sugar because it was already on the menu today. You nodded, then the two of you sat in silence while you prepared breakfast for your family.

Recently something had been weighing heavily on your mind, something that you and Kylo hadn’t talked about in a few years. Probably not even since the twins were a year old, it wasn’t something Kylo liked to talk about for one, but ever since hitting the five-year mark with your twins you knew your time would be running short. “Hey, Kylo?” You said, now adding the oats to the boiling water. Kylo looked up at you from his tablet, he always went through his messages during breakfast. 

“So, um. Heard anything from Snoke?” You brought the subject up lightly, knowing the thought of your death would upset Kylo somehow. You looked over at him in your peripheral vision as you stirred the softening oatmeal, even you were anxious about what Kylo was going to be telling you. Nobody is ever excited about being executed, and the fact that you didn’t know when it would be coming didn’t help. Back when you and Griffin were first taken to live with Kylo again he had told you Snoke felt that, at the age of 4, Griffin was old enough to be raised without a mother. Now that the twins were 5 you were sure Snoke would be getting on Kylo’s ass about your execution.

“No love,” Kylo started, shaking his head in denial. You looked back to your families breakfast, moving instead to start Kylo’s cinnamon toast. “Why? What do you need to know about Snoke?”

“I think you know, Kylo.” You said, the only thing Kylo did was look back down at his tablet, you decided to finish the rest of breakfast in silence. 

Now you and Kylo sat at the table, you were drinking a glass of orange juice while Kylo munched away on his cinnamon toast, you noticed the brown cinnamon crumbs were sticking to his all-white sleeping shirt--you’d have to wash it today. You stared at him, he stared down at his tablet and you knew it must have been nearing 8 AM. You had the oatmeal all ready to go with the fruit on the side and you knew what to give each child: Griffin liked his oatmeal to have very little sugar and lots of chopped up strawberries, Kaia liked her oatmeal with blueberries and blackberries (and of course you had to let her place them in the bowl), and Kaiser liked his oatmeal with honey. Nothing else, Kaiser just liked honey. 

“Snoke hasn’t said anything about you in the last two years.” Kylo said casually, finishing off his breakfast. He hadn’t even looked up at you, he was still looking at his tablet. “Oh.” You said, looking at the tablet in his hands and wishing he’d put it down so he could have a meaningful conversation with you. “I don’t know that he cares, really. Especially since Griffin had grown so powerful in the Force over the last five years.” You nodded, Kylo had been taking Griffin to train him in the Force once a week ever since the twins were born. Most of the time they stayed on the base, but every once and a while Kylo would take him out to another planet. You trusted Kylo to keep him safe so it was never an issue with you, you just wished he would have considered taking you and his other two children along with them.

“Well, that’s good.” You looked at Kylo, when your eyes met his he quickly looked back down at his datapad. “You know I’d never let him kill you, right?” Kylo cut in, blowing the awkward and ominous silence away from the conversation. “I’d never let him harm a hair on your head. That’s a promise.” A small smile settled on your lips at the reassurance, but you knew Snoke was far more powerful than Kylo was and Snoke had more ways of ending your life than Kylo could probably count. You took a look at the clock, 7:55. It would be a good idea to start getting kids up early, their breakfast would grow cold soon and they would probably nag you silly to warm it for them. You stood, walked into the kitchen where you placed your dirty glass into the sink, looking down at your sad reflection in the aluminum as you did. There was no use in worrying if there was no definitive answer, your execution could come today, or the next, or next year, or never. 

You moved solemnly through the kitchen and tried to walk past Kylo but he caught your wrist and pulled you back toward him. He looked up at you longingly, finally having put his tablet down to engage you. “You doubt me, you doubt that I could keep you out of Snoke’s eyesight.” He let go of your wrist, you let your arm free fall and hang limply at your side. You had forgotten he could look into your mind from time to time, you had taught Griffin that it was an invasion of privacy and to never do such a thing, but obviously when it came to his dad the rules were different. 

“Love, don’t you think that if he still wanted you dead he would have killed you by now?” You shrugged, Kylo always kept you and the kids out of the loop when it came to his job, even if you wanted to know he’d never tell you. Ever since he had eliminated the Resistance he never felt the need to tell you who or what was on his radar next. The unamused look on his face told you that he was desperate, he wanted you to know that he’d keep you safe no matter what. He took both of your hands in his, lifting one of your hands to his mouth and placing a gentle kiss on your knuckle. “I love you, you know that I love you?” You tried to repress a loving smile on your face, very rarely did he ever tell you he loved you, most of the time when you heard those words come from his mouth he was saying them to the kids. But they meant a lot to you today, when the two of you were alone with no little people running around to distract you, no housework that desperately needed to get done, and no work calls or emails that needed to be answered, Kylo’s profession of love to you meant the entire universe to you.

“I know you love me, and I love you too.” You said, looking up proudly at your husband. “And you know that if I found out that there was any plans to have you executed or harmed in any way, the first thing I would do is make sure you and the children were safe?” You nodded your head, as you did Kylo brought his hands up to your face and held you there lovingly, his warm hands keeping your cheeks balmy while the house was so cold. “There’s no reason to doubt me, please don’t think that I don’t love you enough to keep you from getting killed by my master’s hand. I can always get another master but I can never find true love again if I lost you.” 

He brought your face to his and the two of you shared a kiss. This kiss was far more superior than your average, run of the mill kiss the two of you shared as you parted ways in the morning: him heading to work and you to drop the kids off at school. This one was slow, full of passion and electrifying love. You hadn’t even felt this type of kiss when you and Kylo made love to each other, this kiss was reserved specifically for this moment. 

It ended all too soon when you heard Kylo’s alarm going off in the bedroom, he pulled his head back and looked back down the hallway where you had left all three of your children. “8 AM, time for school.” You said smiling at him, you didn’t want the moment to end but the blaring alarm coming from the bedroom and the sound of big brother Griffin’s voice commanding his younger siblings to wake up and get out of your bed told you it was time to go back into parent mode. Life wasn’t just about you and Kylo anymore. Life was about what you and Kylo had created together and you could currently hear all three of your creations scrambling to jump out of your bed, asking each other where mom and dad were.

Maybe tonight you wouldn’t be co-sleeping with all three of them and could have some alone time with Kylo.


	2. Unexpected Dinner Guest

After dropping the kids off at school you found yourself all alone, hanging the art pieces that the twins had drawn you last night proudly on the fridge. You smiled, Kaiser drew you a picture of your family standing on top of Star Killer Base and holding hands, all of your heads were abnormally large while your bodies, either rectangles or triangles, depending on if the person was male or female, were held up by thin black lines. The childlike innocence of his picture made you so warm and happy, however the order he drew you in was kind of discouraging: Kylo, You, Kaia (with her signature red hair bow on the left side of her head), Griffin, and then Kaiser. Kaiser didn’t often spend time with his twin, if anything you thought Kaiser actively tried to stay away from her due to her explosive behavior. 

Kaiser was shy and reserved, he didn’t like to draw attention to himself and didn’t like to cause or be apart of trouble. Kaia was outgoing and loud, always had to be the center of attention and often threw a fit if she didn’t get her way. You supposed everything had changed when they were two, when you witnessed Kaiser snatch a book out of Kaia’s hand. You scolded him and told him to give it back, but before he could Kaia stole the book back once again, wound her arm behind her back and slapped him across the face with it. That day Kaiser cried for hours, couldn’t even stand being in the same room as his sister until the next evening at dinner time. It broke your heart so much, you wished Kaia hadn't been born with such a reactive personality. 

Kaia’s picture was much different than her brothers. While Kaia had inherited Kylo’s temper she had evidently also inherited your artistic skills. She had drawn a photo of something you had decided to draw as well, that’s usually how her art time at home went. Ever since she was an infant she loved to sit and watch you draw, even tried drawing sketches just like you. She never wanted to start small, with simple shapes or faces or anything like that. Kaia jumped right in head first at the age of 3, trying to imitate your complex drawings that took years to perfect. She had so much fun drawing on the paper that Kylo supplied you that, for her 4th birthday, she asked for a sketchbook just like yours. Kylo spoiled her to tears, bought her a full-size purple to black ombre sketchbook with her full name etched onto the cover in such beautiful white script: Kaia Kylo Ren. She also got her a set of colored pencils and regular pencils, not as expensive as yours but just enough to trick her four-year-old mind into thinking she was a real artist because she had so many different colors. You had never seen her so happy, and she made sure to draw in it every day.

Kaia’s drawing was one you had been working on for two days now, a photo you had taken with your tablet in the cafeteria where you often went to retrieve your household groceries. You had decided to spoil your family and make them their favorite dessert: an unfrosted berry buckle cake. It was healthy and it was a dessert all five of you could agree on every night and the kids had been requesting it, so when you went to collect food for the week you made sure to get raspberries, blackberries, and blueberries. You had them all lined up in their bright blue baskets and thought: Why not take a photo to send to Kylo at work? They were ripe, juicy, and colorful and you knew they’d make him happy to know you’d be making his favorite dessert. When you got home after taking the time to unpack all of your food and putting it all away you took another look at the photo, the blues, reds, and blacks looked so striking and delicious, you had decided to break out your sketchbook and colored pencils, wanting to capture the image in your sketchbook forever.

You and Kaia had worked on the photo together, hers in her own sketchbook and yours in your own. It seemed as though she had finished hers without you however, as now you were looking up at it hanging right next to her brother’s on the fridge. Kaia was incredibly talented for a five year old, although it wasn’t perfect or anywhere near as skillful as yours, Kaia had blown you away yet again. Each berry had been drawn individually, so had each blue carton and she was even careful to mind the light source and add shadows where needed, just like you taught her. The detail on the berries was pretty amazing too, especially on the raspberries and blackberries where she had drawn each berry with a handful of minute circles to represent the makeup of the fruit. In the lower right corner she had signed her name in white ink, an obvious sign that she had gone through your marker collection without asking (again), and on the back of her drawing she wrote “To mommy, from KKR. Love you!” You shook your head as you admired both of your kid's drawings, happy to know that they loved you so much that they would draw artwork for you.

The sound of the doors opening behind you drew your attention away from the fridge and, much to your surprise, Kylo was walking through the door with his helmet tucked under his arm. Usually Kylo wasn’t coming home until you had all three kids home from school and were starting dinner. “Hi!” You said, cheerfully going up to him and kissing him on the lips. “You’re home early!” You smiled at him, but Kylo didn’t seem too happy. He was staring down at you with a scowl, his eyes dark and brooding like he had something to be angry about. This happened sometimes, Kylo would be upset over something that happened at work and he’d come home bothered. He was past the time where he’d take his anger out of you or anyone in your family; he mostly came home just to calm down, to get away from whatever was bothering him. And what better way for him to calm down than to spend time with the love of his life? You would simply be as caring and understanding as you could, would be there for him and willing to do whatever you could to talk him down and relax him until he had to go back to work.

“Is everything okay?” You asked, fully expecting him to say no and to tell you about how someone stepped out of line, called him out, or he harmed himself some way. “Yes, everything is fine love.” He said with a pleasant amount of surprise in his voice. You nodded, the stark difference between his tone and his face was a little unsettling, but even so, you inquired about why he was home early. Kylo shrugged his shoulders and told you that there was no real reason, but the beckoning motion he did with his fingers as he walked toward the bedroom told you that there was a reason, and that very reason excited the pants off of you--literally.

 

This wasn’t the sort of thing you and Kylo could partake in normally, either he was at work somewhere on the base or all of the kids were at home and in different parts of the house which would make it hard for you and Kylo to be able to sneak away and have sex somewhere away from them. You guessed Kylo had been lying and was having a bad day and needed some stress relief after a week and a half long dry spell, which was fine with you. It took no encouraging from him to drop to your knees in the doorway and fish his cock out of his pants, the action of oral sex had grown on you over the years. When you had first met Kylo you detested it so much, but the more quality time you spent with Kylo the more you understood why he enjoyed your mouth so much and you found yourself starting to enjoy pleasing him as well.

His moans and his hand tangled tightly in your hair did nothing but encourage you to go deeper, to bob your head faster, and to pump your hand faster around the area of his cock that you couldn’t fit in your mouth. You looked up and had the most glorious view of Kylo standing over you: His stance screamed power and prestige, his face was the embodiment of sexiness and pleasure, the only part you found to be laughable was his free hand that was holding the frame of the door to keep his balance. He had always told you that you were outstandingly skilled in the art of blow jobs, even when you didn’t realize it 9 years ago.

Kylo didn’t allow you to go down on him for very long before he was yanking on your hair, his cock coming out of your mouth with a loud, wet pop. You had sucked him for at least 15 minutes and the head of his cock was now red, filled to the brim with blood now that you had worked your tongue all over every side and angle of it. You pawed at his pants, wanting so badly to get your mouth on him again, but Kylo had other plans for that afternoon.

He told you to stand and to strip down, as the commands left his mouth he was hastily unclothing himself as well, having already pulled the top half of his robes off he was now working on unbuckling his belt. Once the two of you were completely undressed Kylo pounced on you, pinning you to the mattress and making love to you like he had never done so in his life. You were being vocal, as loud as you wanted to now that your kids werent around to hear you. It was as if a muzzle had been freed from your mouth and you could say anything you wanted to while Kylo fucked you into oblivion.

“I love you, Kylo I love you so-- _ Oh _ !” You cried out, crossing your legs behind Kylo’s back and holding onto him for dear life. The sex was so much more enjoyable when you didn't have to listen out for commotion going on outside of your bedroom door. You could concentrate on nothing but his enormous cock dragging on your walls, creating such a lovely feeling that ran like electrifying energy all throughout your body. "Kylo, I love you. I love you, I love, you, I love you!" You shouted as you hugged your arms around his neck, trying to feel as much as him as you possibly could. After all these years you never forgot that it fuels Kylo’s libido when you told him you loved him during sex. Even though you were 100 percent positive Kylo knew without a doubt that you loved him, hearing it as he was making love to you made it that much better for him. 

“Y/n, you’re gonna cum for me and you’re gonna cum loud.” Kylo said breathlessly, pounding into you and stretching you wide. Each word he spoke, each thrust into your dripping, sensitive cunt, and each change of facial expression as he moved closer and closer to his orgasm pushed you closer to yours as well. “You’re gonna let everyone outside of these walls know who is fucking you and who is going to make you cum. Am I understood y/n?” You had learned to love the way Kylo talked to you, know that he saved his dominant speech for the bedroom and not to terrify you at all hours of the day. Even if he just wanted to tease you, all he had to do was talk dirty to you in his commanding voice and you'd just melt in his hands.

“Oh, Kylo just a little bit more. Please! Just a little--”

Suddenly there was a vibration at the end of the bed, a basic ringing noise indicating that Kylo was getting a holocall. You looked up at him disappointed, he had slowed down to a standstill and just left the head of his cock inside of you. The lack of movement and friction in your cunt was slowly dragging you away from your finish, you whimpered as you began to flex your hips in a desperate attempt to create the feeling one more time. Kylo looked back, the lewd noises coming from you and Kylo were replaced with the mundane ringer and you couldn’t have been more upset. “D-Do you have to get that?” You asked, raking your fingers gently down Kylo’s back. He looked back at you, then shook his head as he slowly began thrusting into you once again. “No, I can tell by the tone it’s the General. He can wait till we’re done.” You nodded your head, smiling greedily as you took in the feeling of his motions once again and sighed in pleasure. This continued for a few seconds, Kylo had begun to tell you what he wanted you to do when you came again when his tablet went off once more. 

Kylo growled, rolling his eyes as he instructed you to ignore it. General Hux was calling him while the two of you were in the middle of sex, the type of sex that you didn’t often get to have. It was incredibly frustrating, but since the General was now calling for a second and third time you suggested Kylo pick it up, it must be important if Hux was trying this hard to get ahold of him. “I’ve already told you love,” Kylo said as the ringer still rang in the background. You could tell that Kylo had fallen out of the mood just like you had, from the way his voice was strained and from the unfocused look in his eyes, Hux was making it hard to concentrate. 

“Ignore it, that bastard is not more important than our alone time.” You nodded your head, closed your eyes and tried to concentrate on just Kylo and his movements, his warm body on top of yours, and his huge cock inside of you. Everything was going well until his tablet rang for the fourth time. You sighed, opened your eyes just in time to see Kylo’s face turn from one of hard concentration to one of anger. “Fuck!” He exclaimed sharply, his eyes shut tight and his mouth fell open and he was instantly relaxed; A warm feeling in your center told you that the worst outcome to this terrible situation had come true.

“Fuck.” Kylo said sadly amongst the now annoying ringing, finally opening his eyes and looking at you in defeat. “I’m sorry.” Kylo apologized to you amongst a sigh as he pulled out of you, you honestly should have expected something like this to happen since it’s been so long since the two of you had been intimate. What you weren’t expecting was for General Hux to call and interrupt your important moment, you were so heartbroken. 

Kylo sat up and moved to the side of the bed, reached for the tablet and began to call the General back.  _ General Hux.  _ The name brought back so many emotions, good and bad. The good being how he helped you get on Kylo’s nerves when you were taken back to Star Killer, how he basically cut his own house in half for your family and vowed to make his main living space on his Star Destroyer. The bad being how he tortured you and tried to rape you. Your eye twitched involuntarily, you pressed the heels of your hands into your eyes as you recalled that awful day. Being tied down, beaten, and nearly forced into swallowing his cock. You shivered as you rubbed your hands down your naked arms, the feeling of your impending orgasm now washed completely away as you clearly saw the redheaded man’s face in your mind.

“What is it?” Kylo barked, balancing his tablet in one hand and running his hand through his sweaty hair. You stared at his back, the sweat from your cut short round of sex creating a sheen over his whitening scars and beauty marks that were peppered throughout his skin. Your husband was so gorgeous, even when frustrated at nearly everything going on around him. 

“Why did it take you so long to answer Ren?” The sound of Hux’s digitized voice rang from the tablet and he sounded just as irritated as Kylo was. “Because I was busy with something.” Kylo’s response was so bitter you could almost taste the exasperation on your own tongue, he hated the General and you couldn’t help but laugh at his misfortune. “What could be so important that you couldn’t answer my phone call? Were you sleeping when you’re meant to be working? You know the Supreme Leader Wouldn’t like that, Ren.” 

You rolled your eyes, Kylo was always getting harassed by this guy. You lay there on your back, feeling Kylo’s seed beginning to seep out of you. It was a cold and lonely feeling, normally you got up to clean yourself up but right now you were certain Kylo would not want you to move, lest you accidentally flash the General some of your naked glory. 

_ Sit yourself up, keep yourself covered.  _

Kylo’s voice suddenly appeared in your mind, giving the confusing command to basically show yourself to the General. “Are you sure?” You whispered to him, Kylo affirmed his wish by beckoning you up and into the tablet’s camera. When he did the tablet jerked forward just a hair and you could see his naked hip on Kylo's portion of the holocall and nothing more, you wondered what Hux was thinking. You did as you were told, situating yourself under the covers and sitting up. You clutched the comforter close to your chest as you made yourself visible in the tablet, in the corner you watched Hux’s face grow alarmed as he cleared his throat and looked away. You smiled as memories of Kylo’s plan for revenge sex over that nasty Lieutenant came to mind, technically this wasn’t the same thing but it still stirred the same exciting emotions up inside of you. Whatever happened to that girl anyway? You hadn’t heard anything about her in years.

“Hi General!” You said, smiling as cute as you possibly could, pretending like there was nothing wrong with the fact that Hux knew you and Kylo were both in bed nude. 

“Hello, _Mrs. Ren_.” Hux bit out, clearly dying to speak about your current condition. “Now, Commander I’ll make this quick.”

“Yes, please do.” Kylo cut in, you had been witnessing this rivalry between the two for years now and their bickering had always made you laugh. You looked at the small image of Hux intently, indeed wanting to know what was so important that Kylo was required to pick his call up as soon as it rang. You saw Hux’ eyes flick to a separate part of the tablet, you could only assume it was to you as you adjusted the blanket a little bit lower on your chest, just in case he didn’t get the idea the first time. 

“I just recently spent some time on the Supremecy with the Supreme Leader, we spent some time speaking together and he’s asked me to make an announcement to you on his behalf.” Kylo tapped the tablet and you could see his look of irritation grow. “Well? Are you trying to waste more of our time General? What is it, what do I have to know?” Hux was quiet, squinting his eyes before shaking his head.

“I don’t think it’s responsible to share it over the com system. I’ll be making my way to Star Killer base tomorrow and I’ll let you know when I get there.” You leaned your head on Kylo’s back as you looked up at the General with puppy dog eyes, you were quite bored with this conversation and could tell the only reason why Hux wasn’t telling Kylo this “announcement” was because you were in the room. 

You watched as Kylo smiled, leaned over to you and loudly kissed you on top of your head and looked back to his tablet. You expected him to deny Hux and demand him tell Kylo what was happening over the phone, to call him some sort of degrading name and to tell him off some more. But as always, Kylo was full of surprises.

“Not a problem, General. What’s say you come over to our quarters for Dinner tomorrow night?” You allowed the shock to display loud and proud on your face, lifted your head to look at Kylo as if he had lost his mind. “I’ll have my wife cook her world famous dinner dish. Something with Eggplant in it, right love?”

“Uh…” You faltered, feeling lost. Never in your life did you think you’d ever witness Kylo inviting his sworn enemy over for dinner at your home. “Eggplant, um...Parmesan?” Kylo nodded happily, looked back at the tablet as he began talking once again. “Yes, that’s it. Y/n makes such a great Eggplant parm dish. We’d love to have you over, General.” Even Hux seemed stunned, the way he wouldn’t look at the camera on his datapad said it all. He made excuses, tried to dissuade Kylo into just meeting him in one of the conference rooms, but Kylo was persistent. You sat amid all the craziness, each man speaking short, almost incoherent sentences to try and convince the other to do their bidding.

In the end, you weren’t sure how it happened but the General agreed. “Okay, Ren. I’ll join you and your family for dinner.” Hux said rubbing his forehead, he looked so pained and annoyed. “Excellent, General. We’ll see you at 5 tomorrow evening.” With that, Kylo ended the call and you dropped your blanket, allowing yourself to be nude around him once again. 

“What was that?” You asked, trying not to raise your voice at him. “The General interrupted us during our copulation. I’m sorry y/n. I promise I’ll make it up to you.” He said, kissing you on the nose and moving toward his discarded clothes on the floor. “Not that, Kylo.” You whined, even though you were content with just letting your past die and having nothing but respectful interactions with the General whenever you came in contact with him, the last thing you ever wanted to do was have him sitting next to yourself, and your husband, and for the love of the Maker your  _ children  _ at dinner. 

“Why did you invite General Hux to our house for dinner?” Kylo laughed at you as he opened his underwear drawer to retrieve a fresh pair. “Because, he’s not gotten to interact with you in quite some time. He’s never even seen the kids.”

“Yes! And I’d like to keep it that way!” You exclaimed, had Kylo really forgotten what Hux had done to you? Including all the gifts that Kylo was so insulted by that he felt the need to set them on fire outside of his office?

“Well I just want to show off to Hux what he can’t have.” Kylo said proudly as he began throwing on his work clothes. “Show him my perfect family, show him what I’ve worked so hard to achieve” He looked so confidently at his reflection in the mirror, smoothed out his hair as he adjusted his gloves. “Don’t you think that’s incredibly childish Kylo? Do we really have to do this?” Kylo walked over to you, like he so often did he took your cheeks in his hands. “It may be, but everything will be alright love.” He looked so sincere, his eyes full of earnest and his lips quirked up in a shy smile. You sighed as you drank in his expression, this was really what he wanted. He wanted to fill his rival with jealousy and he was determined to do it at your expense. The worst part was, when Kylo put his head into a project like this you knew that you'd have no say in the outcome.  He kissed you on the forehead once again before assuring you that he’d be home in time for dinner and to tell the kids he loves them and misses them. 

He walked out of the bedroom leaving you cold, lonely, naked, with his cum now crusting all over your lower half. “Guess I should be making an extra plate of Eggplant tomorrow” you mumbled to yourself, getting up and heading to the bathroom. The only thing you could do at this point was put your trust into Kylo and hope that he wouldn’t let that slimeball lay a hand on you or any of your children.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wheeeew I finally got the second chapter out. Things are rolling in the right direction!  
> Btw, I now have four WIPs. Two of which are on the back burner until I finish Red Lamb or this fic. It's incredibly difficult for me to work on more than two at one point, so for now enjoy the two I have going now! :D


	3. Breaking Bread

“Hold still, Kaiser.” Kylo scolded his son as he tried to tie the bowtie snuggly around his neck. “The General is due to come through the door any minute now, we need to get you and your brother ready for dinner.”

“Daddy, I’m scared!” Kylo stopped to look at his son, he hadn’t noticed the five year olds terrified expression as he fiddled with the small piece of fabric around his neck. “Scared of what son?” Kylo said, trying to keep his patience. It was going on 5:05 pm, he had invited Hux over against his wife's wishes at five o'clock. “It’s too tight.” Kaiser whined, resting his fingers on his adam's apple. Kylo sighed as Kaiser’s whines slowly turned to slow tears, closed his eyes in order to calm himself. Getting upset over his young child’s irrational fears would not make time stop, if anything he would lose time. “Kaiser, it’s not even tied around your neck all the way.” Kylo assured him, taking the tie from around his neck and holding it in front of Kaiser's face. The boy stared at him, Kylo always thought it was strange that his twins looked exactly like him but gained their mother's eye color and eye shape. Griffin mirrored his mother to a T, everything except for his hair belonged to her but Kaia and Kaiser? They favored Kylo except for their eyes. Well, there was a second feature they got from their mother, but Kylo didn’t want to think about it since time was already of the essence. 

“I think I got mine dad!” Griffin said, standing straight up from his bed and walking proudly over to him. He had dressed both of his boys in sharp, black suits while his women wore matching black strapless dresses. As far as he knew his wife had gotten Kaia ready and was adding the finishing touches to the food while he prepared his young men, which was proving to be more difficult than he thought. 

Kylo turned to look at his oldest and tried his best to keep the disappointment off of his face, Griffin had tied the bow tie over the collar of his dress shirt and tied it like you would a shoestring. “No, Griffin. That’s not right.” Kylo bit out angrily, turning toward Kaiser once more. As he told Kaiser to hush his crying and threw the tie around his neck once again he felt a small tingle in the back of his head, Griffin had made his way past Kylo’s mental walls he always had up. Griffin had probably seen Kylo’s stress and frustration with him and his brother, and Kylo knew that Griffin could sometimes be sensitive to people's emotions just as his brother was.

“Griffin, get out of my head.” Kylo said as calmly as he possibly could, his lips were pressed tightly together as he felt Griffin fade out of his head, his mental walls once again replaced. Griffin was so strong in the Force, he had trained him so well but he just didn’t understand why he had gotten so strong so quickly. At the age of ten Kylo could hardly shift the Force around cleanly, but Griffin could break down Kylo’s walls at the young age of seven. Maybe all those years of having Darth Vaders mask in his room really did help him.

Kylo had managed to tie the bowtie around Kaiser’s neck within a minute even though he protested the entire time about choking and having his head fall off. As soon as his hands left the silky fabric they were replaced by Kaiser’s frantic fingers trying to pull it off. He took ahold of his wrists and pinned them to his sides and forcefully told him not to touch it. It wasn’t often that Kylo won these small, unimportant wars with his children, but when he did he felt like he needed to soak it in for at least five minutes. 

“Kylo, the General is here!” he heard his wife call out from the living room. The pace of his heart quickened as he stood and walked over to Griffin who was looking quite sad, Kylo felt the guilt building in his chest over his resentful, rushed thoughts over two of the most important people in his life. “Stand up Griffin. Let me tie your bowtie.” Griffin obeyed silently, as Kylo tied the tie around his neck he took it upon himself to look into Griffin’s thoughts just as he did to him. Kylo had enough training to know how to do so unnoticed, especially by Griffin who was not skilled enough to block him

Kylo had been disappointed, probably just as Griffin had when he peered into Kylo’s mind. Memories played in Kylo's mind through Griffin’s eyes; the time the man he commonly referred to as “his other father” would lift him upside down and perch him on one of his shoulders so that Griffin could “walk” on the ceiling of their home on D’Qar. The times when he would take young Griffin for rides in his X wing, going faster than Griffin could ever imagine, screaming, laughing, giggling, and holding onto the straps of his child seat as his “other father” piloted the two of them through the stars. The final memory is always what broke Kylo’s heart the most, and it was when the ex storm trooper attended a “fathers day” celebration at his preschool. He could clearly see Griffin Presenting a poem to the rest of his class about how much he loved the man, what the two of them did together.

Kylo knew Griffin loved him, he had heard him say it several times and could feel his emotions on any given day. But he also knew that Griffin thought so highly of the other man, he missed him. Especially when Kylo’s mood was less than ideal and he worried his wife and children, it brought Kylo down and it clearly brought his Force sensitive son down. The only way Griffin had to cope with it was to reminisce on his past life in the Resistance, Kylo could only imagine that his wife would do the same.

Once he had finished tying the bowtie around the 10 year olds neck he looked into his eyes, his sad eyes that wanted nothing but to impress his father, the father that he had now and the father that had taken his time to teach him how to be so strong in the Force. The look of grief on Griffin’s face broke Kylo so much he felt like he had to grasp Griffins shoulders in the most loving way he could, bring him a bit closer to him. This was his fault, his stress caused him to lash out at his beloved son. He had to remedy the situation as best as he could.

“I’m sorry, son.” Kylo said, Griffin did nothing but nod in response. Kylo could have looked into his head to see what he was feeling, but he knew there was a good chance that his thoughts wouldn’t have changed. It was all Kylo could do, he had learned early on that showering his family in gifts was not the way to earn their trust. The only thing he could do to correct his stress fueld reaction was to apologize and hope it was accepted.

Kylo stood himself and moved to grab Kaiser’s hand, telling Griffin to follow him through the use of the Force. General Hux was here and he wanted to make the perfect impression on him, wanted to show Hux what Kylo had and what he would never have. He smiled as he opened the door to see his daughter sitting happily at the table drawing in her book and his wife hustling to set out the food for the evening: the eggplant dish, homemade mashed potatoes, spinach, and peach cobbler for dessert. 

\--

 

“Kids, line up at the door in birth order. Dress shoes on and clothes looking proper.” Kylo said, causing you to look up from the perfectly baked cobbler you had set on the counter for after the main dish. Kaia launched herself from the table and over to the door, you had already instructed her to put her shoes on after you brushed her hair and tied her red bow snuggly over her hairline. Kaiser followed right behind her, running up next to his sister while Griffin stood on the other side of him. You admired how good looking all three of your boys looked, even Kylo decided to dress up in a suit for the night. Just like you and Kaia’s matching outfits the boys wore matching Tuxedos as did Kylo, you wondered why all of you couldn’t dress up like this more often.

But then you remembered that it took you an hour to do your hair and makeup, half an hour to flat iron Kaia’s hair like what Kylo wanted and another 15 minutes to get her to sit still while you fixed her dress on her, all while Kylo would pop in and frequently to ask you how the evening was going and to tell you to hurry up. You squinted as the boys hurried to get their fancy dress shoes on, never ever again. 

“Love?” Kylo said as he took his proud stance in front of your children, holding his hand out to you. Oh right, you had forgotten that you were involuntarily a part of this fiasco. You didn’t understand why Kylo wanted to show off for Hux, you thought your family was perfect and you didn’t feel the need to show them off to anyone. If Hux one day got a wife and some kids you wouldn’t care either, what difference would it make? You had your husband, your two sons, and your daughter; they were all you needed in your life.

You made your way to Kylo and took a hold of his hand just as he wanted you to, Kaia had her eyes on you and mirrored your actions with her twin brother. “Kids, best behavior.” Kylo warned just as Hux knocked one more time, he did a sweep over everyone and everything in the home before hitting the button to finally open the blaster doors. Hux, of course, was on the other side. He took a look at you and your family and smiled as Kylo welcomed him into your home. “Good evening, Ren family.” He replied, taking the first few steps over the threshold. “So nice of you to  _ finally  _ open the door for your dinner guest.” You watched Kylo’s eye twitch in response to Hux’s passive aggressive comment, then turned to see Hux smiling down at your three children.

“My, my. How much have you grown Griffin?” At the mention of his name Griffin smiled at Hux, nodding his head but still staying quiet. “The last time I’ve seen you was when you were about as big as your two siblings here.” 

“Good evening, General.” Griffin said happily, Hux moved on down the line of obedient children. “And hello twins. I believe this is the first time we have met.” Kaia smiled brightly at him as if she were the center of Hux’s attention instead of sharing it with Kaiser. “General, these are my two youngest: Kaiser and Kaia.” Kylo said as he took a step toward them. “Kaiser, what a fitting name for a future leader.” You wanted to know how Hux knew what Kaiser meant off of the top of his head, but really you thought it was better to not think too much about it. It was weird and creepy, it felt like Hux was still so obsessed with you and your family as he was when you were pregnant with the twins.

“Hello General Hugs.” Kaiser said, looking quite fearful and innocent. You couldn’t stop the smile from growing on your face at Kaiser’s harmless mistake, but it turned into even more than a smile when you looked at Griffin who was grinning, shortly followed by Kaia who took it upon herself to laugh out loud at her brother’s mispronunciation. Hux looked irritated with the boy for a hot second before relaxing and allowing himself to smile once again. “It’s  _ Hux  _ child.  _ Hux  _ with an X.” 

“Okay, General Hugs with an X.”

Kaia’s laughter grew louder as did Griffin’s, you could tell Kylo was beginning to laugh next to you as well. You worried about what Hux was thinking, this is the kind of thing that not a lot of people would understand unless they had spent time with kids, but Kaiser really meant no harm. He was making an honest mistake due to his nervousness and you felt like he may even be on the brink of tears due to his error. As far as you knew Hux did not spend much time with young children, may not know that Kaiser was an unsure, anxious child and you can’t react with anger toward him.

Much to your surprise all he did was smile and turn to Kaia instead, probably unwilling to spend any more time correcting your son. That was fine, as long as he knew that he was in your home with your kids and did not step over the boundary of a guest. 

“Kaia, how nice to finally meet you my dear.” Hux said as soon as everyone's laughter died down. Clearly he was irritated, but was unwilling to show it against your family. “You are a beauty, just like your wonderful mother.” 

“Nice to meet you General Hugs.” Kaia said, her jovial laughter following the word ‘Hugs.’ 

“Kaia, come on now.” You tried to correct her, but the giggles from Griffin and Kylo stopped you. You weren’t happy with your child’s bad manners and you wanted to stop her, but you knew Kylo was enjoying this and wouldn’t want you to put an end to it. Luckily Hux didn’t spend any more time speaking with your kids. Instead he stood to acknowledge you, turning around sharply and finding a place standing in front of you, too close for your own comfort. 

“Y/n Ren. You’re looking so stunning as always.” You turned your chin into your chest as you uttered a small ‘thank you,’ wondering how Kylo was feeling at Hux’s compliment. To you it was almost like retaliation for his daughter's terrible manners, but you were too afraid to step in between them to say anything. In turn Hux took ahold of your hand, gingerly bringing it to his lips and placing a gentle, silent kiss on your wrist. You blushed at his audacity, these two men  _ hated  _ each other and here he was placing kisses on the hand of his rival's wife as if Kylo wasn’t standing less than a foot away from you. “And happy mothers day, just in case your  _ husband  _ didn’t wish you one.”

“That’s enough, General.” Kylo said very loud and authoritative. It was enough to wipe the grin right off of your face as well as the children’s faces, you knew this night was not going to go as well as Kylo wanted it to. 

Your heart hurt just a tad at the mention of mothers day. You knew that such a holiday existed, but neither Kylo nor the kids ever wished you a happy mothers day. The first year you two spent mothers day together you had told Kylo about the special day and he apologized for not celebrating with you, but he still forgot ever year afterword. You had been hurt, but figured every other day Kylo spoiled you made up for it. If you had to guess you would assume a huge piece of his unwillingness to celebrate was due to the absence of his mother, which you couldn’t fault him for. He hated talking about his mother and likely would be so uncomfortable celebrating mothers day when his mother was no longer in the picture. You hadn’t even thought about mothers day for years until Hux brought it up tonight.

“Of course, Ren.” Hux said, taking a step back and crossing his arms behind his back. “How inappropriate of me. Might I make it up to your family?” Hux said, not even bothering to wait for Kylo’s response before stepping toward the door. “I've brought presents.”

“Presents! For me?” Kaia shouted excitedly, you moved next to her and took her hand to try and calm her down. The girl was childishly selfish and you felt like the best thing for her to do at the moment was to be seen and not heard, the last thing you need was a huge, ugly yelling match between the two men in front of your children and Kaia had already proven to be a match that could light Hux’s flame. 

Kylo’s eyes widened as a droid followed Hux back into your home that held a box with lots of goodies on top of it. The first thing that Hux pulled out was obviously for you and the sight made you want to vomit. “Once again, Mrs. Ren I’d like to wish you a happy mothers day. You may add these to the rest of the gifts the Commander has given you on your special day.” Hux handed you the large bouquet of red roses and you smiled as you accepted them, eyeballing the card that sat amongst the petals. Written in black cursive writing was the phrase “to the most exalted mother in the entire First Order. I hope your mothers day is wonderful, Mrs. Ren.” You gulped, feeling your throat beginning to restrict as you realized Hux had wished you a happy mothers day today more often than Kylo had in the last ten years. 

But Hux wasn’t done, the next person on Hux’s gift list was Griffin. He pulled out a plain brown book with what appeared to be a Kyber crystal on the cover. “Griffin, having just reached age ten I assume your father has already begun teaching you about lightsabers and how to build your own.” Your heart pounded nervously in your chest as you realized Hux’s true intentions with these gifts, and that was to embarrass Kylo’s unthoughtfulness. “It’s going to teach you about the different hilts and all about the Kyber crystals, it’s a book every young force user should own.” As far as you knew he hadn’t begun to teach Griffin about lightsabers and, clearly, he hadn’t showered you with gifts on Mother’s day. There were still two other members of your family and you cringed as you wondered what two other tricks Hux had up his sleeve for your youngest children. 

“Kaiser, I’ve heard you’re quite the book worm in your class, is that true?” Kaiser stared at Hux completely lost and confused, you thought it would be best to explain what the title ‘book worm’ meant as you were almost certain it’s what he was stumped on. You took ahold of his shoulders and bent down to whisper in his ear: “He means you like to read, baby. Do you like to read books?”

“Yes, General Hug--”

“Good. Because this is an extra special book that I’ve gotten just for you.” The book was thick, had many yellowing pages and the cover was brown, featuring a large tree with lots of green leaves. “It’s a book my father used to read to me when I was around your age. A large book of fairytales, ones that your mother and father can read to you every night before bed.” Kaiser held out his hands and accepted the book, smiling and showing off his missing two front teeth as he thanked General ‘Hugs’ one more time. 

“What do you have for me General Hugs?” If Hux was annoyed, or past annoyed with the fact that your kids were continually butchering his name he certainly didn’t let it show on his face. “Ah, last but not least we have beautiful Kaia Ren.” Hux said as Kaia beamed at him, waiting on her gifts from the General. “I’ve seen your creative artwork that gets hung up outside of your classroom by your teacher, so I felt like it would be best to get you  something you can decorate your entire life with.” He turned back toward her from the now empty box holding a package of expensive looking markers as well as a sticker book, Kaia’s eyes lit up so bright and her mouth flew open in an expressive gasp. She snatched the gifts from his hands and hugged them close to her body, repeatedly thanking him while Hux smiled back at her. “Now you can draw more photos for your father to add to his collection of artwork  in his office.”

Now that gift giving time was finished you decided you could look at Kylo to assess his reaction to Hux’s perhaps overly thoughtful gifts. You were hesitant at first but thought there was nothing else left for you to do, so very slowly you slide your eyes from the droid that was rolling out of your home up to your rigid and angry husband. You could see his jaw was clenched tightly and could imagine that his teeth were pressed angrily against one another. Just a hint of anger bloomed in his cheeks in the form of a light pink blush, and the look of animosity and raw  _ hatred  _ for Hux showed loud and clear on his face. Hux had succeeded in embarrassing Kylo, that was for sure.

“Wheres the gift for my daddy General Hugs?” Kaiser spoke up in genuine curiosity, you couldn’t help but to wonder why Hux hadn’t gotten Kylo anything either. Hux laughed, reaching down and ruffling Kaiser’s thick mop of black hair. “Why, your father's gift is the same as mine. The satisfaction of knowing he had made this group of lovely people happy, like he does every day! Isn’t that right, Commander? I’m sure you spoiled your wife to pieces today since she’s been strong enough to give you the gift of three lovely children.” 

“But, my daddy didn’t give any--”

“Yes, of course I have General. Now let’s eat, the children are starved.” Kylo quickly cut Kaiser’s truthful sentence off about how Kylo hadn’t given you any gifts for the day. You were impartial, it was just another day and, really, Kylo made it known that he appreciates you and your motherly skills, but maybe it would have been nice to hear it from him just once? Maybe it would have been nice to not have slaved over the stove all day long for something that you didn’t even want to do in the first place that Kylo unknowingly scheduled on mothers day. 

“Love, grab the kids and sit them down. I’ll get the food on the table.” Kylo said hurriedly as he yanked on Griffin's arm to pull him more toward you. You put your feet into gear, placing both of your hands on the twins back as you pushed them toward the table as Griffin followed. You were holding your breath, praying nothing else happened tonight to set either of the two men off. No one had even sat at the table and there was already strain and stress between Hux and the members of your household. 

As you set the twins down at their normal spot at the dinner table and Kylo was loudly placing the various dishes around the table Griffin tapped you on the back. You turned to him, he looked so stressed out and you instantly realized how much of a mistake this dinner party was. You weren’t even thinking about how the children would have been affected at the time, and had you known they were going to be uncomfortable you would have never agreed.

“Yes, Griffin.” You said as calmly as you could, in reply Griffin motioned with his fingers for you to bend down to his level. As you did he moved toward you left ear, eager to tell you his secret as he used his other hand to block the view of the General and Kylo. “Dad is angry, mommy.” He whispered, you took another look at Kylo who was watching you two like a hawk from the kitchen. You nodded, rubbing his head as you pointed to his empty chair. “I’m afraid.” He whispered again, and you could see his look of discomfort and uncertainty. 

“Griffin, have a seat.” Kylo said in a strained voice, he obeyed sadly, using both of his hands to pull the chair out from under the table. “It’ll be okay, baby.” You tried to comfort him by placing a kiss on top of his head. “It’ll all be over soon. I promise.” He looked up at you and your heart broke for him. He, just like Kaiser always took these kinds of things to heart, and his reception to harsh emotions was even worse because he possessed the Force. Griffin stared at the General who was sitting down next to him, something just wasn’t right. Griffin could tell there was something wrong, whether it was with the General or with his father you didn’t know. You just hoped that, whatever it was, it resolved itself quickly and it would cause no more stress under your roof. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Red Lamb is on hold for the time being, you can expect one or two more chapters of Unteachable to come out over the next week!  
> General Hugs. We love General Hugs.


	4. Don't Kill the Messenger

If you didn’t know any better, you would have sworn your little daughter was in love with General Armitage “Hugs” Hux. The way she beamed at him the entire time, showing her teeth, crossing her ankles, and holding her hands in her lap, you knew she was trying to impress him for some reason, probably trying to panhandle more gifts off of him. They were sitting next to each other, Kaia, Hux, Kylo, You, Kaiser, and then Griffin. Everyone had served themselves and were now chowing down, Hux had complimented you several times on your cooking and you were feeling quite proud of yourself. “I see why Ren loves you so much now, my dear.” Hux smiled at you, you blushed and looked down into your lap knowing Kylo was feeling all kinds of jealousy right now. It was clear what Hux’s motif was when he walked through the door and into your home, and just his luck it was working just the way he wanted it to. Kylo has fired up, he had one-upped him with all of the gifts and lovely compliments. But oh well, you thought. This is exactly what he deserved when he invited the man over against your will. 

“So General Hugs,” Kaia started, all of his attention went to her, the two smiled dearly at each other. “Where is your wife?” She asked, your cheeks must have turned 20 different shades of red. “Kaia!” You exclaimed, that is not the type of thing a young lady should be asking a guest. You opened your mouth to discipline her when Hux held his hand up to you, effectively telling you that the little girls curiosity was quite alright and that he understood where she was coming from. “My name is General  _ Hux _ , my dear. And I don’t have a wife.” Hux turned away, you could tell the constant butchering of his name was starting to weigh on him now as he opened his mouth to talk to you. “So, moving forward onto what I wanted to talk--”

“Do you have kids like us General Hugs?” Kaiser abruptly cut him off, it appeared that tonight, one of the most important nights of your life, would be the night your youngest children forgotten their manners. “Kaiser, he can’t have kids if he doesn’t have a wife.” Kaia said, sounding thoroughly annoyed and rolling her eyes at her brother. “Twins, relax.” You bit out, taking a peek at Griffin who was just sitting with his chin in his hand, silent and just observing everything going on around him. He looked afraid, especially because he probably knew his dad was wordlessly fuming over what Hux had done all evening long. 

“It’s okay, Mrs. Ren. But I am ready to announce--” Once again, your daughter cut his speech off with her own question. “When you have kids can they come over and play with us?” Hux cringed, you cringed as you warned Kaia to cool it, it was rude to interrupt people like that and you  _ knew  _ she knew that. At this point in the conversation you felt like it was such a terrible reflection on you as a parent, you looked over to Kylo for some sympathy and maybe even some help controlling your children, but what you saw horrified you to say the very least. 

Kylo was smiling at Kaia, egging her on and encouraging her with his approving nod to embarrass the General even more. “Kylo?” You asked, tearing his attention away from his daughter and over to you. “A little help, please? Your children are not behaving.” 

“They’re kids, y/n.” Kylo said in a harsh tone, you were taken aback at the way he had spoken to you in front of Hux. “This is how kids behave, it’s normal and I’m sure the General knew what he was walking into when he agreed to meet us for dinner.” It was clear that Kylo was telling you to back off, that he was enjoying listening to his daughter rudely berate the General with personal questions. It was sickening and embarrassing, a low blow even for Kylo.

“May I speak now?” Hux thundered over Kylo, looking around the table at everyone for permission. The look on his face meant business, you recognized the look when the children tired Kylo out, it meant everyone needed to be quiet for a few minutes while Hux calmed down and said what he had to say. 

“So, the reason why I came here tonight was--”

“General Hugs you look old for not having a wife, how old are you?” Kaia cut in once again, Hux closed his eyes as she began snickering along with Kylo. This was unbelievable, Kylo hated this man so much he would be willing to recruit his five year old daughter into tormenting him. “Okay, that’s enough.” You said as you started to walk over to Kaia, ready to drag her from this table and to her room. You were finished with Kylo and his silly games, the General was liable to kill you and your kids if this continued. “Nooo!” Kaia whined as you pulled her from the chair, Hux looked over at you and Kylo stood confidently on his feet.

“Y/n, that is not necessary. This is her house she deserves to eat her food at her table.” You ignored him, dragging Kaia away as she cried to go back. “Y/n! Bring her back at once!” Kylo shouted, you turned around just in time to see Hux slamming his fists on the table. Everybody jumped, Kylo placed his arm over Griffin protectively all while moving closer to his other son. 

“This is absurd! I’ve never met children more ill-mannered than yours Ren!” Hux shouted, you moved Kaia behind you knowing if Hux was going to lash out it would be against her. “The reason why I came here tonight was to tell you people that Snoke is no longer targeting your wife, Ren!” Your heart seemed to come to a standstill in your chest. Was it true? Were you really off of Snoke's radar? “But it seems as though you should be instead, Ren, since you’ve raised such badly behaved children.” Hux crossed the room, walking closer and closer to Kylo who was guarding both of your other children. You called Kaiser and Griffin over to you, this looked like it was going to get ugly real fast. They obeyed quickly and efficiently, running up behind you to get away from the storm that was brewing right in front of them.

“Leave my daddy alone General Hugs!” Kaia said, trying to run out from behind your legs and over to the two men. “Kids, this way.” You said as you pulled her and her twin brother back toward your bedroom, Griffin followed your orders. Hux was seething, red in the face and was coming right toward you and your children. You had faith in Kylo to stop him, but just in case for some reason he had finally lost his mind and didn’t, you were going to do everything to protect them. 

“And you! You little bitch!” Hux bit out, obviously trying to grab Kaia’s attention as you pulled her back to your bedroom. “Do not talk to my daughter like that you bastard!” Kylo shouted, you had just pushed all three of your kids into the bedroom and were closing the door as you heard the two men began yelling at the top of their lungs at each other, from the sound of Hux’s uniform rustling you could tell Kylo had pushed him. 

“Well then you tell her that I am the youngest General in the Order to date, that I’ve accomplished far more than her sorry excuse for a father ever will in his lifetime! Her father that would train his gremlins to attack a guest that entered his home, like untrained animals!” 

By now you had shut the door and leaned against it, staring at your three curious looking children as the rabid screams of the General and Kylo rang throughout the halls and to the bedroom. “Mommy? Did we do something wrong?” Kaiser asked, referring to him and his sister since Griffin had stayed to himself the entire evening. You held your pointer finger up to your lips to shush him, as you did Griffin sulked over to your bed and sat down, the poor boy looked so tired defeated. “He can’t talk to my daddy like that!” Kaia exclaimed, looking at you as if the world was ending while the men hurled loud, intimidating insults at each other like they were going out of style. “Kaia,” you said, closing your eyes and letting out an exasperated sigh. “ _ Please _ , be quiet.” Why oh why had you let Kylo invite this man over? You and your children were cowering in your bedroom terrified of what was going on, this was not how you wanted your evening to go at all. “Is he gonna come back here mommy?” Kaiser asked, you knew at some point your youngest son would be in tears, you just weren’t sure when. The threat of an angry man coming back to yell at him is what pushed him over the edge, his tears starting slowly before splashing down his cheeks and to your carpet. You reassured him that his father would never allow that. He ran over to the bed and climbed into Griffin’s lap, crying on his shoulder. Your poor children had nothing to do with this, but they were the ones who were suffering the most. 

The muffled, angry words traveled back to the bedroom for another minute or two before you heard the General shout something along the lines of “And tell those good for nothing kids of yours that if they want to know why I’m not married, they can ask you how their parents actually met! They’ll understand how consensual relationships work, won’t they Ren?” You leaned against the door, listening as hard as you could but there was nothing. You had assumed all was once again safe and sound so you opened the door. Down the hall you could see Kylo taking a swing of whiskey straight from the bottle in the kitchen, General Hux was gone and everything was finally falling back to normal. 

You looked at the clock on the wall, it was now 7:45 and almost time for the children to get ready for bed. You let out a sigh, opened the door fully as Kaia charged straight out to her father. You turned toward your boys and motioned with your hand to follow their sister, that everything was safe and it was time to stop being afraid. Griffin placed Kaiser to the floor and took his hand, you smiled as they sulked out the door, wishing you had done more to protect them and their fragile feelings during this shit show of a dinner date.

As you were cleaning up the plates you had to hold back the urge to vomit as you heard Kylo and Kaia giggling in the living room about ‘General Hugs’ and how angry he got tonight. The two of them seemed to take pride in the fact that they pushed his buttons so much they made him blow, terrifying Griffin and Kaiser and likely bringing Kylo’s reputation down further and further by the second. It was all so childish, and it angered you to no end to know that Kylo was encouraging this kind of behavior from his daughter. At bedtime you’d have to have a serious talk with her to set her straight, under no circumstances would you allow that kind of behavior from any of your children.

Kaiser was your helper tonight, scraping the uneaten food off of the plates and into the trash can while you scrubbed them and put them in the dishwasher. Griffin on the other hand had taken up sulking at the table, fidgeting with the cuffs of his suit jacket. You had decided you needed to check on him, to know that he was doing okay after this fiasco. You told Kaiser to keep doing what he was doing, then walked over to the table and pulled a chair up next to Griffin. 

“Hey, baby. Are you alright?” You said, ruffling his hair and offering him a sincere smile. He shook his head, leaning down and resting his forehead on his arms, lying down on the table like he was about to go to sleep. “Griffin? What’s the matter?”

“I’m sad.” He said, sighing deeply. You had never seen Griffin this upset as of recent, what happened at dinner must have really affected him, more than you thought at least. “What’s the matter? Do you want to talk about it?” He picked his head up and you could now clearly see that the boy had been crying. He looked at you, looking for some kind of relief from his sorrow and you begged him to tell you what had happened, what had gone wrong at dinner time to upset him so much. 

“Dad is a bully.” Griffin said louder than you were expecting. So loud, in fact, that Kylo and Kaia’s laughter fest in the living room was cut short and Kylo now held all of his attention on Griffin. Griffin boldly looked over at his father, then back to you as he went further into his explanation. “He  _ told  _ my sister so say those mean things to the General. He told me and he told Kaiser but I refused to be a bully.” You were so proud that your lesson on bullying years ago had stuck to Griffin for this long, that he recognized right from wrong even when his father tried to persuade him otherwise.

“What are you talking about, son? We didn’t bully anyone.” Kylo said, standing from the couch and walking sheepishly over to you and Griffin. “Yes you did, dad! You knew Hux doesn’t like talking about his age and stuff like that! But you still made Kaia ask to embarrass him!”

“Look, Griffin.” Kylo said, taking the chair on the opposite side of him, Griffin responded by looking away from him and at you once again. “It’s never okay to bully people just for fun, but that guy deserved it after all of the pain and suffering he put your mother and I through. You’ll understand when you’re older, I promise.” Kylo said, trying to justify the outrageous behavior from himself and Kaia. 

“No, dad. You’re wrong.” Griffin said, turning toward him once again and wiping his eyes free of tears. “Anakin Skywalker says he’s so disappointed in you, and now I know why.” Griffin said, more tears spilling down his face. He looked so heart broken, so upset that his father stooped so low. Truth be told, that’s exactly how you wanted to react as well, but couldn’t bring yourself to cry in front of your own children. 

Kylo was staring at Griffin stunned, not sure what to make of the situation. Anakin Skywalker was his grandfather that he looked up to so much, everything he did he did it in Anakin’s name. You could remember when the boys’ room was dedicated to Darth Vader’s helmet, how he tried to kill you when you accidentally knocked it over. He took his lineage seriously which is exactly why he stuck the helmet in the ceiling instead of removing it completely. He wanted Griffin to talk to the helmet as well, to learn from it and make the decision to live his life on the Dark side of the Force, but obviously his desired effect did not work in his favor.

“Griffin, listen to your dad.” Kylo said, turning him in the chair as gently as he could, you stepped back, this conversation was no longer in your hands. Only the two Force sensitive boys in the house could have this conversation as they were the ones tied to the helmet, not you. “Anakin Skywalker is  _ not  _ who is speaking to you, it’s--”

“Yes it is dad! He comes to me in my dreams and tells me stories about when he was young, and stories about you and about how he hates the direction you’ve gone!” You had hoped that the shouting in your house was over, that everyone had gotten a chance to cool down but clearly you were wrong. Griffin was yelling as loud as he could at his father, drawing the attention of his siblings at the opposite ends of your home. He was letting his frustration and anger out through his voice, the only thing you could do was step back and watch how Kylo dealt with this situation.

“He says he wishes he could have done more, he hates seeing what you’ve done to yourself and to mommy and to us, and even to Grandma Leia and the rest of your family! I tried to tell him that he’s wrong, that you’re my awesome dad but I can’t anymore! Because you’re the worst thing anyone could be, a bully!” You stepped back as Griffin angrily stood from the table, marched past Kylo, marched past his sister, and to his room where he slammed the door shut, causing everyone to jump where they stood. This evening was officially over, you couldn’t take anymore heartache or anger from anyone in your family, even if you agreed wholeheartedly with Griffin’s opinion on Kylo’s actions. You just didn’t think you had it in you to deal with one more angry person tonight.

 

You were sitting face down in bed, all of the kids were asleep and now it was just you and Kylo. He was massaging your back, apologizing about his behavior for the night and finally agreeing with you that dinner with the General was a mistake. You decided not to say anything, seeing as though he only admitted he was wrong after he heard an earful from his own son, and probably only because his son had said something about Darth Vader being disappointed in him. You sighed as he kneaded his way down your spine, wishing Kylo could be his own person instead of doing everything according to what he thought his grandfather would want. 

“I’m sorry if Griffin upset you about the helmet, too.” Kylo said, stopping momentarily to wait on your reply. You had nothing to say, you had wanted Kylo to take that fucking helmet out of Griffin’s room since the first time Griffin had told you someone named Anakin Skywalker was coming to talk to him every night. Kylo would have to learn some time that there were consequences to his actions. 

“I kept the mask in his room because I wanted him to have more than just my influence, more guidance with the Force than what I could give him.” You heard him sigh as well, probably coming to the full realization that his plan had not worked at all. You picked your head up, looking at him as he looked down, the conflict was clear. That mask was turning his own son away from him, he’d either have to remove it or keep it in the ceiling where it would likely still speak to Griffin about the atrocities Kylo had done. The right choice seemed clear in your mind, but like always Kylo cared more about that mask than he did his own family and couldn’t decide--at least that’s how you were feeling at the time. 

“I mean, you do know that Griffin was right.” You said as you started to flip over, Kylo raised his eyes to you for one moment then looked back down into his lap. “That was a very childish thing to do. Invite the General over just so you could put him to shame, you even got the children involved too.” 

“I know, y/n.” Kylo said, closing his eyes as your words sunk in. “Kylo, you  _ embarrassed  _ us.” You said, adding one final jab to his already wounded ego. He didn’t seem to care though, instead adjusting himself in bed so that he could turn the light off and settle down in bed for the night. You had always been so good at reading Kylo’s emotions, and you could tell he was so resentful of his actions today. They had broken himself as well as his family, brought out emotions and truths from Griffin that would not have normally come out had Kylo not been a self centered ass the entire evening. 

“I’m sorry, love. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.” Kylo said as he turned and placed a kiss on your forehead. At least he was disciplined enough to apologize to you after all the grief he had caused. You pushed it to the back of your mind, there was one detail that had flown by so quick you hadn’t gotten a chance to speak to him about it. 

You cuddled up to him, resting your arm across his chest as a way to relay to him that you had forgiven him. With Kylo, life was always about forgiveness, it was just something you had to learn to do. Even when Kylo had subjected some of the most unspeakable actions to you: rape, beatings, forced pregnancies. You had to learn to just forgive him and move on in order to be happy. 

A haunting thought coursed through your mind just as you had decided you had to forgive him: Maybe you had felt so bad for Hux this evening, because you had forgiven him for what he did to you as well. 

You shook the thought from your mind, Hux didn’t matter. In fact you were sure you’d likely never see him again. 

In the dark of night you looked up at Kylo, you could hardly see him but you knew he was still there just staring up at the ceiling. You squeezed him just a tad as you let a smile spread across your face at the realization of what you’d say next.

“At least Snoke is off of my back.” Yes, that’s what Hux had come all the way from the Finalizer to see you for. Kylo placed his arm around you, turning his head and giving you one more kiss. “Of course, love.” He said, pulling away and resting his head back on the pillow. “Did you ever doubt that I could keep you alive?”

_ Yes. _

“No, of course not, Kylo.” You lied to him, there was no reason to start yet another argument with him. “Good, now get some rest love.” He said as he began shifting himself so that you’d move further to your side of the bed and off of him. “I promise I’ll make everything up to you tomorrow.” You had decided not to reply to him, you were neutral to that promise as he had already made it to you the previous night and then fucked everything up again. You rolled over and shut your eyes, one burning question on your mind regarding Snokes decision to spare your life:

Why couldn’t he have informed Kylo himself? Why did he tell Hux first?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things will get interesting next chapter. I promise.


	5. The Truth

You woke up the next morning still upset at Kylo for putting you and the children in danger. It always seemed to be a pissing match he was looking for with the General, always looking to make himself look so much better than him, but last night he took it way too far. You got up and got the kids ready and allowed Kylo to kiss you goodbye, then went your separate ways. You felt it was still kinda shallow to be upset at Kylo for what he did, but it didn’t stop you from imagining what could have happened should the General had taken it too far. You tried to keep your angry grimace from your face as you stopped at Griffin’s school first, then at the pre school where you dropped Kaia at her classroom first, then Kaisers at his last. Now you were free, free to be as angry at Kylo as you wanted to be without anyone knowing.

As you were walking away from the preschool, you had to give Kylo props for this little blessing. You had to fight him to build learning areas for the children. At first his stance was they would never need to be educated past what the two of you could teach them, they were meant to rule and they could learn while they experienced life, but that’s not what you wanted for them. You didn’t have it in you to teach each child what they needed to know, plus you’d have to have two different learning blocks: One for 10 year old Griffin and one for the five year old twins. You pestered him about it every day when the twins were infants and Griffin was still five, went days without talking to him and even went out to try and round up more people that agreed with you. Eventually Kylo caved, especially when you told him the more “exalted” members of the Order who had children could learn amongst yours, those children meant to become scientists or doctors in the Order. Within the next month a hallway was closed off and dedicated to learning, Griffin was the first to be enrolled in his prekindergarten class and when the Twins were 3 they were put in the preschool. Kylo had hired the most well known teachers to teach the Order’s children, and he even allowed you to sit in on one of Griffin’s lessons. You were satisfied, happy that your children would have the best education they could while in the Order.

When you got home that day you went to do your daily chores and you did so rather annoyed. Kylo had left a mess in the bathroom and left his pile of clothes from the previous day in the closet next to the laundry hamper instead of inside of it, he left tons of caked up toothpaste in the bathroom sink and then didn’t even put his toothbrush in the holder where it belonged. And to top it all off he left his open bottle of whiskey on the bedside table, in plain view for any of the children to get to and drink it. You were so angry, couldn’t remember if Kylo had always done these things and you had just gotten used to them or if he was just having a bad day. Either way, having to clean up after him after he had upset you so much annoyed you, but you didn’t know if you had it in you to confront him about it.

You picked the children up and tried to get everyone to decide on dinner options, but that turned out to be a major shit show. Griffin wanted spaghetti, Kaia wanted burgers, and Kaiser wanted macaroni and cheese. This happened pretty often but it didn’t often end in a fight like it did today. Kaia was telling her brothers to shut up, Griffin was trying to place his hand over Kaiser’s mouth whenever he spoke, and all three of them argued all the way home and even after they had gotten home. You told them to chill, but for a solid hour they all decided to fight with each other at different points on the house while doing their homework. It was torture, they wouldn’t listen to you and you halfway decided to make something different just so none of them would get their way. 

You told them dad would decide and you sent Kylo the three different options. Much to your dismay, Kylo messaged you back and offered something completely different: lasagna. He even said he’d be working late and wouldn’t be able to come home and help you with your three angry children or with dinner. “Shut up Kaia you’re stupid!” You heard Griffin shout at your daughter from in his room, Kaia replied by telling him to ‘shut the fuck up’ and to eat his burger when he got it for dinner. You were so angry, so annoyed, and so irritated and decided you couldn’t take it. If all three children plus Kylo wanted something different for dinner, and none of them could decide what they wanted, then you weren’t going to cook. Your only option was to take the kids to the dining hall after the storm troopers ate at 5 pm, because you  _ knew  _ Kylo was not going to cook. Kylo never cooked, you had always been the one cooking in this relationship and before that he had all his meals cooked for him from the kitchen. 

You reprimanded Kaia for her foul language, then shouted at everyone to chill one more time. Mom was angry and your children almost always listened to you when you were angry. “There’s no need to fight anymore, mom’s not cooking dinner.” You said, coming out of the kitchen and finding Kaia sitting at the table drawing while Kaiser was watching the TV on the couch. They were both looking at you inquisitively, then Griffin poked his head out of his room. “See Kaiser? You made mommy mad now she’s not going to feed us!” Kaia said, looking over her shoulder at her brother. “No, Kaia.” You said between clenched teeth, walking out of the kitchen and over to your quietest child on the couch. “We’re going to the dining hall, where you can all get what you want for dinner.” You sat on the couch and opened your arm, inviting Kaiser to come cuddle with you, which he happily accepted. “Good, thank you mommy.” Kaia exclaimed curtley, Griffin disappeared back into his bedroom all while Kaiser was laying his head on your chest. 

You smiled at him, he was probably your most well behaved child and you loved him so much. You bent down as best you could, whispering in his ear like you were telling him an important secret. “Between you and me, I’m getting tired of your sister.” The two of you shared a quiet giggle on the couch and Kaia was none the wiser behind you. Kaiser sat up, cupping the area around your ears and whispering back: “Me too.”

 

You messaged Kylo to let him know that you and kids would be at the dining hall, he wondered why you weren’t cooking but you didn’t have the energy to reply to him. You simply packed the kids up and marched all three of them to the dining hall. They all ordered the food they wanted and they were all finally happy, playing with each other and talking with each other like civilized siblings. You kept it simple with a fruit salad and some bottled water, you weren’t sure what Kylo was going to do but right now it didn’t matter. Hearing your children chatter about animals and different types of foods was bliss, and it was great because you didn’t spend your evening slaving over a hot stove.

“Mama! General Hugs said to ask you how you and daddy met.” Kaiser said, smiling innocently at you. “Yeah mama, he said then we’d know why he didn’t have a wife.” Kaia said, you couldn’t get the idea that Kaia was crushing on General Hux out of your head, the way she said the word ‘wife’ so enthusiastically. It had occurred to you that you hadn’t told any of your kids how you and Kylo met, but it didn’t really matter in the end. You and Kylo loved each other and you both had dedicated your lives to raising your children to be the best they could be. You simply couldn’t tell them the truth, it was too graphic for such young ears. 

“That is a story for another time, kiddos.” You said happily, looking back down to your fruit. “Moooommmmmyyyyyyyyy…” Kaia whined, looking at you with her big puppy dog eyes that almost always got her what she wanted. “Please mommy? We wanna know how you and daddy met!” 

“Yeah mom, I wanna know too, please?” Griffin said, you shook your head and told them to eat their food. “Pleeeeaaaaase Mama?” Kaiser now joined in on the begging, and soon all three of your kids were saying ‘please mommy’ in unison like robots programmed to get on your nerves. You sighed, they were kids. It’s not like they would know if you lied to them right? Right, of course. The sooner you obliged them the sooner you could get them to finish up and the sooner you could go home. So you spun a new web of lies, the story of how you and Kylo Ren met:

“I was your father’s assistant.” You said, trying to hold back images of the actual assistant that Kylo got it on with while you were giving birth to Griffin. “Dad hired me to help him, and eventually we fell in love and had you three.” They smiled sweetly at you, but of course nothing was ever that simple in their lives. “What did daddy need your help with mommy?” Kaiser spoke up, stuffing his face with macaroni at the same time. Flashbacks of your first few weeks with Kylo manifested in your mind, how could you come up with a lie for prostitution? 

“It’s complicated, baby. Daddy just needed someone to be his friend for a few days, but eventually I decided to stay, because I loved him so much.” The words made you want to cry, that couldn’t have been any further from the truth but you and no other choice, your children didn’t need to know that you had been forced to stay with their father when you didn’t want to.

“So why did you leave him mom? Cause remember the Resistance? We lived in the Resistance with my other dad.”

“Ew the Resistance! Griffin, you’re insane!” Kaia said, looking at Griffin with a look of disgust. You had never told the twins that you left Kylo for four years, right before they were born, and it seemed Griffin didn’t either. 

“Oh, Griffin,” You said, you hadn’t thought about how to explain Griffin’s time in the Resistance. “Mom just needed a, vacation.” Griffin looked puzzled, but then smiled as the gears ticked in his head. “That must have been before you know I was coming right?” You nodded your head, hoping he wouldn’t ask you to get into specifics about going on a vacation with his father’s enemy. “Yep, I went on a vacation for four years, and when we started going back to visit we were going back just to be sure I wanted to go back, and when I was ready to your dad came back to get us." Griffin nodded his head, seemingly satisfied with your answer. “Then we came along, right mommy?” Kaia shouted excitedly, Kaiser nodded his head next to her. “That’s correct. Daddy was so excited to have us back, he decided he wanted more children to love. We decided to have one more baby, but we got two instead.” The twins giggled, and you hoped that would be the end of 20 questions about how their parents got together.

“So General Hugs doesn’t have a wife because he doesn’t want to marry his assistant?” Kaiser asked, Kaia enthusiastically nodded her head in reply. “I guess his assistant just wasn’t good like mommy is. She probably doesn’t help General Hugs as like mommy can help daddy.” The reality of what Kaiser had just said was terrible, but at least it would keep them quiet for the time being. You just hoped you’d never have to tell them the grim reality of how all three of them were forced upon you against your will.

Just as the conversation was beginning to switch from you and Kylo’s marriage to something else that your children had decided to talk about the doors opened and in marched none other than General Hux. Your children turned around and gleefully shouted Hux’s name, remembering him from the previous night. What the hell was he doing here? Didn’t he have other things to do than come to the dining hall? It wasn’t as if you planned on coming here tonight, he must have expected it to be empty. 

“Oh wow, I wasn’t expecting to have an audience tonight.” He said, smiling and looking genuinely surprised. “Having dinner here instead of at home?” He asked, you nodded your head shyly. “Well I can’t fault you for that, the kitchen produces good food from time to time. That’s why I’m here tonight.” Hux’s happy face quickly turned puzzled as he took a look around. “Where is Ren?” He asked, Kaia quickly cut in that he was at home, smiling brightly at him. Once again, she looked like she was in love with him. Hux lifted his brows, taking another step toward your table. “I see, mind if I join you, again?” Hux asked with an amusing grin on his face. “It’ll be a better night, without your husband around to argue with me.” The children all hastily nodded their heads and it seemed as if your word didn’t matter. They all loved Hux, and even though he had wronged you in the past, you couldn’t get over the fact that he was doing everything in his power to make it up to you, including winning the hearts of your children over. And he was speaking the truth, he had been nothing but nice to you and your family last night, it was Kylo who was the aggressor. “Sure.” You said quietly, and Hux nodded his head, taking a seat next to you. Silently you were praying that your children wouldn't let him know that they had figured his secret out about why he didn’t have a wife. 

“Well Ren family, I can see you’re just now finishing up your meal. I guess if I really want to join you I’ll have to eat my dessert first.” He said with a playful sigh. “Dessert? Where is our dessert?” Kaiser asked inquisitively. You hadn’t decided to give them sugar so late in the day, it was already nearly 7 PM and bedtime was at 8. “I had an entire cake ordered just for myself, but since my dinner guests will be leaving soon I’ll have to eat the entire thing first!” A look of disgust flashed across Kaia’s face at what the General was saying, you knew something smart was going to come out of her mouth and you knew it would probably embarrass you. “You can’t eat an entire cake by yourself General Hugs! You’ll get a tummy ache.” She flashed a cautious look over at you before completing her sentence with a sly grin. “Don’t worry though, I’ll help you eat it.” 

Hux laughed at her, shot a look over at you before asking if that would be okay. “Well, I don’t see a cake.” You said, looking at your three children who were looking at you excitedly. “It’s on its way, I had the kitchen bake it special and it should be here by the time you’re all done your dinner.” Your kids turned their heads from the General to you, and once again all in unison said “please mommy?” You had lost this battle before it had begun, and the kids had a hard day, so once the cake was delivered you allowed them each a piece.

And it seemed as though Hux was reading your mind. “Now mommy,” He looked at you understandingly as he lifted the knife used to cut the cake. “I know you want me to do this, even though you won’t say it out loud, but I’ll have a piece first. Where would you like me to cut it?” The thought had loomed in the back of your mind when he first mentioned there would be a cake that he would be poisoning your family, but he genuinely seemed like he didn’t want to do any harm. Especially since he was giving you the option of telling him where to cut the cake for himself. You pointed at the side opposite of him, thinking if he were going to cut the cake closest to him of course. He did as you commanded him to, cutting a piece and eating it just like you asked. He seemed to enjoy it, the chocolate cake with pink frosting. “It’s delicious.” He confirmed, winking at you and making your skin shiver. You didn't know why he was being so nice and nonchelont to you and your children, he was being so nice it was almost creepy.

“Can we have some now mommy? Please?” Kaia whined, the girl loved her sweets. You sighed, you had already told them they could have a piece, so there was no use holding off anymore. You nodded allowing your kids to indulge themselves, and Hux carefully cut three smaller pieces of cake for each child. He had offered you a piece but you declined, you were too full from your fruit salad and you just weren’t in the mood. Your kids devoured the cake, and much to your surprise Hux seemed to take an interest in what they had to say to him. It all made you smile, Hux was so fatherly. Even more fatherly than Ren who had messaged you 15 minutes ago that he wanted you and the kids to come home with him instead of coming to eat dinner with his children. They seemed to enjoy Hux’s company and so did you, even if you thought it was strange that he came to the cafeteria with just a cake to eat. 

It seemed to fast but soon you had to go home, Kylo had been messaging you asking you why you were so late and you didn’t want to tell him that you and his children had cake with his rival. You gathered the kids up and cleaned them up before instructing them to say goodbye to Hux, which they did while Kaiser assured Hux he’d ‘see him tomorrow.’ The four of you left Hux alone and on your way back you instructed the kids to keep dinner with the General a secret from their dad, you didn’t want him blowing up at you or any of them, and especially not at Hux since he was kind enough to accompany you for the evening after having such a shitty day.

 

\--

 

“I know she lied to us, Anakin.” Griffin said, sitting on his knees in the dark of his room and looking at the ceiling. His mother allowed him and his siblings an extra hour before bed, he used his extra time to talk to his paternal great grandfather, worried about the truth behind how his parents had met. “She lied, I could feel it.” He said, beginning to panic. He didn’t know why his mother would have to lie about something like that, in all actuality he was afraid. “Show me, show me how my parents  _ really  _ met.” He said confidently, leaning forward as the buzzing began in his head once again. 

_ It’s not good for you to know, Griffin. _

“But I know it was a lie!” He said shouting, realizing his family might be able to hear him. He quieted himself down, and inched closer to the corner where he could be quieter, he didn't want his siblings or parents barging into his room. “I know it wasn’t good, please, I have to know!” 

_ If your mother hasn’t shared it with you, she doesn’t want you to know. I cannot speak on your mother’s behalf. _

“But you’ve told me about dad’s past! You’ve told me about my own past, why can’t I know about mom’s past?” He begged the spirit and placing his hand on his chest sadly. Outside he could hear some commotion, he could feel someone walking down the hallway while continuing a conversation:

“When I ask you to come home, I expect you to come home, y/n.” It was his father, scolding his mother for staying out so late. “Yeah, okay, Kylo.” He heard his mother say, clearly aggravated with him while walking past the door to their bedroom. Griffin had always noticed his parents seemed to bicker sometimes, but as of yesterday he noticed his parents had been on edge more than usual. He looked longingly up at the ceiling once again. “Please Anakin. I really really want to know.” Griffin begged, and the whispers in his mind ceased. He huffed, looking down into his lap, upset that his one true friend refused to side with him in this situation. He hated knowing that he was being lied to, he just wished he knew the truth. 

Suddenly he was thrown back, his spine bending in an unnatural position as his back bent between his knees and feet. His arms flew up over his head as what felt like a massive gust of wind blew him back. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and his eyesight began to disappear, much to his surprise memories of his mother began playing in his head like a movie. 

He could feel her fear as he saw her being taken from the compound, into the Command Shuttle, and into the Finalizer. Felt the beatings his father had laid on her all while seeing her pained expression up close and personal. A dislocated finger and shoulder, two black eyes and one filling with blood, he couldn’t see it but his own skin was becoming bruised just as his mother’s was. Then he felt the heartbreak of being told she would be staying with him, felt the hot coffee on her tongue that put her to sleep. He screamed just as she had, which drew the attention of his family on the other side of the door.

“Griffin, open the door!” His mother shouted, but he was helpless. They were banging on the door as Griffin felt yet another beating, heard the harsh words of his father fly throughout his mind loud and clear: _Useless thing, whore, bitch_. He didn’t understand why his father would need to talk to his mother that way. He screamed once again at the sensation of his father’s hands slipping up his throat, wrapping around and cutting his airway off just as he was seeing it happen to his mother. 

“Kylo get the door open, he’s choking!” Amongst her tears and other noises he could hear his door being pounded on, then could clearly hear his father’s boot being kicked against it. Anakin had locked the door and made it so his parents couldn’t get in, Griffin was experiencing this pain and torture all by himself. 

He could have sworn he heard his cheekbone shattering as he felt his father’s helmet be smacked across his face, then once again had his airway shut off looking at his father’s angry face from down below him. It was like Kylo was hanging him, he was terrified! He didn’t know how his mother was so strong, how she could have endured such horrible treatment because as he let out yet another scream he felt as if he were dying at the hands of his own father.

He felt his palm being sliced open for her marriage, felt the painful emptiness of her stomach as he left her for dead in the cold, felt his leg go completely numb in the cold waters of the frozen lake, and to top it all off he was suddenly drawn toward his bed. He felt a cold, heavy chain clasp around his neck and wrists, and he couldn’t move. He kicked his legs as he watched even more emotional and physical abuse take place against his mother, screaming the entire time. Luckily for him Anakin had spared him the more gruesome details, such as the many times she had been raped by his father or how she had been forced into two separate pregnancies. But when he felt as if Griffin had seen enough he let go, freeing the false chains and standing him up in the center of the room before taking the hold off of his door.

His parents burst in, collapsing to their knees and taking him into their arms. His mother was crying, his father was trying not to but Griffin could fear his terror and it was so strong, his father was trying his hardest to push his tears out of his eyes. He was being strong for Griffin, but Griffin felt no respect for his father after what Anakin had shown him. He worked his way out of his father’s arms in favor of his mothers, wanting to comfort her even though the only thing she wanted to do was comfort him. 

“Baby, what happened?” She said, sobbing into his hair. “What happened to you?” She begged, as she did his father stood straight up and stepped away from the two of them. Griffin shot a look up at him, feeling betrayed over all of this time. The entire time he had known him, all that time he spent training him he was washed down the drain, he had spent so much time altering Griffin’s memory, making him believe that Kylo could have done no wrong. But he had seen it, the atrocious attacks on his mother were real and painful. How could he trust his father now?

“Anakin showed me, mommy.” He said, taking one more upset look at his father. “Anakin showed me. I’m so sorry!” He said, now collapsing into her arms in tears. He needed to protect her, himself, and his younger siblings from this crazed man. Griffin was such a small boy, he was only one child. How would he protect his entire family from his father?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is finally starting to go in the direction I want it to! I feel so accomplished.   
> Oh, and I love you guys. I feel like I haven't said that in a while.


	6. Brawler

His parents had put the TV on for him and his younger siblings before they disappeared into the bedroom. It was a Saturday, Griffin and the twins didn’t have any school today and his father stayed home to be with the family. Griffin thought nothing of it at first, the cartoon his little brother liked to watch was playing idly in the background of Griffin’s mind as he thought about what had happened to him in his bedroom the night before. His brother sat sitting next to him on the couch while his sister was in the kitchen doing something that produced very little noise. His mother would probably want him keeping an eye on her, but he had more important things to be worrying about than his mischievous little sister.

Mid thought a loud crash came from down the hall, sounding as if something breakable had been thrown against his parent's door. Kaiser jumped and both of the boys looked down the hall, but the only noise that followed was the sound of his mother’s voice, loud and clear through the door.

“ _ Throwing things isn’t going to help the situation, Kylo!” _

 

“Is that mommy, Griffin?” Kaiser asked, Griffin shushed him, trying to listen more closely to what was being said.

 

“ _ I don’t give a damn about where it belongs, I want it out of their room!”  _

 

He sighed, he had known all about this argument for a while now. His mother wanted the mask gone but his father swore up and down the mask was helping Griffin and would bring out Kaiser’s Force abilities eventually. Then it would move to Kaia’s room to help her, but his mother wanted nothing of the sort.

 

“ _ It attacked him like a fucking poltergeist! If you don’t remove it then I will when you go to work, and I’m throwing it away!”  _

 

_ “Y/n, don’t you fucking dare!”  _

 

His father finally started yelling loud enough so that Griffin could hear him, he was half tempted to reach out to them with the Force so he could get a better idea as to what was going on behind the door, but he thought better of it. He didn’t want to get in trouble while his father was going on a rampage. 

 

_ “None of this would have even happened if you would have just done what I asked of you and come home when I messaged you!”  _

 

_ “I told you, the children and I were eating! I was having a shit day and didn’t feel like cooking, did you just want me to pack them up mid-meal and come running back to you?” _

 

Suddenly his sister came running out of the kitchen and next to the couch, looking down the hall as his parents blew up at each other. “Why are they yelling?” She asked. “Kaia, hush!” Griffin said in reply to her question, she had always spoken rather loudly and the last thing he wanted was for them to hear her talking about them, too afraid they’d come out here and involve them in their hateful conversation as well. 

 

_ “No, I expected you not to cozy up with the General after he put your  _ husband  _ and the father of your children to shame!”  _

 

_ “For fucks sake, Kylo! Is that what this is all about? The children get cake from someone you don’t like and all of the sudden you get a massive stick up your ass and we have to stay in the house for the rest of our lives?”  _

 

This entire thing made Griffin so sad, especially since his mother told him and his siblings to keep the treat from the General a secret. “Guys, did you tell dad about the cake we had yesterday?” Griffin whispered to his brother and sister, they both shook their heads. How would he have known? Griffin gulped as he imagined Kylo peeking in on his sibling's minds, knowing they were not well versed in hiding their thoughts. His father hated General Hux, and he knew that as soon as General Hux walked through those doors, his father would not approve. 

For the first time ever, Kaia looked to Griffin for comfort. She looked scared, he knew the twins had never heard his parents argue this bad before. She climbed up onto the couch and snuggled under Griffin's arm, on the other side Kaiser mirrored her actions. “I’ve never heard mommy yell before.” She said, looking up at Griffin. He nodded in reply, too worried of the fact that he couldn’t hear what was going on in the other room. He thought that the argument was over until his father’s voice thundered down the hall, so loud that he plus his brother and sister flinched when his voice carried all the way down to them.

“ _ Am I the only one that remembers he beat you and tried to force himself upon you?” _

 

_ “And I must be the only one that realizes he wasn’t the only one to do such awful things to me! Let’s not forget that while you were angrily messaging me to tell me to come back home, the General was the one dining with your children, making them happy and giving them the attention they wanted and needed!” _

Another crash, this one was much louder. It sounded as if the large dresser in his parents room was thrown into the wall. The twins both gasped, Kaia burrowed her way further down in Griffin’s arm, Kaiser began whining as if he were going to cry. “Why are they so mad Griffin? I’m scared!” Kaia shouted, but once again Griffin told her to hush. She was getting too loud for his comfort. There was silence for a minute before his father yelled once again, clearly words were exchanged that Griffin did not hear.

“ _ Y/n you’re impossible!” _

 

_ “Divorce me then, if I’m so impossible! Impossible for wanting to protect my child from the danger that is one of the deadliest men in the galaxy!” _

 

_ “Y/n, come back here! I’m not done talking to you!” _

 

_ “Keep your hands off me!” _

 

His mother’s voice was bitter and unforgiving, coming closer and closer to him and his siblings in the living room. His father was shouting her name as the door flew open and slammed into the wall in the hallway, his mother ignoring him every step of the way. “Snow boots and coats, kids. We’re going outside.” Griffin watched as her mother threw an angry and dirty look over her shoulder at his father, who was once again reaching for her arm. “Don’t fucking touch me, asshole!” She said, throwing her arm out of his grasp. They both looked angry and vengeful, like they were ready to turn on him at any moment. “Kids, get up and get moving!” His mother said, and he immediately jumped to his feet, pulling Kaia and Kaiser along behind him. 

He ran past his father, avoiding his gaze as he pulled Kaiser into their room, telling Kaia to go get her coat and boots from hers. “Griffin, get back out here!” His father yelled at him, causing him to flinch as he picked his and his brother's boots up from the closet and tucked them under his arm. “Kaia, come here this  _ instant!”  _

“Kids, ignore your father. We’re going outside!” His mother shouted over him, and almost immediately Kaiser looked at him, a heartbreak look of distressed plagued his face. “Big brother,” he cried, pouting as he spoke. “What’s going on?” 

Truth be told, even Griffin didn’t know what to do. Both of his parents were shouting two different commands to them and he didn’t know which one to follow. Would he follow his mother, knowing his father was furious and, due to the history he had seen last night, was capable of bringing serious damage to his family? Or would he follow his father, which would allow Kylo to put another stake in her chest, allow another ‘victory’ over her while she stood up for herself?

“We’re going outside to play, Kaiser. Get your boots and jacket on I’m gonna go check on Kaia.” He gave his little brother a firm hug as the sounds of his parents still arguing loudly echoed throughout the room. Kaiser protested with tears, he didn’t want Griffin to leave him but he felt he had to, Kaia was all by herself in the midst of this war and he didn’t want her to be swayed any way except for to their mother. As silently as he could Griffin opened his door and took a dive for Kaia’s, his parents yelling back and forth about Kylo staying home today to spend time with his family when, clearly, his mother didn’t want that. 

Inside of Kaia’s room he found her sitting on the floor, tears in her eyes as she struggled to put on her boot. “I can’t get it!” She bawled, Griffin wasted no time running up to her and taking her in his arms. “It’s alright, Kaia. I’ll help you.” He assured her, picking her up and putting her on the bed. “

“Mommy usually helps me, but she’s not helping me right now.” She sobbed, rubbing her eyes and nose with the sleeve of her shirt. “It’s okay Kaia.” It was all Griffin could say as he shoved her feet into her boots as quick as he could, not wanting to break down and cry in front of his sister. Griffin was in charge right now, he had to be strong for his little brother and sister. 

Once Kaia had her boots on Griffin hastily grabbed her jacket from the coat tower in the corner of her room and took her by the hand, leading her to his room where he would help Kaiser get his boots on before stepping into his. “Put your jackets on guys, we have to go.” He said, turning around and headed toward his closet where he kept his jacket. 

_ “You don’t have any right to tell me where I can and cannot take my children, Kylo!” _

 

_ “I have every right to tell you where you can take my children! You live under my roof  and you will follow my rules!” _

 

Out in his room the twins were audibly crying, Griffin couldn’t help the small tear that escaped past his eyelid. He had never seen the twins this afraid before, what made it worse was Griffin was just as terrified. He had never heard his parents shouts so loud, it felt like he was just an inch away from getting hit or burned with his father's lightsaber.  With his jacket held firmly in his hand he wiped the tear away, he needed to be the strong big brother his siblings needed him to be. When he emerged back into his bedroom the sight that stood in front of him struck a massive cord in his heart. His brother and sister stood in the middle of his room holding each other, their arms wrapped protectively around one another in a comforting hug. Griffin had never seen them hug each other like this before, Kaiser was always afraid of Kaia due to her explosive personality and would never react well to her holding him like she was now. 

But today, it was clear that the never before seen violent dispute between their parents scared them enough that they felt the need to put their differences aside and find comfort in each other. 

Griffin tried his best to swallow the lump in his throat as he took them and forcibly moved them toward the door, they protested the entire way there, begging Griffin not to make them go out into the living room where their angry parents would scare them even further. But they had no choice, Griffin wanted to get away from his heated father so that his mother would be at peace, he still hadn’t forgiven his father for the way he saw him treat his mother. He was doing all of this for her, pushing through the fear and unknown so that she would win this battle.

He opened the door and, using both of his hands, pushed the twins toward the front door where his mother was holding her hands out for them to take. She took one look at the twin’s tears and terrified expressions and her attitude immediately changed. 

“Kylo you’re scaring the kids, just stop talking to me!” She shrieked, her number one emotion had gone from anger to resentful once she saw the effect she had on the children.

“No,  _ you’re  _ scaring them! If you would just listen to what I have to say we wouldn’t be shouting at each other right now!”

Griffin pushed the twins past his enraged father and up to his mother where they immediately seized each of her hands. His father had one more thing to say to them, opened his mouth right as Griffin was scanning his hand in order to open the door:

“Y/n, I  _ forbid  _ you from walking through that door.” 

He was sweaty, lips spread and eyes wide as he warned his mother, there was silence as his mother contemplated her next move. Griffin looked up to her, silently begging her to keep walking, to put his father in his place and prove to him she was strong. 

He smiled as she stepped over the threshold, turning and telling his father to ‘kiss her ass’ over her shoulder. She triumphantly led the twins out into the hallway as his father shouted Griffin’s name one last time before the doors shut in his face. Now they were speed walking down the hall away from their home, the twins running the fastest as they wanted to get away from the fighting the most. Griffin counted this as a win for him and his mother, he had protected Kaia and Kaiser from his father’s rage while his mother was able to get them to safety. He was proud of both himself and his mother, but mostly for his mother who stood up for herself and her safety.

All four of them stopped, however, once they heard the animalistic howl coming from their home behind them. They all turned around just in time to hear what sounded like a chair or table hitting the metallic door with so much force it echoed three or four times down the empty hallway. His father was really letting loose now, Griffin was so thankful for his mother getting them out of there.

“Kids, let’s go. Quickly.” His mother said, now sprinting down the hallway. He held onto Kaia’s hand tightly, pulling her along so that she didn’t fall behind. He didn’t want to know what would happen if those two doors opened and his father began to chase after them, not after what he had seen what he could do to his mother.

 

\--

 

You stared down at your naked ring finger.  _ Divorce.  _ Was that really necessary? For the one year of bad Kylo had put you though, he made up for it with five years of undying love. If anything the fact that he did nothing but raise his voice at you during that heated argument showed how much he had changed. You had never, ever argued with Kylo like that before.

And yet, you told him you wanted to divorce him.

You sighed heavily, took one look at your children who had now become animated and happy finally. When you first brought them out here they were stiff as a board, unable to enjoy their time outside where they don’t often get to play. It took about ten minutes of coaxing to get them to relax, and from the looks on their terrified faces as you were walking out of the door you could understand why. Now here you sat, on the bench with your datapad in your hand contemplating if you wanted to message Kylo an apology or not. You were out of line, you should not have raised your voice at Kylo. What kind of example had you set for your children? Especially for Kaia, who already had such a reactive personality. 

The kids were throwing snowballs and playing in their igloos when the doors next to you opened. You held your breath, just knowing it was going to be Kylo. You exited out of his conversation, thinking if you were going to apologize to him you might as well do it in person. Closing your eyes, you waited until you felt him sit down on the bench next to you. He was so close, brushing his shoulder against yours. You almost felt like you wanted to run, to cry because you felt like you couldn’t face him after having the most heated arguments with him to date. You got the impression that Kylo cared so much more about that damn helmet than he cared about his children and you, and you just couldn’t forgive him for it. 

You at least owed him an explanation before standing, packing up the kids and leaving him in the snow alone. So you opened your eyes and looked to your right only to jump back in complete surprise when you found not your husband sitting next to you, but General Hux himself.

“Ah, Mrs. Ren. I hope I didn’t startle you.” He said with an honest grin. Your heart began fluttering down to normal speed as you tried to play off your terror. 

“No, no, you didn’t scare me. I just, I guess I was just expecting someone else.” He looked over your shoulder at your kids, just in time to see Griffin shuffling into one of the two igloos they had built. “How are the kids today?” He asked, raising his brows. You shrugged, fabricating a story about how they had lots of pent up energy. You didn’t want to tell him that you and Kylo had been fighting and they were really scared off of their asses. 

“Well, that’s good to hear. I was walking by and saw you sulking, I decided to check up on you.”

“Oh?” You asked, looking back down at your tablet blankly while wondering why Hux all of the sudden had such a strange infatuation with you and your children. “I heard some yelling coming from your home.”

“Oh.” You groaned, you were hoping this conversation wouldn’t be happening with him. “I didn’t know if you were yelling at your children, or at Kylo, or what. But I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He placed his hand on your back, rubbing your shoulder blades for just a moment before retracting his hand as if he realized he was comforting a married woman.

“Yes, I’m okay. Kylo and I just had a little…” Your speech faltered as you took in his interested look, why did he even care? He hated Kylo Ren. “...disagreement. That’s all.”

“A  _ little  _ disagreement?” A smile grew on his face as he questioned you, the investigation only made you feel that much worse. “I could hear you two yelling from my home next to you.” Once again, the only thing you could do was shrug at him because you weren’t comfortable talking about it with such a person who might as well have been a stranger to you. “Well, I’m glad to see you’re okay. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, really. Surely a little disagreement here and there is healthy for you and your husband's relationship?”

“I don’t know about that, it was about a pretty sensitive subject.” You crossed your feet, looking over just in time to see your daughter crawling out one igloo and into another, her twin brother following close behind her. 

“Care to share?” Hux asked, lifting one of his brows. You cut your eyes at him, now he was just annoying you, searching for details he had no business knowing or wanting to know. “No, Hux. I do not.” He took a second to contemplate your harsh tone before giving you one more reassuring smile, then once again continuing his prying into your private life. “Well, in case you do want to talk about it I’d love to have you and your children over for some tea.” The sentence took you by surprise, even more surprise than opening your eyes to see Hux sitting next to you. Before you could object he placed a hand on your knee protectively, squeezing just a bit as he stood and walked toward the door. “I know what it’s like living with an abusive lover. So if you need anything, don’t hesitate to message me.” With that, he turned and walked through the door, leaving you alone with your children yelling about snow cones in the background.

After you got over the obscure situation you shook your head. Just who did he think he was to be inviting a married woman over to his home? Especially a married woman that had just gotten into an argument with her husband. You picked up your tablet, intending to send Kylo a message about the whole ordeal because you felt like he deserved to know that Hux was putting the moved on his wife. You had his conversation open and began typing, but quickly stopped as you realized this wouldn’t make things between you and Ren any better. You set your tablet down back into your lap. No, Kylo didn’t need to know. You feared it would backfire and he’d accuse you of cheating on him somehow.

You sighed, locking your tablet and placing it back down beside you. You could stay angry at Kylo for just a little while longer. 

“Mommy! I have to go potty!” Kaiser yelled out, running toward you while holding the crotch of his pants tight. “Me too!” Kaia said, not too far behind him. You stared at your twins, not wanting to leave you small safe haven to take them to the bathroom. You had been out for over an hour now, maybe it was a good idea to head home to Kylo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've gotten a complaint about my series and about how I can never seem to keep them happy. This is a completely understandable reaction, and I'm not by any means calling the person who complained out at all. I just wanted to warn anyone who enjoys this series that a very unfortunate event is going to be happening either next chapter or the chapter after it, and it's really going to affect how the story rolls from here on out--and it's not pretty. Nobody important (AKA, in Ren's family) dies, I've been sure of that since I started way back on Teach Me. Just prepare your hearts, it's not going to get better until the end unfortunately.  
> Thank you for all the love and support, though. I love each and every one of you.


	7. Apologies will Never Grow Old

The rest of the evening went by quietly. Your entire family ate at the dinner table and they did so in absolute silence, Kylo didn’t even so much as look at you or the kids while he ate. It was very awkward, and you especially felt bad for your children since they admired Kylo so much. Afterword you collected up all of the dishes and placed them in the sink to be done the next day. You wanted to spend time with your children since Kylo seemed contented enough with just sitting on the couch watching TV all evening, the kids ignoring him and staying close to you all night light. The only exception was Griffin who opted to spend time alone in his room, likely speaking to that helmet that you desperately did not want in his room.

So you and twins hung out in your bedroom, Kaia sat on her tummy on your bed coloring while you read Kaiser a story out of his storybook from the General. 

“Once upon a time, there was a family of mockingbirds.” You started, Kaiser oohed and aahed as you turned the pages to showcase the illustrations. “A mommy mockingbird and a daddy mockingbird lived happily together in a birds nest they built together, high up in a tree away from everybody else.

“One day, mommy mockingbird surprised daddy mockingbird with a nest full of four eggs, the mockingbirds were about to become parent mockingbirds! Mommy mockingbird spent all of her time sitting on top of the baby bird eggs, daddy mockingbird spent all of his time fetching small insects, berries, and seeds for mommy mockingbird, taking care of her until one day, mommy mockingbird felt the eggs move about under her. When she stood she found that all four eggs had hatched and they were now happy, healthy, little birds.”

“Like us mommy!” Kaiser shouted, looking at you happily. “Look, see? There’s Griffin, there’s me, and there’s Kaia!” He pointed to each brand new baby bird but seemed to be stumped about the 4th. “Mommy, are you gonna have another baby bird?” Your voice had hitched in your throat, had you been drinking something you would have definitely spit it out. “No, baby.” You said, allowing yourself to giggle at his innocent question. You had told Kylo that you absolutely would not be giving him any more children after giving birth to two children at one time. You continued the story, painting the picture of mommy bird and daddy bird to Kaiser once again. 

“Mommy and daddy mockingbird loved their baby birds, loving all of them and dedicating all of their time to taking care of them. Even when they were loud, even when they were disruptive, and even when they were sick. Mommy and daddy mockingbird never let a day go by without telling their baby birds they loved them.

“One day, while mommy and daddy mockingbird were out picking up food for their baby birds, a fat, greedy, orange cat climbed up the tree to the mockingbird family nest. He had been watching the mockingbird family since they had first built their nest high up in the tree, and he knew the baby birds would be the easiest to snatch up and eat! The baby birds chirped and chirped as loud as they could! The fat orange cat was getting closer and closer, and the baby birds had nowhere to run!

“However, daddy mockingbird was close by and heard the baby bird’s cries for help. He alerted mommy mockingbird and the two of them flew in to save the day, scaring the fat orange cat back down the tree and away from their family. The baby birds were afraid and happy to see their parents, that night they hugged each other tight, mommy and daddy mockingbird apologized to the baby birds and vowed to never to leave them alone again. 

“Mommy mockingbird told daddy mockingbird that night that she wanted to move away. Every day she looked down out of the nest and saw the fat orange cat staring at her and her family. It scared her, she worried for her baby birds. Daddy mockingbird told her no, that they had worked so hard to build their nest and they loved the tree they lived in. It provided them shelter from the rain and shade from the sun, daddy mockingbird just didn’t want to move! Mommy mockingbird yelled and yelled and yelled at him, she worried for her families safety and didn’t want to risk the fat orange cat climbing back up the tree to harm them. Daddy mockingbird still said no, and mommy mockingbird was so sad.”

The image of the mockingbird crying over her family's safety hit close to home. It was almost as if this story was told and written by you. There were clear parallels between the mockingbird's story and the story of your battle with Kylo over the Vader helmet. The way the story ended, however, put a completely new twist on your war with Kylo.

“Mommy mockingbird cried all day and all night, and eventually had to come to a tough decision. She hated looking at the orange cat’s greedy and hungry face, he would always flash his sharp fangs at her when she looked down and licked his greedy lips. The mommy mockingbird couldn’t take it anymore, and when she saw the fat orange cat climbing the tree once more while daddy mockingbird wasn’t at the nest, she took her baby birds under her wing and decided to leave. She loved daddy mockingbird but she cared far more for the safety of her baby birds. She decided that if daddy mockingbird loved this nest so much then he could remain there while her and her baby birds moved to a safer nest. The end.”

Kaiser stared at the book in your lap in awe, you felt like you probably should have read up on this story before reading it in front of your youngest children. “Mommy bird left daddy bird in the old nest?” Kaiser asked, he sounded alarmed. “But then daddy bird is gonna get eated by the fat orange greedy cat!” You wanted to shrug, to pass it off as the thought of you running away with your children became the spotlight in your mind. “Well, son, mommy mockingbird just wanted to take care of her baby birds. Could you imagine if the cat climbed into the tree and ate the baby birds? It would be heartbreaking.” Kaiser sat there, looking at the now closed book in your lap like he still didn’t understand. Then he took a horrified look up at you as if the entire thing just clicked in his mind. 

“Mama, you’re not gonna take us and leave daddy are you?” Once again, what came out of your five year old son’s mouth shocked you. It seemed as though you weren’t the only one to draw parallels between the story to your life. “No, Kaiser. Why would you think that?” You asked, holding him close. It was clear that the story was just as distressing to him as it was to you. “Because, the mommy bird was yelling at the daddy bird in the storybook. And you were yelling at daddy today in here, then you took us away from daddy to play outside.” You blinked, this was a terrible story to include in a children’s storybook. “Kaiser, I love your daddy and I love each and every one of you, I wouldn’t leave your daddy for anything.” You said, growing quite concerned that such a young child would be able to understand such things. 

He wrapped his arms around you, cuddling into your chest as he began to whine. “Please don’t leave daddy mommy. I don’t want to leave daddy alone in the nest.” All the talk about divorce was now coming back to haunt you, realizing that separation would likely affect your children far more than it would affect you. They didn’t understand why you were fighting, they just knew you were angry at each other and, clearly, this story didn’t help anybody's imagination.

“Can’t daddy bird go find mommy bird and baby birdies? Won’t he miss them?” Kaiser asked, you opened your mouth to agree with him but your daughter cut you off almost as soon as he stopped speaking. “Of course he would, Kaiser. Don’t be silly.” She had picked her head up and were looking at Kaiser like he was an idiot. “I’m sure that’s probably what he did when he came back and found they were gone.” You assured him. “I bet he even realized how wrong he was when he saw how happy mommy bird and his baby birds were.” 

“Cause don’t you think daddy would look for us if we left him?” Kaia said, rolling her eyes and going back to her drawing. “Relax Kaia. You don’t need to talk to your brother like that.” You warned her, mostly because it was rude and because you really didn’t want to think about leaving Kylo anymore. “But it’s true, mommy. Daddy would never let us go.” 

“Yeah, I think daddy would miss us too.” Kaiser said before picking the book up and placing it on the desk in front of him. “Mommy, I don’t like that story let’s not read it again.” With a heavy sigh you agreed with him, thinking that was one awful story for a child to hear. 

“But maybe daddy birdie would kill the cat.” Kaia giggled from behind you. You rolled your eyes, turning around to demand she stop speaking about the story but weren’t fast enough. “I bet our daddy would kill anyone that tried to hurt us!” 

“Alright, kids. It’s officially bed time. Kaiser, go run your bath and brush your teeth. Kaia, you may take a bath in mommy and daddies bathroom.” You were beginning to get a headache and you  _ definitely  _ did not want your already volatile daughter thinking about people getting killed. 

  
  


You didn’t often have these kinds of dreams, not after you and Kylo had made up in the past. You dreamed he was choking you, pressing his big hands into your windpipe and pushing you further and further into the bed. You were pushing him away as hard as you could, you couldn’t believe he was doing this to you while you were visibly pregnant. That was a first too, you had never dreamed that he would hurt you while you were pregnant. 

He finally let go of you and you sat up, begging him to stop and to think of the baby. Your speech indicated you were pregnant with Griffin and not the twins, which actually wasn’t hard to believe since he had slapped you and shackled you to the bed while you were newly pregnant with him. Kylo growled at you, punched you in the face and, as you were falling back to the bed you caught a horrifying glimpse of someone standing in the corner of your room. You craned your neck, feeling blood oozing down your nose and saw that Griffin, your ten year old son, was standing there just watching Kylo abuse you. You screamed, begged Kylo to stop hitting you but he wouldn’t listen, slapping the mess out of you and sending the blood from your nose flying toward Griffin. 

The abuse went on for another few minutes before Kylo flipped you onto your stomach, pressing you into the bed so much that your swollen belly hurt so, so much. You were sobbing, desperately trying to push yourself up but every time you did Kylo would knock you back down. It felt useless, but it was even more terrifying when you realized you were wearing no clothes.

Kylo held your head into your pillow as he bent your knee painfully up to your side, you realized a little too late what Kylo had planned for you. “Kylo, please don’t do this in front of Griffin.” You sobbed, he didn’t say anything, instead positioned himself up against your entrance. “Kylo, no. Not in front of him. Please!” You took a look over to the corner back at Griffin, he was still standing there watching his father rape you. You were devastated, feeling his cock beginning to fill you to your brim like he didn’t care you were pregnant or that his son was watching you. Even more horrifying was the fact that you saw a devilish smile spread across Griffin’s face, evil just like his father.

  
  


“Oh, god!” You said, sitting up and placing your hand over your rapidly beating heart. “Oh, my.” You said, closing your eyes and embracing the cold sweat that surrounded you, what an alarming, petrifying dream. But that’s all it was, a dream. It wasn’t real, it wasn’t real at all but it felt so genuine. You felt like you could actually feel Kylo’s hands wrapping around your throat, and even worse was you actually felt like you were pregnant. The child was moving around inside of you, punching and kicking their way to try and get out and away from their presumed father who was clearly bringing harm to them. 

“Just a dream, a damn dream.” You said, running your hands across your flat stomach. You weren’t pregnant, you didn’t want to be pregnant. It probably would have been a good idea to put your birth control implant back in after the twins were born, but due to complications during your birth and your recovery it had to be put off. Probably not for five years, but you and Kylo had been careful and it had been working. No reason to believe it wouldn't any time soon.

You looked over at Kylo’s side of the bed and found that he was not there. You pushed your damp hair out of your face, looking to the bathroom where you saw the light was on. He was there, away from you and unable to comfort you, but he was still there. Knowing that he was there comforted you, but you wished he would have been in the room to hold you. You had told him about the dreams and about how they frequented you every so often, he knew about how violent they could get and he knew how they racked your body in the night. You sighed, pulling the covers up over you and laying back down. Maybe just a few more minutes of sleep would calm you down, comfort you, and lull you back to sleep. 

However, your hopes were dashed when your alarm clock began blaring in your ear next to you. 8 AM, it was time to start getting the kids ready for school even though you had just woken up from a frightening dream.

  
  


“I drew this picture for daddy, see Griffin?” Kaia said as you were making up her brother’s oatmeal for breakfast. “Cool, Kaia.” Griffin replied staley, as you were placing the bowls down along with glasses of orange juice. You took a look over at her drawing, it was a photo of Kylo’s lightsaber with a heart drawn and colored in around it. It wasn’t one of her best works, like the basket of fruits she had drawn you a few days ago, but it still looked good. “Very good, Kaia.” You said as you poured her some more juice. She beamed at you, sticking another spoonful of oatmeal in her mouth as she pointed to the blade and told you to look at the sparks she had drawn. You smiled, then looked past her head as Kylo opened the door to your bedroom and was now making his way down the hall. You moved to the kitchen to get out the chicken salad you had made him for lunch the previous day, as you did you heard Kaia gleefully shout ‘daddy’ from the table. 

“Look daddy! Look what I made for you!” She said, holding the picture up for him to look at. You immediately became distressed when you witnessed Kylo blatantly ignore her as well as his two other children who had greeted him for the morning. Kaia looked confused as her father walked right past her, past the entire table and up to you on the very edge of the kitchen. “Daddy?” She asked, begging for his attention. But he continued to ignore her, instead marching up to you and rudely  _ snatching  _ the container of food from your hands. You gasped, took a step back. You couldn’t believe the mood that he was in!

“Daddy! I have something to show you!” Kaia shouted, getting up and running after him with her drawing flapping by her side. Kylo had begun walking toward the front door, his daughter chasing frantically after him. “Daddy? Aren’t you gonna tell me goodbye?” Again, he ignored her every step of the way. “Daddy! Daddy don’t leave me without saying bye!” The door opened and Kylo stepped into the hallway as fast as he could, closing it in Kaia’s face and leaving her standing alone, staring at the door sadly while her bottom lip quivered, her drawing falling wistfully to the floor.

As quick as you could you ran to her side, pulling her into your arms as she began sobbing on your shoulder. “Why didn’t daddy say bye bye to me?” She cried, clutching your shirt tight in her little fists. “I’m so sorry, baby.” You said, feeling heartbroken for her. Kylo had officially done it, he had pissed you off more than he ever had in the last 10 years. What had Kaia possibly done to upset Kylo? What did she do to have deserved that kind of treatment? Kaia admired her father so much, loved him more than she probably loved you and her brothers. Kylo crushed that perfect image of him in her head, and all for what? Because he was angry at you? “I’m sorry that your daddy is being an asshole.” You said, rubbing her back and trying to comfort her. Your heartbroken daughter just didn’t understand that it wasn’t her fault her father was angry.

  
  


You had finally started to relax on the couch, trying to catch up on the lost sleep when the two doors slid open from behind you and in stomped your angry husband. You sat up, then tried to lay back down when you saw Kylo’s irritated face looking back at you.

“What are you doing?” He asked, stepping right out in front of you and crossing his arms. “Resting. I’m trying to rest.” You replied, refusing to open your eyes and acknowledge him just as he did to your daughter. “Oh what? Rest after dreaming about me hurting you?” Kylo was raising his voice at you again, seemingly angry at you for one of the most uncontrollable aspects of your life. You sighed before sitting up and finally opening your eyes. “Is that what this is all about?” 

“Last night, you were choking and crying in your sleep. You were crying out to me and when I looked into your dream, I saw everything.” He said, motioning with his hands and letting his anger spew freely. When you didn’t reply to him he continued on with his lecture, letting his anger build within him as he spoke. “You, you really think that I would do such things to you? In front of our own son?” 

“Kylo I don’t know what you want me to say.” You pointed out, letting your hands rest on the seat cushion next to you. “Do you want me to apologize for having a dream that I couldn’t control?” 

“No, I want you to explain to me what I've done to cause you to have such violent thoughts about me!” He shouted, taking another thunderous step toward you. You rolled your eyes, of course you knew why you had the dream, you thought it was painfully obvious. You and him had been fighting for the last few days and nights, one fight becoming extremely violent and was obviously fueling your nightmares. 

“Y/n, I know we’ve been in a rocky place in our marriage, I know that I’ve been raising my voice at you and the children, but there’s no excuse to believe I’d ever put my hands on you or force myself upon you again.” 

“No, Kylo. I don’t believe that you’d ever hit me again. But this isn’t about me…” You said, standing and putting yourself right up into Kylo’s face. “Why don’t we talk about how your little daughter cried during the entire walk to school because she thought her daddy hated her and hated her gift to him?” You said, standing up on the tips of your toes to get as close to Kylo’s face as you could. “I don’t care how angry at me you are, but you do  _ not  _ take it out of my children!” 

“Love, I am not angry with you. I just...I just don’t understand you!”

“What’s not to understand? I don’t want that god damn helmet in the boy’s room. It’s easy, Kylo! It’s you that’s making this difficult!” 

“Oh, well I’m sorry y/n.” Kylo said, throwing his hands up at his sides. “I’m sorry that I’m concerned about my youngest children’s inability to produce the Force. I’m sorry that I want my children to be strong and well versed in the Force and I’m sorry that I want my grandfather to help me teach them these things since I’m the  _ only  _ one in the entire First Order that has the Force!”

“Kylo, all of that should have gone out the door when it attacked Griffin! Does none of that matter to you?” Suddenly the two of you were shouting at each other again. It seemed like the last 72 hours of your life had been filled with nothing but yelling and anger. You were so tired of it all. “Yes, yes Love. It does. But pulling the helmet out of their room is not going to help anything.” You rolled your eyes at him, now fully fed up with Kylo and what he had to say. “Whatever, Kylo.” You said, turning around and walking to the bedroom. “You care about that fucking helmet more than your family. I wish you would just admit it.” You were officially done with this conversation. 

Kylo shouted your name at the top of his lungs, you turned around to see one of the angriest men you had ever seen. You weren’t afraid, what did you have to be afraid of? Kylo wouldn’t hurt you, he wouldn’t hit you and that was the entire starting point of the conversation. So you were brave, stepped up to him and shouted the word ‘what’ just as loud as he had. He stared at you, steaming with his mouth pressed in a hard line. His face was red, he was sweating before he began speaking to you again. “You really, honestly think I don’t love my family?” He asked, you cast him a smug smile, nodding at him as that was genuinely how you felt. 

“Fine. Fine y/n. You want me to get rid of the helmet…” He said, brushing angrily past you and down the hall to the boy’s room. “Fine!” He shouted just as you walked up behind him into their room. He was tall enough that he could reach up and punch the ceiling, Darth Vader’s helmet falling to the floor and breaking apart into two pieces, just the way it did when you had knocked it over so many years ago. Fine white powder from the ceiling sprinkled down onto it as Kylo picked it up carefully in his hands, beginning to once again angrily stomp out of their room and into the hall. “I’ll move it. I’ll move it if it makes you happy.”

You followed him into your bedroom, leaning on the door and crossing your arms over your chest as you watched him move the stand he kept his own helmet on across the room and over to the end of the bed. “Right here. Right fucking here. Is right here good y/n?” You squinted your eyes at him, it felt like a game. Felt like he was your father and you were his child, trying to appease you but punish you for making him do it at the same time. You cocked your head to the side. “What do you think Kylo? Is it placed out of their room?” You asked, if he wanted to play parent to you then you could certainly throw it right back into his face.

“So we’re good then? There’s no, there are no misconceptions on if I love this helmet more than my own family or not?” You shrugged, looking at the helmet and making note of how he seemed to turn it to your side of the bed. “Guess not.” You assured him, taking a deep breath. This war was finally finished, and it was a win for you. “Good. Good. I’m glad.” He said, then started to cross the room over to you. Looking at you with the utmost serious look on his face, he got right up in your comfort zone once again. In response you didn’t move, you stood proudly in your victory over him. You didn’t blame yourself, this was something that should have been taken care of a long time ago. 

“I am  _ done  _ arguing with you, y/n. Finished, I will  _ not  _ stand to have this argument with you again. Am I understood?” You let out a long sigh through your nose as you stared up at him, he wasn’t yelling anymore and, but the depth of his breath, you could tell he had calmed himself quite a lot. You had to agree with him, though. This seemed to be the end, the helmet would be away from your children and you had gotten your way. There were no more reasons to argue with him.

“Fine.” You said, sharply. “Fine.” He spit back to you, then the two of you had a stare off, Kylo was waiting for you to say something and you were waiting for him to speak, waiting for his list of demands from you to continue. When neither of you said anything Kylo simply fell away from you, running his hands through his hair and taking a look at the bed. This interaction was clearly over, you didn’t even know why Kylo had come home early just to yell at you so you felt like the faster you got away from him the faster you could heal from this three day argument. 

You had just turned to walk down the hall when, once again, Kylo threw a curve ball into your plans. “Y/n.” He called to you, your turned and looked at him over your shoulder. All he did was beckon you with his finger back to him. You hadn’t the slightest idea what he had in store for you, but you might as well see what he wanted. You had one this battle after all, he at least deserved one small victory in this war that had shaken you and your entire family. 

 

It had been a full 30 minutes and you were finally cumming all over Kylo’s face. He had squatted down and pulled your pants to the floor in one swift motion, spread your legs and attacked your sex with his mouth almost instantly. You were opposed at first, but you changed your thought after you realized that this was Kylo’s way of apologizing to you. He really had called you so much grief and stress over the last few days, and you were sure through all the yelling that had transpired between you two Kylo was aware. So he ate you, picked you up and laid you gently on the bed to continue his oral performance while you moaned loudly and proudly. You gripped his hair, held his head right where you wanted it to be until you were arching your back and spilling your juices all over his face. He lapped at you, licking and sucking his way around as you came down from your orgasm. You sighed, it was one of the oddest ways to say ‘I’m sorry’ but at the same time, you had to admit it was one of the most fun. 

He climbed on top of you, you could feel his erection straining in his pants but he made no effort to expose himself. You grabbed his face with both of your hands and smiled at him, you loved him. You really did. You knew he tried his hardest to keep you and the kids happy, you knew he tried and succeeded in keeping you alive. You loved him, and you knew he loved you and that he’d now do anything to keep you happy. Including moving probably his most prized possession because you wanted him to.

“Please, let’s not fight anymore.” He said quietly, he sounded so defeated, as if he were just as drained as you were from all the arguing and yelling. “I don’t want to argue, I don’t want to yell, I don’t want to throw things.” You nodded, assuring him that you agreed with him wholeheartedly. “We’re gonna be happy, we’re gonna love each other and our children, and we’re not going to argue.” 

“Okay, Kylo.” You said proudly, taking in the beautiful face of your beloved husband. “I think I can do that for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special shout out to a person in the AO3 FB who helped me come up with the Mockingbird story. I had absolutely no clue how to write a kids story, and they helped me out a lot.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here's the unfortunate event I was posting about. Prepare your hearts, as a mother I had such bad anxiety writing it.  
> But like I said, things will get better.

You showed up at the school at the same time you always did every day, albeit much happier than when you had dropped your kids off that morning since Kylo had done what he could to finally make everything up to you. First you picked up Griffin, his teacher released him to you with a smile and sent you on your way to the preschool portion of the hall. Kaiser’s teacher released him with a note about an upcoming book fair, that he would need some credits if he wanted to participate. You were excited, it was his first book fair and you knew he would love it so much. The library was his favorite place to go because he liked to read, you could only imagine he’d be elated to come home and tell you all about the books he had bought at the book fair. You happily took his hand, leading both him and his brother to your last stop: Kaia’s classroom. 

Her teacher was standing at the door, speaking to the other few parents that had children in her class. You waited patiently for the other kids to be released before stepping up to her teacher, greeting her with a happy smile like you did every day. “Oh, Mrs. Ren! Did the Commander not contact you?” She asked, knitting her eyebrows down. Your stomach began churning, Kylo hadn’t said anything to he left you at home to return to work. Kaia wasn’t running out from between her teacher's legs and her teacher was looking quite glum. “The commander picked Kaia up today, picked her up early and said he would let you know she was going with him.” 

You stared at her, you could tell Griffin was paying attention to your conversation but Kaiser was pulling on your arm asking to go play with some of his friends in Kaia’s class. “Oh, really? Well he didn’t let me know…” You trailed off, letting go of Kaiser’s hand in favor of pulling your tablet out of its holster at your thigh. You went through your messages and found nothing at all from Kylo. “I’m so sorry, Mrs. Ren I should have let you know.” Her teacher said very apologetically, a few children coming up behind her trying to make their way to their parents. You lifted your eyes to her, now feeling the anger you should have felt toward her in the beginning coming out. You nodded once at her before stepping out of line, refusing to hide the disdain from your face as you began frantically typing to Kylo. You weren’t going to leave until you knew for certain that Kaia was in the care of her father.

 

**You: Did you pick Kaia up early from school?**

 

You locked your tablet and decided to keep watch over Kaiser while he ran around with the other preschoolers he didn’t often get to play with. One of the educators that came into the Order suggested your twins be in separate classrooms, for one it would help them build their identities into two separate individuals instead of just being known as the “Ren Twins,” which is what most people around you called them since the day they were born. It would also help detach Kaiser from his dominant sister who often liked to take the lead for him at home. You wanted Kaiser to be his own person and not have to worry about what Kaia would be saying to or about him next while in school, so you opted to separate them, and as it turned out it was a great idea! Kaia had her own group of friends while Kaiser had his own, and they were happy to be apart from each other while not at home.

Kylo took ten minutes to write you back, and when he did all he sent was a photo. A photo that made you sigh and roll your eyes, but at the same you couldn’t help but to smile. 

It was a photo of Kaia holding a large waffle ice cream cone, three scoops of chocolate ice cream sat inside of it with colorful sprinkles all throughout it. Behind the large treat sat a very happy Kaia, holding the cone with both hands her mouth was wide open in a happy grin, her eyes crossed and focusing on nothing but the ice cream.

**Ren: Sorry, I meant to message you but the commute was wild. I took her to the next planet over for some ice cream.**

 

You giggled, it was a good thing that her and Kaiser did not share the same classroom, because Kylo would never have been able to get out of taking her brother with him if they did. Kylo had upset Kaia that morning of course, and knowing him he probably felt like he had to make it up to her just as he made up with you. So the answer was ice cream, and lots and lots of it for his precious princess. By the look on her face, she had forgiven him.

No Kaia and no Kylo meant it would be just you and your boys for however long Kylo would be gone. You had no doubt that Kaia would blab to her brother’s nonstop about how her daddy spoiled her for the afternoon and you were worried about Griffin and Kaiser feeling left out. After this whole fiasco over if you were going to leave Kylo or not, you wanted to mend things between all of your family members. If Kaia were going to get spoiled by her daddy then you would surely have to spoil your sons today.

You made it home and told your boys to do their homework as per usual, Griffin had asked you where Kaia was but you simply told both of your kids that she and her father had gone shopping. In your mind you were planning a movie night, especially since Kylo messaged you to say he and Kaia would be out late, he was taking her out for dinner too. That was fine, you knew Kaia was likely over the moon with her special treatment. Griffin was the one that always leaving the base, not her. So after homework was done you packed your two remaining children and headed to the food market on base to pick up the three essential items for a movie night: Pizza, popcorn, and ice cream, all food items you very rarely kept in your house. But tonight was special, you wanted all three of your kids to be spoiled instead of just one.

After you picked up food Kaiser and Griffin were happy to come home and pick out a movie to watch on the TV that evening, you were preparing the food when your tablet vibrated with a new message from Kylo. It was a video, the cover image was that of Kaia holding her hands in front of her face with a nervous grin, the first thing you noticed was she was in a new dress, Kylo had really out done himself with his daughter.

 

“Show mommy your new dress Kaia.” Kylo said, obviously he was the one recording Kaia standing there proudly showing off her new baby blue dress. “Hi mommy, daddy bought me this dress today!” She said, grabbing the hem that came down to her knees and pulling it away from her to show it to the camera. “Okay, and tell mommy what you told me about while we were eating dinner.” Kylo said, he sounded like he was irritated, but from Kaia’s silly reaction, throwing her hands over her face and grinning, you could tell Kylo was just being silly with her. She whispered something, looking up at the ceiling and away from Kylo, from the background noise and the colorful wall behind her, you assumed Kylo had taken her to some kid friendly restaurant. 

“Say it again, louder baby.” Kylo encouraged her, Kaia let out an exasperated sigh before whispering a little louder: “I have a boyfriend.” You snorted in response, you knew Kylo just  _ loved  _ that declaration. “Oh yeah? And who is your boyfriend.” Kylo asked, Kaia giggled as she whispered “General Hugs” just as loud as last time. 

“Oh dear.” You said out loud, it was no wonder the restaurant was still standing after Kylo heard Kaia’s “boyfriend” was his rival. “Let the record show that my five year old daughter, Kaia Kylo Ren, does not, and will not ever have a boyfriend.” The video went on for another few seconds before ending, you couldn’t help but to laugh one more time before responding to him.

**You: She is obsessed with that man.**

**Ren: Unfortunately.**

 

The evening went on and you found yourself nice and snuggled up in between your two boys on the couch, enjoying some pizza and popcorn while watching a movie about Darth Maul. It was bliss, no Kaia meant there was no terrorizing you or the boys and making them intentionally upset, no screeching, and no cussing to name a few things. You were relaxed and so were the boys, up until 8 pm came around and it was officially bedtime. You messaged Kylo and asked if he’d be home soon as the boys brushed their teeth and Kaiser got ready for his bath, he messaged you back shortly after and said he was loading Kaia up in the Silencer now and would be home within the hour. It was a good enough explanation for you, so you simply got the boys to bed alone and waited up for Kylo at the dining room.

You were relieved when he walked through the doors around 9:30, the large mass hung over his shoulder was obviously a very sleepy Kaia. You smiled at him as he made eye contact with you for a second before disappearing into the back hallway, you could tell he was exhausted after spending all day with his daughter and would likely want to go to sleep. So you shut the front of the house down, made your way back toward Kylo just in time to hear Kaia say “Goodnight, daddy” from her bed. Kylo was nice enough to get her dressed and ready for bed, taking the time to tuck her in and tell her goodnight. 

Kylo stepped out of her bedroom, closing the door gently behind him. “Welcome home.” You smiled at him, he lifted his brows at you before turning and heading to your bedroom, you followed him submissively. 

“The boys in bed?” Kylo asked as he removed his clothing from the day, you noticed a bit of blue residue on the front of his robes, Kylo likely had blue ice cream with Kaia and you’d have to remember to do his laundry tomorrow. “Sure are. It’s way past everyone’s bedtime.” You said, falling down to the bed and adjusting yourself beneath the sheets. You were tired as well, more tired than you were willing to admit and just ready to go to sleep. 

“Oh, our daughter is such a trip.” Kylo moaned before moving to the sink to wash his face. “It was a huge mistake getting her that giant ice cream cone.” You laughed at him, listening intently to Kylo’s tale of having to hold Kaia’s hand tight as she bounced down the street to the nearby playground, then how she ran wildly throughout the children’s boutique screaming about how badly she wanted the dress she had on in the video, and finally how she passed out over dinner at the restaurant before finally coming home. You shrugged, telling Kylo that this was exactly why you liked to limit sugar in your home. 

Kylo brushed his teeth and came waltzing back out to the bedroom, running his hands through his hair as he recapped his day in his head. “Well, now I’m home.” He said, walking over to the bed, as he gently sank his way down he wrapped his arms around you, holding you close to him while you laughed at how cheesy he was being. “And now I can spend all of my time with my other favorite woman.” Kylo kissed you loudly on your neck and cheeks, you squirmed to get away from him. Once the rough affection was finished you sat there on your back while Kylo leaned over you, you smiled at him like an idiot because he had been so thoughtful and wonderful to you and your daughter. You could tell he loved you so much and it just melted your heart.

“What about you, did you have a good day?” He asked softly, at the mention of your day you knew everything had gone back to normal between the two of you. You shrugged at him, your day was pretty much average. “It was alright. Nice not having Kaia around for an evening. We had a movie night.”

“Sounds like fun, did the boys like it?” You nodded, lifting your hands to his face and cupping his cheeks in your hands. “Thank you for taking her out. You probably really made her day.” It was the truth, you had a feeling Kaia would want to talk non stop about her afternoon with her daddy when she woke up tomorrow. Kylo nodded, smiled at your thanks before ducking his head down and kissing you lightly on the lips. “Well, she had something to give to her daddy and couldn’t give it to him this morning.” 

Your smile fell off of your face as you recalled the events that took place in your home that morning. You shook your head as you lifted your lips to his again, kissing him a little bit longer as you tried to expel the memory of Kaia’s tears from your mind. The kiss lasted about a minute and a half before Kylo broke away, apologizing for bringing the bad memory up when the two of you had vowed to move on. The two of you had a stare off before he spoke up once again, taking you by surprise as he normally did.

“Can I, can I make it up to you one more time?” Kylo asked, sliding his hand up your thigh and then caressing his way back down. You took a look at the clock next to his side of the bed, it was going on ten pm and you were tired, you knew Kylo was tired and you knew the two of you would have just loved to go to sleep. But Kylo had shown more than his worth today, thought more about you and Kaia than he did himself. It really turned the tides in your house hold to the right direction, and so you felt you could oblige Kylo this one time. 

You moved all the way on your back and spread your legs, with a sly smile on his face he began pulling at your sleeping shorts. What difference would it truly make? It would make the both of you happier with each other, and besides, sex would help the both of you relax and sleep better anyway. The past was the past, and if fucking you helped Kylo keep it there then you’d gladly let him have your body.

 

\--

A few days after your make up with Kylo you had dropped by the staff lounge. It was around noon, nobody was there except for you and the bartender and it was so relaxing. It had been a stressful week, you wanted something to help you wind down and you couldn’t think of anything better than a drink you had never had. At home Kylo kept a few different kinds of beer and of course whiskey, but those had never really appealed to you. You wanted something new, something you had never even thought of and, from the names of the drinks on the menu, you thought it would be the perfect experience.

You ordered a blue alcoholic drink that glowed slightly and tasted like cherries, called the “Cyanna”, sat down in one of the lounge chairs and pulled up the news for the base. The slow classical music paired with the comfy seat you were sitting in and low toned lights around you made you smile. You didn’t often get time to yourself outside of school hours, and when you did you were normally cleaning and keeping up with your house. Right now it was just you and the bartender, sipping on your delicious drink and flipping through your tablet like a normal adult with no responsibilities. 

You had spent an hour in the lounge, sadly looking at the pool table and digital dart board and wishing you had someone to spend time with. You had been living peacefully within the Order for five years now, and in five years you had made no friends. Before you Kylo was alone, and for good reason. Now, Kylo was still alone aside from you and the kids, and you were alone since everyone stayed away from Kylo. Last year Kylo had caught wind of a man who had been saying sexually explicit things about you after he walked in on you training at the gym, drawing awful pictures and apparently pleasuring himself to thoughts of you. The acts were apparently worthy of death as Kylo had him quietly executed, only telling you the next morning. Another instance involved a thirty day probation for cutting in front of you and the kids while shopping for food, and another for calling you a bitch in the hallways. It was a lot to get used to, how protective Kylo was over you. That was why you had opted to spend most of your time at home alone: Everyone was afraid you would get them killed somehow through Kylo. 

You went back the same time the following week, and the next week, and the week after that. Everything was going great with you and your family in those weeks and you had no reason to think Kylo would be upset with you going and having one drink by yourself. The kids were in school and didn’t get home till late afternoon when the alcohol would have worn off, if you had no reason to worry then why should he? So you continued going on the same day, at the same time every week, ordered the same drink and sat in the same spot. Everything was good, everything was golden until your 4th week at the lounge rolled around.

Unbeknownst to you, you were being followed this time around. And your follower didn’t make themselves known until you were right outside of the lounge, scaring you for just a second because you were so used to being by yourself when you ventured to the lounge.

“Good day, Mrs. Ren!” You held your hand on the door, could recognize that voice from anywhere. You turned around and smiled awkwardly at the man you had least expected to see at a time like this: General Hux. 

“Hello, Hux.” You stuttered, removing your hand from the door and turning to greet him. He smiled happily at you, looking friendly as he always did. You were so creeped out, it had been so long but Hux still harbored some strange obsession with you and your family. “Going to the lounge on this slow afternoon?” You looked to the floor and took a step away from the door, thinking you’d be more comfortable going back home if it meant you could stay away from Hux. “Well, I was. But I…” You stumbled on your thoughts, trying to think of the perfect excuse to just simply walk away. Really you didn’t feel like you needed one but it would make it easier for you to get away, would give Hux less to talk about to his colleagues. 

The kids and their school day popped into your mind, the kids were always a good excuse. “The kids have a half day at school today, I was only going to pop in and grab a small sip then be on my way.” It was the truth, you just wanted one drink of your Cyanna before heading to the school to pick the kids up. The Cyanna only ever buzzed you, and you were certain that if you drank your drink and relaxed for some time in the lounge you’d be good to go by the time you were leaving to pick the kids up. But now that your husband’s rival and someone you weren’t too fond about was once again forcing his way into your private life, you felt the best thing to do was to go spend the remaining time before picking the kids up back at home.

“Oh, I see. I was just about to take a few hours to myself with a stiff drink, didn’t expect to see your here my dear.” He smiled once again, moved past you and held the door open for you to walk in. “Okay, well I’ll see you--” You had started to say, but Hux had cut you off with his overly nice, almost shrill sounding voice. “You didn’t want to have a drink?” He asked, you shut your eyes as you stood away from him. 

“No, I’m probably just going to go back home. Thank you--”

“Oh come on, Mrs. Ren. Come, have a drink with me.” He held his arm out as if he were expecting you to walk right into it, to let him drape his arm over your shoulder like you were a couple. “N-No, I really need to--”

“Is this about Ren? Do you need his permission before having a drink?” He asked, dropping his arm and looking at you quite puzzled. “No, Ren has nothing to do with this, I just need to get back home.” At the mention of your husband you felt your cheeks redden, why would you need Kylo’s permission to have a drink with someone? You knew Kylo would never approve if he found out you had a drink with the General, it was one of the reasons why you were trying to leave. 

“Will he not allow you to have a simple  _ friend _ ?” He asked, as the words left your lips you felt the world stop all around you. You thought about what Hux had said, really thought about his particular wording. Technically speaking, Kylo was the reason why nobody ever wanted to engage you. Everyone was so terrified of him that they never wanted to take the risk of upsetting you because he would come down on them. But at the same time, you had never gone out of your way to make friends really, and here Hux was rubbing salt in your lonely wounds to get you to entertain him for the evening. It was pathetic, you had to get out of here.

“No, I can have friends. He just usually likes me focused on caring for him and our children. I don’t often have time to leave the house.” You scowled at him, officially angry and too hardheaded to leave before making the right impression on him. You were not Kylo, you were your own person and Hux didn’t have the right to stand here and berate you like this. 

“Ah, I see.” Hux said, clearly smiling because he could tell he had successfully gotten under your skin. “Well, I guess that means you are a very dutiful and dedicated wife. Exquisite qualities to find in a partner and mother as well, Ren is a very lucky man to have found you.” You smiled at him, thanked him shortly and decided this was a good place to end the conversation. But, of course, Hux was not done with you. 

“But he can’t stop me from buying you a drink. I understand you don’t want to sit and have one with me, but how about I simply buy you a drink and leave it on the far counter at the end of the bar?” You cut your eyes at him, he just wouldn’t let up. “Ren can be a handful at times, Mrs. Ren. I understand that. Please, let me buy you just one glass of Sex on the Beach, take it to go and finish it at home alone. I believe you deserve it.” 

You did your best to repress your sigh, now really feeling the need to have a drink after this awful conversation. For three weeks you had been getting the same drink, and you didn’t ever recall seeing a drink named “Sex on the Beach” on the menu. It must have been new, new and quite intriguing. 

“Sex on the Beach? What kind of drink is that?” You asked, taking another step toward Hux. You had never heard of such a drink, it sounded like a lot of fun though. “It’s vodka, mixed with some citrusy fruits, some peaches, very fruity.” Hux went on to explain, at some point he looked at you quite surprised, his eyes widening a fraction of an inch and his head cocking to the side. “Have you never had Sex on the Beach?” He asked, and you immediately thought of the best response, one to remind him of his position and his relationship with you:

“I mean, when Kylo and I went on our honeymoon, maybe.” Hux laughed at you, but it wasn’t a laughing matter. “Well, come on. Let me order you one and you can tell me how you like it the next time we meet. Okay?” You shrugged, why the hell not? A free drink, a moment away from the kids, and Hux would finally leave you alone. You nodded your head, insisted on staying near the door while the drink was being made as to not give Hux any ideas, and to save face just in case Kylo were to “randomly” pop up to the lounge. 

Hux ordered your drink and smiled at you, asked you one more time if you wanted to join him but you insisted no, you really didn’t like him and really didn’t want to take the risk of getting too drunk to be unable to take care of the kids. So you watched the drink be made, satisfied at the peachy red color and the orange slice the bartender stuck on the side. It really did look delicious, and the bartender placed it at the edge of the bar closest to you, you wasted no time walking over and picking it up. You swished the juices and vodka around with the straw before taking a sip, as you did your tastebuds sung in pleasure. It was so delicious, a drink that instantly made you happy with its fruity accents. 

“So I take it you enjoy it?” Hux said from across the bar. You nodded, taking yet another sip, why hadn’t you ordered one of these before? You thanked Hux with a wave before heading towards the door, confidently carrying your drink back to your home where you turned on the TV and finished it off within half an hour. The drink left you feeling very full and happy, almost as if you were really on the beach. The vodka was very strong, left you feeling a little more than buzzed, but luckily you had 2 and a half hours before you had to pick the kids up to work the drunk out of you. You decided to get up and have a shower, pick up the kids rooms and change the bedsheets on everybody's bed. 

You were starting to feel a little bit better closer to the time you had to leave, but found that the vodka had taken quite the toll on you. You developed a bad headache and found your stomach began to hurt like you had the flu. Vodka did that to you sometimes, it was one of the few alcohols you couldn’t handle, and the face that you had gone without it for so long probably didn’t help. But you thought since you had started having alcohol on a regular basis it would help ease the vodka into you, but obviously not. When it came time to pick up the kids you had to suck it up, they couldn’t walk home by themselves and Kylo wouldn’t be able to pick them up and drop them home either. You stared at the orange slice that was sitting sadly in the now empty glass, it looked just as tired as you were. You had felt so ill that you didn’t want to eat it, so in the end you stood on your uneasy feet and threw the entire thing away, placing the glass in the sink so that you could clean it and return it to the bar at a later date.

 

“Mommy! I want one of these sad chickens!” Kaiser shouted, running up to you holding the stack of books he had bought at the book fair that day. Your headache had increased ten times over, you were in so much pain that you decided you couldn’t control your excited children as they showed you and themselves what they purchased at the book fair. Kylo had given each child 20 credits to spend how they wanted, and it seemed like Kaiser was the only one who spent it on nothing but books. Kaia got lots of small trinkets and two books on drawing while Griffin spent his money on a book about dinosaurs and the rest on pens, crayons, and markers for his sister and a sticker book for his brother. 

“See, mommy? I got a book about the sad chickens and they look like fun!” Kaiser loudly dropped all of his books on the floor of the kitchen in front of you, causing lightning bolts to dance around in your skull. The animals Kaiser was talking about were called Porgs, but you didn’t have the energy to correct him. “Very nice.” You said to Kaiser, from the way he frowned at you, you could tell he knew you weren’t feeling well. You stood and made your way to the kitchen, feeling like you were going to vomit you quickly downed some water. Black spots appeared in your vision and you were just miserable. What you needed was a nap, some time away from your loud, rambunctious children to really let the vodka leave your system. You took another look at the kids, all three of them sat happily in the living room looking over their new stuff. They were being tame enough, you wondered what the probability of the new markers being used on the wall and the stickers ending up there too was, that was one avenue you never wanted to go back down with Kylo. 

You closed your eyes, an image of Griffin popped into your mind as you did. Griffin was ten, he was old enough to take care of his younger siblings no doubt, right? He was mature enough to stop them from getting into harms way. Your stomach churned at the thought, you really needed some rest if you wanted to be capable of taking care of them, what was the worst that could happen? You were certain that if something happened and Griffin couldn’t fix the situation he’d reach out to you, and even then you felt if you got just ten minutes of shut eye you’d feel loads better than you do right now. 

You pulled him aside, asked him if he would be willing to keep an eye over his brother and sister while you laid in bed for an hour. He nodded his head happily, then wrapped his arms around you and asked you to feel better. “If anything goes wrong, don’t hesitate to come get me, okay son?” You told him, and you were serious. “Anything at all, I’m just going to be right there in the bedroom, don’t hesitate to wake me up.”

“Okay mommy.” He said, once again telling you to feel better before wandering back over to his siblings in the living room. As you walked down the hall you heard Kaia ask him where you were going, Griffin carefully explained that you were sick and just needed some time alone. “Oh, okay. Feel better mommy!” You heard Kaia shout, followed by the same statement from Kaiser. You smiled, you loved your children so much. You felt like you owed it to them to be your best person. You’d have one nap, an hour at the most, then you’d be up and ready to spend more time with them.

 

At some point you woke up, the sun was still out and you felt like death. You were shaking, chills ran all through out your skin and you had body aches that just racked your body top to bottom. You were thirsty, your mouth was so dry and you were certain if you just had one sip of water you’d feel at least a little bit better. You called out to Griffin, as loud as you could before plummeting into a coughing fit. This was not normal, this was definitely not normal. “Griffin, Griffin!” You shouted just a little louder, but got no response. You called out for Kaiser a few times, then out to Kaia but still had no response. Maybe they couldn’t hear you? Or maybe Kylo had come home and took them out without telling you like he did with Kaia. You turned toward your tablet and, with a shaky hand double tapped the screen to wake it up, you had no new messages. Your arm dropped and clashed with your tablet, sending it crashing to the floor.

You moaned, you wanted to pick it up but just had no willpower. That vodka had fucked you up so bad, you vowed to never have anymore ever again. You dropped your head back to your pillow, when Kylo got home with your kids you’d have him take care of you, there was nothing you could do about it now.

 

“Love, y/n wake up!” You were being shaken awake, an act that truly made you feel dizzy and even more ill than you were. You pried your eyes open, your eyes were hurting now and, when you moved your head to look at Kylo you found you had been laying in a pile of bright orange vomit that had run down your pillow, to the floor, and on top of your tablet. “What’s wrong with you?” He asked. He was frantic, pushing your hair out of your face as he noted you were burning up. Griffin must have told him you were sick when he got home. You wanted to explain the whole vodka thing, but found that now your throat was burning and you couldn’t speak very well. Kylo silenced your mumbling, however, with a sentence that child you to your bones, made your heart stop in your chest and made the adrenaline pump painfully through your veins:

“Where are the kids?” 

You blinked, now fully aware of the crusts that had formed in your eyes. “The kids, what? They’re, I thought you--”

“They’re not here, I’ve looked all over the house. Where are they?!” He said, his voice rising to an uncomfortable level. You said up, your elbows threatening to bend under your weight as you looked Kylo in the eye and tried not to cry as you explained how you put Griffin in charge while you went to sleep. 

“You went to  _ sleep  _ when you were supposed to be watching the kids!?” Now Kylo was shouting, his words echoed off of the walls of your skull as you looked into his angry face. Was this really happening? Were you hallucinating? 

Were your kids really gone? 

Panic. Panicking is what you did next. You threw your legs over the side of the bed and stood as steadily as you could, your breathing had increased to a rapid pace as a slew of liquid orange vomit fell from your mouth and to the floor. You looked down at it, the extremely fruity smell invading your nostrils and made absolutely everything going on around you real. Kylo was actually stomping toward you angry as ever, he was talking so loud and so fast that you couldn’t understand him, and you were actually sick with something that was more than just alcohol poisoning. 

Kylo seized you by the front of your shirt, drew you close to him and took a huge inhale. “And you were  _ drinking _ !? Our kids have vanished into thin air and you were drinking?” Spittle flew from his mouth and at your face as he seethed, you were slow to grab his wrist that was holding you to him. You needed to explain, explain everything from the beginning. About Hux, about your lounge visits, and about the vodka. But you couldn’t speak, could feel your lips moving but couldn’t get out what you needed to say. Kylo didn’t like it, and it was clear he wasn’t having any of your excuses by the way he took you by the throat and started pushing you back toward the bathroom.

It felt as if the entire world were gyrating, twisting and turning as you tried to move your feet to keep up with him. You were sick to your stomach, could hardly stand as you heard the door fly open and, with one final grunt, Kylo forcefully pushed you into the dark bathroom.

You had never felt like you were falling in slow motion before, it literally felt is if it took years for your head to painfully come in contact with the sink, you had turned on your way down and managed to hit the edge of the counter on the bridge of your nose, the sound of your nose breaking was the last thing you actually heard before you hit the cold floor of the bathroom unconscious. You still hadn’t figured out if your children were actually gone, or if the entire thing was one hyper-realistic hallucination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me!


	9. Comfort Food

You had been laying on the floor with your eyes wide open for so long, and just like ice cubes slowly melting into a puddle you slowly got your consciousness back. You had been staring at the bathroom door, your vision was hazy until you began to blink rapidly. Your head and neck were wet, your head was pounding, and you still felt sick to your stomach. With your eyes shut you flipped yourself over onto your stomach, opened them just in time to see that you had once again vomited on the floor. But that wasn't the only liquid you had been sitting in. The other liquid you were sitting in was slowly dripping from your nose. You had been sitting in a massive puddle of blood and vomit, just the smell of the extremely fruity fragrance as well as the iron in your blood made you throw up once again, you caught yourself wondering when this nightmare would end.

The blood dripped drop by drop, and you coughed up even more as you worked your way up on your shaky legs. Your children, were they really gone? Had Kylo really thrown you against the sink in this very bathroom? The pool of blood that you discovered under you should have been a clear indication that at least the latter was true, but everything that happened before that was just so blurry; You couldn’t even remember what had made you so sick to begin with.

You grabbed ahold of the bathroom counter and tried to hoist yourself up, and as you did you slipped in your own blood, hitting your face on the counter again and cried out when you found your nose began stinging in horrendous pain. You took a short break, holding yourself steady on the counter as you brought your finger gingerly up to the bridge of your nose and found there was some torn skin. You dropped your hand at the feeling of exposed flesh under your fingers, what had Kylo done to you?

With all your strength you lifted yourself to your feet, pushed on the counter and stood only to be nearly frightened back onto your ass. Along with the light pink vomit the right half of your head and face was covered in blood. Not only that, but the bridge of your nose was bent in a severely unnatural position and there was crusted blood coming from both of your nostrils. A shaky breath was expelled from between your lips and your eyes bugged out of your head. Kylo did this to you, this was all because of him. 

You wanted to cry, to break down, fall back to the floor and bawl for the loss of your children, but sitting around doing such a worthless task would not accomplish anything. You weren't even sure how long you were knocked out for, how much time had you wasted in the hunt for your missing children? You took another few seconds to bring all of your emotions together and recenter yourself, then bravely turned toward the door. Your children, you needed to find your children. 

The only thing you could focus on was putting one foot in front of the other, your vision was going between being crystal clear to being hazy and blurred. You felt as if you were on a ship, rocking back and forth as the waves hit the sides. You felt like you were going to get sick again, had to brace yourself on the dresser until your sights became clear again a few moments later. You lunged for the door, whimpering as you bared all of your body weight onto the door before pulling it open. Your body hurt, your nose was bleeding, you felt like you could drop to the floor dead at any minute. As soon as you felt like you could you made the first step into the hallway to the living room you did. One foot in front of the other, the house was so quiet. It was lacking six small feet running around terrorizing each other, one smart mouthed little girl who was good at cussing everyone out, one little boy who would likely be silently reading a book on the couch, and one boy who would have been kind enough to try and keep both of them pacified. Your home was missing your children, you were missing your children.

You had managed to carry yourself all the way out to the mouth of the hallway when you stopped cold in your tracks. Your living room had been taken apart, replaced with several tables lined up like conference tables as well as what seemed like 20 people sitting around them. Some of them had headsets on, some of them had pens and pieces of paper, all of them had laptops and beyond terrified faces. When they noticed you had staggered into the living room all of them that were facing you looked up, their terrified faces turning to ones of shock and horror. One by one they turned toward you until it came to the man whose back was facing you. He took a look around the entire table and then slowly turned to face you, and he was none other than the man that broke your nose against the bathroom counter.

Kylo Ren was staring back at you, and he was looking at you with such an angry look on his face. You stared at him, were your eyes playing tricks on you or was Kylo really snarling at you as if you were inconveniencing him somehow?

“Sir, Kierus 12 has been 100 percent cleared.” One of the women tore her eyes away from your for one second to a lert Kylo of her findings. “M-Moving onto, um, Yothea. My fleet is moving onto Yothea in T-2 hours.” Kylo turned around, and then it struck you what was going on. “You’d better make sure your people are being thorough. I want every house searched, every lock broken open, and every vehicle searched.” He lifted his hand into the air and beckoned you to him with his fingers, with everybody's eyes on you, you began to move your feet slowly over to him. _Don’t upset Kylo_ , you can’t upset him when he’s working hard to bring your children home.

When you had finally made it over to him he wrapped his arms around your waist and lifted you into the air, over the arm of the chair and into his lap. The action put your stomach into knots, you were so dizzy and felt as if he had turned you completely upside down and on your side at the same time. You couldn’t vomit here though, you held your vomit as best as you could because you didn’t want to draw attention to yourself instead of the search for your children. 

There was silence, people were still looking at you and all of the blood that decorated the side of your face. Evidently Kylo did not approve, because the next words that came out of his mouth chilled your bones probably more than the people currently working for him.

“What the hell are you staring at? Get back to work!” He tightened his arm around your midsection and moved himself forward, the people around him flinched before going back to their work. You had to wonder, had he been threatening these people to work harder the entire time you were unconscious? 

Time passed, time that you spent with your eyes closed and silently begging these people to work harder to find your babies. You wanted to cry, you wanted to scream, to break things just as Kylo often did ten plus years ago to curb his anger. You felt hopeless just sitting here on his lap while the people spouted out the planets that had been landed on, searched, and cleared. With each planet that was cleared your hope dwindled further and further, you had to wonder if your children were even still alive.

“S-Sir?” One of them spoke up, you picked your head up off of Kylo’s shoulder. Adrenaline ran through your veins as you thought for sure this was it, that one of them had found your children and were happy to report that they were safe and sound. “Sir, I think she needs medical attention.” Your adrenaline halted in your veins and you had to bite back a sob. You didn’t particularly care about yourself at this point, you cared more that your babies were returned safe and sound.

“That doesn’t matter, quit worrying about her and find my children!” You could read Kylo’s emotions from the strain in his muscles. You wondered if he had destroyed the living room while you were in the bathroom, he was so angry right now and you could tell it was the breed of anger that plagued him during your first year. Raw, hatred filled anger. Anger that he had taken out on you when he first found out you were sleeping while your children were kidnapped. “Of course, Commander.” The same man spoke up, clearing his throat before he decided to drive just one more nail into his coffin. “But, if I may ask. Who did this to her?”

You thought for sure that Kylo would kick him out, maybe even kill in front of everybody in the room him since the stress was running so high. That was probably one of your most vivid memories from your first year with Kylo: Any time he was stressed out he almost always took it out on you in the form of sexual and physical abuse. Now felt like it would be no different, but once again Kylo surprised you and surprised you in a way that completely shattered your heart.

“Who did this to her?” He asked, the man nodded his head confidently. “The people who stole my children obviously did this to her.” You closed your eyes, Kylo’s lie had cut through your heart and left more pain than any kind of weapon possibly could have. He was ashamed that he had brought you harm, a promise he had made a long time ago now broken just like the bridge of your nose. It had been five years since Kylo had put his hands on you, and he felt the need to lie about it to save face. This was probably the most painful act of betrayal Kylo had ever bestowed on you, you would have to remember to hold him accountable after you got your children back.

“Now stop asking me irrelevant questions and do your job, officer. I will not tell you again!” Kylo yelled at the top of his lungs, you could have sworn everyone jumped half an inch at the sound of Kylo’s booming voice. 

For the next several hours you drifted in and out of consciousness. Falling asleep in Kylo’s lap only to be woken up whenever one of the people would clear a planet. Kylo seemed to grow more and more agitated with every passing comment on how Griffin, Kaia, and Kaiser had not been found. You felt as if you were being tortured, tortured and so close to death every time they mentioned your kids had not been found.

“Commander, let us take her to the Medbay.” You pried your eyes open after another nap just in time to see everyone standing, packing up their things and moving toward the door while several others were filing through toward you and the tables. “You should rest, Commander. Let us take care of your wife for you while the next shift continues the search.” You looked over to your right where a small woman was standing next to Kylo with her hand on his shoulder blade. “I wish you useless people would stop worrying about her when she’s the reason why my children are gone in the first place.” Kylo said with an exasperated sigh. You looked up at him and noticed him rubbing his eyes, tears stained his cheeks and you could tell he felt just as hopeless as you did. 

“I understand, Commander.” She smiled at him, that’s when you realized that this was the same woman that had come to Kylo’s quarters on the Finalizer on your second day to give you your “favorite” oatmeal. She had told you she'd see you in a few days the last time you saw her, turns out it had taken her 11 years. “I understand that you’re frustrated and upset over the loss of your children, but your wife is in dire need of medical attention. You wouldn’t want to lose her too, would you Commander?” 

Kylo once again sighed, you caught on to a near silent sob that came from deep in his chest as he considered her words carefully. Suddenly you were tossed off of his lap, thrust into the arms of the woman whom you were begging to help you eleven years ago. You sagged in her arms, your legs were tingly with blood loss and you couldn’t stand very well on your own. Beside you Kylo stood, slamming his hands on the desk before loudly declaring that the people coming in needed to work through the night, no breaks until the children were brought back safe and sound. You wrapped your arms around the woman as tight as you could, the both of you watched as Kylo disappeared into your bedroom, slamming the door and letting out an animalistic howl as soon as he was on his own. The woman tightened her arm around you before leading you to the door, whispering in your ear that everything was going to be okay and you’d be at the medbay shortly.

 

At the medbay you were treated for severe dehydration, blood poisoning, severe anxiety attacks, and underwent minor surgery to put the bridge of your nose back in place. By the time everything was said and done; the droid had healed the scar on your nose, the fluids had finally settled in your body, and the anxiety medication was running its course and calming you down, you settled for a few hours in the bacta tank. It was so relaxing, you hardly even opened your eyes during your entire time in the tank until the top was lifted and you were staring at the doctor that was currently treating you. 

“Time’s up, Mrs. Ren.” He smiled happily at you, but you couldn’t help but to feel disappointed. You had almost fallen asleep in the bacta tank, and your mind was so far away from the world that was burning down around you that you were almost able to relax for once in the past 12 hours. But no, as soon as the thoughts came racing back to your mind at the sight of the doctor holding out his hand you felt as if you could collapse into a helpless frenzy of tears.

He helped you out of the bacta tank and to your feet, helped you redress in some clean, non blood stained clothes, and gave you some medication for you to take when you were out of his care. Before he let you go, however, he had you sit down in front of his desk. He leafed through your folder and, once he pulled out a yellow piece of paper he took a deep breath and looked back up at you. He was nervous, whatever he was about to tell you would not be good.

“So, Mrs. Ren,” He started out, adjusting his glasses on his face and smoothing the paper out once again. “Would you please explain to me what happened before you became so violently ill?” You blinked at him, not even remembering what happened to you before Kylo broke your nose. “Um, Kylo. He came home and was upset because, our children…” You faltered, unable to continue your sentence. It was as if you believed that if you spoke about your children being gone into existence it would become true. The two of you stared at each other, when your doctor figure out that you weren’t going to speak to him out of fear of breaking down into tears he decided to speak up instead.

“So the Commander did this to you?” 

“Oh, no.” You said, sniffing up your tears and hoping you wouldn’t break down into sobs in front of this man. “Kylo, he didn’t do this. I think, I think I was at the lounge.” Your memory came to you in fragments: the lounge, blue drinks, General Hux. You pressed the heel of your hand into your forehead, severely frustrated at the memory loss. What good would you be for your missing children's investigation if you couldn't even remember what happened to you six hours ago? “Hux, I remember General Hux was there.” The doctor lifted his eyebrows as he began to write something down on the paper he had pulled out. “General Hux poisoned you?” He asked, trace amounts of surprise were laced in his voice, like he didn’t believe the General could have done such a thing. “I, I don’t know.” You said, thinking it was unfair to point the finger at Hux when even you didn’t know what happened to you.

You shifted the conversation away from you and more toward questions you had for the doctor, hoping it would distract him from trying to find answers as to who did this to you. Instead, you wanted to know  _ what  _ happened to you. 

“Did you say I was poisoned?” You asked, feeling hollow as you realized your life could have ended just as your children were taken from you. Kylo would have been crushed, probably would not have even been able to live through the situation if he knew all of his children had just disappeared and his wife had died in his bed. 

“Yes, Mrs. Ren. We found toxins both in your stomach and your bloodstream which is indicative of a poisoning. We guess that you had ingested the poison and it began running its course, lethal doses were found in your bloodstream so you’re extremely lucky that you’re alive.” You shuttered as you realized he was beating around the bush, unwilling to give you specifics about your poisoning. You could do nothing but stare at him, you couldn’t believe that someone had done this to you, wanted to believe that it was an accident. But clearly it wasn’t, someone had intentionally poisoned you, had tried to kill you right before taking your children. You couldn’t imagine who it was, what was even worse is imagining what they would do when they found out you had survived their attempt to murder you. 

“So, if you can’t give me any more insight we’ll go ahead an open up an investigation.” He seemed to have signed his name at the bottom of the paper and packed it away in your folder. “Are you  _ sure  _ neither the Commander nor the General had anything to do with this?” You blinked, surely Kylo would not have tried to kill you and the General had been being too nice over the last few weeks. It couldn’t have been either of them. 

More paper work was signed, discharge instructions and medications were given to you and soon before you knew it you were stepping lightly out of the automatic doors of the medbay. It was 1 AM, the hallways were as empty as you felt, you were alone and numb. 

What now? What would you do now? You couldn’t go back home, Kylo had become hostile toward you for “losing” the kids” and hurt you, he was just as stressed out as you were and you didn’t know what kind of mood he’d be in when you got home. He could hit you, he could hurt you so bad you end back up in the medbay, he could kill you. You wrapped your arms around yourself, finally beginning to give in to the tears that should have been shed several hours before. You had nowhere to go, nowhere to go except forward. You took five steps away from the medbay, turned and looked at the medbay longingly as if they could help you confront your abusive husband. 

The medbay couldn’t help you, you had no one to turn to so you just decided to walk. You were numb, shaking as your tears turned from silent drops to full on sobs the longer you walked throughout the lonely halls. This was actually true, your children were gone and now you found out you were on somebodies hit list. Why? Why was this happening to you? 

You walked numbly to nowhere in particular, felt your feet carrying you to who knows where. “Kaia? Come out honey.” You said, thinking maybe your children came up with a Ludacris game of hide and seek and once they heard your voice they’d come running into your arms. “Kaiser, come on baby this game isn’t fun anymore.” Nothing, nobody moved, no small children came running out. “Griffin, please.” You sobbed as you leaned against the nearest wall, sliding down to the ground and covering your face with your hands. “Come back Griffin. Come back to your mother.” 

You were bawling, felt so useless and empty inside as you begged your children to come home. They obviously weren’t here, they couldn’t hear you, this was absolutely pointless. So you sat there and cried, there was absolutely nothing else you could do but sit and cry helplessly to yourself. That was, until someone interrupted you.

“Mrs. Ren.” You stopped your wracking body, lifted your head from your arms as you looked up only to find the last person you wanted to see. Hux was looking down at you with a heavy look of pity hung on his face, his arms wound tightly behind his back. “I offer you my sincerest condolences for the loss of your children, Mrs. Ren.” His brows were knit down, a look of severe melancholy plagued his face. “I can assure you that both Ren and I have had our men searching every inch on the surrounding planets to the base, and they won’t stop until the Ren children come home safe.” 

You nodded, it was the only thing you could do. Had you opened your mouth nothing but ugly sobbing would come out, something you did not wish to partake in when someone else was around. You looked back down at the floor, not wanting to continue the conversation any further. Just seeing his face brought back some of your recollection of the previous day: Hux, Sex, drinking. You shook your head, no, that simply can’t be right. Why would you be drinking and having sex with Hux? 

“I’ve been questioned about your murder, there’s been an investigation in the last hour and I personally made sure that the bartender responsible for all this was terminated and executed for bringing harm to the Commander’s wife. I’m sorry to say though, that we could find no connection between him and the disappearance of your children.” Your eyes shut, unwanted tears slipped past your eyelids as you took in his words. Yet another dead in the hunt for your children. 

“Why don’t you head home? It’s very late and I’m sure your husband is very anxious for you to be home with him.” Hux suggested lightly, it was then you realized that it was just as odd for Hux to be out at nearly 2 AM as it was for you. You squinted at him, but then realized that it wasn’t worth questioning him. You had much more important matters to worry about, like where you were going to go tonight. “Well? Don’t tell me that you’ve gotten lost when you’ve lived here for upwards of ten years.” Hux chuckled just a bit, but it didn’t make you feel any better. You watched as Hux’s awkward smile melted into a confused frown. You shook your head, then answered him in just above a whisper. 

“I can’t go back to Kylo.” You said, beginning to stand to your feet. Hux respectfully held his arm out for you to help yourself up. You wrapped your arms around yourself, deciding that maybe you’d get some rest on the bench at the playground and turned to walk in that direction. “Thank you, though.” You said, nodding your head and beginning to walk away from him. “Wait, Mrs. Ren?” Hux said, you stopped dead in your tracks, refused to turn and look at him due to the fact that you had zero energy left to defend yourself. Hux ran up behind you, stepped out in front of you and you drunk in the look of concern on his face. “You’ve been in the medbay all evening, don’t you think Ren is eager to see you?” 

You said nothing, just dropped your head and stepped around him. In response he grasped you by the shoulders and held you still as he focused all of his attention on you and only you. “Oh my word....” He said, rubbing his thumbs over your shoulders affectionately. “Ren was the reason why you were in the medbay, wasn’t he?” Your lip trembled as Hux caught on to your facade, couldn’t help yourself as you began sobbing once again. You couldn’t protest him as he pulled you into his embrace, wrapping his arms protectively around you. “Oh dear, Mrs. Y/n. I’m so sorry this is happening to you.” He said, rubbing your hair while you covered the front of his uniform with your snot and tears. His scent gave off a very calming vibe, freshly washed laundry, sweet vanilla, and maybe just a hint of lavender. You reached around and held on tightly to his grey coat, this was absurd. Here you were, your children just kidnapped from you, newly beaten by your husband and released from the medbay with absolutely nowhere to go, and now seeking comfort from your husband’s rival that he hated. 

You cried into his chest for as long as he allowed you to, fully aware that you were out in the open and that anyone, including Kylo, could walk up behind you and see you getting comfortable with the General. What did it matter? You felt like coming in contact with Kylo would be a death sentence anyway. Would difference would getting one last good hug before you had to face the music that was Kylo’s wrath for letting the kids get taken make? 

He eventually pulled you away, looked at you longingly for a second before speaking to you once again. “Hey, why don’t you come stay at my home on the base for the night, at least until you can work things out with Ren and you can go back to your own home?” You shrugged, wondering what else you had to possibly lose at this point. The one thing that kept you going had been ripped painfully from your hands while you were supposed to be dying.

You wiped your eyes, nodded your head and as you did Hux wrapped his arm around your shoulder and pulled you toward his home. Your judgment was clouded, unable to see past the simple comfort Hux would give you, you simply followed his lead. Down the corridors, up the elevator, into the leader’s block, and, to top it all off, past your own home, you sadly entered Hux’s much smaller home, it had been cut down to the size of Kylo’s one bedroom on the Finalizer, maybe even smaller. His bed was a size smaller than yours, had grey sheets instead of black and one singular pillow instead of the four that Kylo kept in the bed for you. His walls were painted white instead of black like yours were, and his carpet was grey instead of black like yours was. His home hardly felt like a home, but it was all you had at the moment. 

“I know it’s much smaller than my home, what with Ren cutting it in half and all that.” You blinked at him as he chuckled at his own joke, you were not entertained and you were 100 percent certain that now was not the time to make jokes about anything going on around you. Hux cleared his throat, once again pushed you gently by your shoulders over to his small dining table and pulled out the only chair that was around for you to sit in. “Here, have a seat. I’ll make you some tea.” You nodded as you balled your hands into your lap, sat as still as you possibly could as you thought about what the repercussions of your actions would be if Kylo ever found out you were having tea with the General. For all you knew he was next door, in your home worrying about where you were at the moment, wanting you to come home and be with him even though he had broken your nose hours earlier. 

Hux brewed the tea in silence and as he did you decided that you didn’t care what Kylo had to say. Hux was a friend that just so happened to be your husbands enemy, Hux was there for you and your children when Kylo wasn’t. There was nothing wrong with accepting comforting and loving gestures from someone when Kylo was unable to do such things for you. 

“So, Mrs. Ren.” Hux said happily as he sat a piping hot cup of tea down in front of you. You refused to look up at him, instead looking down at the amber colored liquid that housed a bright white teabag with a berry printed on it. The steam rose from the cup and right into your nostrils, creating a very calming state of mind. “Ren doesn’t do this often now, does he?” Hux asked rather awkwardly. For the first time you looked up at him you were just as disgusted with his actions as the day you and Kylo had your big argument and you took the kids to play in the snow. You wanted to rattle off a smart ass response, to tell him he needed to mind his own business but you felt it would have been rude since you were currently a visitor in his home. 

“No, Kylo doesn’t, er, hit me.” You said, scratching your neck nervously. Kylo hadn’t hit you in over five years, he wasn’t a wife beater anymore. Hux lifted his eyebrows, taking the teabag by the string he lifted the bag from the drink and set it on the table. “Well that’s good to know. But it hasn’t always been like that, has it?” You shut your eyes, now beginning to think maybe going back home and throwing yourself at the mercy of Kylo would be better than having to endure Hux and his always so invasive questions. “Well, I mean--”

“A few years ago I remember seeing Ren carrying you down the halls on the Finalizer wrapped up in a blanket. Lots of blood, lots of bruises. I was worried he had attacked one of my storm troopers, so I pulled the medical report from that evening and saw a name I didn’t recognize. I saw broken bones, dislocated joints, concussions, it was awful.”  You felt you eyes watering, just what was this guys motive? Hux took a sip of his tea, you could have sworn you saw a slight smile on the edge of his cup. 

“Look, I don’t know what the hell you’re trying to insinuate Hux. I don’t know what you’re trying to say, or do, or whatever here, but leave Kylo out of it.” You said, looking back down at your tea which was beginning to go cold. “I love him, he doesn’t have the most perfect past, he hasn’t always loved me, and yes, if you really want me to say it, he’s hurt me both in the past and recently.” You were shaking, tears dripped down your cheeks one by one and you watched as Hux’s amused face turned into one of nervousness, as if he had just realized he had embarrassed you. “But we’ve worked past it, we’ve torn ourselves down and built ourselves back up again. We’ve moved on, we’ve started a family, a family that has now been taken from us and neither of us know what to do or how to handle it. That’s where I’m here with you instead of him, I’m giving Kylo space because he needs it and I’m stuck with you, someone who doesn’t actually give a damn about me and my problems, who clearly wants to use me for something.” You began rambling, not really thinking about what you were actually saying or if it was even factual or not.

“I only came here so that I can have a safe place to stay tonight, not to play 20 questions with a man who tortured and nearly raped me years ago!” With that, you took ahold of your teacup, lifted it to your lips and downed the entire thing in one swing. The liquid burned your throat, sobered you up so much and caused even more tears to cascade down your face. You felt like you had gotten ten years of aggravation, anger, and desperation off of your chest through that little rant, and it felt amazing.

You slammed the cup back down on the table, looked up to Hux just to see how he would retaliate back at you. He did nothing but smile, a devious smile that made your skin break out in goosebumps. You gulped, feeling your tongue and the flesh of your throat beginning to swell from the burns you had sustained from the tea. Hux took in a huge breath before folding his hands together neatly on the table, leaned forward and held your gaze intently. “I think you need a drink.” He said confidently, and for once you couldn’t disagree with him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hux......what you doin' man?


	10. Distrust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Suicidal thoughts incoming.

One sip of Brandy from Hux’s kitchen cabinet turned into two, turned into three, and suddenly you found yourself bawling on Hux’s couch. The two of you were taking turns stipping straight from the bottle, but it seemed that, close to your complete break down, you were the only one drinking from it. As you went on and on about your woes, about how your babies were missing without a trace, about how Kylo had broken your nose, and about how hopeless you were feeling Hux sat and listened intently to you. He looked so sad for you, the look broke your heart even more and caused you to break down harder.

“Mrs. Ren, I know that you’ve come to my home for comfort but I don’t know that your husband will understand.” Hux said, leaning forward just a bit closer to you. You were so drunk and could barely comprehend what he had said, but you managed to understand that he wanted to see your tablet. You unhooked it from your belt, took just a moment to admire the photo of Kaiser with spaghetti sauce on his face from dinner just a few weeks ago and then had to hand it over to stop the oncoming tears. Your poor boy who was probably so lost and terrified without his beloved mother, how could you have let him down so?

You watched as Hux swiped and tapped his away around your tablet, smiling as he handed it back to you. “I wanted to turn your location services off, I think the last thing we need is Ren breaking down my door and charging in.” He tried to chuckle, but nothing about the situation was even remotely funny. He cleared his throat before taking another swing, looking at the floor before speaking to you once again.

“He’s um, he’s messaged you.” He said awkwardly. It took you a moment to understand, but you weren’t surprised to know that Kylo had been trying to get in contact with you. The last time you had seen him was hours ago, when he had sat you on his lap and demeaned you in front of everyone, blamed you for the loss of your own children. You didn’t care that he wanted to talk to you, were too drunk to even be able to operate the tablet. Why should you even give him the time of day when he had broken your nose and then spoke so negatively about you in front of all the people looking for your children? You shuttered before placing the tablet next to you on the couch, swearing off any and off communication with your husband for the rest of the evening.

“Again, Mrs. Ren I’m so sorry that your husband thinks it’s acceptable to treat you so poorly after the kidnapping of your children. He’s a child himself, I can’t even imagine treating someone I love so cruelly.” Hux said, you tried to look him in the eye but found the task to be impossible when the only thing he looked like in your vision was just a mess of orange, white, and black blobs. You shook your head before you felt your heart creeping into your throat, you couldn’t stop your lips from moving and pouring your heart and soul out to him, including some details of your life that you had kept private.

“I, I hate him! I’ve always hated Kylo Ren. He’s done so many awful things to me and my children, but I don’t have any other option to leave!” You began bawling once again, snatching the bottle of Brandy from his hands and taking a huge swing. “He’s beaten me, he’s beaten my oldest son, I just don’t know what to do! Now that the children are gone I _know_ things are gonna go bad again. The children, Kaia, Griffin, and--Kaiser! They were the only reason why Kylo kept his hands off of me to begin with. It didn’t work for Griffin so we had to have the twins, and I know as soon as I walk through that door he’s going to lay the most brutal beating ever on my ass for losing his kids. Hux, I’m so petrified!” You slurred, biting on the neck of the bottle as you continued to bawl. You could feel Hux’s judgemental gaze on the top of your head. What the hell were you doing here? What the hell were you doing here drunk knowing this exact same thing was the reason why your children were gone in the first place? This was awful, you needed to leave, Hux didn’t deserve to listen to your woes. Really you thought it was best to face your fears, take the beating now rather than later. Maybe Kylo would make it quick, maybe he’d even kill you and put you out of your misery.

Hux began speaking, something about ‘How could he?’ or something like that, but you didn’t want any of it. You quietly apologized, stumbling over yourself as you tried to stand and gather up your tablet. “I need to, I should probably go find him.” You began walking toward where you thought his front door was, the world around you was tilting and whirling,it felt just like the day you were poisoned by the bartender. You were trying to take it slow before a hand rested on your shoulder, carefully turning you around to face him. “Hey, it’s alright. You can stay here.” Hux assured you before pulling you toward his bed.

“Just calm down, I don’t want him hurting you again.” Before you knew it he was holding both your cheeks in his hands, wiping your tears away with his thumbs and gently shushing you. Had you been 100 percent sober you would have ended the interaction right then and there, knowing this kind of thing would only result in one thing and one thing only.

But you were drunk, lonely, and beyond depressed. The three little humans that you loved the most were gone without a trace, vanished into thin air and the only other person in this universe that you loved had turned hostile. So when Hux rested his lips on yours for just a hot second you didn’t object. When he went back in and kissed you a little longer you didn’t reject him either. In fact, in your drunk state you found yourself throwing your arms around him to stabilize yourself and to show your affection. Hux had been the _only_ person to comfort you, and in this moment of weakness you found yourself feeling like Kylo: You needed what was going to come next.

 

“Take a video. Record this.” You said. You were laying on your back, stripped of all of your clothes by Hux you had your legs spread wide as he gave it to you. This was wrong. This was so wrong on so many levels, but it was what you needed. “Why do you say that, y/n?” He asked, taking time to stop his somewhat erratic stroking in favor of looking into your eyes. The sex had sobered you up just a little, you knew that what you were doing was cheating in probably your darkest hour, but at the time you didn’t care. Why did it matter if you knew Kylo was going to make your life a living hell once the two of you were reunited?

“Because, I want to send it to Kylo.” At your comment Hux stopped cold in his tracks, you couldn’t quite make out his face but you could tell he was completely caught off guard by his next comment. “Are you mad? He will kill you!” Even though the sex was feeling good in the moment, just the thought behind your comment about sending the video of your infidelity to Ren made you so, _so_ sad. “Yeah. That’s what I want. Kylo will kill me, I know that this will make him kill me. I can’t live without my kids, I can’t live knowing that I’ve failed them.” Hux stayed still inside of you for just as second as you once again began crying for your children. You couldn’t help yourself, not even the mediocre sex with Kylo’s enemy could take your mind away from your lost children. It was just a poorly planned way of dealing with your mounting stress and overemotional, fragile, state of mind; but it could not stop you from thinking of your children.

You felt Hux exhale on your skin before he started his rhythmic movements once again, you realized that this awful interaction was more so for him and not you. You tried to quiet your sobs as Hux took advantage of your body and your body’s natural reaction to the stimulation he provided it. The very least you could do in your life was shut up and take it, you had already disappointed so many people today. So you sat on your back as you allowed Hux to continue having his way with you, thinking this night couldn’t possibly get any worse.

“Ren, you know. He can’t love you like I can.” He said, pushing into you just a bit harder. It was uncomfortable, especially since you knew he was just saying things to build his ego. You tried to think like Ren in the moment, sex equated to love and by having sex with Hux meant you were being loved on when you needed it the most, but it wasn’t working. In fact, it was just making you feel even worse about yourself. Hux’s cock was not as impressive as your husbands and just barely provided you the stimulation you needed for it to be pleasurable and you felt like you were doing Kylo so dirty. When he inevitably found out about your cheating he’d be crushed. What kind of wife cheats on their husband right after she finds out her children are missing?

“I’ve wanted you for so long, y/n. I deserved you far more than he did. I would have taken care of you, I would have loved you. I would have never ever laid a hand on you.” He said between his moans, it was making you sick. You moved yourself to try to feel comfortable once again, your back was sweating against the sheets and it felt awful. “And more importantly, I would have never forced you to bear children for me. What an incredibly selfish thing for that mongrel to force upon you.” You blinked as he mentioned your kids, was he trying to tell you that your children didn’t matter?

You felt your tears forcing their way to the surface again. Your kids, you just wanted your kids back.

You stayed silent until you felt Hux’s pace quickening, his muscles tightening and loosening on top of you until he stilled completely, you knew he had cum and cum inside of you. Great, stupendously great. You sat up, feeling dizzy in your drunken haze to look down in between your legs after Hux had finally pulled out of you. That didn’t take very long and of course it had left you feeling cold and even more lonely than before. You were now officially an adulterer, there was no way around it.

You realized there was something wrong when you didn’t have that warm and familiar feeling in your center, the feeling that Kylo and Finn always left you with after expelling themselves between your legs. You let your eyes adjust in the dim lighting to the area of the sheet between your thighs but found nothing, just Hux’s tan sheet. You looked up at him confused, you knew he had cum inside of you. You heard him moan and watched him lose control over himself. Something wasn’t right, there was something going on that you didn’t understand.

“I know you’re confused.” Hux said, taking his shirt and wiping his cock off with it. “You don’t have to worry about me giving your even more children.” Clearly Hux was telling you something important about the night you had shared together in his bed, but you were too drunk and heartbroken to understand.

 

You didn’t know if you slept at all that night. Hux had climbed in bed with you and fell asleep after feeling the skin on your back and neck, kissing you good night hours ago but you stayed wide awake. At some point you woke up to go vomit in his toilet, rummaged through his bathroom to find some headache medication as you felt your hangover coming on. He slept through the entire thing and you were left to think about your actions. Guilt, it was the only thing you could feel. Guilt over drinking what the bartender gave you, guilt for falling asleep while watching your kids. Guilt for allowing them to be taken from you, guilt for cheating on Kylo Ren. You were worthless, worthless just like Kylo told you on your first morning with him:

_Figures someone as worthless as you would like a meal as worthless as oatmeal._

The comment hurt just as much as it did when you first heard it, only things time you knew it was true.

The sun was coming up as you exited the bathroom, you knew you could put it off no longer. Kylo was next door probably wondering where you were, it was time to face the music. You gathered up your clothes and redressed, feeling the shame dragging over your skin as you realized you’d have to do the famous walk of shame back to your home next door. You closed your eyes as you reached for your tablet, as you turned and on and once again gazed upon Kaiser’s beautiful face you saw the notification that you had 13 missed messages from Kylo and 20 missed calls. You closed your eyes, maybe you should see what you were in for before heading back home.

 

 **Ren: Where are you?**  
**Ren: Come home now.**  
**Ren: y/n get back home now!**  
**Ren: What the hell is wrong with you? Our kids go missing and you disappear?**  
**Ren: Please y/n. My kids are gone I don’t want to lose you too.**  
**Ren: Y/n I love you, please come home**

 

You shook your head, the majority of the messages were threatening in nature with the exception of one or two where Kylo begged you to come back to him, expressing his worry over your disappearance. You ran your hand down your face before taking one last look over at Hux as if he could help you. You seemed to remember something about him assisting in your suicide by Ren, but now you were getting cold feet. How could you be so reckless? There was no going back now.

You turned and walked toward his front door, leaving Hux all by himself. The one person that had treated you with respect in the last day or so, trading him for your husband who you knew would be completely enraged.

The door opened and closed behind you, now you were standing out in the hallway. Your heart was hammering against your ribcage as you tried to muster up the courage to step ten feet to your right up to your own front door. Surely Kylo must have known, you doubted Hux actually did as you told him and sent Kylo the footage of the two of you having sex, but Kylo must have reached out to you with the force, saw Hux on top of you with his own two eyes. You took a step toward your door, almost feeling the need to run away. There was no use when you had no children to take care of, your life would become just as shitty as it was when you first moved to Star Killer Base with Kylo. Slavery, abuse of all different kinds. You would rather meet your death than have to deal with that kind of treatment again. You just couldn’t bear the thought of living without your children that you loved more than life itself.

It only took seconds before you found yourself standing in front of your own front door, staring at it like blankly like you didn’t know what to do from here. You remembered the day you brought the twins home from the medbay; Kylo holding Kaia and you holding Kaiser while Griffin and his Nanny droid answered the door screeching about his little brother and sister. You remembered having to juggle bags of groceries trying to scan your hand to get the door open while pushing a double stroller with Griffin hanging off the side. You remembered bringing all three kids home on their first day of school, all of them bouncing around ready to tell you about their day. This door held some horrifying memories, but also some priceless and irreplaceable ones. You figured this would be the last time you’d see it, you imagined as soon as you walked through this door Kylo would be standing there holding his lightsaber out to you, igniting it through your heart as soon as you stepped over the threshold. You deserved it though, deserved to die at the hand of your husband after losing his kids and willingly handing your body over to his rival. You were just a terrible person, and standing here imagining your death was doing you no good. You closed your eyes as you placed your hand on the sensor watched as the door opened and time began running in slow motion. They say home is where your heart is, but your home was lacking the three people you loved the most. It was no longer a home, it would be the battlefield on which you’d take your last breath.

Once the door was all the way open the first thing you saw was the line of tables everyone was sitting at, working hard to locate your children. They were empty, no laptops, no notepads, no people. Every seat was empty. Except for one.

Slouched over facing away from you, Kylo sat alone. His head was bowed into his chest and he was dressed in the same clothes you saw him wearing yesterday. The room was showered in the early morning blue glow and the only noises that sounded in your ears were that of your footsteps onto the tile in front of the front door. You stopped moving as Kylo began to turn to you, this was it, this is when your life would end.

Before he finished his 180 degree turn in his seat he stood, not bothering to push his chair in before facing you. His face was neutral, calm, and collected. He hardly looked angry at you, but this was often when he would blow up the hardest at you. The door closed behind you and now you were alone with him, completely at his mercy above anything else.

He began walking toward you and you closed your eyes, didn’t want to see your death at the moment it would come. Any moment now his lightsaber would pierce your skin and kill you, you knew it was coming and there was nothing you could do to stop it. The sounds of his footsteps got closer and closer and soon you could feel him standing right in front of you. You felt like you should be apologizing to him, telling him you didn’t mean to become poisoned and lose his children. This was all your fault and you deserved every second of pain Kylo would say on you.

Only there was no pain. There was no lightsaber piercing your ribcage, no beatings or hands wrapped around your windpipe, the only thing there was was the feeling of Kylo’s arms wrapping around your entire body, pulling you into him and holding you close. His hand was on the back of your head holding your ear to his heart, you could hear his quickening heart beat loud and clear as day, a delicate reminder that Kylo was just as human as you were. You heard him sob into your hair, felt his body convulse as his own tears began dripping one by one onto the top of your head.

“I’m sorry, love. I’m so sorry.” He sobbed as he held you even tighter. “I’m sorry that I hurt you when you were already hurt. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there to protect you and our children.” You wrapped your arms around him as your fear and anger dissipated, you were not expecting him to profusely apologize to you. You began crying for the millionth time in the last 24 hours, this time grieving the loss of your children with your husband.

“Kylo, no. It’s, it’s my--”

“It’s nobody's fault  but the person who took our children.” He said, the insistence in his voice and the shame and regret you could feel from his words told you it was better if you just stayed quiet in his embrace.

So you did, finally getting a chance to cry with your husband over the loss of your children like you should of yesterday. “Y/n, we’re going to get through this.” Kylo said, sniffing and wiping his tears away. You lifted your head and got a good look at Kylo in his woe and misery. While you and Hux were having sex next door Kylo was here alone, crying over the loss of his children all alone, begging you to come home and helping him work through his agony. You were selfish, and your poor husband was the one who suffered the most.

“I’m sorry.” You whispered to him, reaching up and brushing his black hair out of his face and wiping a few of his tears from his cheeks. The look on his face left you heart broken, Kylo needed you now more than he ever did. He took your cheeks into his hands and pressed his forehead to yours. “It’s going to be okay.” He whispered, placing a kiss on your nose. “We’re going to get through this together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Half of you will hate me after this chapter, but I hope you paid close attention to the interaction between reader and Hux. It becomes important later on in the story.


	11. Wasteful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I start school next week, and I'm going on vacation next month as well. I've decided to stop work on my other fics for the time being to work on this one since it's a high priority and I believe it's about half way told. So look forward to updates more often.

_ We regret to inform you of the most tragic event that has ever taken place in the entire history of the First Order. Commander Kylo Ren’s three children: Griffin Han Solo age ten, Kaia Kylo Ren age five, and her twin brother Kaiser Kylo Ren age five as well have been kidnapped from their own home after their mother was poisoned by the bartender in the lounge of the First Order Base. The children were discovered to be gone when the Commander came home from work and found his wife near lifeless in their bedroom, gone without a trace. All security camera footage from that afternoon have been suspiciously erased and fleets of storm troopers have been searching nearby planets for the last 24 hours now in the hope that the children will be brought home safely.  _

 

You watched as the photos you and Kylo chose for the news outlet flashed across the screen right beside the news anchor. Investigators asked you for the most recent photos you had of your children, including ones wearing the clothing they had disappeared in if you had any. You had photos of your children hung around your home, family photos that you had cherished but none of them were recent. One of them was the photo the nurse had taken of your family the day the twins were born, another was taken when the twins were three and Griffin was eight. They were standing in the living room hugging each other, the biggest, cheesiest smiles on their faces as almost every inch of their bodies touched one another. When they fought like actual siblings, when they’d talk down to one another and hit, scratch, and bite each other, you had always found yourself casting your eyes to that photo. It proved that they could and did love each other, and that for every bad moment there was with your children there was always ten million more good moments to remind you of why you loved them.

However, as you and Kylo sat wordlessly going through your tablets looking through the most recent pictures of the kids while the investigator took notes in front of you, you knew that you’d take your kids fighting with each other every second of the day over not having them at all. 

The video of Kaia in her brand new dress flashed across the screen, smiling and telling her daddy that she had a boyfriend. You wanted to cry, but had no more tears. You and Kylo had both cried until you could cry no more before the investigator had come to your home. Now it was dinner time, but before cooking you and Kylo decided to see how well the media was portraying the disappearance of your children. 

“At least they cut the portion of her saying Hux was her boyfriend.” Kylo said before reaching for the remote and cutting off the TV. Just the mention of Hux’s name brought back the awful memories from last night. What a mistake, what a drunken mistake that should have never happened. You pressed your fingers into your eyeballs as you tried desperately to push the memory away. Kylo didn’t deserve it and it did nothing but make you feel even guiltier about your current situation. 

You felt him stand from the other side of the couch and step into the kitchen, then you felt safe to open your eyes and seek him out. You watched him reach into the fridge and pull out his alcohol of choice: Whiskey. You looked away as you felt your stomach churn, after last night you had sworn off all alcohol since it had gotten you into more trouble than you had ever been in. 

“Y/n, where were you all last night?” Kylo finally gotten around to asking. You felt a nervous shiver run down your spine, you couldn’t believe Kylo had inquired about your whereabouts so early. You began playing the the hem of your shirt as you tried to think of a lie off the top of your head, trying to go through what you could remember from the previous night so that if he did look in your head he would see your lie and your memory match. But you could hardly remember anything past bawling in Hux’s living room over a bottle of Brandy, and you could tell from Kylo’s face that he was becoming impatient with you. You had to say something and make it good, you couldn’t let Kylo down again.

“Look for them.” You said, crossing your arms in your lap and bending over your knees so that you wouldn’t have to look at him. You closed your eyes and imagined walking down the halls of Star Killer calling out for your children, looking in the empty rooms and each and every dark corner. You were sure that if you had been sober that’s what you would have done, and either way you thought you remembered calling out to the kids right after you were discharged. It wasn’t technically a lie, but all you could do was hope Ren didn’t see past your heartbreaking tales.

“It’s dangerous.” Kylo said after a while, you heard him place the cork back into the neck of the bottle and place it on the counter. You turned to look at him, and at that moment you really saw what all of this heartbreak had done to your husband. 

It looked as if he had aged terribly. His hair was messy and greasy, his eyes held heavy black bags underneath them, his facial hair was sprouting fruitfully, and his lips were beyond dry and chapped. The poor man was beyond stressed out, you couldn’t help but to pity him and, even though you didn’t think it was possible, your affair guilt increased ten fold. Kylo had just reached his forties, but he looked as if he were twice his age. You would bet money that you looked the same, you hadn’t showered or even looked at a brush and comb since before your children disappeared. The bacta tank could only do so much, but you felt like taking a ten minute shower would draw too much time away from the hunt for your children.

“Someone’s taken our children, there’s nothing stopping them from coming after you or I next.” Kylo leaned over the counter, bearing all of his weight on his palms all while looking just as lost as you felt.

“Has anyone delivered any ransom notes?” You asked, feeling numb and empty. This was the first time in forever you and Kylo had spent this much time alone in your home, it felt like such an empty nest. Before you would have paid to have the kids taken care of for a few hours so that you and Kylo could have some well intentioned alone time. Wine on the couch, dancing in the living room, then love making in the bed. You never imagined the two of you would be alone like this, missing three large pieces of your heart and not knowing who would have taken them or where they were.

“No. Nobody has learned anything, nobody knows anything. The only thing that is certain is the bartender that served you that drink has been accused, tried, and executed for poisoning you.” He let out a heavy sigh, then dropped his head between his arms. He looked weak, lacking the energy to do anything but stress about the obvious elephant in the room. You looked away, suddenly coming to a realization that probably should have hit you a long time ago: “The bartender! Surely he must--”

“No, y/n.” Kylo cut you off before you could continue your sentence. “He claims to know nothing about the kids. He only wanted you dead.” You squint your eyes, you didn’t even know that man! You just came in to buy a drink off of him once a week, why would he want you dead? “I don’t know, love. I interrogated him until he went comatose, and I got nothing. I looked into his mind as far as I could possibly go and our kids were not anywhere in his memory.” You blinked as Kylo’s tone grew harsher and harsher, you couldn’t get the idea that he blamed himself out of your mind.

“But what about the Force? You can feel them with the Force right?” You said a bit louder and excited than ren. It was the last little bit of hope you had to get your children back, Griffin and Kylo had the strongest Force bond, there was no reason to believe that they weren’t currently in contact through the Force.

“No, Love. Don’t you think I’ve tried that already?!” You gasped as Kylo raised his voice at you, could feel the regret bubbling in your chest and your heart starting pounding against your ribcage. You hadn’t meant to upset him, you just wanted answers, answers that clearly Kylo had. “It was the first thing I tried when I found out they were missing, before I went to go get help. I couldn’t get to Griffin, he was too far away and I couldn’t even feel his Force signature. Wherever they are, whoever has them knows how to keep us away!” Kylo stood all the way up, knocked the bottle of whiskey off the counter in an act of rage and you watched in horror as traveled across the kitchen all the way out into the living room, crashing against the wall no more than five feet away from you. Your lip trembled as the clear liquid seeped down the wall and into the pile of glass at the bottom, Kylo was still seething in the kitchen and you had turned around just in time to hear him bark even more orders at you.

“Now stop asking me foolish questions and make something to eat. I haven’t eaten anything today and I'm starving.” Kylo exclaimed before walking out of the kitchen and past the couch, disappearing into the bedroom and slamming the door behind him. You closed your eyes as you felt one tear escape from behind your eyelid. You didn’t think his abusive behaviors would start again this soon.

As to not upset Kylo you did as he told you, firing up the oven and putting a pot of water on the boil. The only thing you could think to make while your mind was racing ten million miles a minute with thoughts of your children, the bartender, Hux, and Kylo. You were pulling ingredients out at random, setting up the pans in a frenzy all while trying to keep your thoughts straight but it proved to be impossible. Moving the now softened spaghetti noodles off the burner you had an awful thought, a thought that had been looming in the back of your mind: What if Kylo couldn’t feel Griffin’s Force Signature because Griffin as well as the twins were no longer alive?

The thought scared you so much that you accidentally set the noodles down on the other burner too hard, the boiling water splashed over the rim and onto your hand, causing you to abruptly pull your arm back and yelp in pain. You shook your hand in a frantic attempt to cool it down, chastising yourself for doing something you hadn’t done in such a long time, but really you couldn’t fault yourself. The stress was high and you weren’t thinking straight, weren’t thinking about how you overfilled the pot with water and you weren’t thinking about setting the pot down gently. All you were thinking about was not to make Kylo angrier, and about how you really deserved this after having sex with Hux. Wrapping your hand in a cool wet washcloth you pressed on, cooking the ground beef on a separate burner and carefully draining the pasta to the sound of Kylo starting the shower in the background. This meal needed to be perfect, you had officially gone back to your old mantra of ‘Don’t upset Kylo.’ 

By the time the meat had finished cooking and you were adding it as well as the sauce to the noodles Kylo’s shower had ended and you could hear the bedroom door opening. You turned to face Kylo and watched as he walked down the hall, through the living room and into the kitchen, dressed in a black wifebeater and his grey pajama pants he marched right up to you. The first thing he did was take a look around the kitchen, his eyes resting on the stove for a minute before he reached over you and turned the burner from the noodles off. “You left the burner on.” He said glumly, you could do nothing but nod your head and step out of his way as he pushed past you. 

“We don’t need five bowls, only two people are eating.” Kylo said as he stacked the three smaller bowls on top of each other and placed them back into the cupboard where you had absentmindedly pulled them from. “These, we don’t need.” He said mockingly as he gathered up three out of the five forks and placed them back in the silverware drawer, you were beginning to feel inadequate as he picked apart your actions. You had done this same dinner routine more times than you could count, you didn’t even take the time to think that your kids wouldn’t be eating dinner with you tonight.

As soon as he felt like he had corrected all of your actions Kylo took ahold of his clear bowl and moved in front of you to the stove, you expected him to start filling it but instead he stared down questionably at the pasta in the pot. You took a step back as he lifted the pasta spoon and closely examined the spaghetti as if he were a food critic. You knew something bad was coming, something you had done wrong that Kylo was going to pick apart again and make you feel awful about yourself.

“Why did you make so much food?” He asked bitterly, your felt your cheeks heating up as you realized you had cooked two bundles of pasta instead of just one. Just one would never be enough to feed you, Kylo, and your three kids, but one would have been adequate for the both of you. You started to mumble to him, telling him you were just on autopilot and you had done everything you always did. You weren’t thinking, and clearly that wasn’t what Kylo wanted to hear.

“Okay, Love, I know that you’re stressed out right now, but you’re not a spaceship. You can’t just go around leaving burners on and preparing food for children that aren’t here.” He said, angrily throwing the pasta spoon down onto the stove top. You jumped at the loud clamoring echoing in your ears, taking another step away from Kylo in fear of the repercussions of your unthoughtful actions. “You’re wasting food, wasting food that I work hard to provide for our house. And if you’re going to waste the food then I’ll stop sending for so much.” He said, beginning to raise his voice at you for the second time in one night. The two of you had a stare off as his words infected you to your bones, making your stomach churn and your tears finally form once again in your tear ducts. You whispered a near silent ‘I’m sorry’ to him, you really hadn’t thought this through and you once again found yourself accepting all the blame. Had you opened your eyes and realized there were no children to cook for Kylo would have been happy to eat what you cooked, there was no one to blame but yourself.

“What happened to your hand?” He asked accusingly, pointing at your hand which was still burning. “I, I burned it.” You answered softly looked down to the floor in shame, feeling like a small child that had failed their abusive father. Kylo rolled his eyes, scoffing at you and telling you to be more careful, scolding you and calling you careless under his breath. This was the first Kylo you had met, the Kylo that demeaned you and dehumanized you every day. This was not the Kylo that you married, not the Kylo that you had your children with.

Kylo turned toward the stove and picked the pasta spoon back up, finally beginning to serve himself. It was a relief to know he’d be leaving you alone in the kitchen and you could finally be by yourself, away from his nagging and his hurtful words. You finally let go of your breath as you listened to him sit down and start to eat, you weren’t even hungry even though you, like Kylo hadn’t eaten anything all day. You stood in the kitchen while Kylo ate, leaning against the counter and crossing your arms as you heard the fork clanking against the side of the bowl every once and awhile. He was alone, you were alone, you felt like that was probably the best thing for the situation right now. Kylo, much like you, was stressed. And Kylo always handled his stress in the most violent, angry way possible.

Time went on, you sat staring at the pot debating on if you wanted to eat any or not. Eating seemed like such a useless activity when you didn’t know if your children were enjoying the luxury of eating or not. You didn’t know how you’d sleep tonight, didn’t even know how you were surviving off of no sleep since you were 80 percent certain you didn’t sleep last night either. You knew that as soon as you closed your eyes you’d see your three happy children, happy children that were nowhere to be seen. You’d think about how things could have been different, if you hadn’t taken that drink or even gone to the lounge that day. Did they call out for you as they were being taken from your home? Did their kidnapper knock them out before taking them? Even just standing in the kitchen your heart was aching. You didn’t know how to handle these new emotions and the fact that Kylo had now resorted to bullying you in his free time was not helping.

“What new information have you uncovered?” Kylo spoke suddenly from the living room. You looked up, concentrating on the wall that was hiding Kylo’s image from you and listening in on his call. “Nothing? You and your people have been looking all day and you tell me you haven’t learned anything?” You could hear the anger in his voice rising as he spoke to whoever it was on the other end of the tablet, likely an investigator or a member of one of the fleets exploring the planets for any signs of your children. “Okay, well what about the surveillance footage and cameras, have those been recovered?” You sighed at the mention of the CCTV, you should have known it wouldn’t have been that easy.

“A professional crew, I don’t care how many people it took. My children are still missing, my wife can barely function because she’s so worried to death, and you people are sitting around trying to figure out how many people were involved in the kidnapping!” Kylo was enraged now, shouting at the person on the other end of the line. Anyone who was not Kylo would have realized that knowing how many people stole your kids would be helpful, but Kylo was impatient, he was frightened and worried. He wanted answers and he wanted them now, but the answers that he was receiving were not good enough for him, so he rejected them. You heard him loudly drop the tablet onto the table, you could picture him rubbing his forehead in absolute agony. This was a nightmare, you had to remember that you weren’t the only one suffering. You just didn’t have the choice of lashing out violently to express your frustration since Kylo had already jumped that gun.

You stayed quiet as you heard him move from the table, heard his footsteps as he walked away from you then watched as he once again disappeared into the bedroom. You imagined he was going back there to cry, wondered if he recognized that the way he treated you this evening was unacceptable and was going back to the bedroom to grieve because he was too ashamed to ask you for help. You sighed, it really didn’t matter. Kylo had made it known that the issue he had with you tonight was the way you ‘wasted’ his food, and he used one of the things you found comfort and solace in against you: threatened to give you less food to cook, fewer meals to make if you messed up again. You took a long look at the pot of uneaten spaghetti, it would be a bad idea to waste so much good food, you didn’t want to let Kylo down again.

  
  


“My, I didn’t expect you to come back to me so soon, Mrs. Ren.” Hux said as you ushered your way into his home. He smiled warmly at you, but after all the heartache you endured that evening you couldn’t bring it upon yourself to smile back at him. “Here, this is for you.” You said, holding out the package of uneaten spaghetti that Kylo didn’t want you to waste out for him. Hux’s warm smile turned into one of shock and surprise at your gift, taking it from you and opening the cap to take a whiff. “Some more of your great cooking, don’t mind if I do.” He answered, but all you could do was turn and walk to his couch. 

Once again on autopilot you sat down, placed your hands in your lap and stared. In your peripheral vision you watched Hux tuck the spaghetti into his fridge, in the same breath removing a brand new bottle of Brandy just like the last time you were here. He held it up to you and you politely shook your head, telling him you’d never be drinking another ounce of alcohol ever again.

“Ren yelled at me for making too much, told me it was a waste.” 

“So you brought it over here for me to have, right?” Hux came over and sat on the couch opposite from you. You shrugged, telling him you didn’t want to disappoint your husband yet again. “How could you disappoint him? You are a wonderful wife in my eyes.” He said cheerfully, but it did nothing but break your heart even more. “I, I guess I just reminded him that our kids are gone by putting out bowls and forks, and using two packages of spaghetti noodles.” Hux shook his head while scowling at you, once again you felt the need to cry for yourself but you just had no more tears to shed. 

“What a cruel, heartless man.” He said, you certainly didn’t need Hux to tell you that after today. He stood made his way over to you, sitting down on the couch and placing his arm around you. “Is the location on your tablet off?” He asked, stroking your shoulder in an attempt to calm you down. You refused to look at him, simply nodded your head as you realized what was coming next. He pulled you closer to him, took your chin in his hands and forced your gaze upon his. His look was soft, loving, and caring, just like when he made love to you the previous night. He calmed you, made you feel loved like you belonged with him in that moment. 

“You know, I could never do that to you. Never speak to you or degrade you like he does.” You closed your eyes as his lips rested upon yours for just a second before he was pushing you down onto the couch. You were flat on your back while Hux sat atop you, his erection pressing into your thigh as his lips worked their way from your mouth to your neck. You closed your eyes as your arms wrapped around his neck. You needed this, you needed someone to love you if Ren wasn’t going to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, the more I write asshole Kylo the more I feel like I want to skip the "good" ending I promised everyone and just write in the true ending. Hmmmm.


	12. An Unlikely Hero

“I really shouldn’t stay.”

“But baby it’s cold outside.” Hux jokes as he places yet another kiss on the back of your neck. Your sexual adventures had taken you to the floor of his living room this time, you had come closer to orgasm this time and he still hadn’t made you cum yet, but at least Hux had. He still left no cum inside of you, you had to wonder if there was something wrong with him or if he willingly altered his body to be unable to produce sperm. You didn’t want to ask, it was too personal of a question for someone who you didn’t particularly care for. This was all still for comfort since Kylo refused to treat you like a grieving mother. 

“He needs me.”

“Obviously more than you need him.”

“We have kids together. Kids that are missing.”

“Kids that you had no say in having.”

“He doesn’t deserve to be alone.”

“He doesn’t deserve your love.”

Hux guilted you into staying, kissing you on your your shoulders and grinding his cock into your ass once again. You knew it was wrong, but you still dozed off in his arms. He wouldn’t allow you to go to his bed so you had to live with sleeping nude on the floor while Hux draped his arm over your midsection. You weren’t asleep for very long though, before your body was wracked by a frightening jolt followed closely by a disheartening scream that seemed to only come from inside of your head. You sat up, Hux sleepily drew his arm from your belly as he pried his eyes open, freeing you from his grasp. “What’s the problem? We were only asleep for half an hour.” He moaned, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He sounded incredibly irritated with you, but at the time you didn’t care. 

You couldn’t care, because you had heard that scream thousands of times before. It was your daughter, your daughter having one of her night terrors which caused her to cry out in the night. You could hear her scream clear as day in your head, she had a nightmare and you weren’t anywhere around to comfort her just like you always had. 

“Kaia had a nightmare.” You said, reaching for the clothes Hux had nearly torn off of you and threw onto the arm of the couch. Your emotions were beginning to get the best of you, and soon you found yourself frantically dressing with tears in your eyes. “How could you know something like that?” Hux asked accusingly, sitting up and covering his body with the blanket he had gotten for the two of you. 

You said nothing as you dressed, and as you pulled your shirt over your head you looked over at Hux, unable to hide the annoyance from your face. “Because.” You said, gathering up your tablet and walking confidently to his door. “I’m her mother.” You placed your hand on the sensor and waltzed out of the door, on your way back next door to your home. Your were hurting knowing that Kaia was in distress, and being at Hux’s house in Hux’s arms just made you feel even worse. Where were they? Who took them? And why couldn’t anyone find them? It hardly seemed real to you, but as you walked into your ominously quiet home it became more than real. Your daughter was suffering and there was nothing you could do about it because someone had taken her from you. 

You dropped your tablet onto the couch and dropped down next to it, once again the guilt was wrapping its slimy hands around your throat. You felt hopeless, like you were drowning in the sorrow that was being a parent to kidnapped children. Everything hurt at all hours of the day. There was a gaping hole in your heart that no amount of sex with Hux would fill, a looming sense of failure and regret that constantly clouded over you, a constant headache brewing in the back of your mind after thinking yourself into a panic attack wondering why. Why your kids? Why steal them? Why keep them from you? You had not encountered anything positive since they had gone missing, and with each passing second your hope dwindled more and more. You couldn’t help but to wonder when that hope would run out, when it went from being the size of the smallest grain of sand to nothing. What would happen when there was no more hope? Because you certainly never wanted to give up the hope for bringing your children home.

 

\--

 

It was as if Kylo had an out of body experience. He could remember nothing from the past two days, nothing other than the extreme shifts in his emotional state of mind. Profuse anger and turned to rage when he came home to find his wife ill and his children gone, exuberant anguish when he realized he had harmed his wife that same day, and unforgiving despair when she’d leave him alone that evening. He had nothing when she wasn’t there, no kids running around shouting and playing happily with each other. No beautiful wife to admire to take his mind off of his stress, just his thoughts of torment and worthlessness. He couldn’t keep his children safe, he couldn’t keep his anger and fear from manifesting in his hands and words, and he couldn’t keep his wife safe from himself. He had failed the four people he cherished most in his life, and he had no idea how he’d dig himself out of the grave he had already plummeted head first into when he first shoved his wife into the bathroom, ruining her trust for good.

He cried. He tried so desperately not to cry in front of his wife, but he still cried. On the day it happened, on the day his children were taken from him he couldn’t hold back his fear. He tried as hard as he could to call for Griffin, but by then it was too late. He couldn’t feel his boundless energy, couldn’t feel the steady rhythm of his breathing or the pounding beat of his heart. Those were all things Kylo could feel from Griffin at all times no matter how far away he was, but that evening he couldn’t feel him at all. “God damn Force blockers.” He snarled at the people who were frantically searching for his children, trying to keep the idea that his children were still alive alit in his mind, but inside he couldn’t keep the feeling of dread off of his shoulders. 

Kylo had countless enemies, enemies that he had taken loved ones away from several times. Enemies that had bounties on his head, and enemies that were among the most dangerous men and women in the Galaxy. These same people would jump at any opportunity to bring harm to Kylo by harming his children, there was no doubt that the list of criminals that could have his kids was long and intimidating. Kylo thought he could keep himself and his family safe in the Order. He thought the constant security he employed would be enough to stop the threats and other evil entities cast on him. But it wasn’t, there was a fault in the First Order that opened up and swallowed his children whole, and he didn’t know if he’d ever recover from the nightmare he was currently living in.

And so he cried. He cried whenever his wife was not around to witness his moments of weakness. He cared nothing about where she went or what she was doing, he only cared that she did not see him crying over the grim outcome he knew would come of his missing children. He wanted and needed to be strong for her, but he could not be strong if he were letting his walls down enough to be crying in front of her. He wanted his wife to stay positive, to know that their children would be brought home safe and sound, but he could he convey that idea if even he did not believe that was the case?

And so he threw up his emotionless barricades around his thoughts and actions. He yelled at her to portray anger and not grief, he belittled her to portray annoyance and not despair. He wanted to love her, to hold her in his arms while he let loose all of his emotions to her but he just could not find it within himself to do so. He was hardly surprised when she ran away to do who knows what. She told him she was looking for sweet Griffin, Kaia and Kaiser, and he had no reason to doubt her. Even if he did he lacked the energy to confront her about it, to corner her and interrogate her until he got the truth. But she didn’t deserve it, she didn’t deserve anything he had handed to her in the last two days. So he lets her be, he lets her wander off after he’s pushed her away. The more he thinks about it the more he realizes it’s better for her to be away from him; When she was away there was no chance for him to hurt her, to demean her and to break her broken spirit even more. She was safer being away from him, and that was okay.

It gave him more time to cry, more time to be weak when nobody else could see it. He sat in bed as he stared at the screen through his tears, the updates every 15 minutes had said the same thing for the last two hours and it hurt him more and more each time the same line of text would come through the tablet. No breaking news, no new leads, nothing. Whoever had his children had tucked them far far away where not even the First Order could reach them. Kylo had failed once again.

That night his wife had run off after he had reprimanded her for cooking as if there were children to eat the meal she made him. In reality he was so hurt at the reminder that, at one point, they had children to cook for. He couldn’t properly explain why he was upset with her, so he reacted with anger and it pushed her away. He took the time to look through the tablet, to message the head of every search party he had sent out and gotten nothing. It tore into him hard, he found himself mourning once again until he heard the front door whizz open and close. He looked up and saw the living room light flick on and knew it was his wife finally coming home. It was earlier than she last came back to him, but that didn’t matter. He wiped his tears, sucked his snot up and then lay down on his side. He figured if he pretended to be asleep she wouldn’t bother him with questions he didn’t have the answers to. She would simply lay down next to him, fall into a dreamless sleep just as he had the last few nights. Then they would both be able to exist with each other in peace until the morning.

She did just that. After spending ten minutes in the living room he heard his wife step gingerly into the bedroom. He had been sitting in the dark and he was praying to every higher power that she would just leave him alone, that she would just crawl into bed and face away from him. He wanted her to leave him alone.

But of course that’s not what she did. He could hear her breathing so deeply as she crawled in bed behind him. She sat still for just a second at the edge of the bed, he heard the soft noises of the palms of her hands running over her shoulders, then felt the bed dip down as she lay completely down. Everything was still and quiet for just a moment and Kylo had finally gotten up the nerve to close his eyes and try to sleep, his tablet on the loudest ringer possible so that if there were any updates he’d be the first to know. He had only gotten a few seconds of shut eye before his eyelids were flying open at the surprise contact he got from his wife.

It was the first time in a long time she had spooned Kylo; her smaller body fitting to his like a puzzle piece, her arm draping over his chest. Kylo felt his eyes tearing up once again as he relaxed in her embrace. He knew this is what he needed, knew that this is the thing that would heal him and help him wind down after his stressful situations. But he was too stubborn, too proud to ask for what he needed. Instead he grabbed ahold of her hand as best as he could, held her there and refused to let go. He needed her, and in that moment he wished she would never leave his side.

“Kaia is alive.” She whispered to him, he felt his jaw go slack as he listened to what she said. His daughter was alive? How would she even know that? His wife took in a shaky breath before pressing her forehead into his back and placing a kiss in between his shoulder blades. “She--I felt it. She had a nightmare. She was so scared and she called out for me.” She shook her head into his back, even though he wanted so badly to believe her he just couldn’t get with the idea. Kaia had not shown Force abilities and neither had his wife. He had no reason to believe this over the thought of his wife being so stressed out she was hearing things. He closed his eyes as he repressed the need to sob. He needed his wife and her positivity, but he didn’t know how to ask.

Instead he turned toward her onto his back, opening his arm so that she could cuddle into him. He held her there for some time, taking in her comforting body heat and the fact that she too was letting go and crying in front of him. He held her close as he realized they could be vulnerable together tonight, but he couldn’t guarantee that he would be able to do the same thing tomorrow. But for now, she was all he needed.

 

\--

 

Days went by. Weeks passed and before you knew it you and Kylo had come up on the one month anniversary of your children’s kidnapping. It amazed you know that a full 30 days went by and there hadn’t been a single lead on the whereabouts of your kids. There was one false sighting at an old motel in the Outer Rim on day 22. An older boy had been arrested for sneaking a younger girl into one of the empty rooms, they both matched the description of Griffin and Kaia and you were hopeful as you watched Kylo fly off into his TIE Silencer with a fleet of TIE Fighters behind him. You worried constantly during that time, why would Griffin be alone with Kaia? Where was Kaiser and why were they breaking into a motel? Your questions were never answered, however, because Kylo returned home empty handed. They were vagrant children who belonged to no one, not your children whom you missed so dearly.

You stopped crying every day on day 4, the constant melt downs stopped on day 7 and at the 1 month mark you were feeling your ball of hope shrinking smaller and smaller. You spent your days sitting at home alone, staring out the window hoping you’d see your kids running up to the base in the snow. That’s all you did for hours, eventually getting up to shower and go to the bathroom, maybe even cook if you were in the mood. But most of the time you were sitting in front of that window, sitting and staring until you could take it no more.

You began to feel useless just sitting in the house, what if your children were somewhere on the base, hiding from you and nobody else had found them? What if you took a look on your own? There was no harm in trying, Kylo would probably think you were crazy but oh well. You were of no use just sitting in your living room all day doing nothing, the very least you could do was make your way around the base just to see if, on the off chance, you would find them.

It became a habit. Every morning you’d wake up and have something small for breakfast, then you’d head out for a lengthy walk around the base. It took you three days to explore every inch of Star Killer Base, doing nothing but going up and down the elevators and exploring every floor. You looked behind boxes and into every closet, peeked into all of the store rooms and meeting rooms even if they were occupied. It felt useless, but it’s what you thought was right. The kids never turned up, but it still felt like you were doing something constructive with your time during the day.

You’d always come home just in time to cook something for Kylo for dinner, something bland that didn’t require much action or thought; spaghetti, mac and cheese, a salad. Something that just involved throwing ingredients together and serving it to him. Sometimes if you were in the mood to eat you’d nibble on a little bit of what you made for him, but that was about it. The fun had been taken out of cooking when you no longer had children to cook for.

Kylo didn’t often speak to you. He was always so wrapped up in his tablet or speaking to his grandfather’s helmet that he had moved to the corner of your bedroom. Every once and a while, when you’d call to him for dinner, he would emerge from either of the kids bedrooms. It always made you so sad to know that he spent time in the kids untouched, empty bedrooms. It would break your heart even more when he’d come out with a toy or stuffed animal of some kind and spend the rest of the evening holding onto it tight. He’d probably be ashamed to admit this, but one time you caught him snuggling Kaia’s purple stuffed bunny on her bed one night when you woke up to find him gone from bed. He was sniffling and was clearly so hurt and down, but you didn’t want to bother him. Half of the day he ignored you and the other half he nitpicked every single thing you did around the house. And when it got so bad that you found you couldn’t take it anymore you distanced yourself from him, leaving him mid meal and heading out the door to none other than your lover.

When Kylo was not there for you Hux was. You didn’t always have sex with him, sometimes it was just cuddling on the couch, sometimes it was a good meal and some wine, but it always ended the same. Hux embracing you and begging you to leave your sorry excuse of a husband for him, a real man that would never raise a hand or voice at you. It always made you sick, you always found yourself crawling back to Ren after Hux went off on one of his tangents of love. You felt it just wasn’t fair, you and Ren had dedicated yourselves to each other a long time ago, through thick and thin you wanted to be with him even if he were being distant during this trying time. You loved him, and even though his personality had been less than ideal you were sure he loved you too.

So this routine went on, and on the 31st day you expected nothing different. You explored the top floors of the base, and on your way back you heard footsteps behind you. You thought nothing of it, it was 5:50 and everyone was getting ready to head to different parts of the base to eat dinner. You kept your head down, walked a little bit faster ahead of the person behind you so that you wouldn’t get in their way. It was just you and the person behind you, you could hear their heavy footsteps echoing off of the walls. This had happened to you several times before, you had no real reason to be nervous until you realized the person behind you had sped up their gait and you could hear them getting closer and closer to you. You began to panic, to turn around and confront this person and ask why they were following you so closely. However, before you turned all the way to face them they began speaking, and speaking loudly to you.

“Don’t turn around, keep walking forward and don’t speak.” They warned. You almost stopped cold in your tracks, but realized that disobeying this person’s orders could mean trouble. You had become severely paranoid since your children’s disappearance, and this was exactly why. Who knew what this person was going to do to you know that you were alone with them in a secluded hallway. First your children were taken, and now you’d be. You were sure of it.

“Before I continue, I want to warn you. This conversation needs to stay between you and I. Do not tell the Commander, do not tell Hux, do not tell the investigators. I am here to help you.” You could tell from the modulation that it was a storm trooper speaking to you, you didn’t often speak with them so that only made the situation even more bizarre and worrying. Nevertheless the man went on, you went on walking and listening to what he had to say.

“Now listen carefully. I know the whereabouts of your children.” 

The sentence left your heart still in your chest, your skin breaking out in goosebumps and your feet unable to move. “Keep, walking!” He warned, but you felt like you couldn’t move your feet. But you had to, you had to know what this person had to say. So you forced your feet to move, one step at a time before he started speaking once again. “I know where your children are, and I can assure you that at least one of them is safe. I can tell you more, but I can’t tell you here. Meet me at the cafeteria at 8 pm tomorrow, I’ll be showing up about half an hour late, but I can help you get your children back.”

With that the storm trooper sped up, walked past you and made a sharp right down a residential hallway. You stood there and stared at him, it took everything you had in you to not run after him, fall to your knees and beg him to take you to your children. But you knew why he spoke to you like that, to make it seem like he was simply following you on the cameras. He needed to protect himself and you wanted to protect him.

You just wished he would have told you what he meant by ‘at least one of them is safe.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think? Was reader hearing Kaia, or was she hallucinating?


	13. A Mutiny

You and Ren sat at the dinner table eating in complete silence. This is how you spent a lot of your meals together nowadays, only this evening was different. You wanted to jump across the table and tell Kylo what the storm trooper told you that evening, to hold him by the collar and beg him to find the man and tell him where your kids were, but you couldn’t. The man had told you to keep it quiet, and really you had no reason to believe he knew anything about your kids. For all you knew he could be one of the people Kylo had warned you about, one of the people who snatched your children up and was now luring you into a trap to take you too. Kylo would be devastated, but you felt like you had no other choice. Nobody else was helping you, no leads were being uncovered and it seemed like the hunt for your children had come to a stand-still. So what if this man turned out to be full of shit? You could take care of yourself, you could scream, kick, and fight your way out of trouble if it meant you’d have the smallest opportunity to find your kids. Besides, Kylo had connected to your mind more than once now, you could call out to him for help if you really needed it.

But for now, you ate the chicken you had cooked in silence. You didn’t want to tip Kylo off and ruin the entire thing. You kept quiet, not even thinking about what transpired earlier that day. Your silence meant you were taking the hunt for your kids into your own hands, and nobody, not even Kylo, would be able to stop you.

“So how was your day?” Kylo abruptly broke the silence, placing the prongs of his fork in a strip of his chicken and looking up at you. He looked engaged, like he was genuinely interested in what you had gotten yourself into while he was away. It had been over a month since Ren had asked you how your day had gone, you were surprised at how much better his inquiry had made you feel. A small smile broke out over your face, it was as if you were transported back to your first days with him on Star Killer. The way he had kissed you after taking care of you during your period, when you realized Kylo could be lovable if he really tried. You had gone 32 days without feeling even a shard of love from your husband, but now this small interest in your day from him had ignited that ember of love into a flame. 

“Good.” You said, looking him in his eyes. His face held interest in your response, his eyes bore into yours and it felt so good. “What floors did you explore today? The top four?” Your cheeks blushed as your smile grew, you hadn’t told Kylo at all about your exploration of the base. You wondered how he knew, had he looked into your mind? Seen you on the cameras? Had someone told him they saw you going out all the time? Suddenly you got nervous, did this mean he knew about you and Hux too?

“No, next one down. Five through seven.” You happily took some of your spinach onto your fork and stuck it into your mouth. This was the happiest you had been in 32 days, you just wished Kylo could make you feel this good every day. 

“I see you, you know.” He said, looking down into his plate and cutting up his chicken. “On the cameras. I watch you as you walk around. It’s the only thing that keeps me positive during the day. You know? I may not have my kids but at least I still have my beautiful wife.” A lump grew in your throat before you could even begin worrying about if Kylo had watched you go to Hux’s home, that was probably the nicest, most thoughtful thing he had ever said to you since your kids had disappeared. Although his admission should have sounded creepy, the idea of someone watching you at all times of the day should have worried you, but to know that just watching you exist made Ren feel better during this troubling time negated such bad feelings. You worried about him, he was never the most stable man and you knew the loss of his children was likely tearing him apart from the inside out. Sure you were feeling the same heartache, but you knew that Ren was likely suffering far more than you were.

“I understand, Kylo.” You said, smiling down at your food. Kylo began eating once again and you felt sorely disappointed that the conversation ended when you were just starting to feel appreciated. “How was your day?” You asked quite enthusiastically. You were hoping the question would perk him up just as much as it did you, it was the only thing you had to do so. He shrugged, then simply told you that his day was ‘the same.’ The smile slowly faded off of your face, Kylo obviously did not want to put as much effort into his response as you did yours. You flashed him one more sad smile before looking back down to your plate. The only thing you could think of while chewing the last of your chicken was about how great the feeling of being loved had lasted before Kylo killed it.

 

At exactly 7:15 you were gathering up your things to start heading to meet the storm trooper. You had normally left the house around this time after Ren had driven you away; either starting arguments with you over the smallest things, subtly still blaming you for the loss of the children, or just talking about how shitty his day was, you always finished dinner and then headed out next door into Hux’s warm and welcoming arms. 

However, tonight was different. 

“Love?” Kylo stopped you just as you were throwing on a sweater. One thing that hadn’t changed at all in the last 11 years was the hallways of the base were always cold. With one foot out the door and one hand on the frame you turned around to face him, offering him a quiet ‘yeah?’ in reply. “Why are you leaving?” He asked, an utter look of shock and despair on his face. “What have I done to you tonight?” You bit your lip, he did have a point. Kylo had done nothing but make you smile this evening and, in his eyes, you didn't have any reason to run away. 

“Nothing, Kylo.” You said, playing with the hem of your sweater. “Well then why leave? Why not stay here with me tonight?” He asked, from the desperation in his voice and his careful word choice for ‘with me,’ you began to dread what he was going to say next. Did he know about you and Hux? Was this the time he’d confront you about it? It was nervewracking waiting for him to speak again, clearly he wanted to hear something from you and he wanted it before he would say anything else. 

“Because, this is what I do.” You said, taking a step back into your home. “This is what you do, this is what you do when you’re upset with me. And as far as I know, I made you happy tonight. Why are you running away?” Kylo said, starting to get a bit snippy. “I know, Kylo, I know. And I appreciate it, I just want to go out--”

“I’ll come with you. No reason for you to be alone when our family is currently under attack.” Kylo said, cutting you off matter of factly and moving to collect his own coat in the process “No, Kylo.” You said, putting your foot down and raising your voice just slightly over him. This was probably going to be one of the most important nights of your life and here Kylo was ruining it for you. You felt like if you just explained to him what was going on he would trust you, he would allow you to go and he may even participate in the rescue. But of course, there was always the possibility of Kylo trying to take matters into his own hands and completely ruining the chances of bringing your kids home. You couldn’t accept that risk, so you did what Kylo had done to you several times over the last 11 years: You kept him in the dark.

“I just want to be alone, please Kylo don’t make this a big deal.”

“Nobody is making anything a big deal, I just want to spend time with you.”

“You can spend time with me when I come back, I promise I’ll--”

“Y/n, stop being ridiculous! Why don’t you want to spend time with me?”

By now the two of you had started bickering again, elevating your voice louder and louder every time Kylo cut you off and spoke over you. He was calling you an awful wife and person, moving closer and closer to you before forcefully grabbing you by the wrist and violently pulling you back into your living room. He released you, you went flying toward the couch and had caught your footing just in time to stumble into it. 

“Y/n, you are the most stubborn, hardheaded, and irrational woman I have ever encountered in my life.” Kylo said, now shouting at the top of his lungs. “You won’t tell me where you’re going, you won’t tell me why you’re leaving, you’re pushing me away when we need each other the most and I am so  _ fucking  _ tired of it!” You were more hurt than afraid, hurt that Kylo would take this as an invitation to harm you and that, even after carefully explaining that you just wanted some time to be alone he was willing to force you to spend time with him. He even began to put you down, to call you names like you mattered nothing to him. You wanted to cry, to scream at him and to make him feel just as awful as you felt. But that would be below you, because at this point your number one priority was getting to the cafeteria to meet the person that could help you get your kids back.

“If you would just listen, put your own desires aside and listen to me, none of this would be happening right now! We would be happy, we would have our kids, and we wouldn’t be shouting at each other!” Kylo hollered at you as loud as he could, this was the angriest you had ever seen him since the kids had gone missing and it was downright terrifying.

But you pressed on, you were brave and you stood up for yourself. Your children needed you and they needed you to be strong, to fight past the obstacle that was their angry father. You crossed your arms over your chest and stood tall, ready to rip into Kylo and shut him up once and for all.

“No, Kylo. I don’t have to listen to you! I can’t stand being here, in an empty house that hardly seems like a home anymore, no kids and a husband who hates me for losing them. You don’t want me here, you hate me. I’m just a constant reminder that children used to live here and you think I’m the only reason why I’m gone. From the way you talk to me, the way you nitpick and the way you yell at me like you are now, I know you don’t love me anymore. I can feel it, and believe it or not it’s not a good feeling. So I leave, after you make me feel even shittier than I already feel all the time. I leave, and I walk the halls like I always do. I do it to heal, to prepare myself for the next day when you start picking me apart like you didn’t get your fix the last time you did it. So there, that’s why I don’t want to be around you, because I know you can’t stand me and I hate the feeling of being held prisoner by you again!” 

You held back your tears as Kylo took another step toward you but you wanted nothing to do with the man anymore. You pushed past him, even when he moved to grab you easily worked your way out of his grasp. You felt so much better after getting so much off of your chest, and you could only imagine that your children, especially Griffin, were proud of the way you had stood up to him. He was standing in the way of their safety, and you wouldn’t let anyone, not even Kylo stand in your way of getting to them.

As quick as you could you placed your hand on the scanner, Kylo was behind you begging you to stay, telling you that you didn’t understand and that’s not what he thought about you at all. But the damage had been done, you didn’t want to hear his excuses. The only thing you had left to do was leave.

And so you did it. Amidst Kylos pleading and apologies you walked out on him, knowing that your outburst had caused him to see the error of his ways but what did it matter? If anything you were hopeful that walking away would help open his eyes even more. He would have time to reflect on what you said all alone, and hopefully he would take your words to heart and learn from his unacceptable actions. You walked as confidently as you could down the hall toward the cafeteria, knowing this altercation would either make or break your relationship.

 

So now here you were, sitting at one of the cafeteria tables facing the door just waiting for the man to come in. It was 8:27 pm, you had sat there for a full 27 minutes doing nothing but twiddling your thumbs, nervously chewing your fingernails and wondering if this entire fiasco would be worth it. You had just argued with your husband about things that deserved to be argued about, left at a time where he was ready to be with you and love you and all for what? What if you were stood up, or what if this man really was trying to harm you? You swallowed the nervous lump in your throat, hoping that the argument with Kylo would be worth it and that one day you could return to him with your children.

8:30 on the dot ticked on your tablet and, much to your complete surprise, in marched a storm trooper. He was just like any other storm trooper, his blaster holstered at his side and in full armor. The only thing that was different about him was he carried with him a simple brown paper bag in his left hand. You blinked as you watched him walk toward your table, not even bothering to look at you at all. You wanted to say something to him, to let you know that you were ready to dive deep into what was going on with your children, but just as you were ready to open your mouth you closed it just as fast. He ignored you, walking right past your table and sitting at the one right behind you. You turned and watched his actions over your shoulder, he did just as any other person would when they sat down to eat a home made lunch, or dinner rather: Opened the bag, took out its contents, then sat it to the side. 

Your hopes were dashed about this being the storm trooper you were looking for when he placed his hands together and bowed his head. He seemed to be praying over his food, it was such a thought provoking sight. You hadn’t thought anyone in the Order was religious, didn’t even know that religion was allowed. Maybe that's what you should be doing instead of being at the mercy of this stranger, you should be praying to every higher power out there that your children would be returned to you safely. You turned back around and began the process of going back into your datapad to turn your location on, ready to head back home and face the huge disappointment that was going to be your husband. You should have known the storm trooper from yesterday was full of utter shit.

“Stay seated, look busy, and do not turn around.” The trooper said from behind you. At the sound of his familiar voice your eyes widened, you quickly turned the location on your tablet back off as you realized this was the man you were looking for. “It’s me, and for the sake of the cameras in this cafeteria I’m not going to say anything with my helmet off. All you have to do is sit there and look away from me, I’ll explain all you need to know as soon as I’m done eating.” Your hands began to shake as you heard the man remove his helmet, you repressed the urge to nod your head in response to his request. You realized that’s what this was all about, stealth. The cameras were always watching, every inch of the base was being monitored and while his helmet was on the cameras couldn’t pick up on his speech.

He ate without saying another word to you, and you had to sit there as patiently as you could for him to put his helmet back on. The wait was awful, your train of thought switched between why you couldn’t just walk over to him and get the location of your children to why you needed to cooperate with him to ensure their safety. After all, he knew more than you did and, should anything go wrong, he knew if your children’s lives would be on the line. So you sat, going through the various built in games on your tablet until you heard the clunking of him picking his helmet up and placing it on his head again. It was an agonizing 15 minutes, and now that he was ready to speak you were hoping you could keep it together once he let you know what was going on.

“Now, listen to me carefully.” He began, you could hear him pull out his own tablet and began swiping and tapping on it as well. “Myself and a few others were enlisted by an outside source to steal your children and keep them in an unspecified location that is not accessible to anyone in the Order. I was not the one who took them from your home, and I am not the one who is keeping them locked up. I am a pilot, I was tasked with collecting them in a private location on the base and flying them to where they are now. Now I won’t tell you who the mastermind behind it all was because I’m sure you will be able to determine that by the time this is all said and done, but I will tell you what the next step is going to be in getting them back to you.” You took in a breath through your nose and shut your eyes, you were ready. Whatever this man wanted you would give him, as long as it meant your children would come home safe. 

“I am willing to transfer you to their location and once all of you are reunited I will be willing to fly you, your children, as well as all of the other men that have been blacklisted into this awful situation to a safe planet. But I will not, nor will anyone else, be comfortable in contacting the Order to get you and your children back home. After we get to safety we will be going into hiding, running away from the Order and it’s completely up to you if you’d like to stay with us.” Your mouth fell open as you realized what this truly was and what you and your children had been caught up in: A mutiny. Somebody within the Order had your children and this poor man was blacklisted into keeping them away from you. You wanted to hug him, to thank him for being a person with morals, he was such a hero to go out of his way to disobey orders as it meant you would be reunited with your children. But of course, you had to keep it quiet, keep it subtle or else it may all be for nothing.

“But before any of this can happen, you must do one thing for me.” He said, and in reply you had almost barked the word ‘anything,’ because it was the truth. You would cut your legs off, would voluntarily go deaf and blind, you would relinquish every credit you had to your name if it meant your children would come home safe. But you didn’t, you listened, listened and prepared yourself for what would come next.

“As soon as I get up and leave, turn around and take the bag. Run after me, act like you want me to have it back. Then take it home, make sure you’re alone and open it. Everything you need to do next will be enclosed in that bag. When you’ve followed every instruction meet me in the cafeteria at 8pm. The next time I see you here I’ll know that you’re ready for the next part, and that’s ushering you out to be reunited with your children.” He stopped speaking, collected up his trash and then walked past you to the garbage can that was kept in the aisle. You watched him walk away, watched him disappear into the hallways until you were 100 percent alone. Left only to wonder about what was in that paper bag and what you had to do with it.

You swallowed your fear, turned to look and, sure enough, the man had left the bag sitting right there on the table. You were jittery as you stood, felt as if you were walking on air as you made your way over the table and gently took the bag in your hands. It was heavy, clearly whatever was inside was solid and important to your mission. You turned on your heel as you pretended to chase after the man, down the hallways calling out for him until you felt like you could relax on your way back to your home. You clutched the bag tight in your arms, walking into your house at 9:30 to a pitch black living room. Your breath was shallow and your nerves were standing at attention, you knew Kylo was home somewhere but you couldn’t risk him seeing you with the unknown object. So as soon as you collected yourself and your emotions you made your way into the bathroom and shut the door quickly behind you.

Setting the bag on the counter you placed your hands on your hips and wondered yet again if this was worth it. What was it, a bomb? A rock? A heavy card that would mock you and make you feel even worse about losing your kids? Was it even worth keeping it away from Kylo at this point since you knew innocent members of the Order were involved? You shook your head, no. That man’s life was on the line now, as well as yours and your children's. You had to go through this and you had to do it on your own, and that started with finding out what was in this bag and what you had to do with it.

You went slow, trying to create very little noise as to not alert Kylo that you were doing anything abnormal inside of the bathroom. Your teeth sunk into your lower lip as your hand touched something cool, something long, and something smoothe. You gripped it, now beginning to get an idea in your mind as to what it was, you couldn’t stop the sweat that formed on your hairline as you begun to pull it out of the bag.

First you saw the grip, then the barrel and soon you had pulled the entire mysterious object out of the bag. A blaster. A blaster sat in your hand. It was uncharged, safety on, and just as intimidating as you thought it would be to hold one. It was a standard issue blaster, one that the storm toopers carried around on them at all times. You had never held one before, was never trained in using one. You tried to come up with colorful and cleaver ideas as to what the trooper wanted you to do with it, but deep down inside you knew a blaster was only made to do one thing. You could hear your heart thudding in your ears, could feel the adrenaline pumping wildly through your body as you twisted and turned it in your hands. Could you do it? Could you really do what this blaster was made to do? Your skin broke out in goosebumps and tears welled in your eyes, you were already panicking and you didn’t even know for sure what you had to use it for. You looked back at the bag, the answer to all of your questions and concerns would lie right there at the bottom. You had to know what you had to do first before you could panic.

After carefully placing the blaster on the bathroom counter, once again you quietly reached into the bag, grasping a loose note and gently pulling it out into the open. It was a small piece of yellow paper folded into two, no writing on the outside and nothing that would make anyone guess it was out of the ordinary. You took one more look at the door, it was locked and there would be no one getting in to see a blaster on the counter and a note in your shaky hands. Taking one more deep breath you unfolded it, then took in the scribbled words that were addressed to you and only you:

_ Kill the General _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I've had a kidnapping/stockholm syndrome itch that I just can't scratch. I don't have time to read any fanfiction any more and I haven't for months, so I was thinking about writing another story kinda like Teach Me. Only I don't want it to be Teach Me 2.0 (Even though that story needs a ton of editing and a complete overhaul). I dunno, I have some ideas floating around my head but I'll need to finish this story and my others before I can start lol.  
> Thanks for reading!


	14. Mörder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. Here it is. The moment everyone has been waiting for.   
> Blaster shots/wounds ahead. Slight gore, wanted to keep it at a minimum cause aint nobody wanna see that.  
> Enjoy!

What was he doing wrong? What had he done wrong? Why did she run away from him tonight?

All of the questions, all of the unknowns, and all of Kylo’s insecurities hit him at once and it absolutely killed him. He watched her watch out, saw the look of hurt on her face and knew he was the reason why she was running. But he just couldn’t figure out why. He knew he had thrown her across the room and he knew he raised his voice at her, but why was she leaving him before that?

He cursed himself for letting his pride get in the way of his apologies, he had let his temper and his anxiety get the better of him and had snapped at her almost every day since their kids had gone missing. He couldn’t help it, he felt like he couldn’t apologize either so he took to dedicating everything good about himself to her. He asked her how her day was, gave her his full, undivided attention and tried to make her feel better. He had sent so many insults her way: Careless, idiotic, awful mother, among others. He knew he had hurt her, and he’d be lying if he said it didn’t hurt him too. At night when he was all alone and he thought about the look of betrayal and upset on her face he always felt like the worst person that had ever existed in the galaxy, he was certain he needed to change. If not for her and the hope that, one day, his children would come back to him, then for himself.

He believed everything was going well that evening, but how did she repay him? She challenged him, she pushed him even further away than he was before and she left him under the false assumption that he hated her. Kylo stood rubbing his forehead in the shower, it had been a long, difficult, and stressful evening. Now more than ever he wanted to know where his wife went to at night. Was she cheating on him? Was she really walking around? Was she going to the playground to cry? All of his questions were completely valid, but they all caused Kylo so much anxiety. He could follow her, he could follow her on the cameras or he could chain her to his bed again. At least if she were immobile she would be unable to leave him. 

He found himself pounding on the wall of the shower almost as soon as the thought entered his mind. How could he think such a thing? He was becoming a monster once again, a monster that would be willing to shackle his grieving wife to the bed just to save his own sanity. No, he couldn’t possibly do such a thing. He felt it would just be the final nail in the coffin of his dying marriage. He feared if he ever got his children back y/n would leave him once and for all. It was a horrifying feeling, one that made tears well in his eyes. Whenever he worked himself into these panic attacks his thoughts just turned darker and darker. He went from wondering why his wife had left all the way to what if he got a message one day that all four of their bodies were pulled from a lake on a distant planet? He punched the wall one more time, he needed his medication and he needed it now.

He exited the shower, the doctor he had been seeing behind his wife's back had prescribed these to him. They helped him calm down, helped him think straight and took the pain away. He felt like such a hypocrite, he distinctly remembered a time when he had told her painkillers would make him weak, which clearly was not the case. He had only just recently learned that being comfortable, being able to think straight, and not feeling hopeless was perfectly fine. He reached into the medicine cabinet and pulled out the little orange bottle, shook one of the small blue pills into his hand. He rolled it around in the palm of his hand, trying his hardest to fight back his tears once again. With a heavy sigh he quietly apologized to his wife, it made him feel better even if she couldn't hear him, then he lifted his palm to his mouth and dry swallowed the pill, waiting for his anxiety levels to drop so that he could function once again.

He pulled on the pajamas he had worn before his shower and moved to exit the bathroom only to stop in his tracks when he saw his wife sitting up facing away from him on her side of the bed. During his crisis he hadn’t heard her come home; But no here she was, sitting here waiting for Kylo to do something for her. She was quiet, she was still. Now was Kylo’s chance, now would be the perfect time to let his wife know how much he appreciates her.

He held his breath as he moved gingerly to her side of the bed, even almost stopping and turning around once he reached the foot of the bed. He was nervous, didn’t know how he’d go about admitting he was wrong, to try and win her love back when she thought he just loathed her. It wasn’t her fault she had been poisoned and somebody that was untrackable stole their children, but she was the only other thing Kylo could take his anger out on other than himself. It was wrong, he was wrong, he needed to make this right once and for all.

If his wife knew Kylo was in the room, she didn’t make it known. She sat there staring down at her hands, looking so lost and so broken. He wondered if she was afraid, worried, panicking just like he had been ten minutes ago when he was in the shower. There was no way to tell, she was composed, calm, and collected. Quite the opposite of him but he was determined to put this awful situation behind the two of them once and for all. They were married, they were supposed to love each other and they had been fighting against the odds since day one. They deserved to be happy, and it had to start with him.

He sat down next to her, took a look over at her. She was beautiful, she had always been drop dead gorgeous and he felt like he never deserved her. But here she was, eleven years later and still with him. Even through their worst days she was always here for him, he expected now to be no different. 

Taking in another deep breath he reached over and took ahold of her hand, squeezing it reassuringly. She had finally blinked, turned her head to look at him for just a second before looking back down to the floor. She sighed, closed her eyes and she squeezed Kylo’s hand back. Kylo felt that much better knowing she wasn’t opposed to him holding her hand. It was a good sign, and Kylo took it as his opportunity to begin his apology.

“Y/n, I love you.” Kylo said, feeling quite cheesy and embarrassed about why he had to go out of his way to explain to his wife why he loved her, but it was the only thing he thought he could say to her. “I love you, and I’m sorry that my actions as of recent haven’t reflected that.” Once again Kylo felt like he was going to cry. He loved his wife and everything she had done for him, to hear her confess that she thought he hated her absolutely killed him. “I’m sorry that I yell at you, and that I upset you. There’s no excuse, there’s no reason, and hearing you speak to me like that made me realize that...that…” He faltered, feeling his emotions getting the best of him. This was much more difficult than he imagined.

“That I was right, way back when, when I told you I didn’t deserve you, or any of the kids? I was right. I was right, and I need to change.” She looked over at him, once a look of neutrality and concentration had turned into one of complete sadness as she listened to his tale of sadness. “So I love you, y/n. Do you love me?” He watched as the corner of her lip pulled back toward her ear, she looked so unsure and it was breaking Kylo’s heart even more. He didn’t think she was going to say anything, he thought this was going to be the end of them. If she thought he hated her, then surely she would hate him?

“Of course, Kylo. I’ve always loved you.” She said, and even though Kylo wanted to believe her, his insecurities were once again getting the best of him and he felt like she was lying to him. “Even after everything I’ve done to you?” Kylo unexpectedly let out, when his wife would disappear for hours the only thing that he could think of was all the times he had turned on her with his fists, or the time he knocked Griffin out with the belt. He had only been able to remember the bad, which made him feel worthless during every second of the day.

She shrugged him off, looked back down to the floor before acknowledging his comments. “It’s in the past, and I thought that when the twins were born we had decided to keep our past there. From that day forward I just tried to move on.” Kylo stared at her, she was so smart and had such a great memory. 

After recent events Kylo had forgotten about the commitment the two of them had come to that first day after their twins were born. She had been up all night with them, Griffin had crashed in bed with Kylo and him had gotten no sleep. Between hearing the twins cry from their bedroom and hearing the desperate, broken sobs from his wife at the same time, Kylo just could not find it within himself to close his eyes and sleep when he knew that three out of the five people in his house were having a terrible time. At that age Griffin needed someone to stay with him while he slept, had Kylo gotten up before Griffin had fallen all the way asleep he would have chased him out of the bedroom crying about being alone.

So he waited until Griffin had relaxed, fallen into a deep sleep to get up and investigate what was going on in his children’s bedroom. What he found was so disheartening. The sight of his wife sitting in the gliding chair, her eyes swollen with tears and lack of sleep, both babies tucked under her arms and trying to get them both to latch to both of her breasts. She looked like she had given up, she looked like she was in unimaginable pain, not to mention the two screaming infants that were tucked under her arms were likely creating a headache in her head. 

She didn’t notice him until he had walked into the center of the room, her head snapped up to him and she let out the loudest, most fearful gasp he had ever heard in his life. “Ky, Kylo!” She exclaimed before standing to her feet, fumbling both distressed children until she cradled them properly in her arms. “Kylo, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry that they’re so loud. Neither of them have slept and each time one of them cries the other wakes up!” At that point she broke down into ugly sobs, buckling at her waist and bending over in complete defeat. 

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry, I’m trying to get them to eat, but they won’t latch on! I couldn’t breastfeed Griffin and I never expected it to be this difficult and painful! I’m trying Kylo, please don’t hurt them!” Now the room was filled with three distinct sobs, two from infants who didn’t know any better and one from his wife, who was under the impression Kylo had come into the room to punish them for being loud and keeping him awake. The thought surprised Kylo, why would she think that he would be willing to hurt his newborn son and daughter?

Then it dawned on him, it had been most of what she knew him to do. Even though they had previously come to an agreement about not bringing harm to her while she was pregnant Kylo could clearly see where her way of thinking had gone. She was no longer pregnant, and in her mind that meant Kylo’s deal had come to an end. He had already brought harm to one of his children for upsetting him, and that’s exactly what his two newest children were doing presently. To her, the writing was on the wall. She thought Kylo had come into the room to bring harm to all three of them.

“Y/n, relax please.” Kylo said as calmly as he could, reaching for one of the babies in her arms. “No, Kylo I’ll handle it. I’ll--”

“Y/n, let me hold my son.” Kylo cut in, his wife was far more than stressed and he knew it was not healthy for a brand new mother. She moved away, frantically explaining that he was hungry and had unsuccessfully been breastfed and she just needed to try one more time. Kylo would not allow it, his children were hungry and his wife was on the verge, if not already moving into an emotional breakdown. He reached into her arms one more time, this time she released the smallest child to him. “Come love. They’re hungry and they need to be fed.” He could feel her confused stare on the back of his head, but nevertheless he moved on. Out into the living room and into the kitchen where she had set up their baby supply and “emergency” formula, just in case she was not around. 

“Kylo, they won’t need any formula. I can, let me just try one more time.” His wife was frantic, so determined to breastfeed these babies, but it just was not practical. He shushed her, gently shifting Kaiser so that he was over his shoulder as he made up his bottle. “Y/n, I know how badly you want to breastfeed them, but sitting in the room alone as they cry out of hunger, sitting there in pain when they aren’t latching correctly at 3 AM is not the way to do things.” He offered the hungry infant the bottle and he immediately took to it, sucking happily as his stomach was finally filled with exactly what he needed. “We give them the bottle for just one night, you can try again tomorrow after we’ve all gotten some rest.” He stepped to the side, waiting for Y/n to follow suit and make a bottle for Kaia.

“But, the nurses in the hospital told me--”

“Y/n one bottle is not going to make any difference. Tomorrow is a new day, tomorrow will be different.” She blinked her tears away, finally coming to her senses she did just as Kylo had done before her, fixing their daughter a bottle and feeding it to her. Finally there was peace and quiet in his home.

“I wasn’t going to hurt you, or either of them. Y/n.” Kylo said as the two of them sat next to each other on the couch feeding their babies. She had nothing to say, just finally relaxing like he wanted her to. “I’m their father, I’m your husband, I’m meant to take care of you guys.” Still, nothing. Kylo felt like he wasn’t hitting home, he had to make her understand that he was dedicated to being the best husband and father he could be to his family.  

“Do you trust me? Trust me that I’ll keep everyone safe, even from my temper and own two hands?” A stray tear ran down her face, dripping onto the bottle that was providing his daughter with the nutrition she needed. “I know this is new to you, y/n. You’ve never raised twins before. I’m going to give you my word that I’m going to help you, to keep you and our family safe from any harm that could come to them.” She smiled, looking down at the infant in her arms. The only confirmation he got was a small nod, but it was all he needed from her. All he had to do now was prove it, to himself, his wife, and his children. 

 

Kylo gripped her hand harder in his lap, realizing that he had broken his promise by breaking his wife’s nose and letting their children slip right through his hands. It broke his heart even more when he thought about it this way, but he had to think positive. The only way he could go from here was up, but he had to put himself in the right spot in order to move forward. 

“I’m so sorry that I failed you on my promise, love. I know that we must move on from here, but it’s difficult. You’re stressed, I’m stressed, but we still love each other, right?” She nodded her head solemnly, both of them sniffed loudly as their emotions began brewing up inside of them. “So let’s start over. And I think we need to be 100 percent honest with each other before we can properly do that.” He said, moving the conversation to a burning question in the back of his mind. He had to just come out and ask it, he would never know the answer if she didn’t know he was questioning her.

“Tell me. Where have you been disappearing to everynight after I’ve upset you?”

He watched her react, watched her eyes widen and flash to him before she closed them and let out an exasperated sigh. She seemed unsure, like she was ashamed to be speaking to him. He didn’t want to worry, not when she hadn’t even answered him yet. Jumping to conclusions would not help either of them, and it sure would not help their children.

“Do you really want to know?” She questioned him, and he felt like he couldn’t nod his head fast enough. “I, I go to the playground and I sit there. It’s the only place I actually feel like I’m still connected to them. It was their favorite place to go, it’s where I have the fondest memories of them and it’s where I feel like I can relax and build my confidence back up after you knock it down.” Another tear raced down her cheek, she had lied to him about walking the halls, but that was okay. This conversation was about moving on. “So if I looked into your head right now, I would see you sitting on the park bench at night?” She nodded her head as she wiped the stray tear away, assuring Kylo that it’s exactly what he would see.

“Very good love. Thank you for telling me the truth.” As she looked down at the floor he noticed the look of confusion on her face. “You aren’t gonna look into my mind?” She asked, seemingly shocked by the lack of his presence in her mind. “No, y/n. I’m not. I trust you.” He said, releasing her hand and draping his arm over her shoulder, pulling her into him and placing a kiss on the top of her head. “Just like I want you to trust me, from here on out.” Her head lay down on his shoulder and she allowed him to snuggle her, Kylo felt like this was finally the thing he needed, the thing to make him feel better after over a month of agitation, guilt, and uncertainty. “I trust you, Kylo.” She said to him, and he believed her. The calm, relaxed, and trustful feelings radiating from her proved it. 

 

\--

 

It took days of you sneaking into the hallway bathroom at night after Kylo had gone to bed, looking at the blaster that was given to you and looking at the hand written note at the same time.  _ Kill the General _ . Why the hell were you supposed to do that? You were a wife, a mother, and a respected member of the Order. Why did he expect you of all people to carry out this execution?

Unless, your affair had become more public that you thought.

You shook your head, instead turning on the blaster and taking the safety off just as the video on your tablet had taught you. You had to do this, you had to do it for your children. The longer you waited, the longer your children would be crying for their mommy alone. Would tonight be good? No, it’s already almost 8pm. He said it needed to be done before 8 for him to be able to take you to your children. You sighed, looking up at the lights of the bathroom. Tomorrow? Yes. Tomorrow. You could leave around 7, show up at Hux’s house like nothing was wrong. Act like Kylo had pushed you away, then when he turns his back end his life. Did he have anything to do with the disappearance of your children? He was on your suspect list, but with how bad he wanted you to be with him and how nice he was to your three kids he was on the lower end. People above him included the Lieutenant from way back when, Finn, and even Eli’s parents. It could be a possibility, but you would never know unless you actually went out and acted on what you needed to do. You had done this so many times now, but you promised yourself that you’d do it tomorrow for good this time.

Kylo went into the shower and you used that opportunity to dress in your hoodie and sneak out of the house, over next door where you nervously knocked on the door and clutched the handle of the gun in your back pocket. This was it, there was no going back now. You were putting your full trust in this man that Hux really was the one holding your children hostage. Doubts ran through your mind, what if he wasn’t and the storm trooper just wanted him dead and knew you and Hux had gotten close as of recent? You’d be put to death and it would all be for nothing. You gulped as the door opened, Hux answered and he smiled down at you friendly.

“Good evening, Mrs. Ren. It’s been a while hasn’t it?” He said, stepping aside and opening the door for you. You could only smile nervously at him, knowing that you’d be the reason why this man met death in just a few minutes made you feel so ill. He had taken care of you, provided you a safe place to stay when Kylo was being cold, you didn’t want to shoot him, but you had to. You’d choose your children over anyone any day of the week.

“How are you my dear?” Hux said as he walked away from you, into the kitchen to fetch you a glass of water like he always did. It had been a full week since you found comfort in Hux’s body, you had almost forgotten what his little home looked like. “I’m alright.” You said, realizing now would be the best time to draw your weapon. His back was turned as he filled your glass from his fresh water pitcher, he wasn’t paying any attention to you and you’d likely get the best shot from right here. You could hear your heart pounding in your ears as you switched the safety off in your pocket and began charging the gun, could taste the adrenaline as you realized you didn’t want to do this. You didn’t want to be a murderer, you just wanted to be a mother.

But to be a mother again, you had to do this. Before you could change your mind you gripped the handle of the gun harder, pulling it from your back pocket and pointed it right at his orange hair. There was no going back now.

“Hux, you tell me what you did with my kids.” You said, forcing your tears back behind your eyes. You watched him stand completely still with your water in his hands, the only sound in the room was the high pitch whine from the blaster charging up. You watched him slowly turn around, first peeking at you over his shoulder and then putting his hands up in the air. He looked scared, which he should have been. Nevermind the fact that your hands were shaking and you were willing to bet that you looked nervous. Shaking and nervous were never good things to be while you were holding any kind of weapon, let alone a blaster.

“Okay, okay y/n. Let’s, let’s calm down.” He said gently, turning completely around and facing you. He stood about five feet away from you and was acting like he was about to be a murder victim, this was already going better than you thought it was. “Place the weapon down, we can talk about your kids if you want to.”

“No! I know you took them, I know you have them. You, you have to give them back!” You shouted only to be shushed by him, he commanded you to lower your voice, but you weren’t about to let him speak to you like that when you were the one holding a weapon on him. “Y/n, give me the weapon. It doesn’t have to end like this, I promise you.” You shook your head, taking a step toward him and raising your weapon so that he got the idea. “Not a chance. I’ll kill you if you don’t tell me!” You felt yourself losing your grip on reality. You had to stay calm, you were doing this for your children and you had to keep your composure.

The two of you had a stare off for another minute before a smile slowly crossed Hux’s face. The smile grew into a large grin before he began giggling. He had the most jovial look on his face, as if this were one big joke and your children’s lives weren’t on the line. You were angry, didn’t even try to stop the anger from showing on your face. He just stood there giggling at you, it infuriated you to no end.

“Oh, dear. I knew you’d find out somehow Mrs. Ren. But I wasn’t expecting it to be this soon.” Your jaw quivered as you once again listened to him laugh at you. This was his confession, you now knew that Hux was the mastermind behind your children’s disappearance. “Who told you, huh? Was it Snoke? Was is one of the men I hired to help?” He turned back to the counter and picked up your water, taking a small swing before he went off on his next tanget. “It’s no bother, because you’re gonna kill me, right? You’re gonna shoot me between my eyes?”

“Hux, please. Just tell me where my children are and I won’t shoot.” You pleaded, you thought maybe you could convince him to tell you where your children are and he could walk away with his life. Nobody had to die, you didn’t want to kill him. “Oh, poor poor mommy. Poor you. Suffering from empty nest syndrome, Stockholm syndrome and living with a husband who forced her hand in marriage and berates her on a daily basis. Poor you, you pull sympathy from everyone now don’t you?” You gulped as Hux clicked his tongue at you several times in a row, but you would not let down, you would not drop the gun until you knew where your children were, no exceptions.

“I suppose I should explain myself. You’ll understand why at the end of my speech, but you might as well hear before Snoke sentences you to death again, this time for murder, little girl.” He chuckled, once again taking ahold of the glass and taking a swing and winking at you, you knew that you would be in for the ride of your life for certain.

“You remember the night your husband spontaneously invited me over for dinner, yes? And I told you Snoke was no longer targeting you?” You gulped one more time before nodding your head, adjusting your grip in the blaster. “Well, as you probably have guessed by now, that was all a lie. You were always at the top of Snokes hit list, you were never meant to be kept around like the little pet you are, you should have been killed off a long time ago.

“Snoke got tired of it, watching your fucking gremlins prance around the base, watching Kylo turn soft and be unable complete his duties as the Commander, and so did I! He never deserved his position, the only reason why Snoke keeps him around is his ties to Vader, I deserve his position too. I deserve his pay, I deserve everything he has, including you.” Hux said, pointing a finger at you from across his kitchen. You had known he wanted you, but you had thought the whole vengeance thing to get you away from Kylo was over. You thought he had begun to form some type of love toward you. 

“So, shortly after the announcement of your second pregnancy, Snoke and I planned. We schemed together until we came up with the perfect plan to dethrone Ren. Snoke no longer considered your husband to be the best heir to his throne, a Skywalker was never meant to rule anything in his eyes and he had been a Skywalker for far too long. But your children, they had been bred and lived within the Order for the majority of their lives, with the exception of your oldest of course. They would be perfect people to grow up and be trained up under Snoke. To rule and be what their useless father couldn't, all we needed to do was to pull them away from you which, clearly, was a very easy task.” He raised his glass up to you before uttering the words ‘sex on the beach?’ to you. It made you massively ill, Hux’s niceness had nothing to do with actually caring for you. It had always been a plot against you.

“The bartender! You got him killed!” You shouted, how could he be so cruel? “Oh, don’t worry about him. He was in on it my dear.” He said, shrugging your concern off of his shoulders. “He was meant to be one of the people holding your children for us until your fucking husband nearly put him into the ground. I had to transport him to the planet in a coma then do some trickery to make everyone believe he had been the one to murder you, and only part of it worked. I’m sure you can tell which part didn’t since you're standing here alive and well.”  He rolled his eyes at you and you couldn’t hold back anymore. Using your free hand you wiped the tears out of your eyes one at a time, you couldn’t believe all of this had been planned over the last five years.

“So you unfortunately didn’t die like we needed you to, but luckily your children were still naive enough to come with me when I knocked on your door. The oldest one, the one that looks like you, had the most sense. He was holding the little ones back and saying he needed to go ask mommy, but he buckled when I told him there’d be lots of cake and toys where we’d be going and if he asked his mother she’d say no. But the two smallest terrors had no problems running away with me.” You felt like you could fall to your knees and cry as Hux told you about how he took advantage of your children. That’s why he had been so nice to them and it was so dirty and wrong. You told Griffin that day to come get you if he needed anything, why didn’t he persist?

Hux moved to his wine cabinet and brought out a bottle of white wine, uncorking it and taking a swing as if this were a regular old conversation two friends would be having on a Sunday afternoon. It made you sick, he was destroying five peoples lives and acting like it was no big deal. “Ah, I’m sure you noticed when we were having sex, which by the way, was the only reason why I did not assassinate you when Snoke told me to do so, that I didn’t produce any semen. And that’s because I absolutely  _ loathe  _ children. But there is no child I detest more than yours. Your bratty toddlers that can’t stand hearing the word no, they can’t sit still and the one boy isn’t even housebroken. The first thing he did when I got him into my personal transportation ship was piss in the seat. And please don’t even get me started on that little bitch of a daughter. She acts like she’s in love with me and has the foulest mouth I’ve ever heard on a child. She curses like a sailor, you and Ren really are the worst parents I’ve ever met.

“For the entire duration of our trip to the planet where they’re being held the boy cried and the girl shrieked, the older one tried to calm them down but nothing would work. I had to yell at them several times, and one of those times the girl said to me ‘up yours, asshole.’ Oh my, until that day I had never known it was so satisfying to backhand a child.” Your upper lip lifted into an ugly snarl as Hux smiled happily at you, your rage could not be contained. “You, you slapped my child?” You were shaking, no longer afraid of the man that stood in front of you. He deserved death, there was nothing Kaia could ever say to deserve to be backhanded by a grown man. “Yes, Mrs. Ren. And believe me when I say that it was not the worst that they endured.

“But that’s enough talk about them, let’s go back to you. Snoke's hope was that Kylo would see the error of his ways. Love has to place in royalty. He had become too attached to you and the monsters that you call children, so you were to be put to death and his children were to be kept away from him until his death and _I_ was to have the title of General, Commander and, should Snoke meet his demise prematurely, The Supreme Leader until one of your children was fit to take the throne. So, you can see why this plan appealed to me so much. Now, do you remember when I told you that none of this would matter? That I should have kept it secret but I’d tell you anyway?” You nodded your head, once again readying your weapon. Your hands were sweating and your fingers were jittery, ready to fire at him at any moment. With a hearty laugh he continued his speech without a care in the world. “Well my dear. That’s because there’s still one crucial element to Snoke's plan that did not end correctly.” He reached into his back pocket, looking to the ground the air around you was filled with a high pitched whizzing noise and you gasped as he produced his own blaster. “And that is, you must meet your end so that I can prosper.” He took the safety off and you shrieked, before you knew it the whizzing had been replaced with the sound of two blaster shots; one from you and one from him.

Your eyes shut as Hux let out a painful moan. Before your eyes shut you saw him fall backward, the sound of his blaster clanking on the ground and his heavy breathing caused you to open them just a crack. What you saw horrified you.

Hux was laying on his back, his bloodstained blaster sat two feet behind him on the floor and he was holding his right wrist in his left hand. The first thing that hit you was the sight of his blood. It was all over him, his hand blown clean off but nowhere to be seen. Down his white shirt, on his pants, and surrounding him on his kitchen floor. You had shot him, you had really shot the man. 

It was at that point you realized he had shot at you too, but you didn’t know if you were hit. You looked down the length of your body, looked at both of your arms and even felt all over your head. There was nothing, no blood, no blaster wounds, just your cold, clammy, and sweaty skin. You looked back down at Hux who was writhing in pain on the floor in front of you, groaning and crying while looking up at you angrily. You had injured him, but you hadn’t actually done your duty and killed him.

“Well, get on with it you unfaithful whore! Kill me, finish what you’ve started!” He taunted, still gripping his profusely bleeding wrist in his hand. He was panting, moaning and groaning, you could have sworn this was something out of your own nightmares. You had no choice, you couldn’t just leave him here where he could tell anyone you were the one who had walked into his home and shot him. You took slow, cautious steps over to him, knowing that at any moment he could turn around and crawl to his blaster. You had to do this, get revenge for your children that he had deceived and taken away from you.

You squatted down in front of him and pressed the blaster right in between his eyes. “You fucking whore. You never belonged anywhere in the Order. You’re just a whore, a piece of trash made to be abused by that mongrel. You mean nothing!” He shouted, lunging at you one final time. You scowled as you remembered what Hux had said about your innocent children, treating Kaiser like a dog when he was just afraid and slapping Kaia for lashing out at him. He deserved this, and you knew they deserved this revenge.

“This is for Kaia.” You warned before shutting your eyes and pulling the trigger. The sound of the blaster echoed in your ears, then there was nothing. Hux had stopped moving, stopped breathing and stopped talking. Your hand had become wet and it took very little imagination to know with what. You didn’t want to look at him, you knew he had been killed and you didn’t want to see what you had been capable of. Instead you stood to your feet, only opening your eyes when you were facing away from Hux’s body. You tucked the blaster back into your back pocket and sprinted to Hux’s door. Now it was time to be reunited with your children. 


	15. Reunify

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning, implied/referenced child abuse and neglect at the end of the chapter. It's not too graphic because, just like last chapter, don't nobody wannna read about that.

With your hoodie flipped up over your head and kept your hands shoved deep into your pockets as you sprinted as fast as you could to the cafeteria. You hadn’t bothered to check the time, but for some reason you were still panicking as you thought you were going to miss the storm trooper. You tried to appear calm, breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth so that no one would have suspected you did anything wrong, but you found it to be very difficult. The only thing you could see in your mind was Hux’s missing hand, the fact that you were now considered to be a murderer, and thoughts of flying from the base tonight and not being able to contact Kylo. What would you do? Stay with the storm troopers and let them keep you safe? Or take your chances of finding a way to contact the Order on your own? All these thoughts terrified you to the point where you almost took a wrong turn down a hallway headed away from the Cafeteria. You closed your eyes as you took a deep breath, you had to concentrate. This was it, the wellbeing of your children depended on you reaching the cafeteria before the storm trooper could leave. You had to concentrate.

You had rushed all the way and just managed to catch a storm trooper just as he was leaving, bumping into him head on. You did nothing but stare at him, you had never gotten his serial number so you weren’t sure this was him. You wanted to take him by the shoulders and shake him, to tell him that you had killed the General and you didn’t know what to do next, but you absolutely could not blow your cover now. 

“Is it done?” He asked, and you let out a satisfying sigh of relief before nodding your head rapidly. “Yes, I did it.” You stuttered, taking your clean hand out of your hoodie pocket and placing it on the handle of the blaster. “T-Take the blaster. Take it!” You shrieked almost ready to remove the blaster and shove it into his hands. You couldn’t stand the feeling of it pressing against your backside, a constant reminder of the horrifying conversation and murder that you had committed against the General and it was making you feel ill.

“No, no. Keep it.” He said, reaching out and gently shoving you away from him. “Keep it until we get inside of the TIE Fighter.” You nodded your head, and soon it all became real. He asked you to follow close behind him, to act natural and to keep close. He was going to take you to your children, you had finally won the battle against time and the awful man called Hux.

You followed closely behind him, trying to quiet your mind but found it was nearly impossible. Griffin, Kaia, Kaiser, and Kylo. They were the only people on your mind. Sure you were happy and excited to be reunited with your kids, it had been so long and you had gone through so much turmoil without them, but Kylo was an issue. You wanted so badly to be able to bring him with you because you knew he was suffering just as much as you were, but you couldn’t take the risk of botching the rescue mission. You could see the outcome perfectly in your mind: Telling Kylo that the storm trooper helping you was also one of the men who was working with Hux to keep your kids away from you and he turns on them, murdering them and then you’d never see your kids again. You balled your fists in your jacket pocket, you had to keep it together. Surely contacting the Order after you and the children were reunited would not be as hard as it sounded.

The two of you scurried all the way to the in-base hangar which was empty at this time of night. It all came down to this, just you, the storm trooper, and the sounds of your speedy footsteps on the aluminum floor. This was it, when you would leave Star Killer without Kylo’s knowledge and hopefully return home with your arms full of happy children. You held your breath, imagining Kylo coming around the corner and screaming at you to halt. He would have caught you fleeing the base with an unknown man, he’d probably kill both of you on the spot, no questions asked. It was a horrifying thought, but it quickly disappeared when you rounded a corner into a bay full of three TIE Fighters. The hatch opened and he let you climb in first, taking the seat behind him before he boarded in front of you. The two of you said nothing as you buckled up as fast as you could, then he began the long process of pressing buttons, pulling levers, and bringing the TIE Fighter to life right in front of you. You watched as it shook, as it moved forward out of the bay and into the aisle, flying out toward the large hangar door as it opened for you. Before you knew it the storm trooper was accelerating out of the base and into the sky, away from your home and your husband for who knew how long.

You were speechless as you were lifted into the atmosphere, the snowy planet you had learned to call home becoming nothing but a white dot as you went further and further away. Now that everything was all set in motion it felt wrong. Kylo needed to be here with you, what would the children think when you were the only one coming to rescue them? You needed Kylo, in the last few weeks you only had Kylo, and in reality you had always only had Kylo. You felt lost without him, but at this point you had no choice. “I’m so, sorry Kylo.” You whispered as you kept your tears at bay, the storm trooper turned to look at you over his shoulder for a second as he listened to your sad apology. “I’m so sorry that we did this to you, Mrs. Ren. When I enlisted into the Order years ago I thought it would bring me honor and pride. I didn’t sign up to torture and abuse innocent children just because Snoke wanted to get back at their father.” You shut your eyes, your children were being tortured. They needed their parents, you had to rescue them. You were sure this would be worth the temporary heartbreak Kylo would be suffering without you. 

 

\--

 

Muffled blaster shots rang out just as Kylo was rinsing the soap off of his body. They sounded as if they were coming from the hallway outside of his home, as if two people had just fired at each other in the hallway. “Y/n?” He called out, shutting the water off and cautiously stepping out of the shower stall. He was concerned about his wife’s wellbeing, the storm troopers hardly ever were allowed to come down the officer's hallway so the people shooting outside of his home were likely people he wouldn’t expect to see, enemies coming to finish what they started and destroy what was left of his family. “Love? You okay?” He called out for her one more time and felt himself beginning to panic when he got no response. He quickly grabbed a towel off of the towel rack and wrapped it around himself, it was nice not having to worry about his children seeing him in a towel as he went out to go look for their mother but it was not nice to see that she had once again gone running off without telling him.

He let out an exasperated sigh, having gone through the entire house he was sure his wife was not here and his anxiety began to run high. She had become a target, he was sure of it. He ran back from the living room to his bedroom where he dropped the towel and immediately began dressing in any clothes he could get his hands on. He was terrified, had to go make sure she had not been shot out in the hallway. She’d still be alive if he got there quickly, he could save her. He could heal her, but only if he stopped panicking and focused on the task at hand: His undershirt. He fumbled to get it over his head as he tried to remember where he had kept his pajama pants when he had stopped cold in his tracks.

Another blaster shot brought his attention away from his shirt and right behind him. This one had come through his bedroom wall from, Hux’s room? He turned and faced the wall, technically where he was standing right now was a portion of Hux’s living room before he had renovated for the twins, essentially pushing Kylo’s house back and downsizing Hux’s home. From the sound of that blaster shot it sounded as if someone fired a blaster in Hux’s kitchen. He thought about where the sound of the first two blaster shots had come from while he was in the shower, could they have come from Hux’s home as well? Kylo shook his head, thinking it wasn’t worth the thought at the moment when it was still possible his wife could be sitting in the hallway suffering from blaster shot wounds. He dressed quickly, equipping himself with his lightsaber and heading straight to the door. 

He was slow at first, peeking his head gently out of the door and saw nothing. No blood, no dead bodies, nobody with a blaster. It seemed safe, safe enough for Kylo to calm down and relax just a bit. But his wife was still missing, and a blaster shot had still rung out from Hux’s room not too long ago. He felt like he needed to investigate, to find his wife and make sure she was safe before moving forward. He returned to his bedroom where he dressed in only his essential outer clothing, the clothing that would protect him from any blaster shots that he would encounter, then decided to head next door to his long time rivals home to investigate.

He knocked on the door and waited a full five minutes before disengaging the lock with the Force and letting himself in. Under normal circumstances, had his wife and children been safe at home with him, Kylo would never have checked up on him. But with his life in absolute shambles at the moment he felt it would be best just to investigate. He didn’t particularly think Hux had anything to do with the disappearance of his children, but at that point in time he was open to anything.

However, Kylo was not expecting to find Hux’s body lying face up in his kitchen: a blaster wound dead center between his eyes, his right hand missing and his own blaster a few feet behind his head. Kylo gasped, stumbled backward as he took in more of the scene around him. On the ceiling above him there was a sizable hole that seemed to have come from Hux’s blaster, it looked as if Hux was trying to defend himself. Someone had shot him, Kylo had actually noticed his hand resting on his kitchen counter next to an empty container. Kylo squinted his eyes, upon closer inspection the container looked to be one of his, a frosted glass body with a ruby red top. He gifted the set of food storage for his wife two Christmases after the Twins were born as she had to make so much food that not everybody always got to eat. Why in the hell would Hux be in possession of one of his food containers? 

He took a look around, gingerly stepped to the side as he realized something wasn’t right. Over on Hux’s bedside table sat three or four black hair elastics, ones that looked a lot like the ones that he noticed his wife was missing. Was she here? He called out for her but he heard nothing but the ominous silence all around him, maybe they weren’t hers--Why would y/n be here anyway?. Maybe Hux just had a girlfriend that killed him and ran. Nevertheless he opened his closet anyway, just in case he had been holding her hostage. He was happy about the fact that he was wearing gloves as to not leave any fingerprints, but he found nothing other than a shirt that seemed to be out of place. He looked a bit closer, the white shirt looked a lot like one of his as it was far too big to be Hux’s. His wife sometimes liked to lounge in his bigger shirts, but he hadn’t seen her wear one in quite some time. He blinked, thinking maybe Hux just liked sleeping in heavier shirts just like she did. 

There was still one more place to check and that was the bathroom. Kylo stepped up and pulled the door open, he didn’t find his wife but he did find an extra toothbrush sitting on the counter and in the bathtub he found a type of shampoo that he could have sworn his wife enjoyed using. What was this? What was going on? Kylo willed his heart to stop beating so rapidly, thinking maybe Hux just enjoyed smelling so great. It was either that or it was his lover’s, those were the only two obvious reasons why Hux had all this extra feminine stuff.

Kylo immediately shook his head as he realized it didn’t really matter, it wasn’t worth the thought when the man was dead on his own floor. He had to get to the Supreme Leader and he had to get there quickly. He left Hux’s home remembering to lock the door behind him, he knew the crime scene would be tapered off soon, he didn’t need anyone going in and tampering with the evidence. He shut the door an took a concerned look around, there was still nobody. The culprit had just gotten away, what a shame.

After deciding that his wife was likely safe at the playground he booked it to Star Killer’s throne room where he removed his helmet and cried out to his Master, Snoke had taken up a temporary residence on Star Killer base around the time Hux had and Kylo was happy to be speaking with him in the flesh. “Supreme Leader!” He said, his breaths short and shallow as he watched the old, decaying man slowly turn from the port window. Snoke looked over at him from his shoulder, sighing deeply before turning around and beginning to walk up to his frantic apprentice. “The General has been murdered!” Snoke looked so unimpressed, didn’t even bother to greet him as he delivered the awful news of Hux’s murder. He grumbled just a bit, ran his hand own his face before finally engaging Kylo in a conversation.

“Oh, for the love of…” Snoke began, but he didn’t seem to want to continue. “I was in the shower when I heard blaster shots coming from his home and when I went to investigate I found him dead on his kitchen floor.” Snoke shook his head, turning from Kylo and moving to the throne where he sunk ever so gracefully into it, still seemingly so unphased my Hux’s death. Kylo was puzzled, and what his Master said next put him even further in the dark. 

“And your wife, is she alive?” Kylo cringed, completely confused at Snoke's comment on his wife. He stammered, carefully trying to explain that he didn’t know his wife’s whereabouts but he was sure she was safe. “And what about your children, Kylo? Where are they, are they safe too?” His lower lip quivered, he didn’t know what the disappearance of his family had to do with Hux’s death. 

“Useless.” Snoke said under his breath, Kylo’s heart immediately split in two. Was he talking about him, or was he talking about Hux? 

“You, Kylo. I’m talking about you.” Snoke said, leaning forward and letting his voice boom loudly off of the throne room walls. He squinted his eyes as he allowed the word ‘what?’ to fall weakly between his lips. “You, Kylo Ren are useless. I wasted so much time on you, overlooked your potential so severely and you left me feeling like such a fool.” Kylo felt a lump forming in his throat. All he wanted to do was report that General Hux had been killed, but here he was hearing an earful from Snoke about how useless he was. All Kylo could do was sit there and take it, he knew that Snoke would not allow Kylo to leave just to save his already fractured ego.

“I should have never let you keep that whore. You convinced me she was going to give you children and fulfill your life, then you failed them so severely, all of them. You blame your wife when you know that deep down inside it was you, you that sat back and allowed your wife to become poisoned, you that allowed your children to be carried away from the base. You couldn’t even protect your family, you are  _ useless. _

“You are a severe disappointment to your entire legacy. Your grandparents, your parents, your whore of a wife, and now it’s only a matter of time before your children join the group, and that’s if they haven’t already come to that conclusion on their own.” Snoke spit fire at him, breaking Kylo down further and further, past the point of no return. Snoke was speaking as if Kylo wasn’t already in shambles over the loss of his children, as if he didn’t already berate himself daily over the fact that his wife had almost died and his children’s fate was unknown. The tears finally began falling down his cheeks, maybe the things Snoke was saying and had always said were true.

“I still need a powerful Force user to take over the throne after me, and that’s what the General was assisting me with. Your wife was meant to die at his hand, to be poisoned and die quietly and I’m hopeful that the outcome still happened despite his unfortunate demise. She was never any good for you, and I should have put her in the ground after those first three days just to save all of this humility both you and I are currently facing. Your children are safe, I have taken custody of them and I am going to raise them and train them to be great, unlike you who just has too much light in you. Again, worthless. You were never meant to rule, you are just a foolish child hiding beneath a mask. You will never live up to be anything close to Vader.” 

Kylo felt the rage beginning to take over the self-loathing inside of him, Snoke had his children this entire time? And it was  _ Hux  _ that handed them over to him? He wasn’t sure if he should feel relieved or enraged. Snoke felt like Kylo wasn’t doing a good enough job of raising them so he stole them from him. Stole his three most prized possessions from him, and then planned on murdering his wife. What good would that do? The children would be devastated, Kylo would be devastated. Nobody would be happy, and Kylo was almost sure he would have to step away from the First Order if he found out his wife had died because Snoke felt like she didn’t deserve to live.

“Give, give my children back.” Kylo muttered, trying to keep his anger under wraps. It was easy to take his anger out on people that were weaker than him because they couldn’t fight back. But he knew that Snoke was much stronger than he was and could likely kill him with the snap of his fingers.

In response Snoke laughed in his face as if the sadness and emptiness he felt without his family was a joke to be laughed at. “You will never see those children ever again. As if the fact that you are a child yourself were not enough to keep them away from you, but it seems as if you can’t teach your own child how to use the Force! The eldest told me Darth Vader was the one that taught him almost everything he knew, that his father only ever went out of his way to train him in the Force once a week and relied heavily on the helmet that was kept in the ceiling of his bedroom to teach him the ways of the Force. 

“And the two youngest, they’ll likely be put to death.” 

Kylo’s heart stopped cold in his chest as the words resonated in him. ‘Put to death.’ Snoke wanted his five year old children to die for some unknown reason. That’s when Kylo decided sitting around and taking Snoke's abuse was no longer an option when he knew his twin’s safety was now compromised. 

“It would seem that your genetics are as worthless as you are. We’ve been trying for weeks, going through various exercises and performing medical evaluations but they haven’t shown any Force abilities whatsoever. They are of no use to us and if there is no change within the next 48 hours I will have their death ordered, why waste any more time on individuals that will no doubt grow up to disappoint everyone just as their father did? Once again, Kylo, you have failed. I truly wish I never would have wasted my time with you.” 

There was silence as Kylo stood there, his fists balled at his sides while he shook and seethed in anger. This was no longer just about him and his hurt feelings, this was about his children and about how they had been subjected to probably the most horrendous acts of abuse they would ever face. No doubt they had drawn their blood, but what else had been done? Kylo couldn’t stand to think of it, his poor children. They were likely with complete strangers, being forced into medical procedures and whatever Snoke considered to be “exercises” only to be killed because the Force was not passed down through his blood. This was like a nightmare, a nightmare that Kylo just could not wake up from. 

But he had decided that he needed to wake up, to do something to save his children’s lives, to prove to them, and his wife, and to Snoke, and to his entire legacy that he was not worthless, was not a disappointment, and that he could protect him. There was only one thing he thought to do, and it would only do so much but it was all he could do.

He unhooked his lightsaber and closed the gap between the two of them, got down on one knee and held the weapon out to him. “Supreme Leader,” Kylo breathed, trying to keep everything together in front of him. “I resign from my position of Commander of the First Order.” He said, willing his jaw to stop it’s nervous quivering it. He had done this once before, and it seemed to have worked out in his favor but he had to keep his cool. Snoke could read his mind, he could thwart his rescue efforts and all of this could be in complete vain.

Snoke laughed over him, throwing his head back and bellowing at Kylo’s display. It was true Kylo would never be able to work for Snoke under these circumstances. So he resigned, determined to not be the Commander of the First Order anymore, getting his children back and making a new life for himself and for his family. “Perfect, the Order has no room for those who decide to put their feelings over their worth and greatness. You’re just like your grandfather, falling at the very end due to unsolicited feelings.” Kylo allowed Snoke to take hold of his saber and pull it away, laughing and not paying any attention to Kylo’s true motives. “I tried to make you great, I tried to raise you to be the next heir to the throne. But you, Ben Solo, are unteachable.”

Kylo snarled as he recalled what Snoke had said about him and his family, all the years of hearing that his wife was a whore, a worthless slut that was not deserving of anybody's love. All the years of emotional and verbal abuse that would end now, after threatening the lives of his children. Kylo held his breath as he decided right then and there to end Snoke's life, flicking his fingers and igniting his lightsaber and impaling him in his chest. Snoke’s mouth fell open as his sunken in, empty eyes settled on Kylo as the life slowly drained out of him. Using the Force Kylo slowly slide the blade across his chest, making sure the death was slow and as painful as possible. This was for all the pain Snoke had put him through, this was for the pain his children had been put through. This was for Kylo, and this was the best Revenge Kylo had ever gotten. 

Once the saber had cut clean through Snoke’s chest cavity Kylo stood to his feet, at his full height he just barely stood nose to nose with Snoke. He withdrew his lightsaber and watched as the last small signs of life disappeared from Snoke's face, he had one final thing to say to him before he could crown himself Supreme Leader. “Nobody talks about my family like that.” He said before pushing the upper half of his body to the floor. It made a satisfying thud, and Kylo had stepped out of the way fast enough to see the lower half of his body drop to its knees in front of Kylo, bowing down just as he should have. Kylo smiled, thinking about how he should have done that such a long time ago. Now he was free, he just had to rescue his family so that they could be free with him.

 

\--

 

It was an agonizing three hour ride but you had finally begun to zero in on the desert planet that hopefully housed your three children. “This planet technically isn’t in any territory, it isn’t even considered to be neutral territory because it’s not charted at all. Hux had specifically sent all of us on a mission to find small planets, this was the one he wanted for some reason. He never told us.” The man explained, but it didn’t quite matter to you. All that mattered was finding three children and bringing them back home safely, it didn’t matter where they were kept before hand. “Hang on tight, we’re headed in.” He warned you before doing a nose dive and flying right into the planet’s atmosphere. You were now that much closer to seeing your children.

He pulled the TIE Fighter into an empty parking lot outside of an abandoned looking building. It was scorching hot, the air was so dry you’d imagine one spark could burn the entire planet to the ground. Regardless, as soon as the hatch was released you sprang from the seat and headed down the ramp, hastily removing your hoodie and throwing it over your shoulder as you waited for the storm trooper to exit his TIE Fighter. As soon as the man started walking toward a wall that had been knocked down you followed him, trying not to dwell too much on what kinds of things could be hiding inside of this building. You couldn’t imagine the children sitting in the broken down rooms, the threat of the building collapsing all around them, playing with cobwebs and dirt and inhaling all of the dust that hung in the air. But at the same time you couldn’t imagine Hux walking into a building like this to drop them off either. If there was one thing you learned about Hux during your personal time with him, it was that he was a very clean, precise person. He would never survive walking around a place like this, there must be something different around the building.

The storm trooper led you through broken down corridors, rooms that had been stripped of their carpets and other furnishings. All that was left were some old, dirty mattresses and empty cans that were left by people bunking in it. You rubbed your bare arms, this place was giving you the creeps. You tried to keep your fearful feelings at bay as the two of you descended a large flight of stairs, the storm trooper decided to make conversation with you once again. 

“Your daughter was always my favorite. She’s such a fighter, and she, just like the rest of us, couldn’t stand Hux. He often treated her like she were a pet, petting her and feeding her by hand when she wouldn’t cooperate. One time she bit him pretty hard, almost took his pointer finger clean off of his bone. Hux was so angry and demanded I douse her in the urine bucket we kept in all of the kid's rooms as he left, but I just couldn't bring myself to it. She didn’t deserve it, and I always admired her for standing up to Hux when I couldn't.” You smiled as the two of you reached a giant metal door at the bottom of the steps, he began inputting a code to unlock it and you assured him that that’s exactly what Kaia would do. The feistiest little girl in the world and you had no idea where she got it from. 

Eventually he got the door open and you stepped into an area that looked almost exactly like the control center of Star Killer Base. Several people who were working on computers turned around and smiled as you walked through the door, but your eyes only sat on them for half a second before you began looking around for your children. “Andy! You brought her finally!” One of them stood and said joyfully, the storm trooper that had been helping you, now known as Andy, removed his helmet and you were met with a mop of messy blonde hair and bright blue eyes. He smiled, a very friendly looking man and seemingly well received by his peers that were “stationed” here.

“Yes sir. See? We were all so anxious to get you here to reunite you with your children. We’ve been running this station alone for a while now, Hux only ever popped in every few weeks and now that he’s gone we don’t have any problem releasing them to you.” Andy said happily, and even though you were grateful for their generosity you were still waiting on them to take you to your kids. It seemed as though Andy could sense that, having reached over on the wall and taking a set of keys off of the key ring. He motioned for you to follow him and, looking back and casting one more thankful smile at the group of people behind you, you were close on his heels as he began walking down a secluded hallway.

It didn’t take too long before Andy turned and faced a solid steel door, similar to the one that had led to this underground laboratory of sorts only it required a key and not a passcode. “Alright, Mrs. Ren. All of us have been waiting for this moment, I’m so happy we could all make this happen.” Your heart was beating loudly in your chest and you could feel the adrenaline pumping through your veins. 

Behind this door would sit your life, your soul, and the entire reason you had killed a man. Andy stuck the key into the lock and turned it as fast as he could, pushing the heavy door and revealing a colorful, happy looking room. In the middle of the floor sat ten year old Griffin, happily looking up to a flat screen TV and holding a game remote in his hands. At home you didn’t have video games, but it seemed like something Griffin would have enjoyed. He looked so concentrated on the screen, only tearing his eyes away for a few moments to look over at the open door. He must not have seen you right away because he quickly looked back, but as if it had clicked in his mind that Andy the Storm Trooper was standing there with his long lost mother, he threw his head to the side right back at you. His eyes were wide and his jaw quickly dropped as he excitedly shouted the word ‘mommy’ at the top of his lungs. 

You broke down into tears as you watched him throw the controller down and scurry over to you, into your wide open arms and hugged him tight. The two of you were crying together, holding each other just as anyone would expect a mother and son to after spending so much time apart. He didn't smell like Griffin anymore and it seemed as if he had gotten a bit taller and gained some weight, but he was still your baby, your first born and you still missed him nonetheless. 

“Griffin, I missed you. Your father and I missed you so much.” You sobbed, unable to say anything else to him. “Mommy I’m sorry, I’m sorry that I went with General Hux when I was supposed to stay home. Please don’t be mad at me!” Griffin said as he bawled into your chest. He apologized over and over again and it broke your heart. “Griffin, baby you aren’t in trouble. I’m just so happy to have you back in my arms.” He clutched the back of your shirt and wiped his face on the front, clearly he didn’t want to let go but the emotional interaction would have to come to a temporary halt. Only one of your children in here, the twins were absent.

You pulled Griffin off of you and looked at is red, swollen, tear stained face, trying your best to portray the serious urgency of your next question to him. “Where is your brother and sister?” You asked, holding onto him under his arms. He wiped his tears away before looking at the floor and mumbling something you didn’t understand. “What? Griffin, answer me!” You said, trying to keep your voice down. You didn’t want him to think that you were angry at him, but you desperately wanted to be with your other children. “I don’t know, mommy. I haven’t seen them in a long time.” Your grip on his ribs loosened as your gaze shifted from him to Andy in the hallway. It seemed as if he had been struck by emotion from your reunion as well, his eyes were red with tears as he once again beckoned you to follow him. You whispered for Griffin to come on, taking him by the hand and pulling him out of his room and back out into the hallway.

A few feet down Andy had stopped at another large steel door, sticking the key into the lock but still holding the door shut. “Now, Mrs. Ren, I want you to know that what’s behind this door may disturb you, but your younger kids are alive and well, okay?” You nodded as you shifted from foot to foot, ready to charge into the room and pull your kids out of there. Whatever it was you would run in head first; fire, flooding, dangerous animals. You were prepared to face anything and save your twins. Andy’s face went from being quite happy and cheerful to quite sad and nervous, he opened the door and you were taken aback by how drastically different the room was from Griffin’s.

Instead of a bright, warm, happy room with a TV, lots of toys, carpet, and welcoming wallpaper, you were met with a room made top to bottom with solid concrete, cracks ran through the walls every few feet and it was quite terrifying. It was hot and humid, in the corner sat an old metal bucket filled almost to the top with urine and in the middle sat a long brown table that was illuminated by a single metal light that hung flickering from the ceiling. At one end of the table sat a small rubber ball and an empty chair, and at the other end sat your small, innocent son Kaiser. You thought you’d be overjoyed to see him again, but the sight that sat before your absolutely shattered your heart

He was sitting all alone in a chair, his little wrists shackled to the table with his arms stretched all the way out in front of him. He stared straight ahead at the wall, looking so drained of energy and exhausted. He was in the same clothes he had disappeared in, now stained with both blood and dirt. You let out a horrified gasp and out of shock stumbled back into the hallway, almost bumping into your oldest son who appeared to have the same reaction as you did. Kaiser turned toward the hallway at the sound of your voice and, just as Griffin did when his eyes had first laid on you, he screamed out to you at the top of his lungs, began thrashing back and forth so hard that the table and chair began quaking under his might. “Mommy!” He cried out, all of the guilt that had disappeared over the last few days instantly hit you again. His face was nearly black with dirt, part of his hair above his ear had been shaven and his hair looked greasy and undone. He looked so miserable, yet so happy and relieved at the sight of his long, lost mommy that now stood in the doorway of his prison cell. You dropped Griffin’s hand as you raced over to him, his eyes never left yours as he screamed at the top of his lungs for help. All you could do was helplessly take the restraints into your hands and try to pry them off, which had proven to be futile as they were locked onto his wrists tight. Behind you Griffin had started to cry at the sight of his brother and Andy started to fumble with his keys, only after you had started crying again did he reach the table and undo the restraints around your young son’s wrists.

Kaiser’s hands flew up to you and you couldn’t lift him in the air fast enough. He was crying, shaking, and wrapping his arms tightly around your neck. Just like with Griffin you never wanted to let go, you wanted to hold your baby forever, to apologize profusely about failing him so hard, but he was alone. You were still missing your only daughter. “Mommy, I’m scared and I wanna go home, take me home!” Kaiser shouted as you stepped around Griffin and back into the hallway where Andy had shut the door behind you, purposely avoiding your gaze as you silently questioned how he could let such a thing happen to your child. Poor Kaiser, what had he ever done to deserve to be treated like this? “I know, baby. We’re going home, we just have to find your sister first.”

“I don’t know where Kaia is, but Griffin is there. I haven’t seen them in forever!” He bawled, resting his head on your shoulder. Along with all of his other ailments you noticed he was noticeably lighter in your arms. You could feel his ribs poking through his skin and noticed that his arms especially were missing some fat and muscle. Whoever was responsible for your children while they were held against their will had clearly neglected him while treating Griffin like royalty, you could only hope that Kaia was treated better than her twin at this point.

Holding Kaiser close to you in one arm and holding Griffin’s hand in the other you followed Andy to the next door down the hallway, no doubt Kaia’s room. “Is, is there anything I should know before I walk into this room, to my daughter?” You asked. You were nervous, still quite angry about the fact that you had to walk into a decrepit room and find your toddler son chained up like a prisoner. His face was unreadable, he was still not looking at you as he unlocked the third and final room. He shook his head before pushing the door open, then reminded you that Kaia was Hux’s least favorite child. You took that as your cue to brace for impact, what you’d see behind the door would likely break your heart and there was nothing you could do about it. You set Kaiser down next to his brother and told Griffin to keep an eye on him, as you walked into the identical room Kaiser began to cry again, begging you not to leave him again. You shut your eyes as you tossed the word ‘again’ around in your head. It was likely one of the first signs of trust issues your children would have after their kidnapping. Even though it hurt to hear him crying out for you, you pressed on into the room that was nearly identical to Kaisers. However, nothing could have prepared you for the sight in the middle of that room.

Just like her brother, Kaia sat at a poorly illuminated table with a small ball and empty chair at one end and her at the other, her hands stuck to the wood in shackles. That was no surprise, but the fact that she had a long strip of silver duct tape over her mouth and a black rag over her eyes was. She had been struggling to pull her wrists free, moving the table slightly when she looked over to the door as it squeaked open. She cried out under the duct tape, her muffled sounds were much more gut wrenching as she started to fight, shaking the table and chair just as Kaiser had before her. As fast as your feet could carry you you rushed to her side, pulling the blindfold off and throwing it to the floor next to you. Her honey brown eyes came into view and as soon as she saw it was you her entire body convulsed. Under the duct tape she screamed, as Andy came over to her to undo the restraints you took a corner of the tape and began to gently peel it off of her mouth. It proved to be a difficult task, you had to shush her multiple times to get her to hold still and as it was pulled from her lip you knew she was in pain. The only positive outcome was that her tears helped remove the adhesive, and after an agonizing three minutes or so the tape had been cleared, leaving a light pink glow around her bright red lips. 

“Mommy! Mommy where have you been? They’re so mean to me!” She bellowed, and you had no reason to doubt her. Just as you did with Kaiser, you lifted her into you and carried her out of the room, she held you tight and you assured her that you wouldn’t be going anywhere without her ever again. Just like Kaiser she was so frail and so much thinner, having been starved and held to a table just like her brother. Evidently whoever had the pleasure of taking care of her had gotten tired of hearing her smart mouth, so they shut her up and tried to scare her into submission with the blindfold. Her skin was dirty and she, just like Kaiser, had dirty, unkept hair with just a fraction of it shaved off above her ear. You shook your head as the tears rolled steadily down your cheeks. When you made it back into the hallway both Kaiser and Griffin ran up to you and wrapped their arms around you. All three of them were talking to you at once, all three of them were saying ‘Mommy’ and usually the phrase that followed was ‘I love you,’ or ‘I missed you.’ You closed your eyes and embraced the three sets of arms that were around you, deciding that every moment leading up to the reunion, no matter how gruesome or uncomfortable, was 100 percent worth it. You had your children back, and that’s all that mattered to you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: Snokes death in TLJ had had me mad af. I thought it was so cheap and predictable. Really, I think I preferred TFA to TLJ, but that's just my opinion lol.  
> Anyway, next chapter will be the last chapter for this story, but don't think it's coming to an end. The "Good Ending" will be featured in this story, but the "True Ending" will have another few chapters and will be posted separately.


	16. The Supreme Leader and his Wife

After the hugs were finished, the tears were shed, and the fears had almost fallen off of everyone’s shoulders, Andy had led you to Griffin’s room where you found a bathtub and immediately threw the twins in. They were rigid, stayed close to each other the entire time while you viciously scrubbed their hair with the shampoo and conditioner you found on the edge of the tub. They smelled awful, similar to the condition Kylo had delivered Eli to you in so many years ago. Poor babies, your poor babies had clearly suffered in your absence.

As if their stench and awful hygiene wasn’t enough to boil your blood and rot your stomach, you noticed scars and bruises had decorated their bodies. The pads of their fingers were bright red, inflamed and it caused them a lot of pain when you touched them. On their arms were puncture wounds, you imagined they had their blood drawn several times over the last month and a half. It looked like Kaia had the most trouble as she had lots of black bruises around her needle marks. There were bruises and scratches on their necks, back, ribs, and ankles, Kaia looked like she got the worst of it with at least 20 percent of her body covered in scars than Kaiser’s was. You sighed, this was awful.

“And mommy! Those stupid bastards in the white clothes hung me upside down and said if I didn’t use the Force they’d drop me on my head!” Kaia exclaimed loudly, twirling her hair in her fingers as you went to work on scrubbing her brother’s arms free of a months worth of dirt. She was going on and on and on about the atrocities she was subjected to before your rescue, making your heart and stomach hurt at the same time. Kaiser on the other hand was as quiet as a mouse. Every time Kaia would mention something about being tied up in the corner of the room for days at a time, or having her arms stationed in a machine for hours on end he would look at her and then shy away. You noticed he looked so sad, so helpless as his ribs poked out of his skin and his eyes appearing to be sunken into his head. It looked like he hadn’t had a good night's sleep in forever, and you felt like you were the only one to blame.

“Mama.” He said, capturing your attention from his sister. You stopped what you were doing and looked at him right in his eyes, letting him know that his mother was there for whatever he needed. “I’m hungry, can we eat dinner now?” 

“As soon as we’re done in the bathtub, baby.” You said, going back to scrubbing his back and chest. You were curious though, your children had been treated so poorly and clearly had not been fed as often as you would have hoped. So you asked him as naturally as possible, “When was the last time you ate?” He looked down into the light brown water, a short flash of shame hung upon his face as he shrugged his shoulders. You bit down on your lip to quell your tears, your child couldn’t even recall the last time he had eaten. 

“Oh, mom!” Kaia said, standing to her feet and pulling a washcloth off of the wall of the tub to rinse the soap from her body. She turned around to face you, her face searching for answers that you were sure you wouldn’t have. You held Kaisers hand in your as you acknowledged her, rubbing your fingers over his knuckles in a small effort to bring him as much comfort as you could. “Is daddy here? I already know daddy will kick everyone's ass here when he finds us!” 

That was your second worry after making sure your children were all taken care of. How would you go about contacting the First Order so that Kylo could come rescue you? You were so worried, so much so that you couldn't find it within yourself to correct Kaia’s putrid language. In your eyes she deserved it, she had been through hell and back in the last month and a half and didn’t deserve to be punished or reprimanded. You just wanted her to be comfortable, even if it meant she got to be vulgar in your presence. 

 

You got the twins out of the tub and dry, each wrapped up in their own towel you led them back into Griffin’s room where you found Griffin sitting idly on the couch looking nervously over two boxes of pizza. “Pizza!” Kaia shouted, running swiftly over to the boxes so quick her towel nearly slipped off her body. You gripped her to hold her still, looked around the room but didn’t see anyone other than Griffin. What you did notice was three new sets of clothing on Griffin's bed: two small black sets for the Twins and one larger set for you. You pointed the twins in the direction of the bed and told them to dress while you walked over to Griffin and inquired about the pizza.

He looked so detached, so upset over something and you couldn’t imagine what it was. The twins were so happy to see you and they were so happy to have four out of five members of their family back together. But not Griffin, he just idly played with his fingers while the twins scurried around trying to dress without you. He simply shrugged, refusing to look at you. Just as you were about to ask what was the matter with him the door to his room opened and in came none other than Andy. He carried with him a jug of cranberry juice and a set of four plastic cups, a smile settled on his lips as he happily pointed out that the twins had found their clothes.

“Donny went into town and brought over this pizza for you and your family, feel free to eat as much or as little as you want.” You smiled at him, then motioned with your hand for the kids to dig in. Of course they ignored the stack of paper plates next to the box and simply flipped the lid up and reached their little hands in. It didn’t matter to you, you were just happy that they were being fed. You smiled at Griffin and told him he could have a piece, asked him to set up the TV for his siblings before you walked up to Andy who was standing at the door. “And don’t worry, we’re making arrangements to have an air mattress delivered for you to rest on.”

You didn’t bother thanking him, instead you were almost ready to get almost two months worth of anger and frustration off of your chest, and Andy was just the closest person to receive it 

“Okay, you need to tell me everything that happened to my children, and you need to tell me why these things happened.” You said, crossing your arms and tapping your foot. This man had a lot of explaining to do, and his explanation would be the deciding factor over if you’d be telling Kylo all about him and the atrocities your children had faced. He took a step back, held out his hands and tried to calm you down. You sneered at him, told him you didn’t have any obligation to be calm after you rescued your children from such deplorable conditions. He was quiet for a moment before finally agreeing with you. He explained once again that both Hux and Snoke were the masterminds behind this plot, that he just like everyone else were threatened with death if they did not cooperate. One woman was even killed for refusing to place a shock collar around Kaia’s neck, and when they finally found someone else to do it Hux had decided against the horrid act. You shook your head the entire time, coming away with the idea that it wasn’t so bad that Hux was dead. Now he was no longer around to terrorize yours or anyone elses children.

“So when I found them, why were they chained to the table?” You asked, thinking it was an odd position to have found them in considering the fact that nobody wanted to be abusing your children. “We were trying to pull out their Force abilities, which the blood tests had determined they didn’t have. They were meant to be put to death within a matter of days if they weren’t able to roll the ball across the table with the Force.” You felt the blood rush away from your face, your heart came to a standstill in your chest as his words resonated in you. “They, they were what?” It seemed that you had rescued them just in time. To think, had you waffled for another week there would have only been one child to rescue, your youngest children would have died for their genetic differences. You took a look back into the room just to remind yourself that all three of them were alive and well, Griffin was still sulking on the bed while they Twins had dragged the open box of pizza over to the TV and were happily watching a cartoon while they devoured probably the best meal they had in weeks. 

“We all truly regret what we’ve put your entire family through, Mrs. Ren. If we could we would take it all back, and that’s why we’re fleeing this building tomorrow. It’s only a matter of time before Hux’s body is discovered, and when Snoke finds out he’s going to send every member of the Order her to slaughter us.” He gulped, you could see the fear in his eyes. You knew first-hand how evil and vile that bastard Snoke could be, wishing death upon you and now your children? It brought out some feelings of understanding and content toward him, but not too much. In the end you just decided to thank him for going out of his way, risking his life to help your children. It was a very noble action, and without him you likely would have never seen your children ever again. 

“We want you to come with us, Mrs. Ren. There’s six of us, all trained to protect and to fight. We’ll keep you and the kids safe from the Order, we believe it’s the safest option for you.” You thought about what he was saying, if it were true would Kylo really allow Snoke to murder all of you? Would he let Snoke take Griffin and bring him up to fight, to kill, to do things that you knew Kylo didn’t approve of? You missed Kylo, you knew the kids missed Kylo, and you wanted nothing more than to reunite them with their father, but you didn’t know if you could take the risk of going through all this trouble just to watch your oldest be taken away, your youngest be killed, and then to be murdered by the one who orchestrated this all. It was a tough decision to make, possibly the biggest decision you ever had to make in your life.

You tried to hard to get away from Kylo years ago, and now that you have the opportunity to do so you had three other people to consider in the equation. Would you choose the safety and security of the storm troopers or the love and adoration of Kylo?

“Can, can I get back to you tomorrow, please? You know, this is a lot to think about after just getting my kids back.” You said, pushing your tears back and trying desperately to hold it together. This should be a happy time, you felt like you shouldn’t be crying, wondering what life changing decision you should make next. “Oh, not a problem, Mrs. Ren. We’re planning on leaving tomorrow morning, I’ll just come wake you when we need an answer.” He smiled at you as you nodded your head approvingly, just as you turned to head back into the room a noise coming down the hall drew your attention to your right. “Oh, well would you look at that. Your mattress is here.” Andy said as the other man walked up to him and handed him the box. “Let me get this all blown up for you, then you and yours can get a good night's rest together.” He offered, you stepped out of the way for him to enter the room. Rest, that’s exactly what you needed. A peaceful sleep with your children.

 

As it turned out, a peaceful rest wasn’t what you got at all. With Griffin on one side of you and the Twins, heads touching one another with their backs touching yours, on the other, you felt overcrowded and hot. The fact that you couldn’t get the image of Kylo crying alone in the bedroom out of your mind, knowing by now that you were gone didn’t help. If you would have been able to you would have tossed and turned all night long, tossing the options you were presented with back and forth in your mind. Go back with Kylo, or go with the Storm Troopers? Risk being killed by Snoke or risk slowly meeting your demise out here on an uncharted planet in the middle of nowhere? It seemed like there was no good option, you had never, ever been without Kylo and the thought of not having him worried you so much but with the threat of Snoke looming over your shoulder you didn’t know how you would live. It was bad enough the first time around, before you knew that your children were targets too. You let out a heavy sigh, if only your mind would quiet down enough to enjoy the time with your children. But your thoughts wouldn’t let up, you felt like you were doomed to sit on this mattress sandwiched between three kids and not sleep all night long.

In your left ear you heard a sniffle, looked over just in time to see Griffin wiping his eyes and looking up to the ceiling. He was crying, trying to stifle his tears down so that he wouldn’t wake you or the twins up. Your concern immediately grew, had Griffin been hurt by these people too?

“What’s the matter, baby? Why are you crying?” You asked, turning fully on your side, once again giving him all of the attention that you thought he needed. He looked up at you, his eyes searching yours until he a single tear ran down his cheek. He wiped it away, then threw his arm over his eyes and cried just a little bit harder. “I feel so bad that I trusted General Hux, he hurt my brother and sister!” At that point he began to sob, unable to hold back his emotions he let lose everything and you truly got to see what horrors plagued your son.

“Oh, Griffin,” You moaned, trying your best to whisper as to not wake up your two other sleeping children. “That’s not your fault at all. General Hux is a bad man, even if you would have said no I bet he would have forced the three of you to go with him.” You placed your hand over his cheek, rubbed your thumb under his eyes to wipe away his warm tears. You never thought Griffin would feel this remorseful, you wanted to assure him that none of this was his fault. 

“Why didn’t they hurt me? They were all so nice to me, and old man Snoke was nice to me! Why did they have to lock up the twins?” He asked, flipping onto his back and finally looking at you. You got the idea he was being tormented, suffering from a form of survivors guilt over the fact that he was praised and treated so well for having the Force. “Because your siblings don’t have the Force like you. It doesn’t mean I or your father love them even less, that’s never what it meant. It just so happens that’s what Snoke was looking for, it had nothing to do with you.” Your explanation didn’t seem to make him feel any better, but it was the truth. Griffin was ten, almost 11 years old. You didn’t feel like you had to sugar coat anything that went on in this little bunker for him, other than the atrocities that were committed against his siblings. 

“I tried to tell dad, I used the Force! But I don’t think he heard me. I’m sorry, mommy. I should have done more.” He said, finally seeming to calm down and pulling himself closer

to you. You wrapped your arms around him and held him close as his tears began to slow. “No, Griffin.” You said, wiping a few tears of your own away. “I should have done more for you.” He burrowed his face further into your chest, reaching up and draping his arm over your rib cage. “I’m so sorry, baby. I’ve failed you.” You said silently to him, but you never got any response. Instead, you found yourself slowly drifting to sleep, wondering how things could have been different. Could you have saved them earlier? Could you have fought Hux off if you hadn’t gotten poisoned? Just as you were about to fall out of consciousness, you realized that it didn’t matter. You had your kids now, and that was the most important detail in this entire debacle. 

 

The next morning you and Griffin awoke in the same position you had fallen asleep in to a knock on the door. The two of you lifted your heads and you began pushing on him to get him to move. After he rolled out of your way and onto the floor you scurried all the way to the door, begrudgingly opening it knowing who was going to be on the other side and what they would want. On the other side stood Any, smiling happily to you as several people behind him were walking up and down the halls, carrying things that clearly indicated that they were on their way out. “Morning, Ren family!” He said quite cheerfully. You rubbed your palms into your eyes, one part due to your lack of sleep and one part due to the fact that you had to tell him your big decision regarding where you would be taking your children next.

“We got donuts out front if you and the children are hungry.” He said, giggling weakly as he came to the conclusion that the conversation may get kind of emotional and awkward for him. “Thanks.” You whispered quietly to him, waiting for him to move the conversation where you knew it would be heading.

“Well, um. Today’s the day! We’re headed out for a planet all the way on the other side of the Galaxy. We have our ships in order and reservations in hotels for a few nights till we get there. There’s plenty of room for you and the children, if you’re willing to come with us?” He looked hopeful, like he expected you to say yes. You took another look behind you, the twins had rolled and were now taking up the entire bed while Griffin sat on his knees in the middle of the floor looking up at you. 

You were afraid, afraid of running away, afraid of going back to Kylo, and afraid of making the wrong decision. You weighed the options in your head, knowing that Kylo was just as broken up as you were over the loss of your children and knowing how badly they missed him. Running away from Kylo would have been selfish, an act that would ultimately only have benefited you in the end and, in the process, tearing the family that you had worked so hard to build up apart at the seams. It took four years for Kylo to find you the first time you had disappeared with one of his children, you knew he was capable of finding you again. Your decision had been made, and with a heavy sigh you looked Andy in his eyes and told him that you would be going back to Star Killer Base to be a family once again.

 

\--

 

Kylo felt like a madman as he made his way out of the Throne room of Star Killer Base. He never thought he’d have his own Master’s blood on his hands. He was shaking as he made his way through the hallways, headed toward the playground his number one goal was to make sure his wife was safe and sound before he proceeded with the investigation on Hux’s murder. His mind was racing ten million miles a minute about what he had done and what he planned to do that he didn’t even notice the small man that had failed to move out of his way.

“Oh, very sorry Commander.” He said, his voice shrill and high pitched as he stepped out of his way. He did nothing but get in the way of his investigation on his wife’s whereabouts, and that cause Kylo to nearly lose his shit. He grasped the man by his neck, held him up high above the rest of the crowd so that everyone would be able to see and hear what he was about to declare, it was important and once things died down Kylo would have to remember to call an entire meeting later on.

“ _ That’s Supreme Leader Ren to you, Officer.”  _ He snarled as he threw the man down to the side and marched off, not giving a damn about how he was perceived by anyone.

He marched all the way to the playground and threw the doors open. “Love, let’s go.” He said, looking at the empty play equipment. He got no response, and when he looked over to the nearby bench he realized why. The bench was empty, his wife was not here. He growled as he let out a sigh, this was where she said she went when she left him, why wasn’t she here? He turned sharply and angrily on his heel as he figured it did take quite some time for the conversation with Snoke to start and end, maybe she had gone back home. He closed his eyes as he tried to calm himself down, if she were at home or on her way there he did not wish to greet her angry. He had just given himself a promotion, this was supposed to be a happy time for both of them. He burst back into the hallways of the base, his next stop his own personal quarters.

When he got home and found her not there he got even angrier, decided that he did not have the time or patience to deal with her disappearances today. He needed her and he needed her that very instant. The pain of losing his master was almost on par with losing his own father, he didn’t have her to work through that pain with him either. He kept as composed as he could as he walked all the way to the surveillance center, once again having to painfully correct the young woman at the desk when she greeted him with the title “Commander Ren.” He moved her out of the way and took control of the desk, clicking and navigating the computer until he was watching the footage of his front door.

He watched the sped up footage until he saw his wife exiting that evening with her hoodie above her head. He slowed time down, thinking she would be exiting to the right to run down the hallway and to some other part of the base, but found himself to be breathless as he watched her go left and knock on Hux’s door. He squinted as he observed her, noted that he had last seen Hux alive walking through the door to his home, his wife was the next person to be walking to visit him.

But why was she going to see him? Her body language was nervous, moving from foot to foot and constantly reaching into her back pocket under her hoodie. Why would she be nervous going to see Hux? Kylo desperately wished he had a camera to view inside of Hux’s home, because it was killing him just sitting there wondering what went on inside between the two of them. Briefly the images of the hair elastics and extra toothbrush entered his mind as he wondered once again if they belonged to his wife, but he pushed those thoughts away as she exited his home 15 minutes later. There were minute traces of blood on her grey hoodie as she stumbled out from his home, once again reaching into her back pocket but not pulling anything out. She looked terrified as she began sprinting down the hall, away from her home and toward the elevators. Kylo paused the footage just as she disappeared from the frame and rewound it so that he could look at her face. That was the face of a terrified woman who just killed someone.

His own wife had been the one who killed Hux. 

“Sup--Supreme Leader?” One of the other Surveillance workers came up behind him, once again pulling the awful thoughts of a possible affair from his mind. “Is everything okay?” He lifted his hand in the air to wave them away, his number one priority was now to find her and ask her the one question that was on his mind: Why?

He watched as she ran all the way to the cafeteria, bumped into a storm trooper and once again reached into her back pocket, no doubt to pull out the blaster that she had used to shoot him. They seemed to exchange some words before running off to the left. From there he followed them all the way to the hanger where he felt his heart leap into his throat as he watched the two of them board a TIE Fighter and, for the second time in a decade, flew away from him.

He sat completely speechless, not knowing where to turn or who to blame for this mess. He had thousands of questions but nobody to give him answers, the only thing he could think to do was rewind, zoom in on the serial number of the Storm trooper she disappeared with as well as the TIE Fighter’s serial number. With several people standing behind him, looking over his shoulder at what was had already happened right in front of their faces he turned, stood, and began to bark his orders. “Find that storm trooper and find that TIE Fighter, and none of you are to rest until my wife is brought home safely!” He shouted, feeling satisfied as he watched them scramble to their posts, alerting the proper channels of the base as to what was going on. “The General is dead. Supreme Leader Snoke is dead. Each and every one of you will answer to me and only me now. Do I make myself clear?” He shouted, feeling the blood rushing to his face as his anger began manifesting.

“Yes, Supreme Leader Ren!” They all said, then he felt it was safe to leave them alone to find out where his wife was. He disappeared to his personal quarters, holding his tears back until he got some word on his wife. He thought himself into yet another panic attack, had dry swallowed his pills until the only thing he could do was sit in his bed and stare at the ceiling. So many questions, so little answers. Hux couldn’t tell him anything, his wife couldn’t tell him anything, and his children couldn’t tell him anything. He was alone, and when he got a message on his tablet that, after hours of uncertainty, all evidence had come back inconclusive, he felt even more hopeless than before.

The storm trooper didn’t exist and the TIE Fighter didn’t exist. There were no records of either of them in the First Order. He argued with the person who sent him the message, told him that it was impossible. “So, so what? My wife is gone, disappeared with a ghost in a vehicle that didn’t exist and there’s nothing you can do about it?” He asked accusingly, it was as if he was calling Kylo a liar. “There’s no more the Order can do, we’ve exhausted all search efforts, Supreme Leader. All we can do is put our territories on watch and if either of them come up let you know.” The man said, Kylo didn’t even bother replying.

The only thing he felt he could do was throw his tablet into the wall, let his anger, sadness, and rage take over his body and destroy everything in his path. He didn’t know how long he had disassociated, but by the time he had come to his senses everything around him had been slashed by his lightsaber at least once. He sat there on the floor, having cried every last tear he had over the loss of now his entire family he had nothing else to do. He had killed his mother, killed his father, lost his children and lost his wife. There was no Master to turn to, no rival to pick on. Kylo had no one, he was truly alone.

 

He hadn’t realized he had fallen asleep on his couch until he was woken by the ring of his tablet. Begrudgingly he slid his eyes open, looked over into the kitchen where his tablet had landed at the beginning of his rage. Was it even worth the energy it would take to get up off of the couch, walk over, and speak to someone who would likely be telling him that his wife was dead or never to be found. He closed his eyes once again, thinking they’d leave him a message if it were important enough. He wasn’t ready for more bad news, so he let the answering machine pick it up.

Sure enough it rang again, and again, and again, until the person on the other line simply pushed the call through, creating a string of unfamiliar voices in his kitchen. “Are you connected to him?” Someone asked, somebody else confirmed they had forcibly connected them to his tablet, something only the Coms Center computers could do. “Supreme Leader? You have a very important call that you must take.” Kylo huffed, the person on the other line sounded so jovial, as if Kylo’s suffering were a happy thing to be celebrated. “Who is it?” He shot out bitterly, there was only one person he wanted to speak to at the moment, and that was --

“Y/n Ren, Griffin Solo, Kaia Ren, and Kaiser Ren.” Kylo was sure he had never shot up faster than he had upon hearing the set of four names come from the speaker. The sound of his daughter calling out ‘Daddy! It’s me!’ made him stand to his feet and sprint as fast as he could to his tablet, dropping to his knees and feeling like he couldn’t pick it up fast enough. H gasped and nearly fainted as he took in the sight of his wife and his three children sitting all around her. Could it be? Was this some kind of a joke?

“Daddy! You’re alive!” Kaia screamed and threw her hands into the air as soon as Kylo’s face came into the small box next to his family. Along with Kaia the three other members of his family were smiling, he noted that Kaiser’s front teeth were beginning to grow in and Kylo could not have been any happier.

“It’s, it’s you! Oh my god it’s you!” Kylo said, immediately bursting into tears in front of his family. He couldn’t hold back, all of his kids and his wife were alive and well, sitting here smiling at him and talking to him. His hands were shaking as his tears dripped one by one onto his tablet, this was probably he happiest he had ever felt in his life. “Daddy, you have to come get us! We can’t get back home without you.” Kaiser spoke up with a heavy look of concern, Kylo had to wipe the tears out of his eyes with the back of his sleeve to be able to respond with a very weak ‘where are you guys?’

“Daddy, come on.” Kaia said, rolling her eyes and smiling at the ceiling. “You’re not supposed to cry when you see us, you’re supposed to be happy!” 

“Kaia, stop it!” His wife reprimanded her looking down at her unhappily, but Kylo couldn’t stop the smile that stretched across his face. He would have paid anyone to have Kaia say something outlandish to him over the last month and a half. “Oh my--I’ve missed you guys so much. Stay, stay right where you are. I’m coming to get you.” He warned, standing to his feet and beginning the walk to his bedroom.

“Supreme Leader, I’ve sent you their coordinates. It’s an abandoned building on an uncharted planet, get there as fast as you can.” The woman said, Kylo wanted to tell her off, what made her think he was going to take his time getting to his family that he had missed seemingly forever? “Have my ship prepared and have a fleet ready. We’ll be heading out at once.” Kylo said, taking one more look at his beloved family. They had all begun waving at him, the twins with the biggest, most exaggerated waves while Griffin and his wife did smaller, more reserved waves. “Bye daddy!” The twins both said in unison, Kaia followed up with an enthusiastic ‘see you soon, love you!’

 

Kylo was sure he had never dressed and made his way to his ship faster than he did that morning. He left the base without looking back, a fleet of pilots behind him for backup just in case things got ugly and he ordered the pilots of the Finalizer to meet him there. His home on Star Killer had been destroyed, he wanted nothing than to throw his family into a loving home and spend time with them so the Finalizer would have to do for now. He raced to the planet, dodging anything and everything that got in his way. The only thing on his mind was his children and his wife. How had they gotten to this small planet and what were they doing in an abandoned building? Who put them there? How long were they there? It was another case of too many questions and not enough answers, but soon enough he would have everything he would ever need in life.

His ETA shortened as he approached the small desert planet that was tucked between two larger ones that kept it off the map, all he saw was sand upon sand upon sand, not a drop of water in sight. His concern grew as he got closer and closer, the building finally came into view and Kylo was stunned to see that was in shambles and appeared to be capable of collapsing at any moment. He hovered over the empty parking lot, beginning to descend down so that he could begin the search for his family. The other TIE Fighters fell into formation around him, creating a cloud of dust in his view but it still didn't stop his eyes from frantically searching the remains of the building for his family.

As it turned out, he didn’t even need to exit his Silencer to begin and end the search, for as soon as he looked toward a collapsed wall he caught sight of a black dot running toward him. As the sand settled the image of a happy little girl running toward the ship came into view, followed by two boys and a wife. All four of them happy to see him, all four of them alive and well. Kylo's smile grew and he felt his oncoming tears as he watched them all sprinting toward his ship, this was the moment he had waited for for nearly two months.  He opened the hatch and didn’t even wait for the ramp to descend to the sand below him before he was leaping out of his ship, plummeting to the ground and quickly making his way to his daughter, engulfing her small body into his arms and swooping her into the air. “Daddy! You found us!” Kaia shouted, wrapping her arms around his neck and holding him close. 

Kylo broke down into tears, falling to his knees as he welcomed Kaiser and Griffin into his arms as well. “I can’t believe it’s you, I can't believe you're here.” He cried out as he held all of his kids close to him feeling like he never ever wanted to let go He had no words, only happy tears as he kissed each one of them on the tops of their heads. He had taken his entire family for granted so bad, never thought there would be a time when he wouldn't be able to kiss them and decided he would never let that happen again. “Daddy, we missed you! But don’t worry, mommy came to get us and she cleaned us up!” Kaia said cheerfully, Kylo placed his hand on her cheek as he brought her head up to his lips one more time for a kiss, then he pulled away from all of them just so he could look at them. They all looked so happy, like the happy children he had lost on that fateful afternoon.

“Kylo?” The sound of his wife's voice came from behind the kids, he looked up and saw her timidly standing with tears in her eyes. “Y/n,” He breathed, even though she had only been gone for so long he felt like he had come so close to losing her. He stepped around the mass of children and up to her where he placed his hands on her hips and drew her in for her own kiss. When he first planted his lips onto hers she was stiff, rigid, and felt like she didn't want him anywhere near her. He lightened his touch, moving his hands from her hips to her face and she finally seemed to relax. She leaned into him, began to reciprocate his kiss and placed her arms on his shoulders. He missed her, he had thought that, just like his children, he would never see her again.

“Ew! They’re kissing!” Kaia exclaimed, Kylo had ended the kiss with his wife and looked down to see three sets of eyes on the two of them. Kaia looked playfully disgusted while the other two smiled happily at them, he felt like that was enough affection for his wife in front of his children. The rest could wait until they got to their home on Star Killer. He turned back to his wife and grasped her hand but was surprised to see she looked extremely remorseful. He thought she would have been happy to see him, to have her entire family back together for once. He reached out to her, placed his hand on her cheek and just held her there. He still felt like someone was going to snatch them from his arms at any moment, wanted to be 100 percent certain that this was not a dream and found comfort in her warm cheek and wet tears under his palm. “I’m so sorry, Kylo. I, I killed him. I killed him and I ran--”

He placed the pad of his thumb over her lips and shushed her, knowing exactly what she was going to say next. He looked deep into her eyes, now finally putting together the puzzle that sat right in front of him. His wife had known about everything all along. He wasn't sure how much she knew or how long she had known, but she knew. She knew what Snoke and Hux had planned for his family and she acted to save them. She killed Hux, she worked with the rogue storm trooper, and she made her way here where she rescued their children and contacted him. She had taken matters into her own hands and, even though Kylo would have preferred her to have told him about what was going on, he was happy that she did it herself. Because of her bravery and power Kylo had his family, he felt like he could not have thanked her enough.

“Is, is Snoke going to kill us?” Kylo smiled at her, he should have known that it would be her number one worry, knowing what she knew about Snoke. “No, love." He said, taking her shoulders into his hands. "Snoke is dead. I've killed him." He felt himself being emotional as he whispered among the many voices of his kids trying to tell him lots of things at one time. He watched as her eyes widened, her mouth fell open in disbelief. “He’s dead and we’re free. He’ll never bother us or our family again.” A shaky breath fell from between her lips and she stumbled forward, he caught her just in time as she began bawling in his arms. It was at that moment Kylo realized he had his freedom. The freedom to rule, freedom to be a husband, and freedom to be a father. It felt great, he had never felt a stronger connection with his family until now when he realized their love would not be infringed upon.

He held his wife for a moment before deciding it was time to head home, he didn't think it was a good idea to be standing out in the open and it was much to hot on this planet. He turned around with his wife in his arms and was surprised to see the fleet of storm troopers had assembled into somewhat of a crowd. They were all staring at him, some with their helmets off showcased happy, prideful grins. He realized they had witnessed their entire reunion. He reached down and took ahold of his daughter's hand and instructed his other children to follow him as he began to make his way into the crowd. They parted for him, and soon before he knew it he heard one trooper in the middle of the crowd began clapping for them.

One trooper became two, became three, and soon the entire crowd was clapping in joy. He couldn’t help the smile as he paraded his now whole family down the saw of storm troopers, he was so proud of everything he had worked for in that moment. He looked down to his wife who held Kaiser’s hand in hers, even she looked on smiling at all of the troopers who were clapping for her. The kids were smiling too, Kaia took it upon herself to smile and wave as if she were a celebrity walking down a red carpet. This had to have been the perfect way to end the most horrifying period of his life. Now all he had to do was go home and be with his family.

 

The twins managed to squeeze into his ship while his wife and Griffin squeezed into another, and when everyone had finally been reunited on the Finalizer he led them to his small room. The twins had never been here before, but when he opened the door they still bolted straight in, followed by Griffin who gingerly made his way into the somewhat familliar room. He held the door open for his wife but she seemed a little apprehensive, he realized that this was probably not the most ideal place for her and Griffin but it would have to do for now. She smiled weakly as she made her way in, telling the kids to remove their shoes and doing the same at the door. 

He took hold of her hand, bringing her attention to him and holding her gaze. “I know you think what you did was wrong, but I still admire your strength and courage in getting our children back.” Her smile went from forced to genuine as she leaned into him, wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him. “I’m so happy to be back.” She said quietly, he kissed the top of her head in reply, trying his best to convey the idea that he was happy to have her back other than through his words. “Here, I brought this for you.” Kylo said as he moved away from his wife, then out from his jacket pocket he pulled out her tablet and handed it to her. “Aw, how thoughtful” She said, switching it on in front of him. He figured she would need something to do while their home was being repaired so he made sure to grab her tablet and her digital drawing pen for her.

“Guys, stop jumping on the bed!” Griffin said, effectively drawing Kylo’s attention away from his wife. He was looking up at Kaia and Kaiser angrily as they jumped up and down on his bed. He looked disgruntled over at him and his mother, but Kylo had no plans on reprimanding them. Instead he playfully charged them, snatching Kaiser out from mid air and throwing him onto the bed. “Daddy, me next!” Kaia said, but Kylo had other plans. 

He himself collapsed into the bed, holding both of his twins in his arms as close as he could get them, then beckoned Griffin and his wife over. “I missed you guys so much. I don’t know what I would have done without you." He said, bringing Kaiser up on his chest at first and then Kaia. Griffin looked over to his mother as if asking for her permission to jump on the bed with his family and she nodded at him, then he watched as his oldest son joined them for cuddles in bed. All of his kids were laughing and giggling with each other, swapping stories about how much they missed one another and so on, but Kylo realized he was missing one important part of his family.

“Love?” He asked, reaching out to her. He saw she was looking over at her tablet, frantically tapping one area of the screen as the words ‘Are you mad? He’ll kill you!' Came from the speakers. “Hold on.” She shouted, looking quite lost and confused, but he paid her no mind. Instead he went back to holding his daughter close to him and listened to her stories of being away from her brothers and parents. It took another few moments before his wife was joining them in bed, sitting gingerly at the corner of the bed at first and then leaning down toward the rest of her family. 

Everything was quiet as he took in the feeling of all four bodies on top of him, a few hours ago he was sure he would never feel this ever again, he was sure he would be a widower with dead children that would never be found. He thought he would have nothing, die with nothing, but as it turned out his tragedy ended happily. He held his twins tight, reached down and ruffled his oldest son’s hair as he assured everyone once again that he missed them and he would never allow this to happen again. This is what it was like to be free, be able to enjoy life and be happy with the ones that he loved the most. This is what he had been looking for for all these years, and what it took to achieve such greatness was to take matters into his own hands and cut the most toxic person of his life out. For years Snoke had been telling him his wife had been doing the most damage to him, but as it turned out it had been Snoke all along.

The only way they could go from here now was up, and Kylo would not have had it any other way. His wife, his daughter, and his sons. Kylo could finally say that he had found his happiness and place in this vast galaxy, and that was right here piled underneath several children and a happy wife.

 

This concludes the story of the Supreme Leader and his wife.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I'm almost so satisfied with this ending that I don't want to write out the other one lol. I'd be lying if I said I didn't tear up writing about Kylo jumping from his ship to be with his family. uuuugh.  
> Anyway, that's literally the end. Teach me is over! At least for those of you who want a good ending lol. I'm still planning on writing out the other one, but I'm not sure when. It's only going to be another three or four chapters, so be on the look out.  
> I'd like to think that, in this universe, Kylo appointed Griffin as the Commander and Kaia as the General, or vice versa. Poor Kaiser goes out and does his own thing. But who knows.  
> I do wanna say, thanks for joining me on this long, long, long, journey. Teach me was posted in February 2017 and came to a conclusion on September 7th 2018. I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have. It's taught me a lot, and just reading through Teach me I know that I've grown and learned so much.  
> Special shout out to Cheeky_monkey who helped me work my way through my writers block, she's so creative and I love her so much. And to Corriene (Krrn07) for helping me out too. You guys rock!


	17. Alternate Ending| Ch 16: Not as it would seem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go with the True Ending! I'm projecting no more than three extra chapters, and this one sets the mood nicely. Enjoy!

It had been exactly 52 days since his wife had flown away from him that fateful evening. Factor in the month and a half his kids had been missing and Kylo would have been alone for almost 100 days. Here he sat atop his throne on the Supremacy, his old home on Star Killer Base now destroyed in his rage he had Snoke's old home cleared and moved himself in. Five bedrooms, two stories and more room than he would ever need. Each of his children could have one room while he and his wife could have one and they’d have an extra room. For a playroom? A Gym? Or a bedroom for a 4th child? He didn’t know, and he wouldn’t know because he saw no way in getting his family back. The TIE Fighter she flew away in had been erased from the First Order’s records and the storm trooper she fled with had apparently never even been admitted into the Order. It was a fluke, someone who was clearly a professional at their trade had convinced his wife to run away and Kylo was certain she would never be found.

His house was big and empty, he put off moving the furniture in for as long as he could, but eventually the movers had brought all of his family's possessions in against his will as he needed his old home cleared for the edition of the new General. Three small beds were placed in three small rooms while his old bed was placed in the biggest room, boxes of toys were deposited in each of the kid's rooms and Kylo felt like he could not have been any more miserable. He would stand in his daughter’s room, looking at the empty bed and the small bunny plushie sitting on top of it he felt like such a failure. He stalked in and took the bunny in his hands, having found comfort in it several times now he didn’t hesitate to lift the purple bunny to his face, using it to dry his tears he was shedding for his family. 

Becoming the Supreme Leader was a difficult transition. His problems now expanded past just the Order and into the entire galaxy. People coming to him in regards to if certain planets should be destroyed or taken over completely, what steps should be made in capturing notorious criminals next. He made the decisions cold-heartedly, often putting people to death and choosing to completely overrun planets in the hopes of finding his lost family. He never destroyed them, however, because there was always the slight chance that his family was living on that planet. He had exhausted all search efforts and could no longer pay to have every inch of every planet searched, so the most he could do was sit on his throne and wait for someone to come forward. Whether it be his own wife or the people she was with or someone who had seen them; he knew someone had to know something, he just had to be patient and wait for those people to come forward.

So there he was, sitting on the throne just staring at the door as he normally did. He was reliving the memories of his happy family: Dinners spent smiling and laughing at each other, bed times spent washing, clothing, and taking care of happy children, evenings spent helping curious and inquisitive children with their homework. It was something Kylo could only dream of before he had come to meet his wife, a happy family with unconditional love. 

Just as he was imagining what it was like to tuck his sons into bed at night the door to his throne room swung open, one of his newly appointed officers strut in with the utmost look of urgency on his face. “Supreme Leader.” He said, hurrying up to his throne and stopping sharply in front of him. Kylo picked his head up and stared at him, thinking this was just another decision he had to make on collecting resources on a high risk planet. He said nothing, instead motioning with his hand for the man to continue his speech.

“The TIE Fighter we’ve been looking for, it’s been spotted.” Kylo’s head snapped toward him, his heart coming to a standstill in his chest. “What?” He asked, thinking he had not heard him correctly. “A mechanic just called in the lead, it’s being serviced on a planet called Udrypso, it’s resistance allied and tucked in the furthest corner of the Galaxy.” Kylo stood to his feet, there had never been a lead called in as authentic as this one. There had been other replies to his pleading, but only in response to the 25 thousand credit reward. People claiming they had seen his kids skipping happily into a school on some generic planet, claims of seeing his family at homeless shelters all across the galaxy. But this one was so specific, a specific planet named and a specific garage named. It sounded so promising, and when the officer lifted his datapad to Kylo’s face and played a reel of surveillance footage Kylo couldn’t tear his eyes away.

A group of three men walking into the garage followed by a woman and three children. Kylo instantly recognized his wife and kids, the way they bounced around and got into everything around them. His wife seemed to turn around to shush them every once and a while, pulling them closer to her as to not draw attention to themselves. His jaw hung open as he came to the conclusion that they were still alive, running around with the same person who took them from him in the first place. 

He stood to his feet, ordered his ship to be prepared and decided he would be leaving at once to rescue his family. He didn’t know why his wife had kept herself away from him for so long, but he was determined to bring them home. With a fleet of other TIE Fighters behind him he boarded the TIE Silencer and set off for the garage that held the missing TIE Fighter, knowing that they could not have gotten far with their primary method of transportation being serviced in the shop.

By the time Kylo had landed and swarmed the garage the group that had his family had disappeared. He held the people currently in the shop at gunpoint and demanded they tell him everything they knew about the group of people that had come through that day. The only tip he had received was that the man that had paid to have the TIE Fighter fixed said he would be spending most of his time at the market, gathering food they would need for the rest of their trip. Kylo wasted no time, told his men to write that man a check while he made his way over to the market which could easily be reached on foot.

He didn’t care about the terrified looks he was receiving, the screaming and crying him and his men brought out from the crowds. With his helmet covering his head, nobody could see the look of concern and urgency on his face as his eyes scanned the masses. He couldn’t see his wife, and he began to panic once again thinking they had slipped right through his fingers again. He walked past a fruit stand, turned and seized the man running the stand by his throat and pulling him close to his mask so that he would clearly understand every word Kylo would say to him.

“Where is my wife?!” He shouted, not thinking that maybe she hadn’t come by here and the vendor would not have seen her. “She’s this tall, she has three kids with her, two boys and one girl! She came to this marketplace recently, where is she?” He shouted, taking in the look of fear and downright terror on the man’s face. His eyes darted to his right before he lifted his arm to where he had looked.

Directly across from the Marketplace stood a restaurant with a large window that revealed a fairly busy dining room. Waiters and waitresses running back and forth with trays of food, three booths directly against the window that revealed happy people eating their food, including two small black haired children that were coloring on one of the menus. Kylo smiled as he took in the sight of his twins, Kaiser pressed up against the glass while Kaia sat in between him and their mother. She smiled down happily at them, lifting a spoonful of macaroni and cheese to Kaia's face and reminded her to eat. He didn’t see Griffin, but he assumed he was simply on the other side of her. He let the man fall back behind his fruit stand as he started taking the first few steps across the street to the restaurant, feeling relieved to see his wife and kids in the flesh.

He got closer and closer, almost willing to jump through the glass just to be able to hold his family close to him again, but he had to be civil, he couldn’t scare them and catch them off guard. So he tried to stay calm as he walked up to the window, taking in the faces of his healthy and happy children, knowing he’d be able to hold them and kiss them again sooner rather than later.

He burst through the front door, a pack of storm troopers behind him. His eyes were trained on the table at the left of the restaurant, when he finally found the table his family was sitting at he zeroed in, ignoring the collective gasps and people getting up and running around him. The first member of his family to notice him was Kaia. She picked her head up from her drawing just as Kylo entered the aisle and smiled as she exclaimed ‘daddy’s here!’ It warmed his heart, knowing that he was just as missed as he missed her was such an amazing feeling. Both Griffin and Kaiser looked at him at the same time as his wife, plus the same three men they were with at the garage turned to look at him. Their faces were all different, Kaiser looked just as excited as his sister, but everyone else had looks of shock and horror.

“Mommy, it’s daddy! Daddy finally came back for us!” Kaia exclaimed, trying to climb over her mother’s lap to get to him, but it was clear his wife had other plans for the kids. She jumped to her feet, nearly knocking Griffin to the floor while she took the twins by their arms and tried to drag them away. He yelled out of her, picking up his gait as he ran after them but she ignored him. The Twins began dragging their feet, falling to the ground in protest to not being able to see their father. They began crying, causing an even bigger scene as Kylo got closer and closer to them.

“Y/n, stop!” Kylo urged, watching Griffin lift Kaiser into the air and try to run with his mother. “Leave them alone, Commander!” Kylo stopped dead in his tracks as one of the men she was dining with stood up and confidently blocked his path. Kylo could hardly believe this weak looking man had the audacity to come between him and his family. Nevertheless, he swiftly took the man by his neck and threw him into a nearby table, causing his wife and children to turn and react horribly. “That’s Supreme Leader to you!” He said, then began the walk over to them once again.

“Please mommy, I wanna see daddy!” Kaiser cried out, but his wife still ran from him. The only thing he thought he could do was to freeze her in place, causing her to drop Kaia’s hand and flash him a look of utter defeat. His twins ran straight up to him, jumping all over him and crying out in joy. Kylo was relieved, took the time to crouch down and take them into his arms. “Daddy, you came back for us! I thought we’d never see you again!” Kaia exclaimed, the sentence brought Kylo to complete tears. It had been nearly 100 days since he had last seen his children, but his happiness was short lived as he realized his wife had been actively keeping them away from him this entire time. 

With two out of three of his children bouncing up and down, trying to gain his attention he stepped up to his wife, tears in his eyes blurred her image but he could clearly see the look of ultimate betrayal. Slowly and gently he reached out to her, unfreezing her from her invisible confines and allowing her to protectively reach out to their oldest child. “Y/n,” He said, trying to keep his broken voice from showing too much hurt. “Why?” 

“Kylo, just leave us alone. I don’t owe you any kind of explanation!” She said, allowing her tears to flow unapologetically down her cheeks. The people that had not fled the restaurant were staring, drinking in the reunion like it was a live TV show for their amusement. He didn’t want his wife to cry, never expected her to run away from him. He didn’t know what was going on, and unfortunately he now had even more questions and no answers for any of them.

“Y/n, it’s time to come home. We, we need to go home and be a family again.” 

“No, Kylo! I won’t go back with you, you have put the kids lives in too much danger. Them being snatched out from under us was enough.” Kylo was taken aback, by now the twins had heard the conversation and were staring up at their parents in utter confusion while Kylo drank in what his wife had told him. “Love, you’re blaming me for their kidnapping?” 

“Yes, Kylo! As a matter of fact I am.” She shouted, crossing her arms and taking a bold step toward him. His oldest son was smart enough to corral the twins away, taking them back a few feet before stopping and sitting them in a booth. Kylo was heartbroken, at one point so overjoyed to be reunited with his family and now so upset to hear he was the sole reason why his wife had kept them away for the last 51 days. “You’re the only reason why I was on Snoke’s hit list, you’re the reason why he took them from us in the first place! Not, not to mention the fact that while they were gone you treated me horribly. You talked so much shit to me, you even put your hands on me when you told me you’d never do such a thing again!” She shouted, but Kylo was so numb the only thing he could do was apologize, to remind her that he loved her and wanted nothing more than to go home and be a happy family again.

“Sorry doesn’t fucking cut it, Kylo. Love, whatever love means to you, means nothing to me when all it takes is one mistake, one extra package of spaghetti noodles or extra bowls being on the counter when you’re stressed out to turn you into the man that bought me and kept me as a slave!” There was pin-drop silence in the restaurant as everyone listened to what she had to say to him, and when Kylo lacked the words to counter her sadly truthful argument she continued, further driving the knife through Kylo’s heart as if she had no cares in the world.

“You know, I’ve always been a prisoner, haven’t I? From the very beginning, to now. I’ve just been made to sit at home on that god forsaken artificial snowy planet and be a good wife to you. To cook, to do your laundry, to give you children when I was never given any other option. To be the perfect housewife until I stepped out of line and did something you didn’t approve of, then it was back to being a prisoner, even just for a moment. The yelling, name calling, beatings and other unspeakable things I don’t even want to mention in front of my children. It’s all just been an act, and Kylo, I can’t help you live out your fantasies of a perfect family when you are the most imperfect, unpredictable person out there. The kids and I can’t be performers in your fucked up theater just so you can feel accomplished, then be knocked down when we can’t live up to your expectations.”

She gulped, tears free falling down her cheeks and splashing loudly on the floor. Behind her the kids were all huddled up into one booth, Griffin standing protectively in front of the opening where the twins were hiding looking on at the encounter terrified. “Love, I’m not going to argue with you, I won’t tell you what you’re saying isn’t true, because it is.” Kylo said, taking a cautious step toward one of the most important people in his life. He couldn’t argue when he knew he had hurt her in the past, subjected her to such atrocities and then drove a stake through her heart by allowing her to be a target in Snoke's eye. All of that was true, but she didn’t know that he had finally taken control of his life, cut ties with the man that caused him to do such awful things to his family in the first place. “But, but the man pulling the strings is gone. Snoke, I’ve killed him. He’ll never be a problem ever again, and he won’t be around to stress--”

“Stop blaming other people for your behaviors, Kylo.” His wife cut in, clearly frustrated with Kylo’s mountain of excuses he had fed her over the years. “This, it’s all a learned behavior. I’ve known you for 11 years now, and absolutely nothing has changed. I know what you’re capable of, I know you can take my life and my children’s lives at the drop of a hat, even if Snoke is actually dead or not. You have too much Vader in you, you have too many enemies, and I refuse to put my children’s lives and my own life on the line just so you can be happy."

Suddenly she stepped up to him, got as far into his face as she could possibly get before uttering the statement that would forever change his life:

“So this is where I say goodbye to you, Kylo. Goodbye and good luck with whatever life has in store for you, because it will no longer involve myself or my children.” 

He watched as she began to walk off in the direction of their children, toward the backroom where the men they were with had taken off to when he had confronted her. He couldn’t believe he had spent so much time alone, worked so hard to find his family, and now his wife felt like she needed to get away from him. What she had said shook him to his core, he wanted to scream at her that none of it was true, that he loved and valued her more than anything else in this world. She had done so much to change him, had worked so hard and saw him through his worst times to his best. She gave him children to love, children that clearly still loved him and she taught him what true love was and how to earn it. He couldn’t stand the thought of being alone again, to be without the love of his life and his children. He felt himself panicking again, he couldn’t let this happen.

“Wait, y/n! You can’t, you can’t do this to me!”

“I can, and I will Kylo.” She said, taking Griffin by the hand and beginning to pull him away. “Come on, kids. We’re leaving.” 

“We’re leaving? But what about daddy, mommy?”

“Is daddy coming with us?” His twins spoke up but his wife ignored them, instead pulling them down from the booth and placing them on the floor. “No, daddy has to come with us!”

“Daddy, you can’t leave us daddy!”

“Please come with us daddy, we miss you!” He watched as his wife dragged his children away from him, screaming and crying out for him to help them but he knew there was nothing he could do. He started to walk after them, but at the look of disgust his oldest son threw at him from over his shoulder, he stopped cold in his tracks. Half of his family didn’t want him, didn’t care what happened to him after they left. He didn’t matter in their eyes, eleven years of hard work and dedication on both ends now gone completely down the drain.

“Y/n, wait, please just wait a moment!” He cried out, but she kept walking. “Please, just let me say goodbye. You can go off and do what you want to without me, but please let me say goodbye to my children.” 

He said, letting his tears fall down his cheeks. She was serious this time, she wanted nothing more to do with Kylo. She would rather put her lives and her children’s lives in the hands of complete strangers than with him, a man she was legally married to and had known for so long. Kylo didn’t know what to do or think, was he really willing to sacrifice everything he loved just so that his wife could be happy, even if it meant he would never see her nor his children ever again? She turned around and stared at him, then with a heavy sigh and eyeroll she released the hands of her youngest two and allowed them to run into his arms. 

“Daddy, don’t leave me again please!” Kaia shouted, hugging him close and burying her face into his robes. The two of them crying their eyes out brought tears to his own eyes. Just the thought of leaving them caused even more of his tears to plummet to the floor. He loved his kids, he just couldn’t let them go.

“Daddy is going to miss you.” He said, completely breaking down into a frenzy of broken sobs. “Daddy is going to think about you and your mother and brother every day.” He buried his face in his daughter’s hair, taking in her scent one last time as it would be the last thing he had to remember her by. He kissed the tops of their heads before deciding enough was enough, there was no use prolonging the post painful goodbye he would ever have to say to anyone in his life, it would just make it hurt more when he finally allowed them to walk away. “No, daddy don’t leave!” Kaiser bawled in his arms, clutching his clothes tightly in his hot little hands. He looked up to his wife just to see if she had changed her mind, but the rock hard look of aggression on her face had told him no. He took one last look at his children, completely crushed by the looks of betrayal on their faces. He took solace in the fact that they were old enough to understand that daddy didn’t want to leave them, that this was all their mother’s idea but there was still nothing he could do to change her mind. He stood, taking his twins in each of their hands and leading them to her, reminding them that they were to be good to their mother. They begged, pleaded, and cried to him, tearing his heart out of his chest one last time. If it was undying, true love Kylo was looking for, he had officially found it in his youngest two children. 

He handed them over to their mother and then turned to Griffin, even he had tears in his eyes as his father approached him. He wasn’t moving, standing as still as a statue as if to tell Kylo he wasn’t going to miss him at all. He sighed, the child that was the hardest to love due to his upbringing in the Resistance, the child whom Kylo always felt a disconnect to even though they were bonded by the Force. His oldest, his first and the one who started it all. “Griffin.” He breathed, reaching out and placing his hand on his cheek just as his father did to him on the day he was killed. “I love you, son.”

“Love you too, dad.” Griffin said with a soft nod. “You’re the man of the family now, take care of your mother and your brother and sister for me, okay?” Kylo asked of him. “Yes sir.” He whispered, it was the first time Griffin had ever used such respectable language toward him. Addressing him as if he wasn’t his father, but just another figure of authority. He stepped away from him, but inside he had to wonder if Griffin ever truly thought of him as his father when he was raised by the storm trooper back on D’Qar.

Finally Kylo turned toward his wife, the woman he loved more than any other person in the Galaxy. Tears still streamed down his cheeks as he looked at her, admiring how much had she grown. Eleven years older, eleven years wiser and finally standing up for herself just as he wanted her to. No longer the weak, fearful, and bone thin woman that was dropped off in his quarters so many years ago, no longer just a way to relieve his stress and sexual frustration. Now she was a grown woman, matured and able to make decisions for herself, including if she wanted to stay with him or not. She was right, he was a selfish man and just wanted her all to himself knowing she was the thing that could cure anything that ailed him.

“Please, y/n.” He begged amongst the frenzied tears of his children. “Give me another chance. I’ll do everything in my newfound power as the Supreme Leader to prove to you that I can and will change.”

“I’ve given you eleven years of second chances, Kylo. I don’t have the energy to give you anymore.” His lip trembled as she spoke the truth, how many times had he turned on her, hurt her in some way and then begged for her forgiveness? It must have been exhausting for her and was probably why she no longer wore her ring in the last five years. Kylo had no one to blame but himself and there was only one real way out of  this tragic mess.

He took her cheeks  in his hands before planting one last kiss on her lips. “I love you, I’m going to miss you so much.” He asked, speaking against her lips before once again. She didn’t seem to fight him, didn’t stop herself from relaxing in his embrace, and didn’t stop herself from jolting in his arms as he reached into her mind.

Her lips fell open as he dug into the surface of her mind, crying out in pain as he pulled the memories of the last six months from her. No longer would she remember the 51 days she spent away from him, no longer would she remember the month and a half their children were missing, no longer would she remember the arguments they had leading up to the kidnapping. He was determined to make things right with his family, he refused to be alone.

“I should have done this a long time ago.” He said, going deeper and deeper into her mind, causing her eyes to roll back into her skull. His kids jumped up and looked on inquisitively as he erased the painful memories from her mind. “Dad? What are you doing?” Griffin asked, taking a step up to him. “Griffin get back!” He shouted, causing all of his kids to flinch. His actions were sloppy, he could see flash backs of her time spent away from him fly through his eyes, watched as fragments of the Generals death followed. “Dad, dad no! Stop! You’re hurting her!” Griffin begged him, running up and pulling on his arms. By now he was holding her up by her head, she had stopped screaming and sat limp in his arms as if she were dead.

He threw Griffin off of him and demanded he stand back with his siblings while he painfully stole more and more from his mother. Visions of Kylo upsetting her about the spaghetti, the pain of a broken nose, the fruity taste of the alcohol that poisned her on her tongue. It was all there, he just had a little bit more to go.

Griffin stood to his feet and began hounding him again, but he couldn’t stop. He kept going, faster and faster as now all of his children became inconsolable at the sight of their mother sagging in his hands. Her memories were flying by in his own head so quickly they all blurred together, and it only took Griffin throwing all of his body weight at Kylo to get him to finally stop. 

He was lurched from her mind, finally letting her body gently fall to the floor. All four of them looked at their mothers body lying motionless right in front of them, three faces of horror and one of content. It was over, according to Kylo they could all go home and be a happy family once again. He pushed Griffin aside and bent down to lift his wife into his arms. “Come, children.” He said, turning toward the entrance. “We’re going home.”

“Okay, daddy.” His twins agreed, following close behind them. But Griffin stood completely stunned, watching the back of his father’s head as he walked away from him. Kylo could feel the horror coming from his oldest son, but at this point he couldn’t care. He was numb as he turned and urged him to come with him, long winded explanations could wait until the family made it back to their new home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So close, yet so far.  
> Also, I'm going to try and crank out these last few chapters as fast as I can. I go on a week long vacation to Walt Disney World next week and I don't want to leave you guys hanging while I'm getting my magic on with my family.  
> Also also, I've got a plot bunny running RAMPANT in my head about a new Kylo Ren/ reader story about kidnapping and stockholm syndrome, AKA My two guilty pleasures. I'm gonna try to finish off this one and at least one of my other open works before starting, but god damn that story is so good!


	18. Alternate Ending | Remember Me

“Woah, daddy. Is this our new home?” Kaia askes as Kylo willed the door open with the Force. His arms were full of his beloved wife, still knocked unconscious by the brutal mind wiping he had subjected her to. “Yes, Kaia.” He assured her, walking into his home and headed straight through the large archways and into his appointed living room. His old items sat in boxes that were stacked on top of each other, and with the twins running around checking everything out around them it made his living space feel more like an actual home. He had started to relax, to feel less out of place in this large, beautiful space that now belonged to him and his family.

He set his wife down on the couch to give his arms a quick rest, it was 7:30 pm and he had been flying all day long. Kaia was running around, getting into everything and was asking about everything she could from where was her room to where were all of her toys were, getting on Kylo’s nerves as all he wanted to do was rest after his long day. He took solace in the fact that it was nearly 8 pm and that’s when all the kids went to bed, but he didn’t know if there would be a point since he would need to jump through several hoops to get them all ready to go back to school in the next few days. That was, if he could make school arrangements on their new home on the Supremecy.

“Daddy? Is mommy gonna make dinner? I’m really hungry.” Kaiser said, coming up beside him and looking down at his sleeping mother. After moving her arm back on top of her body he reached down and pushed Kaiser away, too afraid he would disturb her rest and cause some kind of catastrophic reaction that he would have to deal with. “Yes, son. I’ll order some food for us and then you need to get ready for bed.” Kylo assured him, taking his hand and stepping away from the couch. “Now leave mommy alone, she’s catching up on her rest.” Kylo turned around and was startled to see Griffin standing right behind him, looking at his mother with a heavy look of grief in his eyes. 

He looked so hurt, Kylo worried Griffin knew about what he had done to his mother. He took Griffin by the shoulder and pointed him in the direction of the stairs where Kaia had ran off to. “Go get your sister, Griffin. Tell her dad is ordering pizza and she needs to be downstairs. Griffin said nothing, instead turning to walk back through the arches and to the grand staircase where his little sister had taken off looking for her room. Before he could disappear Kylo stopped him, reaching out to his arm and pulling him back. Kylo stared deep into the boy’s eyes, knowing that Griffin knew about so much more than he would ever let on to. He wanted to ask if he knew what had happened to his mother, ask him what had she told him about the way he had treated her, but he was too afraid. He didn’t want to light yet another fire in his family when he was trying so hard to fix things. Instead he asked if everything was okay, if he had any questions about the new house. He shook his head sadly, taking his arm from Kylo’s hand and heading toward the staircase. Out of all three of his children Griffin had seen the most. He hoped he would not have to put him through the pain of erasing his memories too.

 

The night progressed, after the pizza was delivered he helped the kids unpack their things, set up their bedrooms, and got them ready for bed. He bathed the twins together to save time and allowed Griffin to groom himself, then he saw them all off to bed. It took some coaxing to get Kaiser to fall asleep, Kylo even had to sit on the floor of his bedroom for half an hour waiting for him to fall asleep. He had moved his wife to their bedroom after setting up their bed and, with all of the kids finally asleep, he felt like he could finally spend some time with her.

He sat down on the bed next to her, gently whispered her name and nudged her to try and wake her, but she didn’t stir. She sat sleeping soundly, flat on her back just as he had left her. Kylo sighed, he was hoping she would have already been awake by now but it would seem he had been too hard on her mind. Maybe it would be best that he go downstairs and unpack some of their things, she’s already going to be disoriented about her new home when she woke up, he didn’t want it to be too hard on her.

So he put the left over pizza into the two-door fridge, unpacked some of their living room furnishings and got the TV hooked up into the wall. In one of the boxes he found his wife's sketch book and, tucked away inside of it were the photos of their family she had drawn for him, the ones that he had kept safe in his bedside table. He smiled at her charming self portrait, then at the photo of him she had drawn with his scar. At the memory of the glass that cut his face he rubbed where the scar had healed. She wanted so badly for him to take the pain meds that day, the day before he had smothered her with the pillow. If only he had listened, that would have been one less thing that would have driven her away from him this afternoon when she tried to get away. 

He moved that one to the back and found the photo she had drawn of the twins in utero, back before he had known he was expecting both a son and a daughter. Then the last photo after that one was one that Kylo was sure she didn’t even know she had. On the day D’Qar was rigged with explosives he ordered one of the storm troopers to scavenge her old home and take anything of value. One of the things they took was the unfinished photo of Griffin at age four she had been drawing right before he had brought them back to Star Killer. To Kylo, the photos were his family. Whenever his family was having a rocky time he would always hide in his bedroom and look over the portraits. He felt like, even though something was going wrong with his family in real time, in his drawer they were all living in peace and harmony. It gave him hope, something to look forward to when things weren’t ideal in his life. 

After doing as much as he thought he could during the night it was nearing 11 at night and he was becoming worried as to why his wife wasn’t waking. He thought the next best thing to do was carefully undress her, run the bath in his full sized bathroom and, with the help of the Force, try and bathe her to stimulate her and wake her up. It was a process, but he eventually found himself in the large jacuzzi bathtub, his wife sitting in his lap being supported by both of his arms. Gently he ran the soapy wash cloth all over her body, tried to wash out her hair but with her limp and near lifeless it was next to impossible. Eventually he just settled on holding her there in the warm water, stroking her face and feeling the warmth of her skin on his. He looked at her angelic, sleeping face and thought about how much he loved her. Within the last 11 years, everything he had ever done, every decision and every action had all been for her. He wanted her to be comfortable with him, to love him as he loved her, and he was hoping he could convey that after she woke up. She would remember nothing after they started fighting over his grandfather’s mask, and that was exactly what he wanted. He placed a kiss on top of her head, cuddling her closer in the water. It was then he got one of the very first signs of life from his wife since he had forcibly put her to sleep.

Her hand came up and rested on his breast, her fingers splayed out so that she could feel as much of him as possible. A quiet sigh escaped from her throat and Kylo took her hand in his, holding it close to his heart so she knew that he was there for her. From there he tried to enjoy his bath with his wife, when the water began running cold he carefully lifted her out and walked her to the bedroom, dried her in the bed and put one of her old night gowns on her. Even though he was tired he felt like he couldn’t go to sleep in the same bed with her, it would be too strange, especially if she woke up was completely unaware of her surroundings. 

Instead he dragged a lounge chair from the lounge room into the hallway where he could overlook all four doors. He sat and stared at his bedroom door, stared for he didn’t know how long before he fell asleep sitting up in the chair. He sat asleep until he heard the sound of a door opening at the end of the hallway. He snapped his head up and looked down the hall, thinking it was one of his children up and getting into trouble.

He was surprised to see that it wasn’t either of the doors on the right of the hall like he thought, instead it was his bedroom door. He stood, watched as his wife peeked around the door and then gingerly stepped out into the hallway. He reached down and checked the time on his rapidly dying tablet, it was 9:30 in the morning. His wife had stayed asleep for over 12 hours and was now waking from her slumber. 

She walked a few feet before locking eyes with Kylo and coming to a complete stop. Without saying anything Kylo began walking over to her, but grew skeptical when a look of fear grew over her face. When Kylo got close enough to stand toe to toe with her he noticed her moving back to the bedroom. “Love, what’s the matter?” He asked, he didn’t know why she would be afraid of him unless he hadn’t gotten far enough in her memories and stopped at one point where he had frightened her. 

“I’m, I’m sorry.” She muttered, taking a hold of the door and trying to step back into the bedroom. “Wait, y/n.” He asked, taking hold of her wrist and pulling her back out into the hallway. “What’s wrong? Why are you so frightened?” She looked as if she were about to cry, he didn’t understand what was upsetting her.

“I’m so sorry sir.” She started, trying to pull her arm out of his hand. “But if you want a whore you’re going to have to talk to my boss, Mr. Larkin. I just work here, I don’t offer any services.” Kylo’s jaw fell and he felt his blood come to a stand still in his body. Had she really just said that? After the initial shock that hit him cleared he found himself giggling at her. She was just telling a joke, trying to scare him. “Y/n, you--you can’t be serious right?” 

“No, sir. You’d have to go talk to one of my sisters or Mr. Larkin.” She affirmed, placing one her arms behind her back. She was serious, this wasn't an act or a joke, this was real.

Kylo had gone too far when he took her memories, he had taken over 11 years worth of memories from her and now she didn’t know where she was, who she was, or more importantly who he was. She wouldn’t know that the two of them were married, or that they had children, or that they had ever been happy together. Kylo had messed up, and this time there was no way to fix it.

“You don’t know who I am?” He asked, but she shook her head no. “Kylo Ren, don’t you know me?” 

“No, sir.” Kylo felt his jaw quiver as he felt the onslaught of tears forming in his eyes, what had he done?

“Love, we’re married. We’ve been married for 10 years and we have three kids.” He took her by the shoulders and drew her to him, shaking her slightly as he begged her to remember him. The result was disparaging, she broke down into tears as tore her way out from his arms. “No! I don’t know you at all. I can assure you I don’t know you and I don’t belong here! I don’t have a husband and I don’t have any kids. You’re crazy, and you need to leave me alone!” She defiantly turned back into the bedroom and slammed the door in his face, leaving him alone and feeling like even more like a failure than when his children were taken from him.

Sure he had gotten his wife back, but she was now just a shell of her former self. He had no idea how he was going to earn her trust back, how he was going to make her believe him that they had built so much together. He stood staring at the door, wondering if any of his rescue efforts were even worth it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is on the shorter side. It felt like a good place to end it.  
> I'm so happy that I'm finally getting around to writing it! I'm all excited.


	19. The Fight for Freedom

Her sobs from the other side of the door continued for over an hour, Kylo was thankful that the children had stayed asleep the entire confrontation. He imagined that they not only needed the rest in their own beds, but they might also be confused due to the fact that they were now living on a ship. At any given time they could look out the port windows of their bedrooms and see nothing but the vast, dark, vacuum of space. It would always be night time in their new home, Kylo would have to look into installing simulation windows until his children got used to it. 

By 11 AM there was no noise coming from the bedroom and Kylo felt like it was finally safe to proceed in comforting his severely confused wife. As gently and calmly as he possibly could he entered the bedroom and found his wife sniffling sadly on the bed. “Are you okay?” He asked, stepping lightly into the bedroom. She looked up at him, rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand before shaking her head. “I, I don’t know where I am.” She said, looking up at him finally. “I told you, love. You’re right where you need to be. You’re at home with your family.” He said, and it wasn’t a lie. According to Kylo this is exactly where his wife needed to be. She was safest here with him, not on an unknown planet with complete strangers.

“No, you’re wrong.” She said, wrapping her arms around herself and staring at the wall directly across from the bed. “I don’t know you, and the only child I have is the one I take care of at the compound.” There was a moment of silence before her eyes widened and she gasped, jumping off of the bed as a sudden realization hit her.

“Oh my god. I need to get back to the baby!” She ran up to Kylo, reaching out and taking ahold of his white sleeping shirt. “He’s gonna sell it! He’s gonna sell the baby on the black market if I don’t get back. Please, I’m begging you! You have to help me get back to the compound!” He could see the tears forming in the corners of her eyes again. He could feel the urgency and panic in her grip, this was a disaster.

He took her by the shoulders and tried to shake her back into reality, pushing her back to the bed and forcibly sitting her down. “Love, you need to relax. All of this that you’re speaking of happened years ago. There is no more compound, there is no more baby. You’re not going anywhere, you need to be here with me and our children.” 

“I’ve already told you, I have no children!” She shouted, Kylo felt as if he was losing his patience. He didn’t know how many times he had to say it, how many times he had to remind her for her to trust him, but he felt like he had already explained himself one too many times. “And, and I’m not married. If I were married I’d have a ring!” Kylo stared at her for a moment before he felt just a minute ray of hope in her words. “Yes you do, love. I have it right here.” He moved quickly to the bedside table where he had rearranged the drawings she had done some time ago.

This was how he had always kept her ring, on her rolled up self portrait. The two had never had an actual conversation about why she never wanted to wear her ring, but it didn’t matter to Kylo. He knew she loved him, he didn’t need the ring to know that he was loved. With shaky hands he grasped her self portrait, taking the ring in his fingers and pulling it off. He held it in front of her face and she oogled at it, like she didn’t believe it was even real. “You haven’t worn it, because of the move to our new home.” Without thinking he took her left hand in his, slipping the ring onto her fourth digit just as he did the first time on their honey moon so many years ago. “See? It fits you perfectly.” She admired the ruby that sat on the thing black band, then looked up at Kylo completely confused.

“Do you believe me now, love? We’re married.” 

“Um, do we have a certificate from the ruler of our planet?” She asked, pulling her small hand from hers. She was clearly still skeptical and didn’t trust him, Kylo was losing this battle and didn’t know what he’d do if he couldn’t convince her. “We do, somewhere around here. But I am the ruler of this ship.” Kylo said, and for the first time he felt the pride of being the Supreme Leader swelling in his chest. His wife knew nothing of the title at the moment, she didn’t even know who he was but here he was, introducing himself as Supreme Leader Kylo Ren of the First Order. 

“You, you’re, I’m married to…?” She couldn’t end her sentence, but just from the small fragment that managed to escape past her lips he knew she was starting to understand. He took her by the hand and led her to the window on the farthest side of their bedroom. The view overlooked the east wing of the Supremecy, stretched all the way out and looked as if it were touching one of the many moons it was set to orbit. The stars gleamed and glistened, the flickering lights of various ships flew by and his wife seemed to be captivated by the sights. “We aren’t on a planet, love. We live on a mega class star dreadnought known as the Supremecy. It’s the Order’s flagship, and I earned our new home here by overtaking the last Supreme Leader.” She finally tore her eyes away from the window to look at him, a look of uncertainty plaguing her face.

“You killed someone?” 

“I sure did. They were a threat to my family. And in fact,” Kylo began, turning toward her as his bright idea popped right into his mind. “He’s the reason why you don’t remember anything. He took your memories.” She sighed, turning back to face the window. She closed her eyes and in that moment Kylo finally realized that wiping the last eleven years from her memory was truly a blessing. He could tell her anything and she’d believe it, he didn’t have to tell her the truth about her kidnapping, or the beatings and rape he had put her through. She would no longer hold any grudges over him, this was exactly what he should have done in the first place.

“Why would someone do such a horrible thing?” 

“He was an evil man, love. He took our children from us and then tried to end our lives. He deserved to die just as much as I deserved this throne.” She stayed silent, Kylo watched over her as she finally came to the realization. To her, everything Kylo was telling her was real. Kylo hardly cared that he had to lie and be deceitful, nobody would ever tell her any different and it was clear she was beginning to open up and believe him. 

“Come, love. Are you hungry?” He asked, holding out his hand to her. She flashed him a timid half smile as she placed her hand back into his. He had finally begun to get his wife back, it was such a great feeling to know that everything would return to normal at some point, knowing that his wife could love him once again.

 

“Now, I want all three of you to pay attention to me closely.” Kylo said, having pulled all three children into Griffin’s bedroom he needed to warn them about their mother’s amnesia. He had already tried to explain to her that their children were young and likely wouldn’t take well to their mother acting like she didn’t know them. He wasn’t sure how she was going to react, so he decided to give the kids a warning when they all finally woke up at quarter after eleven.

“Your mother, she’s suffering from an illness she picked up while you guys were off the base. She’s a bit confused, she might sound a little strange at first, she might not even remember your name, but just be patient.”

“But why wouldn’t mommy remember my name? She’s been my mommy forever!” Kaia spoke up, looking just as confused as her twin brother. He figured the youngest two wouldn’t understand, but it wasn’t like he could come out and say he had wiped her memory. “Because, sweetheart, she’s sick.” 

“Why is she sick, daddy?” Kaiser asked, but before he could answer with some generic way around his question Kaia spoke up over him. “Oh shit! Daddy are we sick too cause we left the base?” 

“Kaia, do not use such foul language in front of your mother.” Kylo said, raising his voice and bringing everyone’s attention back to him. Normally he wasn’t the only one disciplining Kaia for her language, but her mother didn’t know she cursed like a grown man, let alone knowing he has a daughter. “You’ll upset her if she hears you say such bad words.” 

“Oh, sorry daddy.” She said, crossing her ankles and balling her hands in her lap. Kylo smiled as his daughter smiled so innocently back at him, his wife would be meeting her children for basically the first time. It was such a bittersweet moment, he wanted to make sure it was perfect and would make a lasting impression on her

“None of you are sick, what your mother has is not contagious. She’s just not going to seem like herself for the next few days. That’s all.” His twins nodded, but when Kylo took a look over at Griffin he was met with the same angry and disinterested look he saw on him the previous night. Kylo was beginning to become suspicious over Griffin’s lack of interaction with him. He had his oldest son had a fairly positive relationship, but after he had gotten attacked by his grandfather’s ghost he noticed something had changed. He became distant, unwilling to spend time with his father. Now that he had brought all four of them back home Griffin had hardly said two words to him, he had to wonder if Griffin knew what his father had done.

He had gathered up the twins and led them out into his dining room where his wife had sat waiting for the group to emerge. Kylo rounded the corner to the staircase where he descended hand in hand with his twins, Griffin following close behind him. When they got closer to the ground floor he could see the back of his wife's head sitting at the table right where he left her. He could feel Kaiser get excited, the previous night he had stayed up asking for his mother but Kylo told him he couldn’t see her at that time. “Is that mommy?” Kaiser whispered to him, Kylo nodded. “Twins, stay close to me.” He said, then his wife turned in her chair to greet them.

His heart was warmed by her smile as she laid eyes on her kids, standing up like she was excited to finally be meeting them. “Hi, mommy.” Kaiser whispered, taking Kylo’s command about being soft and gentle with his mother seriously. She said hello to him just as quietly as he had been with her and even took a few steps forward to meet them halfway. Kylo thought she would be afraid or awkward about seeing the kids, but he had forgotten about how much she actually loved children. The fact that his children were the cutest kids he had ever seen helped immensely, he was certain.

“Hi, how are you guys?” She asked, bending over to be on the twin’s level. “Mommy, do you know who I am?” Kaia blurted out, Kylo yanked her away. He felt the need to verbally reprimand her, but not right now. This moment was just as important as the moment she met Kylo, it had to be perfect.

“Of course I do, little one. You’re my daughter.” Kaia smiled as her mother reached down and ran her hand over her head, down her cheek and under her chin. He imagined she felt the same way he did when he met Griffin for the first time, just awestruck to find out that she was a parent. “Y/n, these are your children. This is Kaia,” He began the introduction of all of his children to her starting with Kaia, raising her arm in the air. “This is Kaiser, they’re twins.” He raised Kaiser’s arm in the air before dropping both of them and standing aside to reveal Griffin to her. “And this is your oldest son. Griffin.” He watched as she gently stepped up to him, standing quite awkwardly in front of her own son. “How do you do, Griffin?” She asked, but Griffin remained still and unsure. Kylo figured she’d at least recognize Griffin as her child because the two looked so much alike. 

“Mom, do you really not remember me?” Griffin asked, he watched his wife try to awkwardly play it off just as she did with Kaia. “I do, you’re--” Griffin cut her off, taking a step toward her. “No, mom. Do you really remember me? Do you remember when we were on D’Qar, with the Resistance?” 

“Ew Griffin! Stop talking about the Resistance!” Kaia shouted, but Kylo wasn’t concerned about her as much as he was about what Griffin was saying. “Griffin, that’s enough.” Kylo said, but Griffin continued on against his wishes. “You don’t remember anything? Not Auntie Rey, not Daddy Finn or anyone else in the Resistance?” 

His wife was speechless, and unfortunately so was Kylo. He wasn’t expecting Griffin to come right out and say such atrocious things right in front of him. “Griffin, I, I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry--”

“What happened to you mom? What did dad do to you?” Griffin cried out, taking ahold of his mothers shirt and pulling her into him. He was over emotional, out of control and was letting on more than he wanted his wife to know. He intervened quickly, grasping Griffin by the collar of his shirt and pulling him away. “I said that’s enough!” Kylo bellowed over everyone in his home, causing most of them to flinch. The only one who didn’t was Griffin who bravely stepped up to his father, standing on the tips of his toes and getting into his face. 

“You did this to her! You hurt my mom! She was fine before you made us come back home, and now she doesn’t remember anything!” 

“Griffin calm yourself! You are out of line yelling at me in my own home.” Kylo warned as calmly as he could, he didn’t want to frighten his wife when she had so much respect for him. “I didn’t hurt your mother, she’s si--”

“You lying bastard!” Griffin shouted over him, in response the entire room grew quiet. Kylo’s jaw fell to the floor as he took in the words coming from his son. He never expected to hear such foul language coming from Griffin, Kaia maybe, but not Griffin. “What the hell did you just say to me?”

“You’re a lying bastard because I know you did this to her! You took my mother away from me, you god damn liar!” Griffin said, Kylo was ready to go off on him, to scream at him and punish him for calling him a bastard. But before he could Griffin turned around and ran up the stairs, leaving the rest of his family sitting by themselves just staring at each other in shock. “Oh, my.” His wife said, looking to Kylo to remedy the situation.

“Oh shit.” Kaia whispered, Kylo snapped his head to her in anger. He could feel the rage burning inside of him and he was feeling like he needed to take it out on someone or something. “Kaia, what did I tell you in the bedroom?” He asked her between clenched teeth. She didn’t even look afraid as she stepped to the left next to her mother, taking her hand and holding her close. “Well Griffin said bad words daddy. That means I can too.” Kaia said with a hearty smile on her face. Kylo had had enough at that point, he felt like he was going to blow and he didn’t want to do so in front of his family. At the sound of Griffin’s bedroom door slamming shut Kylo took that as his cue to leave as well, thinking at best he could blow off some steam on his new ship instead of his new family.

 

Later that night he found himself in bed with his wife, going through some photos he had taken over the last few years with her. “See? This was in our old home. That’s Kaiser sitting on my shoulders there, playing in my hair.” He flipped through the photos one by one, showing each to his wife until the smile on her face grew ear to ear. “Our kids are so cute, I just wish I could remember more about them.” He smiled down at her, she looked so sincere and so innocent, so lovely and so genuine. He loved her so much, and even though Griffin had almost blown his cover he felt like he could still work his way through it with her.

“That’s okay love, believe me when I say that we’ve been through so much worse.” 

“I’m sorry if I upset him today. I really don’t remember anything.” Her smile formed into a grimace, something Kylo did not want to see at all. “You didn’t upset him at all, he’s almost a teenager, he’s gonna get moody.” She laughed at him, taking a moment to look into his eyes. When Kylo was least expecting it she reached up and placed her hand on his cheek, rubbing her thumb over his lips and his chin. Her hands were so soft and warm, a comfort Kylo hadn’t felt in so long. 

“I can’t believe that I got lucky enough to marry a wonderful man like you, but I’m unlucky enough to have forgotten how we even met” She said, still smiling just a bit as she stared on at Kylo in awe. “Don’t worry about it, love. Like I said, we’ll work through this together.” Her eyes darted away from him, down to his white shirt when she lowered her hand and ran it down his chest. It was as if she were checking if he were real or not. “You’ll have to teach me.” She said. “Teach you what, love?”

“Teach me how to be yours, I guess.” He giggled at her, knowing he’s already had to teach her this lesson once already and it wasn’t going to be nearly as difficult as the last. “That’s alright. You’re a fast learner.” This time he was the one running his hand down her face, she leaned into his palm and he knew this was exactly how things were meant to be between him and his wife.

“Would you like me to show you what your favorite part of our marriage was?” He leaned down, placing a soft kiss onto her lips for half a second before coming back up to see how his action was received. A wanton smile spread across her face, then she rolled her eyes and lay all the way down on the bed. “I was going to say I don’t remember what it was like to have sex, but then I remembered that we must have had sex at least twice to get our children.” The two of them laughed before Kylo started to move on top of her, moving his lips to the crook of her neck and whispering the word ‘exactly’ to her before going to town on the sensitive skin on her neck.

It was all fun and games, but not for Griffin who had found himself posted outside of his parents bedroom that same night, looking through the smallest crack of the door at his parents. He lowered his Force signature so that his father would not detect him and he watched as his father continued to lie to his mother’s face, knowing she didn’t know any better and was thoroughly taking advantage of her. He was disgusted, feeling like he failed his mother by not protecting her from the tyrant that was his own father. He watched as his father kissed her, then mounted her body. He didn’t have the heart to watch his parents do such a thing when he knew that the sex between them was not always consensual. 

Sadly he turned and walked away, beyond frustration and feeling helpless in the fight for his mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well guys, next chapter is it! Last chapter of teach me


	20. Regret, Rebuilt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I know what you're thinking.   
> "But you said there was one chapter left!"  
> Yes, indeed. But I never got a chance to finish it before I left for vacation and I'm dying to get writing and post again so I broke the chapter up one more time and I swear on Madam Leota's grave that next chapter will be the last. Bear with me dear readers, I promise I'll make it good for you.

Kylo tried. Kylo tried so hard to talk with Griffin, to understand where he was coming from, and to apologize. Not for 'taking away his mother,' as Griffin had said, but apologizing that Griffin felt that way about his father. Kylo would never admit to pulling his wife's memories from her after what Griffin had said to him, he felt his kids would be confused and upset but he didn't expect any of them to react as badly as Griffin did. Griffin was mature and respectful, carried himself with honor at all times, when the words 'lying bastard' left his lips he could hardly believe Griffin even knew and understood those words. It had been ten days since Griffin lashed out at him, and just the thought of the conviction in his face and the sound of his voice calling Kylo a lying bastard made him angrier and angrier. He found himself having to take time from whatever he was doing, working, eating, taking care of the twins, etc. to calm himself. Just who did Griffin think he was speaking to Kylo like that? 

The first time he tried to speak with Griffin about the matter was later that night, after Griffin had stormed to his room and Kylo felt like everyone had time to calm down. He had to remember that Griffin was ten years old, he wasn't a young child like his siblings and he didn't deserve to be spoken to or treated like a five year old. Kylo knocked on his door, rehearsing in his speech in his head. He had to make sure he didn't come at his son angrily, he was already upset over the supposed 'loss' of his mother, he was already putting all the blame on Kylo and going into this conversation pointing fingers, placing unnecessary blame, and yelling at him wouldn't get him the results he wanted. Kylo wanted nothing more than for his family to be happy and whole again, he felt like he had to make things right with Griffin as soon as he possibly could. 

"Go away dad!" Griffin shouted from the other side. Kylo sighed, he had no problems with Griffin until now. The kid was smart, using the Force to know that it was him on the other side of the door. Kylo sighed, leaned against the wall next to his oldest son's door. It wasn't worth picking the fight right now, but Kylo still worried about what to do with Griffin. He didn't want his son to hate him, to spend the rest of his life thinking Kylo had failed him. That was how Kylo had spent most of his life and he was miserable. This was the reason why he wanted children so bad, to prove to everyone that he could be a better father than his own.

Not that he had anyone to prove it to, he had killed both of his parents and the only person he could consider to be a father to him: Snoke.

He stepped away with the hopes of being able to have a heart to heart conversation with Griffin tomorrow, he was exhausted and wanted to do some damage control with his wife before the two of them went to bed.

That same night he made love to her for the first time in so long. There was a noticeable difference, probably in the way she was so willing to let him fuck her. He made sure to tell her that it was her favorite part of their marriage, that she would have jumped on him at any opportunity she had. And it worked. She let him kiss all over her body, to take his time pleasing her before he indulged himself, sinking deep inside of her and moving slow and steady. He normally would not have gone so slow, but he wanted to be careful, to make sure she was comfortable. He had no complaints when the view below him was more than lustful. Her eyes were shut, her mouth open slightly as the lightest moans escaped past her beautiful lips. He could tell she was enjoying their time together, both by her sight and by the feeling of her walls relaxing and growing wetter for him. 

His hands were bearing down into the bed at the sides of her head. He could feel his cock twitching inside of her, he was getting close but there was just one important element missing, one thing that he needed to happily finish, especially during this stressful time in his life. 

"Y/n, open your eyes." He urged, stilling inside of her for just a moment. She obeyed, looking rather urgently up at him. He thought he was about to make her cum again, something that she didn't often do with just his cock. It was clear that the loss of her memories would make a significant difference in their sex life--and he loved it.

"Do you love me?" He asked, deciding that begging her to tell him that she loved him would not work and would likely turn her off. She took a moment to reply, lifting her arms and throwing them around his neck before smiling sweetly at him. "Did I love you before I lost my memory?" 

"You did, more than anything or anyone else you had known." He replied, knowing it was a lie. He knew she had loved him, but he was certain she had loved him by process of elimination. Even though he didn't want to admit it he knew that he would have never allowed her to leave. She had nobody else but him, she had no choice but to love him if she were going to love someone other than her own children. He needed her love, he couldn't allow her to go off and give her love to another person. 

She giggled, pressing her fingers into the vertebrae of his neck and began to massage him gently. "Well then I still love you." She looked at him with a beautiful look of love in her eyes, like there was, indeed, nobody she loved more than him. Slowly Kylo was starting to realize that wiping her memory was working more in his favor that he originally thought. 

"Say it one more time, love."

"I love you."

"Say, say 'Kylo, I love you.'"

"Kylo, I love you." 

"Again."

"Kylo, I love you."

It was continual, he begged her to profess her love to him until he had spilled himself inside of her, leaving her full of his appreciation and warm seed. He had his eyes closed, clutching the sheets of their bed in his hot, sweaty hands. He had never felt more satisfied in bed before, and because she believed she was a virgin before this he knew it was the same for her.

"Kylo?" She asked, placing her hands on his wrists and slowly sliding them up his arms. He opened his eyes, tried to slow his shallow breaths so that he could give her all of his attention. "Yes, my love?" He asked, pushing past his over sensitivity and sliding out of her. He came to rest down on top of he hips, his softening, wet cock lay splayed out on her belly. "Do you love me?" She inquired, her post sex smile having disappeared into a more sincere one. Kylo lifted his arm, taking ahold of he hand that held it and lacing his fingers into hers. "I do, love." He leaned down and placed a kiss on the top of her forehead. "More than you'll ever know."

 

The next time Kylo tried to apologize to Griffin was the next afternoon when he overheard a conversation between him and Kaiser from the living room. 

"Big brother, Kaia told me daddy's pants were on fire yesterday cause he hurt mommy, what does that mean?" Kylo had just charged up his wife's tablet and set up her drawing app for her. He had shown her the portraits she had drawn and she didn't believe him when he told her she drew them. He felt the best thing for her to do would be to just draw, hoping she would eventually gain her skills back, so he sat down at the dining room table with her and watched her play in her drawing app while the kids watched TV in the living room. Until he hard Griffin's answer to Kaiser's question.

"Because he's lying to all of us." Griffin replied, sounding like a grumpy boy who hadn't gotten his way. "What did he lie to us?" Kaiser asked, at that moment Kylo felt like he should not intervene, he could tell that Griffin was upset and he didn't want to try to speak to him when he wouldn't be willing to listen to him. "Moms not sick, dad did something to her."

"What did he do to mommy? What's wrong with her?" Kaiser asked, Kylo could hear the panic forming in his young, nervous son's voice. "I don't know, Kai. But I do know that dad is the one that did it to her. Dad is lying to you, don't believe a word he says." At that point Kylo stood from the table and made his way into the living room, trying his best to push his anger aside before he confronted the children. He had decided Griffing could be angry at him all he wanted to, but he was not going to twist his younger siblings minds into hating him too. "Griffin!" He said, seething from between his clenched teeth. Kaiser flinched, but his two other children simply looked up to him. "Daddy's a liar! Liar liar pants on fire!" Kaia said, moving to the very end of her seat and pointing at him. Kylo's anger grew and grew inside of him, now all of his children believed him to be a liar because of Griffin. 

"Kaia and Kaiser, to your rooms." He ordered, locking eyes with Griffin who was looking at him angrily. "But daddy, I was watching--"

"Now!" He howled over his daughter, causing both of his twins to spring to their feet and scamper to the stairs. "Go Kaiser! Dad is gonna blow!" Kaia said as she shoved her brother up the first step, causing him to trip. Kylo couldn't be bothered, only because he was determined to make this feud between him and his oldest son right before it got any worse.

"Griffin, I know that you're angry at me. I know that you believe that I've done something to your mother, I know, okay? I get it." He said, visibly shaking as he stifled his anger, avoiding raising his voice as he knew it would not help the situation. Griffin did nothing in reply, just stared at him as Kylo went on speaking. "I'm sorry that you're upset and I'm sorry that I can't cure your mother, but you listen closely to me: From this point on we're dropping the subject. You are not to speak to your siblings about your suspicions, you are not to speak to your mother about them either. You are going to keep those thoughts to yourself and that is final!" He shouted at the top of his lungs. The rise of his voice was not intentional, he just couldn't hold himself back.

Griffin had ducked away from him, hiding his face in the cushions of the leather couch. He was afraid, afraid his own father would turn on him with his fists. The sight hurt Kylo's heart, this was exactly what he was trying to avoid. His anger took over as he made it closer and closer to Griffin when he had finally turned his head toward him, but Kylo was met with a look of bravery and wit. Griffin wasn't afraid of him at the moment, he looked like a strong young man he wanted to raise, not a boy frightened by his enraged father. 

He stood, once again walking up to Kylo and getting as close as he could to him. The two had a stare off as each one were simply waiting for the other to throw a punch, then the real fight would begin, but Kylo was determined not to lay a hand on anyone in his family anymore. He simply stared at his son, his pride and joy, and one of the four pieces of his heart, waited for him to speak to him and then he could send him on his way. 

"Great Grandad Ani says it can be fixed." Griffin said, taking a step away from Kylo. "It can be fixed, and you'll be sorry!" Griffin said his final statement before stomping off, leaving Kylo stunned, frozen in place. He couldn't believe the young man's audacity to speak to his father in such a way. He had always been an obedient, soft spoken boy, but not today. Not when he perceived Kylo to be a threat to his mother. Kylo was speechless as he watched Griffin start ascending the steps, he had planned to punish him for his absurd behavior and out of line speech toward his father. Kylo managed to calm himself for just three seconds before he took off after him, shouting his name and for him to come back. Griffin didn't stop, defiantly climbing the stairs away from him; His insubordination made Kylo all the more angrier.

Kylo opened his mouth to shout to his son one more time but was swiftly cut off by a shrill shriek coming from the kitchen. "Kylo!" His wife shouted after him, he turned toward the kitchen once again to acknowledge her. It sounded as if she were hurt, shocked beyond belief at something. Silence came from the kitchen after a moment and he turned to look at Griffin who was also staring at the opening of the kitchen as if he were expecting his mother to run out and ask them for help. He turned to look at Kylo, when he noticed Kylo was looking at him he began ascending the steps once again. Kylo decided to let the subject go for right now, maybe another apology would be in order at a later date, but for now he wanted to be with his wife and alleviate any fears she may have after her memory wipe.

He entered the kitchen as calm as he could, he was still worked up after his conversation with Griffin but he tried to let it die down upon entering the kitchen. His wife was standing a few feet away from the table where he had left her, she had her tablet in her hands and was staring down at it horrified. "Love?" Kylo asked, her head shot up to meet his gaze immediately. "Is, is this me?" She asked, then looked back down at the tablet. "What are you talking about?" Kylo asked, then made his way across the kitchen over to her. She took another look up at him, a sorrowful look before turning the tablet to him.

It was a video, she had completely rewound it to the very beginning. The preview was black with a white play button in the middle. His wife didn't often take videos at home, so he had no idea what he was in store for. He tapped the play button, thinking whatever it was would not be that bad. However, nothing could have prepared Kylo for what he would see in the next frame.

"Take a video. Record this." It was a top down view of two people having sex. And not just any two people. The woman on the bottom, pinned underneath of the man that was doing all the work was none other than his wife. Y/n Ren was sitting there with her hands rubbing all over the man's back, her legs spread wide on either side of his hips. Even though he couldn't see the man's face he knew it was the one man he never wanted to see her in such an act with. Red hair, pale skin, thin and lacking muscles. Hux. This was a video of Hux fucking his wife. 

"Kylo! Kylo I don't understand." His wife shrieked once again, he heard the emotion forming in her words. "Why? Just, why does my face look like that?"  She was speaking of the bruises and bandages that covered her nose, a product of the mistreatment on the day his children were taken from him. There was very little light in the video, you could still make out the discoloration in her skin. He took another look over the frame of the tablet, she was shaking and looking extremely remorseful, clearly she was just as lost as Kylo was and had no way of expressing her confusion.

It was like a trainwreck, Kylo couldn't look away. She pleaded with Hux to record a video of their intimacy because she wanted Kylo to kill her, then Hux went on to profess his desire for her. "...I would have taken care of you. I would have loved you. I would have never laid a hand on you." Hux said to her, but she looked so unimpressed. He exited out of the video and into the message that it had come from, sure enough it was a "qued message" from Hux, meaning it was set to be delivered on a certain date after the video had been taken. The tablet had been off since a few days after his wife had disappeared, so it could have been set to any date before today. He thought for a moment about how all this was possible, how Hux was able to actually record their time together without her actually knowing. Then he recalled that when his room was taken apart for another member to move in he got a report of a hidden camera system that was pulled out his ceiling, Hux must have filmed several women during his time in that room.

"Who was that man?" His wife asked, her breaths short and shallow. Kylo looked up at her and awful thoughts began to plague his mind. She  _cheated_ on him, on the very day that their children had been kidnapped. She had cared so little for Kylo that she went running to his rival, a man that she knew Kylo hated with all of his being, and had sex with him while he told her all about how much he wanted her. Kylo was livid, feeling as if a wild animal was running rampant inside of him trying to break free of its confines. The food container, the hair elastics, the toothbrush and the shampoo he had found in Hux's home, they were all hers. She had been lying to him, even during the time he had begged her to be sincere and honest with him. She wasn't going out to the playground everything to feel closer to the kids, every time Kylo upset her she went running next door to Hux where she allowed him to take advantage of her, fucking her so that she could feel better about herself.

Kylo felt his arms and fingers began to tingle as the blood rushed to his face, the familiar feeling of outrage had returned and he felt like he needed to hit someone or something. He looked back up to his wife as she took in the change in his expression, she looked terrified and he was sure she was justified in feeling so. "Kylo, I don't know what to say. I don't remember doing anything like that with anyone. Only you, last night. She babbled, he watched as a tear spilled from her eye. In any other circumstance Kylo probably would not have hesitated in bringing his fist behind his back anding a blow right in between her eyes, he would have watched her hit the floor unconscious without a single care in the world. He would have beaten the unfaithfulness out of her, and if she did not perish from the first one he would have continued to beat her even harder for lying to him. Afterword he would have no doubt dragged her bruised, bloody, broken body up the stairs, down the hall and into their closet where he'd chain her up once again. He'd keep the door closed at all times so that his children would not have to see the horrendous punishment their mother would have to suffer. She would have to stay locked up until he could trust her again; days, weeks, months, years even, until he felt he could break her chains and allow her to roam the house again. However, she would not have the privilege of free roam. The front door would be locked, coded to his DNA and his only so she could not leave him to be with another man ever again. It had shaken him to his core to know he had allowed her her freedom and she used it to cheat on him. 

And Hux? He would be dead before Kylo could even enter the room he was in. Kill first, ask questions never. Hux knew how much Kylo valued his wife and the love and support she gave him. How dare he!? How could he do and say such sick and vile things to a happily married woman? Maybe he forced her, maybe he paid her, maybe he was the mastermind of this plot, not her. But it didn't matter who came up with it, because Hux still would have been dead and his wife would have been locked up for good.

 But this wasn't just any other circumstance.

His wife was not playing stupid with him, he had taken her memories away from her and was unable to explain herself to him. She just stood there, looking like a lost woman who was full of regret that she didn't deserve to have. She had no idea who Hux was at this point and had no recollection of any of her actions and decisions over the past eleven years. Looking deep into her harmless, honest, and sincere eyes, Kylo felt all of the tension in his shoulders fall as he realized that this was it. His wife would never be the same and Hux was dead, he couldn't confront either parties about the matter. He could see her shaking in fear of him, he had successfully convinced her that he was her loving husband and she was his doting, dutiful wife and that they loved each other to every moon and back. His hands fell out of angry fists at his sides as he had to move on, to let it go, to understand that it happened and there was no amount of anger, abuse, or imprisonment that could take it back.

"Kylo, baby, I swear I don't know who that man is. I'm so sor-"

"Y/n," Kylo said, picking his hand up and holding it up in front of her face. He wanted nothing more to do with her infidelity or anything surrounding the subject. This was Kylo's ultimate test of will. He had to take a page from his wife's book: Forgive her mistakes and move on. Love her, comfort her, know that it's all just in the past. All things she had to do for him several times. Now it was his turn, to de-stress her and help her to move on too. He took her by the hand and lifted her knuckles up to her lips, placing a short and gentle kiss on her soft skin. "It's okay, love." He lay his other hand on top of hers and smiled lightly at the beautiful, confused expression that flashed across her face. "He's a bad man, another that played a portion in your memory loss who is gone now." She blinked, then looked down bashfully at the floor. She didn't believe him, a trait that he recognized from her even before he stole her memories. He squeezed her hand reassuringly. Forgive and forget, he had to forgive her and forget the horrible memory.

"Hey, let's go take the kids for some ice cream. Does that sound good?" He proposed, realizing that he had never actually partaken in such fun activities before with his entire family. A smile broke out over her face and she nodded sweetly at him. Ice cream, he couldn't think of a sweeter way to move on with his life than by having ice cream with his entire family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I went to Hollywood Studios twice in the last week and I met our Supreme Leader! The first time he didn't do much, but the second time I asked him for General Hux's phone number and he told me to get out. I asked for my buddy Cheeky_monkey cause that's her man, but whatever. You can see pictures of Baby Jam meeting Mickey and all of us meeting Kylo on my Twitter: @NoirJenn  
> Meeting him made lots of story ideas grow in my head. MMMMMmmmmmmm.


	21. Alternate Ending | The Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW! I can't believe this is the end. For real this time, this is the last chapter of the Teach me Series. I hope it lives up to everyone's expectations and everyone enjoys it.

Life simply went on for the Ren family. It took several months but Kylo was able to set up schooling for his children and the others on the Supremecy and soon he found a rhythm with his wife in caring for them. Wake up, get kids ready, eat breakfast and then take the children to school. One perk that he appreciated about becoming the Supreme Leader was that there was no set time he had to be in his new place of work: The Throne Room. In fact, he almost never spent time there. Instead of waking up at eight and seeing his wife and children off for school while he went to his post, he often joined them in their walk to the appointed schooling wing of the ship. While Snoke spent the majority of his time sitting on his throne and barking orders at people, Kylo spent his time with his family and receiving orders on his datapad. Snoke had no family in the Order so Kylo was sure he didn't mind sitting on his ass all day doing nothing, but not Kylo. He had spent two days soon after things had settled down within his household in the Throne room, thinking there must have been something for him to do there. He sat on the throne, he paced the floor, intimidated the guards, but the only thing that happened was he got messages on his datapad and people came into the room with requests that he could have fulfilled through the datapad. By the end of the second day he realized it wasn't worth it, this was time he could be spending bonding with his family instead. The next day he failed to show up to the throne room, instead deciding to take the children to their classrooms while his wife got to sleep in. Being The Supreme Leader came with lots of responsibility, but it also allowed him more free time.

That was, until it was brought to his attention that he would need to fill in the positions of General and Commander. 

He had dreams that his own children would get to rule in those positions one day, but at the present time they were far too young. So Kylo did some searching, some interviews and some thinking before he decided to promote Captain Phasma to that of General and promote another officer to his previous position of Commander. It took some time for Kylo to adjust, to watch his subordinates adjust to their new roles as well, but soon he found that everything was working out just the way he wanted it to. He had an even balance of work life and family life and he couldn't have been happier. His wife always greeted him with a smile and so did his two youngest children, and if it were a really good day Griffin would even say hello to him. With the exception of his oldest son constantly distancing himself from him, Kylo would say his life was good, just the way he wanted it to be.

His wife picked up drawing and doodling once again with their daughter, it warmed his heart to see the two of them sitting at the dining room table drawing while Kaia told her about her day. He enjoyed seeing her spend time with all of the kids really and she seemed to spend an equal amount of time with all three. With Kaia she would draw. with Kaiser she would cook and bake, but he had no clue what she did with Griffin. He'd see the two of them disappear into his bedroom and not emerge for hours, he had some suspicions but he decided they weren't worth investigating. Griffin was still angry at him, he didn't want to push him further away by questioning what he did with his own mother.

Things began to once again out of Kylo's control when he came home from a meeting early and found his wife napping on the couch with her sketchbook open and all of her drawing sprawled on the ground. It seemed as if she were drawing and then fall asleep, knocking her sketchbook to the floor in the process. Being the good, thoughtful husband he was Kylo decided to gather up all the spilled photos and reorganized them for her, taking the time to admire each and every one of them. It seemed like her skill was once again returning after her memory wipe as he admired the progression from her first few drawings to her latest. Her most recent one, however, troubled him.

It was an unfinished photo of two people, one clearly being her with shorter hair that indicated it was from a few years ago, and the other was an unfinished sketch of a man with darker skin. He was smiling charmingly at her, holding her close to him while the two of them shared a look of love. Kylo furrowed his brows as he stared more closely at the photo, the man was wearing a jacket that had the serial number "FN-2187" on it, then it dawned on him. 

She had drawn a photo of the man that she had lived and raised Griffin with during her time in the Resistance. 

Kylo was appalled. How could she have drawn such a detailed photo of the man she had lived with when Kylo had taken her memories from her? It was as if the man were standing in front of her while she drew his portrait. He lowered the drawing and looked down at her sleeping form, had he done something wrong? Was it possible that when he erased her memories that he had left some fragments in her mind? There was no way to tell, and when he noticed her start to stir and come into consciousness he quickly shoved the drawing back into her sketchbook and moved toward the dining room where he placed it on the table. In an attempt to calm his nerves he then made his way into the kitchen where he uncorked a bottle of whiskey and took a swing straight from the bottle, trying to convince himself that it wasn't worth worrying about at the moment--or even not at all. His wife loved him and he loved her and they were all together now, he shouldn't be worrying about his wife's dead ex-lover.

As if to prove him wrong on the spot, his wife entered the kitchen at the opposite entrance, stretching and rubbing her eyes as she smiled sweetly at him. The sounds of her standing up off the couch prompted him to turn around just in time to see her walking into their new kitchen. She looked divine, purely innocent and just lovely with her still tired expression and her messy hair from her nap. "Kylo, you're home." She said happily, running into his arms. He forced a smile onto his face as he wrapped his arms around her waist and held her there against him, once again reminding himself that the storm trooper was dead and he had no reason to feel threatened by the image she had drawn.

"How was your nap?" He asked her, running his hands down the small of her back until they came to rest on her ass. She giggled at his boldness, playfully trying to get away from his roaming hands by moving more into him. Kylo was entertained by the gesture, but as he watched her settle down in his arms he had to wonder why she had never acted like this before. The two of them had never had this much fun with each other before her memory wipe, he could only imagine that it was because she had always held a grudge against him for the horrible things he had done to her. He sighed, reminding himself that this was good, losing her memories was a good thing for both of them. A fresh start, a new life where both of them can be happy and playful with each other. This was exactly what he needed right now, and he was determined to enjoy every second of it while he could.

"It was alright. I was so tired after having to keep up with the twins on our way to school this morning." Kylo listened intently to her tale of how Kaiser and Kaia had tricked their mother into giving them candy along with their breakfast that morning and ran all the way to school. She had to wrangle them while asking Griffin to keep up, but when they had finally reached Kaiser's classroom he cried and held onto her because he didn't want her to leave. "Well, that's Kaiser. He's always loved his mother, love. You've always been his favorite." She laughed as she went on to describe the rest of her morning, and when she began speaking about Griffin a surprised look flashed across her face, as if she had just recalled something important and just had to tell him what it was.

"Oh! I have something to show you." She exclaimed, turning around and making her way out of his arms in favor of running back to the living room. "Have you seen my sketchbook?" She asked, stopping in the door way and looking at him. Kylo felt the nervousness build up inside of his chest once again as he begrudgingly told her that he had placed it onto the dining room table. She thanked him before happily trotting back past him and into the dining room, shortly returning with the gift he had given her so many years ago. She was flipping through the pages, walking up to him before going into her explanation as to what she needed to show him.

"Griffin and I have been spending time with each other recently, and he's been, well...it's kinda hard to describe." She said with a satisfied grin on her face. "He holds my hand and he uses this 'Force' thing that he tells me he has and he puts these images in my head." Kylo couldn't keep the look of shock from off his face at her words, he didn't think it was possible to bring memories back to people, he just thought Griffin was testing him, trying to get under his skin by mentioning his grandfather telling him that he could fix the amnesia that plagued his mother. But evidently it was true, at least if his wife were telling him the truth.

"And he's been telling me these stories about how he and I used to live in the Resistance, on a planet called D'Qar. He said that there was a man that we lived with, his 'other father' as he called him, and that he was so important to him and I. It seems like he projects these images in my mind, like memories from his own head. It confuses me, so I decided to draw what he showed me. What do you think?" In an instant she had fished the drawing out and had it on full display for him, beaming proudly as she waited for his feedback. Once again he was met with the same drawing that had tormented him just minutes before. He took it from her hands and gave the storm trooper one more serious look. This couldn't be happening right now, it couldn't be possible that his ten year old son was more powerful in the Force than he was, able to place memories in her mind when Kylo couldn't.  Kylo felt his anger against his son building up inside of him, why did this have to be so difficult? All he wanted was to be happy and Griffin was standing in his way. He couldn't let this continue, he had to stop it before it got even worse.

"Tell me, love." He began, lowering the drawing and locking eyes with her, an utmost look of seriousness splayed across his face. "Do you recognize this man at all, other than what Griffin has shown you?" She shrugged, explaining that since she had started spending so much time with Griffin she had only seen him in her dreams and when he projected his own memories into her head. "Who is he, Kylo? Why was he so important to us?" Kylo pressed his lips together in a hard line, unable to determine where he should take the conversation from here. He could lie and say the man brought them harm, run the risk of Griffin once again calling out his untruthfulness and have to assume and hope that his wife took his side. He could tell the truth, but then it would create even more opportunities for her to get with Griffin, to find out more about their life. That was something Kylo definitely didn't want. He took one last look at the photo in his hand before crumpling it up, without even thinking about how his wife would react to the action.

She shrieked, then stared on as the paper grew smaller and smaller in the palm of his hand. Kylo was shaking, still unable to think about anything else other than Griffin's strong Force abilities and how he was actively screwing him left and right when he thought he had finally gotten his family together. He understood that Griffin was upset with the loss of his mother's memories, but was it really that big of a deal? His mother was not dead, she was alive and well and was adjusting to her new life without the memories of all the horrible things that had happened to her. Kylo didn't understand why Griffin couldn't get over it, he knew everything would be just fine, but for some reason Griffin doubted him.

He took in a deep breath before looking to his wife who was standing there looking aghast at the paper ball in his hand. Kylo could only shake his head at her, to lower his arm and formulate yet another lie in his mind and hope for the best. 

"Why did you...I worked on that drawing for hours--"

"That man stole you from me, y/n." Kylo cut in, silencing her melancholy with one loud sentence. "He took you from me when we needed each other the most. Neither of us knew it at the time, but you had just become pregnant with Griffin. He carried you away and brainwashed you to believe I was your enemy, and when Griffin was born he brainwashed him to believe that he was his father, not me. That man kidnapped my wife and son, and it took me years to get you two back." Kylo said as he slowly walked closer and closer to her, she seemed intimidated and began taking nervous steps away from him. "I don't ever want to see his face in my house ever again. Do you understand me?" Kylo asked as he bent slightly at his hips so he could be as close to his wife as possible, wanting to drive his final point home so that he would never have this issue ever again. "Griffin is deceiving you, love. He's angry at me for something and he wants you to believe that I'm the bad guy. He's making up stories and feeding them to you so that you'll turn against me, do not believe a word he says to you. He's only a child, he doesn't know anything about us and about our personal lives before your memory was taken from you. Am I understood?" He asked, feeling his jaw quiver in both anger and to stop his tears from falling from his eyes. He was so frustrated, it seemed like every time Kylo would sense peace within his life it would be interrupted by some catastrophic event that threatened his happiness. Most of the time it was coming from Griffin who seemed to think he could take his mother's healing into his own hands, something he didn't even know was going on in the first place. He would have to have a word with him, to put an end to this nonsense once and for all. 

He stood there in his wife's personal space until she nodded her head solemnly, then he felt he could finally relax. He stepped away from her and then ran his hands through his hair, feeling some sweat beginning to build on his hairline. He started to walk away from her, to see if he could unwind his nerves with another drink when she had stopped him, saying his name in a near whisper to draw his attention back to her. He turned his head, just barely looking over his shoulder at her. He could feel himself beginning to lose control, and if he were going to get angry he didn't want to take it out on her. 

"I'm sorry, I'll speak to him about it. I don't want him to upset you again." She said, Kylo closed his eyes as he thought of the possibilities of having his wife speak to Griffin instead of him. He didn't want to end the conversation in a yelling match between him and his son that would just push a wedge even further in between them. Griffin loved his mother, maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea. "Just let him know that his father loves him, and that it's best if the past were to stay in the past." Before he turned his wife nodded her head at him, letting him know that she understood what he had explained. Kylo nodded his head in agreeance, flexed his fingers harder and heard the sound of his wife's portrait crumpling in his hand. It was time to move on, to trash the picture and try to relax for the rest of the day. He didn't want to greet his children angrily when he would pick them up that afternoon.

 

The following weekend Kylo found himself in the middle of an argument between his twins as he tried to get breakfast on the table. Ever since their move to the Supremecy his wife hadn't taken up cooking again. She enjoyed eating the food that came from the kitchen and did cook every once and a while, but usually only for dinner. 90 percent of the time breakfast came from the kitchen, and this morning Kylo had apparently ordered the wrong thing for Kaia and Kaiser. "No Kaia, that's my oatmeal! I put honey in mine not blueberries!"

"Shut up Kaiser, this is my oatmeal cause  _I_ put the berries in it. Not you, so be quiet!" 

"Kaiser just pick the blueberries out and stop antagonizing your sister." Kylo said as he brought over the apple juice and began pouring it into the glasses. "But I want honey in mine!" He whined just as Kaia had lifted a spoonful of oatmeal into her mouth only to stick her tongue back out and allow hodgepodge of tan and blue oatmeal fall from her mouth and back into the bowl. "Ew that's disgusting! I didn't want honey in my oatmeal daddy!" 

"See! I told you that was mine!" Kaiser shouted, Kylo could barely stand it. It seemed as if he had given Kaia her brother's oatmeal to decorate with berries. Kylo had just made it to their section of the table in order to pour them their juice, but before he did he picked the five berries out of Kaia's oatmeal and placed them in a napkin to throw away later. Then he switched the bowls of oatmeal between them, telling Kaia to hold on just a minute and he'd get her more berries to place in her bowl. "Ew! I don't want this, Kaia spit in it!" Kaiser shouted, Kylo's grip on the pitcher of apple juice tightened as he tried to calm himself down, he decided that he couldn't take it any longer. Very rarely did his children argue like this, and the only thing it was doing was creating a growing headache. He noticed his wife had gone into Griffin's room earlier that morning to wake him up, but she hadn't come out yet. It would be the perfect opportunity to get away from the shrill voices of his screaming twins and calm himself down. 

So he walked away, walked up the stairs where he heard Kaia shout angrily at Kaiser, reprimanding him for 'making daddy so angry he wouldn't fix their food,' Kaiser shouted back that she had spit in his food so he wasn't going to eat it anyway. Kylo let out a huff as he calmed himself standing outside of Griffin's door, knocking lightly before simply letting himself into Griffin's room. 

"Breakfast is--" He began, but he was quickly silenced by the troubling sight that sat before him.

Griffin stood with his back facing Kylo, directly in front of him was his wife with both of her hands in Griffins. Her neck was craned back as if she were looking at the ceiling, but she clearly would not have been able to look at anything at all because her eyes had rolled into the back of her head. She was whimpering, her jaw quivered as tears ran down her cheeks, and as soon as Griffin noticed Kylo had entered the room he removed his hands from hers, causing her to reel forward and the irises of her eyes to become visible once again. Once she was free her hands flew to her chest and soon everyone's eyes were trained on Kylo's, hers completely shocked and horrified while Griffin was angry.

"What's going on in here?" He growled, walking further into the room and directly up to Griffin. Griffin opened his mouth to answer, but before he could speak his wife had taken him by his shoulders and forced him behind her back. Kylo looked up just in time to see a wild look of vengeance on his wife's face as she protectively stepped in front of Griffin, whatever was going on just moments before he stepped into the room was clearly not something he was welcome to.

"Stay away from him, Kylo." She warned, baring her teeth at him. "What the hell are you talking about, love? What's--"

"You abused him! He showed me, he, he drew on the wall and you whipped him for it!" A feeling of dread began swimming throughout his body as his face fell, he looked down to Griffin and found him smiling unapologetically at him. "And, my knee! He showed me what you did to my knee, when you found out he was named after your father!" Kylo reached his hands out to her to try and calm her down, but she took a step back, pushing Griffin back so much he bumped into the wall and rested his hands on her hips. "You're a monster! An abusive and manipulative monster! If those were just from his memories then I don't want to know what else you've done to me that he hasn't seen!" She shouted, once again tears began dripping down her face. This had officially gone too far, if there was a conversation had between Griffin and his wife about not placing memories in her head, then it hadn't worked. 

Kylo sighed, trying to play it off as just another one of Griffin's tricks. "Y/n I've already told you. He's playing you against me, he's making things up to turn you against me. None of what he's showing you is true."

"That's a lie and you know it!" Griffin shouted from behind her, Kylo looked down at him and took in his look of bravery. At any other point in time he was sure he could be proud of his song, he had raised him to be so strong and felt so accomplished, but not right now. Not when he was causing the love of his life to lash out at him when he had worked so hard to change things. 

"Kylo, I don't know if I can trust you after what Griffin showed me." She said, he could hear the nervousness rising in her voice, as if she realized he was capable of hurting her after seeing what Griffin had put in her head. He let out a frustrated sigh, upset that he had come here in order to get away from the stress in the dining room but entered a whole new stressful situation. "Y/n, think for just a second. We've been together for eleven years, we've loved each other for eleven years and have had three beautiful children. Who do you trust more? Your husband, or a child that has an overactive imagination that wants to get back at his father? It's what little kids do!"

"I'm not a kid!" Griffin  _screamed_ at Kylo, he could feel every single angry emotion emitting from his son, and he didn't need to use the Force to know that Griffin was absolutely livid. "Be quiet, Griffin! Do not yell at me." Kylo screamed back at him just as loud, but Griffin stood tall and unbothered, stepping out from behind his mother and walking right up to Kylo. He was challenging him, almost daring him to prove him right and hit him right in front of his own mother. "You're wrong, you're wrong and you know it! You've hurt mom and all of us! You took those memories from her and now you're pretending to be innocent, and I won't ever stop reminding her about what you've done to all of us!" By now he had attracted the attention of the twins, Kylo could feel their fear right behind him, standing in the door way and watching the yelling match between their brother and their father. He turned, unable to keep the angry expression off of his face as he slammed the door in front of them, then turned his attention to the two people who needed it the most. 

Kylo could see one way out of this and one way only. Now that he had done it once he knew he could do it again, everyone in the room would need their memories wiped, he should have known to do this to Griffin when he had first brought him back to his home. He could take Griffin's memories of the past few years so that he would never remember the horrible things he had done to him and his mother, then take the memories of the past few days from his wife. Then it would really be a fresh start for everyone and Griffin would not be in the right frame of mind to ruin it for him. Using the Force he locked the door so that nobody could get in or out, then without any hesitation he moved to Griffin, wrapped his hands around his small head and began the lengthy process of pulling years from his mind. 

But there was one issue, Kylo was blocked out of his mind.

He pushed as hard as he could, reached in as far as he could go but there was a wall, a resistance in his mind that Kylo couldn't break past. His fingers became impossibly tight around Griffin's head as Griffin then began pushing back against him, their eyes locked together as Griffin overpowered Kylo's Force signature and began pushing him out of his mind. Kylo's teeth chattered as he used all of his strength and might to force his way into his mind, but somehow, he was no match for the ten year old Force user. With one final thrust Griffin threw Kylo out of his mind with an angry growl, causing Kylo to stumble back against the door. When he had finally caught his footing he looked at the little boy that stood in the middle of the room, the small boy that had overthrown Kylo from his own mind. He had only been using the Force for six short years, but somehow he was able to push Kylo out of his head and across the room. He couldn't believe it, his own son was much stronger in the Force than he was and it was likely due to the helmet of Darth Vader that lived in his room for so long.

The new revelation presented a new set of issues for Kylo. Power dynamics would no doubt shift in his home if Griffin were more powerful than he was. Even more pressing was Kylo didn't know how he would fix this scenario. Sure he could take his wife's memories from her again with no issues, but now Griffin would remember the time he tried to do the same thing to him. There was no going back, he was sure he had lost Griffin's trust once and for all. 

"Kylo, please don't hurt him." His wife begged, but it didn't seem to make a difference. Griffin still stood there defiantly looking Kylo right in his eyes. "Coward." He whispered, the small word felt like a stab to his gut. For the first time Kylo finally realized what Griffin was saying was true. He was a coward, only a coward would take the easy way out and try to erase their history in order to have a better life. Everyone else had to suffer for Kylo to be happy, and Kylo had finally seen that everyone else's turmoil was not worth his own happiness. 

"Griffin, I'm so sorry." Kylo confessed, feeling the need to reach out and comfort his sullen son but thought better of it. He couldn't imagine the betrayal Griffin was feeling and he didn't want to think about what his wife was thinking about the entire situation. There was no way Kylo would be able to remedy the situation, the only thing he could do was apologize and hope that, one day, Griffin would be able to find it in his heart to forgive him. 

"You should be saying you're sorry to mom. I have my memories still, she doesn't." Griffin said, those words hurt more than any wound he had ever suffered. He swallowed his pride, crossed the room to his son and got down onto his level, he wanted Griffin to understand the sincerity of what he was about to say. It was true Griffin was a child, but he was also a person. He deserved an apology just as anyone else would. 

"It was a moment of weakness, Griffin. I didn't know what to do, and the only thing your dad wants is to live happily together. He wants to love you, and your siblings, and your mother, and with all the mistakes he's made in the past it proved to be a difficult dream to achieve. I didn't have any other choice." Finally he took his son's shoulders into his hands, tried to bring him forward into a hug, but he found that Griffin did not move. He stood still in front of him, unwilling to accept Kylo's affection. Griffin looked down to the floor for just a second before mumbling something under his breath, something that Kylo didn't quite understand. He took Griffin's chin in his hand and urged him to say it again, thinking he had said something about forgiving him or something along the lines. He refused to look at him as he mumbled once more, this time loud enough so that everyone in the room could hear him speak:

"You're not my dad." 

Kylo could feel his blood come to a standstill in his own body. He couldn't figure out if he had just imagined what Griffin had said to him or if it had actually come from his own mouth. "My dad is dead, because of  _you_. You killed my dad and my family back home on D'Qar. I  _hate_ you, Kylo Ren." 

Inside of him, it felt as if someone had just cut one of his most painful nerves inside of him. No, this couldn't be happening. Griffin couldn't hate him, Kylo was his father. And unlike Kylo's own father, Kylo was trying. He was doing everything he could to provide the best life to his wife and children, he was present in his children's lives unlike his own father who left when Kylo was so young. He was doing everything right, Griffin couldn't possibly hate him. "Griffin, I don't--"

"You took everything away from me! You took my mom, you took my dad, all my friends and family and you took away my home! You aren't my father, you're just Kylo Ren, the horrible man that ruined my life and my mom's life! I hate you, I always have and I always will!" Griffin shouted, but Kylo had heard enough. There were only two ways to remedy this situation, and both of them pained Kylo to know that he'd be losing one of his children. 

"You're right, Griffin. I'm not your father." Kylo said, coming to the full realization that he had spent too much time in the Resistance to be a member of Kylo's family. He had to wonder how long Griffin had these thoughts, if they had just recently bloomed or if they had always sat inside of him. Just like on the first day Kylo had met Griffin when he was four years old, he had rejected him. Kylo had never been 'daddy' in Griffin's eyes, Kylo had never and probably could never have won over Griffin's affection. "I'm sorry that I've wasted six years of your time. Come, boy. I'll fix this." Kylo said, knowing the outcome would be less than desirable for everyone. "Kylo, where are you taking him?" His mother asked just as Kylo had forcibly taken Griffin's hand in his, beginning to lead him out of the room. He never replied, didn't want to tell his wife that he was planning on either sending his son away or executing him, cutting him out of his life forever. 

"No, let go of me!" Griffin said, struggling to try and get out of Kylo's grasp. Kylo's heart hurt, he still loved Griffin with all of his heart, but it was clear that Griffin would be a problem that was not worth fixing. He had succeeded in pulling him through the hall, past his stunned siblings and down the stairs. Griffin fought him every step of the way, using both his physical strength and the Force to try and free himself, but none of it worked. Kylo had an iron clad grip on both his wrist and on the collar of his shirt. "Say goodbye to your family, Griffin. I'm sorry to say, but you won't be seeing them again."

"Kylo! What are you saying?" His wife shrieked, taking each one of the twins in her hands and pulling them after Kylo. Once again, Kylo ignored her as well as the twin's confused cries. Griffin was calling out to his mother and begging Kylo to let him go. He screamed, held onto the door frame as Kylo tried his hardest to pull him into the hallway of the Supremecy. The people walking around him, going to their designated working areas were standing around watching the scene play out in front of them. He had lifted Griffin into his arms and, during Griffin's distracted tantrum, placed his hand on his forehead, putting him to sleep and stopping the distressing screaming once and for all. He had taken two steps out of his own home before he heard his wife scream at him once again. "Where are you taking my son?!" She said, letting go of the twins hands and running after him. "You can't take him away, Kylo! He's our son!" Kylo closed his eyes, letting the words 'our son' flow through him. Even if Griffin didn't consider himself to be Kylo's child, he always would be his son. He looked down at Griffin's sleeping face, he loved the boy with all his heart, he knew he wouldn't have the heart to kill him.

He cast one more look at his wife, using the Force he locked her in place and closed the door behind him and started to head toward the hangar. He couldn't allow the boy to live with him, to constantly remind his wife of the terrible things he had done to her and have his family fall apart once again. If he took care of the problem now and removed this little bit of past from his wife's mind then everything would be perfectly fine in Kylo's mind.

His heart was heavy as he approached a flight trooper, his son sagging heavily in his arms. He took one more look down at Griffin's innocent sleeping face, the boy who had placed all the blame on him just minutes before arriving. He loved his son, but he couldn't live with the constant reminder of his past. "Take this boy to Canto Bight. Employ him in the Faither stables and keep a constant eye on him." He said to the trooper, thrusting him into his arms. The trooper took a look down at Griffin, then back up at Kylo. He couldn't see the actual look on the man's face, but from the confused 'sir' that came from under his helmet Kylo was willing to bet that he was flashing him a look of disbelief. "Do it, that's an order from your Supreme Leader!" Kylo said, stealing one last look at his oldest son before turning around and stomping away.

He waited until he had made it to his throne room and ordered everyone to leave before he broke down into a helpless frenzy of tears. All of the blood, sweat, and tears he had put in to keep his family together was all for nothing. He cared for his family, and knew it would likely be the best decision for them. However, the best decisions to make are not often the easiest. So he gave into his tears, knowing his son would likely hate him for the rest of his life, grow up telling people 'what kind of father...' just as he did. The thought depressed him, he wanted to prove to everyone that he could be a better father than his own but it hadn't worked. He had disowned one of his own children, just has his own father did to him. He was no better than Han Solo, and he didn't know if he'd ever be able to live this down. He sat on the throne alone, he had everything yet nothing all at once. The great Supreme Leader Kylo Ren now had a child out in the galaxy that would no doubt ever have anything good to say about him. Kylo could only hope that now the other members of their family could move on and be happy, he didn't think he could face this kind of heartbreak ever again

 

**13 years later**

 

"Not a day goes by where I don't think about her. I miss mom so much." Griffin said, bringing a glass of water to his father at the table in their small cottage. "Do you think they even miss me? Do you think he's told my brother and sister that I've died or betrayed their entire family, or something?" Griffin sat down across from the man that had taken him in shortly after his banishment from the First Order, the man he owed his entire life to after rescuing him from the abuse he suffered at the Faither stables. "I don't know, son. But I can tell you that we're all so happy to have you back in what little remains of the Resistance. 

Finn reached out and took the glass in his shaky hands, the man had seen far too much between the First Order and the Resistance, coupled with the loss of his entire family years ago he was certain he was going to die at a younger age than most. However, the day he and a newer member of the Resistance went to Canto Bight and just so happened to catch sight of his young son working in the stables he felt like he had hit the lottery. While Finn, Rey, and others had stayed behind on Coruscant to search for his missing girlfriend and son the First Order had blown up D'Qar, taking several lives with their recklessness. But not his, he lived out every day for the next six years in the hopes of bringing his family home from the evil man that had kidnapped them. As the years passed a rescue looked bleak, and soon Finn had given up almost entirely until that one day he ended up in the Faither stables. He scooped his ten year old son into his arms and brought him home, vowed never to let go of him ever again. 

"I thought for sure he was going to kill you and your mother. I thought I would never see you ever again. But there probably isn't much hope for your mother, and your youngest siblings won't want to stay with us, they won't know who we are."

"He brainwashed them, just like everyone else in that organization. They'll think you're evil." Griffin said, unsheathing his own lightsaber that Finn had helped him build. The green blade shot out, it was clean and smooth unlike Kylo's. "I wonder if he'd be proud of me. I learned so much from my great-grandfather, one of the last things I remember him thinking was that I was much more powerful than he was." Finn laughed as he looked over his son, the last time he had seen him was when he was four years old, much smaller than he currently was at 23. He had grown and matured, was well spoken and seemed to make it out and away from Kylo Ren alright. He had just wished he would have been able to bring his mother along. He couldn't stand the thought of her being with that man, when Griffin told him Kylo had taken her memories Finn was floored. Y/n didn't deserve that, she didn't deserve to spend another second on that base with him. If she had just listened to Finn when he told her not to go for a visit to Star Killer then he was certain none of this would have happened. 

"You are more powerful than he is, Griffin. Because you are compassionate and smart, able to think through your actions unlike the man that took you. He's so hot headed and doesn't seem to think about his actions and how they affect other people. How did he expect you to react when he reached into your mother's mind right in front of you and stole her memories?" 

"I don't know, I'm hoping I can find out tomorrow though." Griffin said, staring into the pale green blade. When Griffin had told him about the night the General had come to his home and gave him a book about building lightsabers Finn had laughed so hard. That same day Finn took him to a nearby Kyber Crystal cave and watched as a crystal chose him, a green one. He helped Griffin build a hilt and watched as he ignited the saber for the first time. That was when he was 12 years old, Griffin had no idea when or if Kylo was planning on helping him build a saber, but being back with his real father felt so good. He always said he never wanted to go back, but later on decided he needed to. 

"Are you positive you want to go back and face that man again? You don't have to, Griffin. I want to see your mother so badly but I don't know if it's worth losing you in the process." Finn warned, reaching out and placing a hand on his arm. Griffin retracted his lightsaber and placed it back on his hip before looking at his dad. "I want my mother, dad. She's not safe with him. For all I know he's been hurting her for the last 13 years and constantly erasing her memory so that she wouldn't remember. I can't have that." Griffin stood from the table and took a few steps away, heading to his datapad on the counter to go through the coordinates once again. He had a map of the Supremecy logged and where to find his family. All he had to do was get in and get out, he didn't even have to talk to Kylo if he didn't want to. 

He stood in front of the mirror in his living area and took a long look at himself, everyone had always said he looked like his mother but he couldn't see it. He was Griffin Han Solo, and tomorrow he'd bring honor to the Solo name once again. His father stepped behind him and placed his hand on his shoulder reassuringly. "I believe in you, son. You get in there and you bring every member of your family home that you can." 

"I won't let you down, dad. I promise." Griffin said in reply. Even if he just got one glimpse of his healthy mother he would feel accomplished. 

 

Finn had taught him how to fly, even bought him his own X Wing for the occasion. Early the next morning he loaded up, hugged his father goodbye one more time and set off to the Supremecy. He hadn't cracked a smile at all that entire morning, too nervous about what outcome he would get if he were to unsuccessfully complete this mission. He was certain Kylo Ren would have no problems killing his own blood, he must have known of the horrible conditions he had to endure in the Faither stables for months before Finn had come to rescue him. Shock batons, whippings, starvation, among other things. If you could allow your own child to live like that for months, surely you would have no issues with killing them. 

Griffin crashed through the wall of a hangar that was less often used and immediately jumped out, rolling to the ground and immediately ducked for cover under some stationary TIE Fighters. There were no noises other than the rubble falling from the wall he had broken down, no sounds of Storm Troopers coming to investigate the strange noises so he had considered his landing to be at least a moderate success. If his X Wing were unusable he could always just steal a TIE Fighter, next was the most difficult part: navigating through the Supremecy and finding his family without being caught.

He had his map on him at all times, had flipped his black cloak up over his head so that he was not as easily identified as The Supreme Leader's banished son. It was early in the morning, not even shift change yet so all of the night shift workers were still working and everyone else was in bed. Griffin moved quickly, heading to his old home to rescue his family. 

He had walked for at least 20 minutes, walked up three flights of stairs and walked past four or five storm troopers before things started to look familiar to him. He was close to his old school, a place he enjoyed going most of the time because he was able to get away from his father's lies. He wanted to stop in, to see if his same teacher were there and just to reminisce on his old life, but he didn't think he had the time. His home was within walking distance, and if he were quick he'd be there in less than five minutes. He turned around to start the walk he used to take every day to and from school when he stopped cold in his tracks. 

A flash of black moved from one corner to the other, heavy foot steps came from large black boots and he knew exactly who had walked around that corner. He cringed, lowered his Force signature as he ducked behind a wall, hoping Kylo Ren hadn't seen him. Everything was quiet, and after a minute or so Griffin felt he was free to move around. He began pacing in the direction of his home when he felt a pang in his heart, shooting pain that felt as if he were going to have a heart attack. He was far too young to be having heart issues of course, he knew what this feeling was. 

Even if he didn't know it, Kylo's Force signature was calling out to Griffin. He felt sadness and resentfulness coming from around the corner, did he really still feel so terrible about knocking Griffin out and giving him up to the slavers on Canto Bight? Griffin shook his head, he couldn't waste time on a man that didn't love him. He was here for his mother and his siblings, not for Kylo Ren. He started to head toward his old home when he felt the pain in his chest once more. It caused him to stop, to double over in pain. He knew what the pain was, but he wasn't sure why he was getting it. Him and his father wanted nothing more to do with each other, why were their Force signatures connecting all of the sudden.

He tried to work through the pain, to take steps toward his home but he found it to be nearly impossible. It was then he realized that the Force would not allow him to complete his mission painlessly, at least if he didn't confront his father. Griffin cringed once again, placing his hand over his heart. He thought he had remembered a dream he had not long after he made it to Star Killer, his grandmother appeared to him and told him that his father was a good man who still had some Light in him. He hated to be thinking about this, but he knew that there was a chance he could bring his entire family home with him instead of just his mother and siblings. Maybe that's why the Force was calling out to him so much, because Griffin was predominantly of the Light Side instead of the Dark. Among other things, Griffin wanted to confront Kylo too, to ask him why he gave him away. Worst case scenario Griffin has to fight him off and he doesn't get to see his family, but he figured it would be worth it to get some closure. He made up his mind, moving instead toward where he saw Kylo disappear to, it was all or nothing now. He was determined to find out the truth whether it killed him or not.

He picked up on Kylo's Force signature and followed it all throughout the halls, down the stairs, and into a machinery room. A room that Kylo had warned his mother never to take the children to. Inside there were cogs, heavy machinery that created so much energy and electricity, should someone fall into the mass of metal below they would surely meet their death. Griffin sighed as he watched Kylo enter the room and, just before the two doors closed, watched him make a right to walk over the bridge to the other side of the room. Griffin rolled his eyes, what was his father up to now? 

Griffin took a few more steps toward the door, but before opening it and making his presence known he decided to squat down below the window listen in to his father's thoughts. The last thing he wanted was to walk in on him while he was having a meltdown and to end up dead in between the moving cogs. 

 

_If I fell into this machinery, would any of my family miss me?_

_Would Griffin ever forgive me? Would he even care?_

_Does my wife even love me? Do my twins still love me?_

_Did I make the right choices for my family?_

"Dad!" Griffin whispered to himself, he couldn't possibly think such things while looking over the edge of a bridge and into a death trap. He stood quickly and quietly opened the door, looked to the right and, sure enough, his father was standing with his back toward him, looking over the edge at all the sparks that flew left and right. Even though their last interaction was not ideal he didn't wish for his father to die. He had never thought of his father as suicidal, and if there were one thing he desperately did not want to see it was his father falling to his death right in front of him.

He tried not to startle him, walking gently and quietly up to his dad before making his presence known for sure.

"Dad." He said sheepishly, and in an instant he watched his father go completely still. "Kaiser." He breathed from under his helmet. "I thought I've told you several times not to come down here."

"Sorry, dad." Griffin said, a smiling growing on his face at his confusion. "You have the wrong son." Griffin watched as Kylo stopped mid breath, once again coming to a standstill. He turned around, Griffin wished he could have seen the look on his face. "Griffin, you've come back?" He asked, sounding completely taken aback. "Hey old man." Griffin greeted him for good this time, taking a few more steps toward him. "How have things been without me?"

"The last time I spoke to you, you told me that I wasn't your father. Why have you returned?" Kylo asked, cocking his head to the side curiously. "Because I need some closure. I came for the rest of my family, but I saw you walking down here and I just have one question to ask you..." The tension between father and son was so thick it could have been cut with a knife, Griffin wasn't expecting to become so emotional, he wasn't even expecting to talk to Kylo at all. He struggled to get the word out, he felt like he were going to break down into tears at the sight of his long lost father after so long. He had been harsh during the last conversation they had over ten years ago, and seeing how it was affecting him now hurt him so. 

"Why?" 

"Why what, Griffin?" Kylo replied snarkily. He sounded annoyed, as if he still didn't care about his oldest son after all these years. Griffin tried to not let it get to him, thinking he didn't need his father anyway. But boy, did he have loads of questions for him.

"Just, why dad? Why did you send me away? Why did you take my mother's memories away? Why dad? How could you do such a thing?"

"I think a better question is why have you come back here, Griffin?" His dad asked, cutting into his questions rudely. "I know how this looks, and I know how this is supposed to end. This is payback, retaliation for what I did to my own father, whom I also hated growing up. Just like you." Kylo took a look around, once again surveying the deathtraps that existed below them. "You're going to kill me, use that lightsaber on your hip to pierce my heart and knock me over the edge and kill me like I did my own father. How original."

"I don't hate you, dad." Griffin said, sounding as sincere as he could. "Oh really? That's not what you told me the last time we spoke." Kylo said accusingly, taking a step toward Griffin so quick that it caused him to stumble back. "Dad, I'm sorry. I was ten years old, and I was hurting. I didn't mean what I said." The two of them stared at each other, but neither of them had any words for one another. Kylo finally broke the silence with an exasperated sigh, followed by a quick 'I don't believe you.'

"You don't have to believe me dad. I understand that you're hurting too, but now I'll answer your question." Griffin squared up, stood tall and brave as he pushed the conversation into the direction he wanted it to go. "I came here, to bring my family back home." Kylo shook his head, let out the smallest giggle at Griffin's comment. "I want my mother back, you took  _everything_ from her, dad. And I know you know it was wrong." 

"You're still a ten year old child, Griffin. You know nothing of what happened to your mother, and you never will." 

"Dad stop lying to me!" Griffin was the first to shout in the conversation, he couldn't stand the tales his father was still spinning 13 years later. "You've done nothing but lie to me, lie to mom, lie to my siblings, and to  _yourself._ Come on dad, when are the lies ever going to stop?"

"Son, I won't have this conversation with you again for the millionth time. Nobody is lying, and no matter how many times you say it your delusions will not come true."Silence once again, but this time Griffin was the one to break it. "The lies stop here, right now. The only person you'll have to lie to is yourself when I fly out of this base with mom and the twins." Griffin had meant to end the sentence there, but it was then that he felt Kylo's true emotions breaking through his facade. He could feel his fear and apprehension, the loneliness he felt every day, and he could even feel the hot tears beginning to form behind his father eyes. It was then he realized that this was not where Kylo belonged. Here he was tormented every day over the loss of his oldest son and, even though he didn't want to admit it, his wife. Griffin had such a great life back in the Resistance and he knew his father would be happier there too. Here he ruled over all of the people in the Order, he had a wife and two kids, but he wasn't happy. Here Griffin could clearly see the Light shining brightly in him, this is not where any of them belonged.

"What do you think you'll accomplish if you take my family away from me, Griffin? What do you think will happen? Do you think I will suffer, that you will be getting your revenge for all of the bad things you think I've done to you?"

"No, dad. We'll all be happier. Mom will be happy, I'll be happy, Kaiser will be happy, and Kaia will be happy. And dad," Griffin began, taking another step closer to Kylo and holding his hand out. "You'll be happy too." Griffin watched as Kylo looked him up and down, his eyes lingering on the lightsaber at his hip. "You're a fool if you think I'd betray my own people to live out the rest of my life with you and the inferior Resistance members."

"Dad, come on. Think about it. I talked to Great Granddad Ani and this isn't what he wants. It's not what Grandma Leia or Grampa Han would want, it's not what I want. And you  _know_ it's not what mom would want." He took another short step toward him, taking ahold of his hand. "Come on, Ben. Do what's right and come back home with us." Griffin whispered, hopeful that Kylo would make the right choice. He heard Kylo sigh, felt Kylo's grip on his hand tighten and he thought he had won him over. He couldn't believe Kylo trusted him this much. It wasn't his plan at all, completely impromptu for Griffin's mission but it still worked. His smile grew as he knew he'd finally have his father back, but his hopes were quickly dashed as he felt the Force wrap around his waist and lift him into the air. 

He gasped as his father lifted him over the barrier of the bridge an let go of him as he plummeted down into the machines. He should have known Kylo was lying to him, he had been lying to him his entire life. He just didn't think he would be heartless enough to kill him.

Up above Griffin's freefalling body Kylo was shaking his head and walking away, seeing Griffin was not what he expected at all. He was appalled to hear that Griffin wanted him to join the Resistance, he thought it was pretty amazing that he was able to end up in the Resistance once again. He mourned when his spies had lost track of him just a few months after he had sent him to Canto Bight, but he was happy to see he was alive and well. Kylo could feel the urgency in his voice and in his force signature, Griffin wanted his real father back so badly he was willing to bring his enemy to his own base. 

But he couldn't, he was too loyal to the First Order, to the Dark Side, and to his grandfather's cause. Griffin had become Kylo's enemy, and he couldn't let his enemy simply walk away alive from the standoff they had, especially since he was threatening his family. Using the Force he pushed his own blood over the edge of the bridge, sending him to his death and not thinking anything of it. He turned to walk away, trying to convince himself that he didn't need Griffin, that this is what he was meant to do and feel no remorse.

But in reality, he was hurting more than he hurt when he had killed his father.

He walked away, got three steps in before the tears began to pour down his cheeks. How could he have done such a horrid thing?

"You're not going to get rid of me that easily, dad." 

Kylo froze in his tracks, looking back just in time to see Griffin floating in the air, one leg bent and the other straightened all the way out. He was smiling a cocky smile, Kylo couldn't believe his own eyes. "You told me I've always been stronger than you." Kylo shook his head once again at him, in complete shock that his strong son could perform such a move with the Force. His eyes stayed on Griffin as he floated back toward the bridge and landed on the platform in front of him, then once again held his hand out for Kylo to take. "My offer still stands, you can either come with us or stay here by yourself." He cocked his head to the side and smiled proudly at his father, knowing he was taken aback by his strength. "Your choice. We could build a better life, live together like the family you wanted in the Resistance dad, right where you and I belong."

Only the sound of the moving machinery filled the silence around them. Griffin was silently begging his father to join him, he wanted the best for his family, and just like Kylo he knew his family could only be their best and thrive if they were all together.

But much to his great disappointment, his father shook his head. 

The smile slowly fell off of Griffin's face as Kylo whispered the word 'no' to him. "Dad, come on dad! This isn't--"

"Leave, Griffin! Take your chances in trying to get your family away from me. You were right," Griffin watched as his father began walking away from him, no goodbye, no I love you, nothing in reply. "I didn't deserve them anyway." 

Griffin felt the pain of losing a loved one for real this time, and he didn't understand why. He came in with the idea that he was going to save his family and not his father that he once thought of as just an evil asshole, but now he couldn't help but to feel a sense of loss when he refused to come with him. "Dad, wait! Please, think of--"

"Leave, you banished traitor. You are not welcome here. Take your mother and siblings with you if you want, just leave me alone." 

Kylo kept walking, Griffin watched as he walked all the way to the end of the bridge and left him completely alone. The two men's torment mixed together and they were suffering together. It would be so simple to fix, all Kylo had to do was come with him, to turn his life over to the Light side of the Force like he was meant to do, but he was too stubborn to do so. 

"Fine! Go on, go on your fucking coward!" He shouted, beyond hurt by his father's selfishness that he had always seen from him. "Go on! You'll see, you'll be sorry when you die all alone with no family by your side!" He wanted so desperately to run after him, to run into his arms and beg him not to leave him, but he knew his father. He would continue to lie to himself until he believed what he was saying were the truth. He felt his desire to join Griffin in the Resistance, but he would tell himself that he belonged in the Order until it became a second nature thought to him. 

The only thing Griffin could do was pick himself up, wipe his tears from his face, and run the other direction. To officially part ways with his father, to hope that his entire family would be willing to do the same. He ran all the way to the other end of the bridge, through the door, and out into the halls toward his old home where his 18 year old siblings and his unaware and confused mother would be. All he had was himself and hope that he could convince them to come with him, nothing more and nothing less. Griffin ran as fast as he could down the halls and refused to stop, wanting nothing more than to save his family from the man that had betrayed him right then and there on the bridge. Only then would he find comfort and rest, knowing that the ones he loved the most were safe within the arms of the Resistance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -wipes a tear- THE END!   
> Special shout outs once more to Cheeky_monkey for giving me little creative pushes here and there when I need them, and to Krrn07 for similar reasons. You guys rock.   
> Thanks to everyone who has stuck around this long, you all are the real MVPs. Wouldn't be here without you, I love each and every one of you!


	22. The Ren Family Art

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art drawn by a high school friend of mine, @StarrKnites on twitter. Enjoy! More to come later!

[](http://s155.photobucket.com/user/kingturlis/media/kylo%20fam01%2050_zpsgq1rwusk.jpg.html) [](http://s155.photobucket.com/user/kingturlis/media/kylo%20fam02%2050_zps9imicvq0.jpg.html)

To see my characters come to life is such a privilege! I cried real, actual tears. I hope you guys enjoy them.


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